Man Wonders What To Do Now The Thrill Is Gone From His Relationship After He And Boyfriend Scandalized A Wife And Their Families By Coming Out Into A Relationship
A man who successfully managed to convince a “straight” guy to leave his wife and run off with him instead has found himself in a bind. So he’s seeking advice from the “Guyliner” at the Gay Times UK.
“Me and my boyfriend got together in a strange way,” the letter begins. “We were both with other people–he was in a straight relationship–and had an affair for two years.”
Eventually, the mounting guilt got the best of them and the guys decided to come clean to their partners.
“It was very painful for everyone,” he recalls. “Some members of my boyfriend’s family still refuse to speak to him. Luckily mine are staying out of it.
“As soon as we broke up with our partners, we moved in together and once the initial buzz wore off, it quickly became a disappointment.”
They don’t argue, the man says, but the relationship “feels flat.”
“We don’t laugh as much as we used to do,” he explains, “and sex isn’t happening that often either.”
Now, insecurity seems to be getting the best of him.
“After all the upheaval we caused, I desperately want it to work,” he says, “but I can’t get out of my head that if it doesn’t, either he’ll find someone else or we’ll break up and all that upset will have been for nothing. I’m worried the relationship we went through hell for wasn’t worth it after all.”
The “Guyliner” responds: “There’s a reason most guys never leave their wives, y’know. An affair is, at first at least, exciting and passionate. Because your time together is so rare, so precious, you make the most of it.”
This, the Guyliner continues, can be through tons of wild and “energetic sex” or “doing hopelessly romantic things you’d never do with your dreary old man at home.”
But that can’t last forever.
“When a relationship that was illicit becomes legit, it can’t help but lose some of the spark it once had,” the Guyliner says. “All relationships do, eventually, tbh – it’s just that yours had farther to fall.”
So what can be done about the situation?
The Guyliner says, “Recognize that real relationships aren’t non-stop shagfests or a laugh a minute… Communicate more, have the fun you could never have out in the open before, celebrate the mundane activities available to you now that, as secret lovers, you never did before. The buzz has worn off, yes, but that doesn’t mean there still aren’t thrills to be had.”
And if, in the end, the relationship just doesn’t work, the Guyliner adds, don’t worry about it.
“The key thing is you escaped from the miserable relationships you were in before. … You took a chance, and that was the hardest part–don’t feel you have to live with it forever.”
What do you think of the Guyliner’s advice? And what would you do if you found yourself in this precarious situation? Sound off in the comments section below.
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12 Comments
bruno
July 14, 06:49perfect response.
i think it’s important to be in a relationship with someone you can be friends with even after the romance has lulled. that passionate fuck-everyday phase isn’t permanent but most people are unprepared and left disillusioned when it seems to fade because that’s not what hollywood promised them.
i think it helps to be in a relationship with someone who even at those times when you aren’t being lovers, you are being best friends who can still share tons of laughs, have mutual interests and simply have each others backs (hehe, sexual). you’ll find out the spark never really left. you just got too used to it as human beings tend to do.
this tends to work better than relying on euphoria for longevity and it applies to both gay and straight relationships.
Pink Panther
July 14, 07:09On point!!!
Shuga chocolata
July 14, 08:54Thanks Bruno, couldn’t have said it any better.
Rainbow
July 14, 07:24@Bruno you explained it better.
ambivalentone
July 14, 08:04Iranu! You can rest assured this one has ‘CHEATING’ not blood flowing thru his system. I wish him luck with this one. Radarada
BeeJay
July 14, 08:53Of course the spark was lost! That level of drama would have sapped up all the juice right outta their bromance. I believe the mistake was moving in together shortly after the entire debacle, wise thing to have done would have been to let things blow over then ease into whatever they wanted to have. Way I see it, for the relationship to endure, it needs some spice, homeboys need to give each other space then try and recreate what they had in an even more satisfying way.
Delle
July 14, 10:16What Bruno said.
Relationships, if it’s to be long-term, has more to do with mutual companionship, communication than sex and passion.
Like Guyliner said, do not regret leaving your former partners. It’s just sad that your relationship started off hard and fast, energetic and all, most times, relationships like this slack and you lose track of yourselves easily.
Nonetheless, recognise you both love each other and feed off of it.
Chuck
July 14, 12:12Beware those looking to use relationships as entertainment. If you want drama watch Scandal please
Paul
July 14, 13:56I have always seen relationships to be in 3 phases.
The 1st, is the whole lovey dovey stage, excitement, passion ,romance lofty desires, fantasies great sex et al.
The Second phase is when d high passions begin to settle and reality creeps in. there are many arguments, fights quarrels and all what not because both parties now come to see the real people they are involved with. Most relationships never make it through this phase. Some are lucky to never make serious commitments like marriage or bonds in here but most are carried away with the euphoria of the first stage and get married only to enter this stage later.
The last phase is d happy ever after. Here Friendship rules. It’s not like d challenges die out totally but the rock and foundations are better to withstand whatever comes. This is where serious decisions and life commitments should be made!
#i have said too much.
My point is the couple in this story jst made wrong choices, but it’s Life we learn every time we live
Ray
July 14, 19:07My best part of “Guyliner’s response” remains; “There’s a reason most guys never leave their wives, y’know”!
Stay discrete and let the complicacy keep the falmes of infidelity or immorality burning. Since the sex always gets boring; the fall out of coming out is never worth it.
Canis VY Majoris
July 14, 21:09I’d never want him to leave his wife, the sneaking around makes it all the more exhilarating. Especially when you’re both having a quickie in his study at his 13th wedding anniversary, and you’re there just because his wife (your colleague) invited the whole office, and that plastered smirk on your face whilst they are renewing their wedding vows and toasting to more ‘happy’ years to come, knowing you’d be sharing in that happiness somehow. Nothing compares really!!
bain
July 14, 21:52The spark blows out wen d wind aint coming.keep the wind coming ul make a fire!