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Editor's Desk 54 Comments

WHILE WE WERE YET KIDS (Part 5)

Previously on While We Were Yet Kids: It was a ghen-ghen moment when one of the hottest boys in my set, Vince, walked up to my window when my boyfriend-of-sorts

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Editor's Desk 35 Comments

Let’s Discuss…About When Spirituality Intervenes

I know a guy, an acquaintance, who has a family of…well, seers. His mother and his sister. Driven by the ‘Holy Spirit’, they dream about things, things that are happening

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Editor's Desk 5 Comments

That Piece About How George Michael Should Be Honoured For The ‘Filthy Gay Fucker’ That He Was

Originally published on huffingtonpost.com Last night, after word spread that pop star George Michael died at the age of 53, I sent out several tweets honoring the man who meant

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54 Comments

  1. Absalom
    December 17, 06:45 Reply

    LOOOOOOOL. I’ve had this thought like forever! Especially when lamenting bigotry; when it’s time to lynch and shame and blackmail nobody will ask you your role or care if you’re straight-acting or bent as impaled dry fish.

    But is he sure heteros have no boxes?

  2. Dennis Macauley
    December 17, 06:56 Reply

    I hate labels!

    Shey on this blog someone used the term “Top quality Tops”
    LOL

    • Absalom
      December 17, 07:00 Reply

      LOL. Trystham – where’s that dude?

      My friend calls himself a Power Versatile.

      • Dennis Macauley
        December 17, 07:16 Reply

        Power versatile?

        Chai LOL

        Those days of grindr, there is nothing I did not hear;

        Fresh Top
        Uncompromising Top
        Top Top
        Pure Top

        LOL
        And people are so terrified of being called bottoms, that you can hardly see a bottom referring to themselves as bottom! They will say versatile, because we have deemed bottoms as being less than men!

        LOL

        • pinkpanthertb
          December 17, 07:25 Reply

          *shaking my head* more people should learn to be comfortable in their own skin/role. When you change your psyche to understand that what you do in the bedroom doesn’t define you, despite what other people may think, then you won’t see the fuss in admitting to what your role is.

    • Peak
      December 17, 08:20 Reply

      Its all about keeping an open mind and being comfortable in ur skin and ur decisions regarding ur life, a great deal of us are way too busy trying to show how masculine we that we expend a lot of energy telling lies about our role prefence to ppl that after a while we start believing our own lies. Be you! You owe urself that much

  3. Chuck
    December 17, 07:05 Reply

    The reason we have these boxes is twofold.
    One of them is the reaction to homophobia – we are scarred by social expectations and we all overvalue masculinity or “norm – al” male behavior and presentation.

    The second reason is that our interactions are driven by sex. If you are really motivated by sex then you will only see those parts of a person that relate to sex and not the whole person.

  4. Deola
    December 17, 07:06 Reply

    *Hisses* Bloody labels. Very few things piss me off, asking me what my ‘role’ is hapens to be one of the things that would make me dump you quicker than moi moi leather.

    • chestnut
      December 17, 08:37 Reply

      Well, these boxes and labels DO exist(sometimes with good reason).sometimes u gotta know d role the other person prefers b4 hand, to avoid any mistakes. Imagine,for instance, where a ‘pure bottom’ meets a cute club-bouncer and decides to use his eyes to guage d persons role : “all those big muscles, he must be a top and d sex is goin to be EPIC”, then they get into d bedroom and d bouncer promptly spreads legs like a contortionist…that awkwardness could have been avoided. There are diplomatic ways of asking someone his role without being rude or offensive.

      • Dennis Macauley
        December 17, 08:41 Reply

        LOL
        Infact there is a bouncer in PH here pretty popular! Used to work @ casablanca! You need to see the muscles on this guy, they will make Macintosh green with envy! He is a bottom and not even remotely interested in topping whatsoever!

        My friend (who is a bottom) took him home without “clarifications” and they both lay down in bed waiting for the top to take the initiative!

        My friend is reading this, so I am so dead

        LOL

      • pinkpanthertb
        December 17, 11:34 Reply

        Hahahahahahahaahahaa!!! ‘bouncer promptly spreads legs like a contortionist’ Oh gawd. LMAO

      • Max
        December 17, 12:35 Reply

        Lmfao, the contortionist part got me…
        Hahahahahahahaha

    • Peak
      December 17, 08:48 Reply

      @Deola I will ve to disagree with u on this matter. A discussion like this came up a couple of months back and the argument in the direction of ur line of thought won me over. After playing around with the idea for weeks and trying to apply it in real life situations concerning me. I realised that it just doesn’t work. Cos no matter how sofisticated/handsome/cool and funny a guy would come across, I will always catch myself wondering what his role preference is. So why not cut throught the chase and unnecessary suspense and ask? Maybe not immediately, but @ some point. There are cases where I just stay away from such questions and u find the other guy asking. So either way u want to slice it, at the end of the day, ppl want to know! So why not just get it out of the way and focus on what’s ahead…………or not.

      • pinkpanthertb
        December 17, 11:38 Reply

        I actually have to agree with Peak on this. Sometimes, cutting straight to the crux of the matter with the question helps save some time and energy expended in the direction we’re not supposed to go.

      • Mr Kassy
        December 17, 13:02 Reply

        Labels are necessary guys,it totally prevents that awkward moment when u r in bed with the hot handsome dude, whom all his friends call chairman and almost bow down to and u r thinking in ur mind,he must be top;only for the guy to be honest with u and requests u to fuck him so hard.Gosh!!! And ur manpussy is already wet in expectation*fumbles my left-hand nipples in deep horniness*

    • Ace
      December 17, 13:03 Reply

      Me too! You are just halfway into a conversation with somebody and the next question is “what’s your role” how about you falling off a cliff already! Damn boy! We just started chatting like two microseconds ago.

      • Deola
        December 17, 16:21 Reply

        Aswerigod ace, na you get am pass. There was this guy who had been chatting me up on twitter asking me for my BBM pin, after bugging me, i decided to give it to him, he sent me an IV and i accepted and I swear the first thing he says is ‘so whats ur role’?. I was so taken aback, i didnt know how to respond. I mean I have barely known you for 2 minutes…chai.

        So while I understand that the question is quite necessary, I usually dont like how most dudes go about it. You can be nasty, but seriously do it with class darling…

  5. FKA Chizzie
    December 17, 08:06 Reply

    He’s wrong. Straight ppl have clearly defined roles and reproductive organs. Two men on the other hand have same sex organs… therefore sex roles have to be defined. when I meet a man, I want to know if he’ll want to fuck me, as I prefer getting fcked, hence me asking for his role and he likewise. Less time is wasted and its a win win for both parties. If anything, we living in homophobic parts of the world need to realize that these terms are to our advantage, as I can say the words Top and bottom over again out loud in public with out having to look at my shoulder.

    I just feel ppl dt keep bringing up these issues should have a seat and remain quiet.

    • chestnut
      December 17, 08:24 Reply

      U can say “top” and “bottom” out loud without looking over ur shoulder? Er…EVERYBODY knows what top and bottom means these days, especially now that Nigerians have become “gay-sensitized”,and eager to point an accusing finger about EVERYTHING: “guy, why u dey wear purple boxers? U be homo?…why are u drinking fanta instead of coke? Are u gay?” (I’ve actually heard these ones)

      • Dennis Macauley
        December 17, 08:46 Reply

        Why you dey drink Sminorff Ice? You be fag?

        ***rolls eyes from portharcourt to pakistan***

        • pinkpanthertb
          December 17, 11:36 Reply

          Oh yea, this one I’ve heard. Someone actually asked me that. It couldn’t be becos that’s the only alcoholic drink I can stomach. oh no, I had to be drinking Smirnoff Ice becos I am gay. Lol. People.

      • pinkpanthertb
        December 17, 11:33 Reply

        Purple boxers? Fanta?! Ha! There’s nothing gay-sensitization will not wrought among Nigerians.

      • Max
        December 17, 11:55 Reply

        Why do you wear pink socks, are u gay?

      • Dennis Macauley
        December 17, 12:03 Reply

        @Max I am obsessed with striped fun socks, so I do get curious glances @ my feet all the time!

        So I have gotten the sock/sexuality correlation question before!

        LOL

      • Max
        December 17, 12:15 Reply

        Lol @Pinky, I’m wearing one right now.. I totally love em… I have plenty of em…@Dennis

      • Ace
        December 17, 13:12 Reply

        How about ” why you no dey drink alcohol you be fag?” Heard that countless times and when i resolve to manage Smirnoff then they go ” why you dey drink woman drink, you dey menstruate?”. I think these labels are formed majorly by society and then imported into the gay circle.

    • Ace
      December 17, 13:23 Reply

      Is it just me or does everyone else stay on the look out for what Chizzie has to say? More like the “person we love to hate”. Always taking it from a whole different angle (hopefully he does the same literally).

  6. #TeamKizito
    December 17, 08:14 Reply

    Hmm. When “what’s your role?” was reigning..

  7. Peak
    December 17, 09:29 Reply

    Look! Whether we like it or not lables/roles exist and will continue to exist in gay relationships. The best one could do is don’t let it define u as a person or be all u are about. Live, breathe have fun and stop worrying if ppl will think less of u if u are a straight up thug in the street and a sweet princess in the sheet (how I like em *wink)

  8. Nuel
    December 17, 10:33 Reply

    He is quite right. Was chatting with someone d chat hasn’t even started the next tin is, are u top or bottom? I was like cant we chat without dat coming up.

    • Absalom
      December 17, 11:58 Reply

      Nope. If a person is looking for something non-platonic it’s only natural to know what he’s working with early on. And that’s different from the thrust of the tweet. 🙂

    • JustJames
      December 17, 12:00 Reply

      I have no issue against labels cause if they didn’t exist there would be a lot of confusion. What I have issues with is when people overdo it and refuse to give room for grey areas.

      Personally I don’t mind if someone asks if I’m top or bottom right after “hey” cause at least I’d know he’s just looking for a shag and if I don’t fancy him I’d answer then delete later quietly. And the question is bound to come up anyways.

  9. Max
    December 17, 12:02 Reply

    Call it what you want, a necessary evil or an outright stupid categorization, labels aren’t nice… Some people don’t like being asked that question.. You start talking to someone new and the chat starts getting interesting and suddenly they drop the bombshell… It destroys every bit of pleasant feeling i had in the last few minutes.. In my mind I’ll be like ( there goes another sex-concious freak).. There are other ways to know what a person likes without asking them. Normally you ll have some raunchy convo’s about ur past sexcapades and the answer will be right there in ur face.. Sometimes people ruin what could’ve been a good relationship (dating or not) by popping the question..

  10. Tony Odekunle - Brown
    December 17, 12:02 Reply

    I so agree!!!! I am human and I can be anything I wanna be. Top. Bottom. Masc. Fem. It doesn’t matter and should not matter. The question I hate to answer “what is your role”…

    *sigh*

    Lovely tweet

  11. FabolousTee
    December 17, 14:57 Reply

    Hi my dear buddies. Its been like one week since I came to know about this blog. The topics been posted by the blogger and all the comments are been helpful and intresting. U guyz are amazing.

    • Lord II
      December 18, 10:16 Reply

      Fabulous pls where r u based….coz I loooove your name!

  12. Chuck
    December 17, 18:49 Reply

    How about “no anal” bottoms?

      • Ace
        December 17, 21:14 Reply

        Ahhh! Yes o. Just giving handjobs and blowjobs. It maybe safe to say i kinda maybe in a way probably fall into this category. Anal sex still cares me. Dunno why.

      • A-non
        December 18, 00:16 Reply

        @Ace, that was for both of us.

  13. Regal Sweetheart
    December 18, 17:11 Reply

    Aha. Pinky, see what I was saying? See how awkwardness can be avoided while still finding out what you need to find out? Issokay.

    *continues sipping kunu with straw*

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