Dear KD: He Has Turned Into Major Eye Candy
Some years ago, I was going through my post-graduate studies, when I met a guy who worked for a multinational. Let’s say his name is Mike. We met on Manjam. I figured it’d just be sex between us; that and someone to befriend other than the regular straight-presenting people around me in school.
But I fell for him. Hard. And the feeling was mutual.
Then it wasn’t. He soon started ghosting me. This was new territory for me, getting dumped by a guy I am very much into. I was confused over what was happening to me. I could not concentrate on my studies like I used to. He friend-zoned me and I was not able to move past it easily.
During this period, I made the acquaintance of this thuggish guy through some friends in the area (let’s call him Wale; and yes, at this time, I’d started to make some gay friends. They were the ones who linked me to Wale). It was immediately apparent that Wale was into me. In fact, throughout my stay in that school, Wale was consistent in professing his love for me. But he was thuggish, that street-smart ruffian who hung out with the wrong crowd. He had a girlfriend, but always talked about how he would leave her for me in a heartbeat, if I agreed to be with him. One of the guys through which I got to know him wanted to date him so badly, but he often told the guy that it wouldn’t be possible because he was in love with me.
But I didn’t think I was in his league. I wasn’t even looking at him. Plus, I was struggling with my feelings for Mike. The love and the hurt.
Somehow, I had to find a way to stay platonic friends with Mike. But Wale wouldn’t give up. He’d call me often, even though I never reciprocated. He would tell me that if anyone messes with me, I should let him know. But I never responded; I just didn’t see myself dating a thug. He eventually gave up and stopped calling or communicating; the last time we spoke was early last year, even though we were still in each other’s contact list.
Then, a couple of days ago, I saw his status on WhatsApp. He’d never updated a WhatsApp status before now. It was a picture of a guy that looked like him. I confirmed that it was him when I clicked over to his display picture. I was stunned.
Wale had turned into a total babe!!!
He had cleaned up real nice, and was looking very sexy. I sent him a message, and he was very careful with his responses; the deliberateness showed. Apparently, he was now working with a company in Lagos that made him travel a lot. I couldn’t believe it. Dude wasn’t only just hot; he was balling as well.
And I’m here thinking: should I give this up as the one who got away and let it go? Or should I give it a shot to get him back? I need advice.
Submitted by Griffin
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54 Comments
Richard
October 28, 06:43You didn’t expect him to sit around all day waiting for you Mister!!
With your I can’t date a thug standard, now he’s all cleaned up you want him. Smh
I thought it was more of what a person is rather than his looks.
If I’m him sha there’s no way I’m looking at you
You can still try tho!!
Mitch
October 28, 06:56Let. Go.
He wasn’t up to your standards before.
You’re probably not up to his standards now.
Life happens.
Just keep walking.
trystham
October 28, 08:02???? Bitch!!!
Mitch
October 28, 22:24Yet you love me laidat??
Mandy
October 28, 08:32God, Mitch! ???????
Talk about reversal of leagues. First I’m not in your league, now you’re not in my league.
Mitch
October 28, 22:26Issa simpu sturvs!
??
But, on a more serious note, that’s probably the truth. His level has changed, his tastes and standards must have changed with it.
Malik
October 30, 23:28Clap. Clap!!!
Gerry
November 01, 20:39Chaiii @Mitch your mouth too bad ?????
BlackPope
October 28, 07:03Do you know what such rejections do to people in this community? Obviously, you don’t!!!
See, unless your rejection didn’t leave a scar in his heart but if it did, trust me going back will be a 50/50 chance. Either you get tossed, heartbroken and payed in your own coin or the fire of love in him then rekindles…
I honestly tell people I come across with in this community, “value who value you” don’t go lurking around people who won’t even kill a fly for you.
Maybe, just maybe if you had seen him more than just the thug he was then. Let me ask, what are you wanting him for, because he’s balling right and got some cool cash or because he’s no more the thug you see him as?
Well, nigga focused on himself and now the focus is totally on him… Rule to living a successful life.
Let me ask you, if you were to be in Wale’s shoes, what will you do? I think that should be the question everyone should be asking you now.
I wish you Goodluck darling. Sending light, love and peace of the waters your way!
Pink Panther
October 28, 07:16Sending love and light… LOL. That had to be salty.
Wonda Buoy
October 28, 07:37…And peppery too. LOL
Jinchuriki
October 30, 16:38Oh wow. ?
Ken
October 28, 07:13You can give it a shot. But if am Wale, I will first use u very well, then dump yo ass. Lol. Shouldn’t be a problem for u tho since u are just into him for his looks.
Blair
October 28, 07:44Shoot a shot and it may be a shot in the dark… this story is more like the old saying never look down on anyone..
We do hear stories like this and we think we’ve learned but when it comes to one personally, we forget and act the same way.
I’ve always prayed to have the eyes, heart and mind to see the best in people no matter their appearance and their behaviour at first meeting .
Mandy
October 28, 08:30Go ahead and shoot your shot biko. Maybe the universe wanted this relationship to happen when you two can both appreciate each other. But be careful not to push too hard or slobber your thirst all over him. The last thing the man who used to be in love with you wants to know is that you came back because you all of a sudden think he’s an eye candy. That’ll either piss him off to reject you or make him say yes just so he can have the power in your relationship.
Higwe
October 28, 08:37Being careful with his responses *
That means he still has some feelings left for you .
The opposite of love is indifference.
The fact he’s still making concerted effort to be a certain way with you means he still cares somewhat .
I wouldn’t shut down the gate of love / lust just because it didn’t work out before .
You had your standards …a lot of people don’t, sadly …..
You shouldn’t be shamed for it.
Feelings change …
Humans change ….
Life happens ..
I’d say go for it if you really want to …but don’t go in with too much expectations .
You weren’t obligated to love him then ; he isn’t obligated to love you now .
I don’t know about you – but I’d rather be the curious cat who could get stomped on in the alley way or who could catch a mice than an egg that never hatches .?
Rex
October 28, 09:18This is beautiful.
Higwe
October 28, 09:38I’m beautiful too ?
At least that’s what people say .
Pink P would agree ….he’s forever perched on my DM ?
D
November 14, 01:21I’d like to know you, are you OK with that?
Chiboy.
October 28, 11:03This is is just lit! Griffin, take heed to this biko. Enough sense.
Griffin
October 28, 21:26Thanks Higwe, I can relate well with what you said.
julian_woodhouse
October 29, 15:54my guyyy, who no like better thing. You were/still are a total babe to him and that’s why he wanted. But then sadly, he wasn’t up to your “standards” which is fine. Anybody that expects you to reciprocate feelings JUST because someone has them for you is a joker. Same way you posted him is the same way he was posting someone else. Now, that you feel he is up to your standard, go for it 100 percent. Las las, you’ll get rejected but you not shooting your shot is automatic rejection shaa….
Griffin
October 30, 00:03You are such a sweetheart.
Eddie
October 28, 08:56Judging the quality of a man by his looks and/or his possessions,are you?
SMH .. You should be ashamed of yourself!
That’s not having standards. That’s elitist af and not very nice. For a despised minority, one would assume that we possess a certain level of empathy towards other creatures that other “clans” don’t possess but then again there are the jerks like you every now and then.
julian_woodhouse
October 29, 16:11this comment is silly af. Was there anywhere the writer connoted that he was rude towards Wale, or caustic or any other sort of behaviour that will have earned him this “elitist” title you’re so flippantly throwing around. Indifference and apathy is not the same as elitism. Baba is entitled to be interested in someone for the size of his wallet or his looks , at least those are very quantifiable and harder-to-lie-about metrics as opposed to the largess of his heart that and his “selflessness”. what is all this sef…If he had returned phonecalls now and led him on, Problem. He was apathetic, problem. Before you start chastising, ask yourself what you’d have done in his shoes. The guy was a ruffian. Already had a babe but was hitting on another guy. Hung out with the wrong sort of people. And Griffin’s elitist for not returning calls and affection. Miss me with that bullshit!!!!
Pink Panther
October 29, 18:44Preach this, Julian!!!!
julian_woodhouse
October 29, 16:45fuck!! fuck!! fuck!! first of all, indifference and apathy are not the same the same as elitism. he was indifferent to the guy doesn’t mean he was a dick to the guy. There’s not one part of this entire write up that suggests griffin was rude or caustic or declined to be acquaintances with this guy, but from my little knowledge, i’d like to think that people shouldn’t jump into “love-ships” or “relationships” just because another person consistently asks. If that’s the only metric you use to determine who you do stuff with, then that’s fine…but don’t push that on other people. Secondly, assuming his behaviour towards this guy connotes elitism and was based on his looks and fiscal worth solely, then that’s a version of elitism I think is acceptable. At least, it’s easier to quantify those as opposed to entering a relationship with someone because he’s nice and has a good heart and then you find out 6 months later that he only wanted to take a swipe at you because you “mistreated” his friends. Stop being entitled, People..the right to love whoever you so choose doesn’t place a compulsion on said person to love you back. I mean, it’s okay for you to break up with someone because he’s bad in bed or very aggressive but somehow terrible to not enter a relationship with someone because the person lacks social mobility. In this world where capital and access to it determines the quality of life I get to live, I should settle because someone asks consistently. I mean, look at Bobrisky, you think she would be able to flaunt her largess on instagram et al if she wasn’t rich and connected to the right people. Bullshit!! Lastly, for the sake of argument, let’s call him a golddigger and let us say that is the worst sort of crime a gay man can commit. The person y’all are wanting him to date HAS a girlfriend, someone with full moral and human status who is being used as a means to an end and who, if Griffin has said yes, would have been dumped without remorse and a shitty explanation that the babe would end up blaming herself for. NOT to mention the fact that he was in a relationship and from the looks of this story,stepping out without informing his significant other…. I think that’s hat cheating looks like. And the fact that he hung out with a bad crowd. But somehow Griffin’s the bad one for not leading him on. Miss me with that bullshit!!!!!
Pink Panther
October 29, 18:46??????? Julian, you are bringing out points I didn’t even think about. Loud this.
Griffin
October 30, 00:11Where in the world were you when almost everyone turned their backs on me yesterday. Thanks, Julian. I felt like I told my business to the wrong people with the “gold digger” name tag. I might have made some errors about it. I came to fam asking for advice but instead got a very hard treatment. Thank you.
Pink Panther
October 30, 00:39LOL. KDians are a tough crowd.
Eddie
October 30, 12:35Apparently ?, I struck a nerve…. I sense a lot of rage here… These are your “perceptions” of my comment and it’s fine ?.
Duc
October 28, 11:10Is there anything as shallow as gay man’s mind? My advice is to let sleeping dogs lie. Believe it or not people are not easily disposable asses/dicks like the community tries to make it seem. If you think he’s not onto you, you’ve got another think coming. Go ahead and “shoot your shot”. I’ll thoroughly enjoy reading the inevitable sobfest you’ll pen here when he uses and tosses you like the “caca boudin” you are.
Sage Philip
October 28, 11:13Dooms day calling. pls make sùre to write us when your crush turns crushed.
mû
Chiboy
October 28, 12:09Eemm! This could be pretty difficult. Why did you turn down his overtures from the outset? Well, don’t get worked up over this, shit happens sometimes. I have been there before. Mine was as a result of my religious beliefs at first. I was trying to explore my sexuality and was very much confused. Then I discovered he was a community dick and he was to be my first. Mehn, I hightailed it???. We are still friends who understand our boundaries.
Just rekindle your friendship with him. Check up on him every day. Don’t be too fast to confess your feelings for him now. Just stay friends with him. His response will determine whether you will take things up with him.
If things turn out well, just bite the bullet. Yes, confess your love for him. talk things out with him. I’m very blunt and direct myself. Apologise over the past and then try to see if he will cave in.
If he doesn’t, just let him be but stay friends with him. There’s always a better tomorrow. If he truly loves you, he will come for you.
In all of this, don’t be desperate biko. Just take things easy. One must love or get down with every James and John that hit on him/her but don’t disdain anybody that comes, it breaks the heart.
Finally, apply Higwe’s counsel. I pray you and Wale become an item. Udo, Peace!
Griffin
October 28, 21:31Thanks Chiboy
Zoar
October 28, 16:40You rejected him before because he was thuggish and now you want him because he’s all cleaned up? And you think other people didn’t help to make him the man he is right now?
Whether thuggish or not if he’s a fine dude, you would have seeing it even in his crude state. For you to want him now looks selfish to me.
But you can still try out your luck. But please spare us the details of the heart break when it happens.
But we will be pleased to read the story should it end well. ?☺️?☺️
Ub
October 28, 17:36Lol. Very funny and ppl are here advising him to shoot his shot can you imagine. Have you asked yourself, what about the person that helped him clean up after you saw him as a thug and possibly the person with him at the moment. All you want now is to go bring problem where you are not invited. Abeg dey your dey make the young man dey him dey since he was a thug to you.
Continue seeing him as one and leave the young man and possibly his new found love alone.
julian_woodhouse
October 29, 16:53shey he doesn’t have hand and could not have cleaned himself up… or abi the saying is now…behind every successful closeted gay man is a queer angel. Lmao!!!! Shoot your shot oo… If he has a boyfriend and is faithful or he is not in an open relationship, he will not answer. Then you walk away. don’t push it if he’s actually happy and fulfilled with his new beau…but my all means necessary, SHOOT YOUR SHOT
Black Dynasty
October 28, 18:26Smh… you saw looks and money and now you’re interested.
If you proceed, ? in advance for when he uses you till he’s satisfied and dumps you… in other words, don’t go where lust and greed takes you.
Tristan
October 28, 18:47Hey bitch, you sound like a gold digger. Please and Please, get over it and move on.
Pink Panther
October 28, 20:17A gold digger? Really? Come on.
julian_woodhouse
October 29, 16:54PLEASE DIG THAT GOLD OO…AFTERWARDS, proceedeth thou to digging his ass… You heard it here first…. or maybe you can get dug some?
Pink Panther
October 29, 18:47???????
This guy, you’re a character.
Bee
October 30, 14:32Tearsss ???
Griffin
October 28, 21:41This gbas gbos is much o, i never experrerit…lol….thank you all anyways. I have taken what I need. Thanks PP.
Francis
October 28, 22:35? ? ? ? ? ? Welcome to the real KD
Rexy
October 28, 23:33You suddenly love he that wasn’t in your league??!! Wawuuuuuuuu…..
Wake up bitch…
You let it go, let it be.
Mike
October 29, 00:43Dear kitodiaries , he needs an advice on wether to be a gold digger or not, please advice.
Lemme sit on my morals and just say this nicely, you don’t deserve him.
Now with my morals, I don’t think there is anything anyone would do, when I don’t really like them, I think I’m not the only one humans are that way generally, I think.
You’re probably vain, you judged a guy based on his looks and you want based on that same looks, its a very low standard considering if anyone wants you in bed, they just have to clean up, and talk a certain way, too cheap, too easy to impress plus too vain. Find better standards Biko.
And can I just say, people never change on the inside, they never truly change. Wale is still that wale you knew back then, the clothes change, probably got a golden set of sweet teeth’s, but he is still wale, that very same one.
As you pouch greedily, bear that in mind. He is still wale.
May the spirits guild your Hussle.
Michael
October 29, 07:49I can very much relate to this, except in my case, the dude is still very much chasing my ass and I’m still not seeing him.
Griffin
October 29, 23:55LOL
Frankcrazy
October 29, 12:01Remember my love
Exes are Exes for a reason…
Kelvin
October 29, 15:17@Mike your replies always comes in all honesty.
I’m a fan ?
Mark
October 31, 08:27Why do people say one person has used the other when sex happens? When the both parties enjoyed it? Smh
Lorde
October 31, 08:34Give it up…. you’re not into him..you’ve clearly stated you didn’t like him because he was thuggish…. now you like him cos he’s cleaned up??? Dude… you don’t like him…