Love In Unexpected Places

In February 2020, I wrote the story about the pressure that had been on me to get married.  This story was basically written with the intention of meeting queer guys, developing a friendship, and maybe a mutual relationship if the pressure for marriage persists. I got several interesting emails and phone calls from different guys.

One of them said he was bisexual and wanted to be with someone who was bisexual too, so they could fuck sometimes. I kindly told him that that wasn’t what I was interested in.

The other wanted someone from the same state, and I didn’t meet that criteria.

There were many responses, and just as many duds. Frankly, what I wanted was a friendship first, a test of compatibility. Plus I wasn’t sure I could go through with a contract marriage. I just wanted to test the waters, and most of everyone that called me seemed to not be interested in the friendship aspect of what I wanted.

There were some, a few others, who showed so much promise, that we moved our conversations from emails to phone calls and WhatsApp. But then, we’d talk for some days, you know, really give the friendship a shot, and then the whole communication would fizzle out. In fact, this whole process made me wonder just how true the myth is that lesbians and gay men can’t be friends.

Or perhaps the problem was with me, because I have this thing where I get easily tired of talking with guys. It’s crazy, I know. But I struggle with chatting with guys with the same consistent energy with which I keep up with my girls.

Then he reached out.

At first, he sent a message introducing himself, asking if it was okay to call. When we talked on the phone, the conversation flowed. It was like we’d known each other forever. We didn’t talk for long that day; we just touched base and then moved our conversation to WhatsApp.

We kept talking and becoming friends for days, and then weeks. And then, my bad habit kicked in and I was getting tired of keeping up with our communication. I began to withdraw, to not stay in touch all the time. CJ was the sweetest person, because at first, he didn’t seem fazed. He would always hit me up to check up on me or to keep the conversations going. But there’s only so much you can do when the effort to keep up a friendship is one-sided. And soon, when he realised how diminished by energy was, he too took several steps back.

After months of not communicating and just viewing each other’s WhatsApp statuses, I reached out to him. I explained the situation as best as I could to him, letting him know that I didn’t simply lose interest in being friends with him. I just find chatting frequently with guys to be tedious. He understood this. His responses to my revelation were another indication of how sweet he is. We picked up talking and communicating again, and frankly, I think the space we took helped our friendship become stronger. CJ has become one of my best friends, someone I can tell absolutely anything, and I appreciate this platform for giving him to me.

Today is his birthday and I know how religiously he follows Kito Diaries. So this is a CJ appreciation post.

Dear CJ,

You are one of the greatest gifts life has given to me. I may not say this often, but I appreciate our friendship so much. Thank you for always being there for me through it all – the highs and lows, the stupid heartbreaks, thank you for being that shoulder I can lean on. Thank you for all that you do. I couldn’t have asked for a better friend. I love you sincerely and I promise to always stand by you through your good and bad. In your words: “We die here.” lol.

Have a wonderful birthday celebration, my dearest.

Written by Net