However much we may love sex, sometimes, our minds and bodies are incapable of coming together to create an erection necessary for sex to happen.

Yes, the assurance of a good sexual experience begins with the mind, body and penis being in perfect alignment. Sometimes, even with all the confidence in the world, men just can’t get it up. I should know. Not firsthand though.

Your partner could be smoking-hot, on a – in my case – Theo James level of sexiness, and that little (or not so little) guy would still be as limp as a fistful of cooked noodles. Sometimes, Biology just straight-out shits the bed; it plays on our psyche and leaves us contemplating what we might have done wrong to end up in this incredibly embarrassing flaccid situation.

I am no expert, but past experiences and a little research led to my discovery of common reasons why sometimes, having a hard-on can be…well, hard.



Oh, the infamous “Whiskey Dick”.

Now, this is just a form of erectile dysfunction brought on by alcohol, also called Alcohol Penis Impairment Syndrome. It is the inability to get erect after a night of heavy drinking.

Too much alcohol not only impairs your immediate motor functions, it also causes your body to go numb and things just wouldn’t work like they should. While alcohol is a sure-fire way to get rid of anxiety, all those shots you guzzled down to garner enough courage to make a move on that hot person you’ve been eyeing all night have basically put your body on freeze mode, causing your dick to put on a “Do Not Disturb” sign.

So, you could go to a bar or club, have a good time. Get high on booze. Pick up a hot guy. And discover at the last minute that you just can’t get your little guy to cooperate.

Now, I have come across some guys (mostly Bottoms) who say they perform their best after a few bottles of alcohol. Hell, I was advised to get high on alcohol or weed, which could help me relax well enough to bottom without pain, and it worked. As much as this is helpful, it has its downside when the booze is consumed excessively.

The solution to this is to drink responsibly if you want to round off your night with a successful rump in the sack. Practice caution and moderation. Bear in mind that the alcohol you consume today can impair your performance in the near future.



Similar to the abuse of booze above, too many drugs in your system can lead to having an unusable dick. Whether it is a prescription drugs or those drugs you purchase in a deep, dark, seedy corner, these chemicals coursing through your veins can disrupt your normal body processes which halts your ability to do magical things with your penis.

Some prescription drugs aimed at treating anxiety, depression and stress can lead to the inability to get hard. While I was at my lowest last year, I lost my sex drive. Then when I started on antidepressants and was feeling better, I noticed I could not get hard at will. After working hard to get hard, I wouldn’t even be fully erect. Sex was a chore. Masturbation was worse. I would spend hours beating and beating, pounding and pounding, and would never climax. Needless to say, this frustrated the hell out of me.

The simple solution is to get your doctor, pharmacist or psychiatrist to prescribe another drug to counteract the effects of these drugs, if you are sexually active. If you are on drugs for recreational purposes, stay off them, if you want to have a sex life at all.

And oh, drug abuse over a long period of time can permanently damage your ability to perform. Therefore, be cautious and walk towards weaning off your addiction.



So, this is probably the most clichéd reason on this list. But yes, it is possible for a guy to get himself so worked up till he breaks (fails to get an erection).

I once managed to get my crush’s contact. After a few chats and all, he agreed to come over for a hookup. I got myself so worked up, cleaning my room, taking a bath and ensuring I smelled good and that my breath was perfect. After the lengthy conversation we had about his sexual preferences and the standards he upholds in bed, I kept wondering if I could measure up. To cut the long story short, I couldn’t get and maintain an erection for long. So, yes, that was a disaster.

Performance anxiety is a real thing. It is very possible for that alpha male’s penis to freak out and hibernate if he can’t stop thinking about his appearance, what he looks like without his clothes on, if he can satisfy you, if he will climax too early, meet up to your expectations or if he will just outrightly be a terrible sex partner. Instead of the blood circulating properly downstairs, there is too much action upstairs which causes the “dong to dangle”.

The key to overcoming this is to relax, take a step back, get to know the person better and be at ease with the person before you venture into sex. A little alcohol can do the trick too (see point 1 above).



Here is the kicker: Stress has a twisted albeit funny sense of humour. An already unfocused mind can only contribute to a man’s lack of penile action. Yes, as hard as he may want to get it up, if a guy’s thoughts are scrambling all over the place, that mission to achieve a lift-off won’t be successful, let alone have a smooth sail with a full mast.

And this is the twist: the inability to get an erection due to stress will most likely bring about more stress. Imagine you want to take your mind off things with great sex, you set the stage up and all of a sudden, your leading man refuses to perform. This will lead to an endless circle of failed sex attempts which could do a number on a man’s ego, ultimately leading to expensive therapy sessions.

My advice: Just relax. Seriously, relax. If possible, take up yoga or meditation to clear your mind. The more you worry, the more Junior plays hide and seek, afraid to step up to the stage for the big play. Go a step further and abstain from sex if you are stressed, and consider therapy. Bear in mind that certain drugs for stress management can result in an inability to get hard (check point 2).



A desire and attraction to take things to the bedroom doesn’t necessarily serve as enough reason to seal the deal. You may be sexually attracted to a person and the desire to bed the person is strong, but without the real interest, little John might not come up to play.

Lack of interest may be caused by so many factors. He may not necessarily be in the mood for sex. He could be in a serious relationship and won’t want to ruin it, however much the seed to fuck you has been planted (Yeah, some guys are that loyal). Or, he could straight out not be interested in you as a sex partner between when you two talked about shagging and when you came over to his house (Something may have turned him off about you).

Case in point: Yours truly. At one point, I was interested in a guy so much so that I was already planning a life with him. On the first day we met, I was turned off by his body odour, which he’d tried to mask by a strong, equally off-putting Arabian perfume. I talked myself into tolerating this. But then, we were about to fuck some other day and there came forth a pungent smell of faeces from his behind. That killed the mood for me completely.

Here’s another scenario: I have a friend who, years ago, believed being gay was just a phase. He would pass this phase, get married to a woman and live happily and heterosexually ever after. Then he discovered he couldn’t perform when he was with a woman. Believing he was now impotent, he panicked. However, a simple test proved his suppositions wrong. He was rock hard when with other men, but couldn’t get it on with women. The guy in question finally realised his interest in women was a smokescreen to disguise his true nature and desire.

Best advice: take time to study yourself. Find out what appeals to and interests you. Learn to accept who you are. Read books on sex and sexuality, pay attention to roles and labels and know your identity. Know what you are interested in and it could solve this problem.


Take this as you may, but speaking from a personal penis experience, I am telling you something you may already know: that boners are sensitive. A guy unable to get hard doesn’t need to be scolded. If he and his lead actor are unable to perform, don’t scream, don’t yell and don’t take out your frustrations on him. Show him love, cuddle him, whisper sweet nothings into his ears, plant soft kisses on his neck and lips. Get him to relax and promise that everything will be okay. You can talk about the incident some other time and try to find a solution to avoid a repeat. Don’t go running for the hills or spreading his gospel all over town. We all have our challenges and we need to learn to respect each other’s confidence.


Written by Milton

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  1. Higwe
    October 22, 07:15 Reply

    Mine is odor .

    Even if you look like Brad Pitt with a sprinkle of Aquaman and Chris Hemsworth , once I perceive a foul smell emanating from any part of your body. … that’s my deal breaker .

    Sex is beautiful .

    … Pleasures unparagoned ….

    But I can’t really enjoy all its empyrean splendor , if I have to hold my breath all through.

    My penis might be doing the work but my nose is taking the hit … literally .

    Nah nigga …take a shower …

    Scrub your balls/ ass, and brush your teeth.


    • ChubbyLover
      October 22, 07:29 Reply

      Tell the person to go have a quick bath. If possible…..you both can start from the shower.
      After the days hustle, it is normal to sweat. It is also normal to want a quick one……above all, love conquers all things.

      • Milton
        October 22, 08:36 Reply

        My dear… Even love is not strong enough to conquer some people’s odour …

        Not to discriminate, but we all need to learn to watch our personal hygiene… there is a reason why some perfumes are Aphrodisiacs.

  2. Petyr
    October 22, 07:50 Reply

    What can one do to stave off cumming too quick? What are the reasons for it?

  3. Tristan
    October 22, 22:59 Reply

    Before we lash, you must bathe. That’s rule No 1.

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