Dear KD: How Can I Go From Bottoming To Topping?
Hello, guys, I really need your help. Maybe there are people like me out there who have managed to figure this out and can help me.
I have always played bottom since I started having sex. The thing is though, I am masculine looking and most people I encounter for hookups or just as acquaintances expect me to be either Top or Vers. And sometimes, the type of men I like or want to get with turn out to be bottoms, and this makes things not to work out between us.
This has made me decide to start playing top, so I can at least become versatile.
The only problem is that is that any time I try topping, my dick goes limp or it doesn’t even get hard at all. When I get an erection, the dick goes limp immediately I put on a condom.
I want to know if there are people like me out there. Are there guys who were bottoms and then were able to start topping? Cos ever since I embarked on this mission to become top, only to find out that I can’t, I have started becoming worried. Why is it I cannot be a penetrative partner during sex? What can I do to overcome this?
Submitted by Favour
About author
You might also like
Dear KD: What Do I Tell My Friend About His Boyfriend’s Demand?
So there’s this friend of mine, let’s call him Damon. He’s been what you’d call a “fuck boy” (don’t worry, he’s proud of it). So he’s done a lot of
The Proposal: Three Queer Men Are Looking For Partners
Hi, my name is Charles. I am in my late 30’s and a bisexual man from the East, Anambra precisely. I work and reside in Enugu. I am financially stable
Dear KD: My Best Friend Is Ruining My Relationship
I am in a relationship with this guy, and we’ve been together for about a year. My boyfriend is based in America. The long distance relationship is tough, but we
15 Comments
IBK
November 12, 08:40You don’t need to have penetrative sex with everyone. Sex is meant to be enjoyed by both partners and that means you too. So if you’re not comfy doing it especially after you’ve really tried then I don’t reason to keep pursuing it. That’s what I think. Hopefully someone else will be able to give you advice on what to do.
Mitch
November 12, 09:11Dude!
You like bottoming!
Your body seems wired for bottoming.
I don’t see what the problem is.
Stick to what works for you.
You don’t have to transition to top or verse. (Not like there’s anything like transitioning to either side of the sex role spectrum.) You will meet people who’d love to top you and fuck the shit out of you.
Those who want you to top them, it’s their loss!
Keep this in mind and you’d be fine.
Damian dark
November 12, 09:28I also have that issue don’t just think about it too much, cos wen I want to top I over think and I can’t try to relax and remember that most tops can’t even top well…and try to go for verse whom you can just have fun with.
Yusuf
November 12, 09:42I’ve faced this same problem being masculine and bottom myself. 1st time I tried, I went limp and it ended up being a burst. 2nd time was me trying to confirm, I got in in but less than 5 seconds into it, I went limp. I knew then topping wasn’t in the cards for me. Like earlier stated above though, you don’t need penetrative sex to have fun, enjoy whatever works for you man.
SwanDragon40
November 12, 10:40i will suggest you first start by trying thigh sex with someone. Confuse your brain a bit because its already not used to penetrative sex. As time goes on, you can gradually start playing around the butt crack with your cock knob during the thigh sex. Gradually, you will begin to retain turgidity. But you might not last long during sex as your penis would be very excited. But if you can wank first before any sex, that would help a lot.
Olly
November 12, 13:01Listen Sir, you’re a bottom. If anyone cannot accept that, it’s on them!
Enjoy sex the way your body desires and fuck what the others think. It’s YOUR body and YOUR desires. Don’t try to change for anyone or it will end in tears.
Tanz and God blezz.
Zoar
November 12, 18:51I think you should Stick to what works for your Body.
If you start complaining about topping, what will the Tops that complain they can’t Bottom do????? Hope you know they still encounter this type of problem where they can’t settle with someone who is Verse and wants them to also Bottom where as they can’t. It’s a matter of being with someone who understands you and someone who’s cool with your Body and Desires.
God/Nature made us diverse and different for a reason.
Embrace yours and be cool with yourself.
Dantez
November 12, 19:03Your conversion is totally your choice and I’m not in the right place to tell you what to do or don’t do , but if you want to convert you have to be patient (convert lol), and stop overthinking it, just go with the flow ,I would advise you go for persons you are already acquainted with, then start with intense romance don’t dwell too much on the sex just relax and savour the moment and during topping go slow don’t be too eager to jam it in , play with it , if you like add fingering, rimming , ass rubbing etc anything that tinkles your fancy before you start penetration,the issue with condom had that, one time the solution for me was to allow the guy put it on for you the extra contact makes you hard and lastly when you meet a guy don’t talk much or think much about the act of sex itself, it’s psychologically places too much demands on you and the body tends to shut down when the demands are too much.
Chuck
November 13, 19:38Does your dick get erect when you bottom? You might have erectile dysfunction. It’s very common
Mitch
November 14, 08:59You are a very very nasty person!
Jesus!!!
MGMhater
November 18, 23:05How is he a terrible person? The question is valid, don’t get so triggered over nothing
Mikey😘
November 15, 00:36I have similar problem but opposite, everyone I meet expect me to bottom because I’m not masculine, but I don’t enjoy bottoming 😏
What can I do, I’ve never seen a masculine bottom, or maybe they are but they rather not accept it because they don’t want to bottom for me
Wonda Buoy
November 16, 18:31What do you do? Create your own post so we can come there and comment.
MGMhater
November 18, 23:04Same as me, very masculine that people don’t believe I’m gay but I’m more comfy with bottoming even though I’m terrible.
The type of guys I like are usually btms or verse, tops don’t have sense.
So, when I started topping, I was using alcoholic bitters like Orijin and it helped me maintain erections and last long.
I guess it’s erectile dysfunction cos without the bitters, I struggle with erections.
Dotraki
April 01, 08:27Well. I understand your case here. In my case, i never enjoyed being bottom. I have been playing bottom for the past 10 years.i realized i enjoy topping that being topped. So i have been topping my toppers lately.didnt know they have been pretending to be fully tops. Its my time now.