Dear KD: What Does He Want From Me?

Dear KD: What Does He Want From Me?

I don’t know what he wants from me. I met him at the market where I saw and liked his brother. But eventually, it was the both of us that got talking. I saw him again around my church (they live in the very next block) and we exchanged numbers, and he smiled when I said I’d text, and replied, “Yes, boss.”

He is not hot-hot or cute. He is good-looking in a way that does not draw attention to itself. An ordinary-looking person with an air about him, of a certain suave masculinity, that pulled me.

He got to calling me every evening, so that we hanged out at his place, a one-room apartment that he shares with his elder brother and cousin. He found out I was older than him by a year or two. We talked about his JAMB and the schools he was applying to and my life. But there was often a lull in our conversations, a chasm between the things I knew and the places I’d been compared to his, and so there were long moments of silence. But it was silence without awkwardness.

On his birthday, he took a day off from the family business and invited me over, to their other house. He introduced me to his sister-in-law who soon went to the market. We were finally alone. There was power and the air was crisp with waiting. He lay on the floor. I sat on the chair.

What were we talking about that led to us mentioning penis? He was going to illustrate something, and he pulled out his dick, shiny black, nothing extraordinary, but not ordinary either. He left it dangling there. He did it again, to illustrate.

I thought of sliding onto the floor beside him and swallowing him whole. But it was barely a month after my kito experience, and I still had a bit of trauma.

I let it slide.

Months rolled past. Every evening, or every other evening, he calls. I know his mum, sisters, cousins, brothers. He introduces me to them as his friend, and he does it with pride, like he wants them to know I’m a part of him and he of me. Like he’s showing off his hot successful boyfriend. But I know his girlfriends. I’ve talked to both the one in Benue and the one in Kano.

I hate this sort of situation. Most times I forget him, because, really, we are too different to be friends. If we’re not fucking, we share no interests. But I enjoy his silences, maybe that’s why I haven’t started feeling put-off as I normally would, even after all these months. Why I go to see him when he calls.

But then, what does he want? He does not seem curious about my body but seems very interested in spending time with me and making me a part of his life: His family, his relationships. Stuff like this push me away, so why am I still here?

Submitted by Rapum

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  1. Foxydevil
    September 22, 07:50 Reply

    Maybe he just needs a friend.
    You can make meaningful friendship that doesn’t involve sex, you know that right? ?

    • beejay
      September 22, 07:58 Reply

      My thoughts exactly. It’s OK to be interested in a person on anything other than a sexual level, even if it’s not normal practice.

  2. Mandy
    September 22, 08:05 Reply

    I can understand your sexual frustration, especially after he did that whole thing with the dick. lol. You find yourself wondering: is he into me but just doesn’t have the courage? is he not into me that way but just wants a friend? or is he just a very open minded straight guy? Shit can be frustrating AF.

    What I’ll advise is just for you to enjoy his friendship. Unless you’re feeling up to hastening things along and making the first move. That’ll tell you what he wants from you for sure. 😀

  3. Pankar
    September 22, 09:04 Reply

    He let his dick hang out there. He wants you to make a ‘move in’, especially as he isnt sure you want him too.

    • Malik
      September 22, 09:37 Reply

      Lmao!! But really, how about just asking him???

      • Rapum
        September 22, 10:16 Reply

        That’s a possibility. Thank you, Malik.

  4. Leo
    September 22, 09:30 Reply

    I assume from the piece that you aren’t in university yet, so heads up, guys showing other guys their dicks isn’t exactly a big deal in the straight community (thankfully ?). And sometimes you don’t have to have anything in common to have someone as your friend, simply sitting side by side and enjoying each other’s company is OKAY. Stop overthinking things and stop being that gay stereotype that thinks every guy that is nice to him wants him ?

    • Malik
      September 22, 09:49 Reply

      I so hate that thing about hostels. Unnecessary flaunting of dick… There’s this next door guy, he’s straight, he invites girls overnight every now and then, yet he tortures me by trotting about naked. He deliberately leaves the bathroom door open. He knows some gays who gawk over him. He brags about keeping their friendship without permitting any physical contact. It’s like a stupid smell-what-you-cant-eat game.

      Back to the issue, I feel you’ll always need two sets of gay friends, the fucked and the unfuckables. I believe the longer lasting friendships lie in the latter category.

      • Foxydevil
        September 22, 10:40 Reply

        Lol, he is such a teaser.
        Just enjoy the view ??
        We can’t always get all we want… If we could I’ll be married to Rihanna with Zuckerberg as my side chick.

    • Rapum
      September 22, 10:08 Reply

      Uhhm, I graduated from uni already. He, on the other hand, hasn’t been admitted yet. Gay stereotype. The way you guys draw these conclusions. Dude, if I were not interested in him sexually or romantically, the conflict wouldn’t arise in the first place. I would be totally blind to whatever he does. Maybe before making these pronouncements you should know how the human psyche works. I like him, and it’s perhaps making me overthink things. Nothing to apologize for in it. Gay stereotype. Hmmph!

    • trystham
      September 22, 16:47 Reply

      Straight guys strut about naked in hostels??? Guys just up and showing others their dicks is not a big deal??? Maybe Pjay is right. I either Jon Snow or a prude

  5. ogb
    September 22, 10:19 Reply

    I think it’s best to just enjoy the friendship, he probably just needs a good friend…he could be into you and not have the courage to let you know but it’s best not to assume.

  6. Canis VY Majoris
    September 22, 15:10 Reply

    Friendship maybe. Try eliminating the sex-factor you’d see more clearly.

  7. Muscleblaq
    September 23, 19:58 Reply

    It’s possible he could just be jerk in you around, knows you are into him and takes pleasure from being desired by a guy.

  8. Pankar
    September 24, 17:23 Reply

    Well most comments here sound off the way the do bc you never wrote you liked him. I know I read you like his brother. Kiss him, you’ ll SEE the response.

  9. Baddest
    September 24, 21:37 Reply

    Most of my str8 crush became close friends and the feelings died,they are all hot, with time i forget the though of sucking dem off and like them
    As friends, some has been my friends for decades now. Some str8 friends end in my bed just to make me happy and might not do it again after the first time

  10. xoxo
    September 24, 23:48 Reply

    Well, it could be just harmless friendship, try not to over think it, when I was in sec skul, a straight friend of mine wanted to show me the length of his dick, nigga got hard and put my hands on it and was like” I have a really big dick o” but uncle is straight as ruler??

  11. quinn
    September 25, 13:54 Reply

    Maybe he’s one of those weird friends that attach themselves to you, I’ve had those, Still sha there could be more to it. Be in the moment and see where it leads

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