HERE AND ALIVE (An Anniversary Dedication To Kito Diaries)

It was a peaceful morning with the gentle breeze blowing that day, which is ironic, given how very troubling that day was going to be. As a young adult with much expectations, who was coming to terms with his sexuality, I was anticipating the embrace and exploration of this part of me that I was discovering, hoping to make the very best out of being gay. My homosexuality was basically new to me back then, so I did not know how to cope with it or who to talk to about it. For all I knew, I was the only homosexual in the world.

Surfing through the net on January 7 2014, I read somewhere about the Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition Act being signed into the law by the then president, Goodluck Jonathan. Confused about what I’d read online, I decided to do some more research. And what I discovered made me weak.

I was alone and lonely before I came upon all this news about the criminalisation of who I am. And after becoming aware of this, I felt as though my world had come to an end.

I couldn’t speak to anyone, not my mother, father or siblings, because I was afraid. It was as though this law had given boldness to whatever hate might be lurking underneath one’s consciousness.

Back then, as a young queer person with little knowledge about the world of the gays, I felt imprisoned. It was like I was drowning everyday but could not die. It was like everybody had left me alone in the world, and new every day, I felt lonelier than the day before. I lived in constant fear. The law and the punishment attached to it made me feel like an abomination, and nobody likes an abomination.

But now, seven years later, with the help of the internet, I have become more knowledgeable about who I am. And I have come to see that I am not alone.

In the years that have passed since that law was passed, I have gradually come into my own, knowing to express myself and be happy.

I have met a lot of people who have transformed my life from the scared and terrified boy I was in 2014 to the more confident person I am now.

I have come to accept that I am not the abomination as I once thought I was, that I should never belittle myself because of my sexuality, that I should always be strong and promote all the beauty in me.

This month of April is the seventh anniversary of Kito Diaries.

Happy Anniversary, Kito Diaries, and may You continue to grow for many more years to come.

May you continue to tell our stories and narrate our experiences; for someone like me, being here, knowing that this place exists always makes me feel okay, more alive, more seen in a society that would rather I not exist.

Written by Mamono