A SERIES OF BAD DECISIONS
Where do I even start from?
Well, I’m a gay man in his mid-twenties who’s never had a one-night stand or a random hookup. On this particular day though, I decided to say “Fuck it”, and just go with the moment without overthinking anything.
And, as you’ve no doubt guessed, my “fuck-it” moment turned out to be a very fucked-up experience. And so, I’m here, exhausting my frustration by writing about it.
The day started off as usual. I woke up with the usual boner but decided not to beat it and just let it be.
Bad Decision Number 1.
I’d been celibate for months, going to almost a year. The last time I had sex was with a boyfriend. Like I said, I’m not a fan of random hookups. I like to get to know whoever I am going to get in bed with a lot better before the clothes come off. However, this morning, bearing in mind that I’d not had physical sexual contact in close to a year, I decided to get on 2go to chat up people like I always do (Bad Decision Number 2), maybe talk dirty and see if anyone would put me in the mood to whack one off. I should have known that the orishas would take that as a sign to get involved in my matter.
While playing around in the rooms, adding up random people up and messaging here and there, a message came in from someone I already had on my contact list. This was someone I’d chatted with in the past but never took seriously because we never got past the regular “hi”, “age and role”, “location” and “bye” conversation. I actually had to scroll back up to read the chat history to figure out who he was that had messaged me. Going through the chat, a few things hit me, but because I was horny, I overlooked them. First, according to him, he was eighteen years old. There was absolutely nothing wrong with that, except that I believe most people in their teenage years are still trying to figure out their sexuality and that this can complicate things when you hook up with them. However, on this day, I set that reasoning aside.
Bad Decision Number 3.
He also didn’t have a profile picture, and had sent over a shadowed picture whose features I could barely make out. I didn’t let this bother me.
Bad Decision Number 4.
So, we got to talking and he said he was staying about fifteen minutes away from me. And in my mind, I was like: This is it! In this Lagos that you can spend up to a whole year on the road just to visit someone, here is someone who is a mere 15 minutes away!
Even as my natural reserve regarding random hookups reared up its head, I shoved it aside. There was always a first time for everything. I was going to make this my first time.
Bad Decision Number 5.
I asked for his number and when he sent it, I did a full online search on him and was able to uncover just a few online activities attached to him, which was a bit weird. But then again, maybe he was just not an active person online.
So, yeah, he asked me to come over, that he was alone and horny. And my brain was going: DON’T DO IT! TOO MUCH RED FLAGS!
But my boner was like: FUCK YEAH! GET ME WET AND INTO SOMETHING TIGHT!
And so, the Dick Alliance Party won the election, and I hit the shower.
A few minutes later, I was on my way out into the world. While on my way, he sent me a message that read: We are going to pretend like we know each other, you hear? So that my neighbours won’t suspect.
This would ordinarily stand out as a red flag to me, because it is usually an indication of someone who isn’t comfortable with the idea of meeting guys in the first place. But I was already half way there; I might as well just get it over with.
Bad Decision Number 6.
I was at the agreed meeting point in about fourteen minutes and I called him. He said he would come pick me up. As I waited, I began to take in the environment, and I observed that it was sort of a suburban neighborhood, and that if anything were to happen, it wouldn’t be easy for me to get out. But then, I was like: Hey, what’s the worst that can happen?
He called, and as my phone was ringing, I saw a small group of guys step out from a Naira Bet shop. They were looking around, like they were looking for someone. Immediately, my mind put me in defense mode. They were four of them and I knew I could take out three, which meant I would still get mugged in the end. Keeping them in the range of my peripheral vision, I began walking as I picked his call. He was talking and I could see he wasn’t in the group of guys. He was in fact walking toward me from an opposite direction. We met, exchanged greetings and started heading back to his place.
We finally got to his house. I was now properly uncomfortable because this whole situation – both the location and the business I’d come here for – was new territory for me. I started getting chatty to distract myself, but this brother was obviously not down for that. As I gabbed away, he was locking up windows and doors, and drawing curtains shut. When he was done, he told me to follow him to the bedroom. We got to the bedroom, and he gestured at me to get on the bed. I did. Next thing, he started undressing. Just like that. No touch, no contact, no preliminary of any kind. Just straight to the naked-ing. I followed his cue and started undressing as well.
When we were both naked and lying side by side on the bed, I made the first move to kiss him, and surprisingly, he went with it. I became excited by his response, like: Well, this isn’t going to be a pants-down-then-bang-and-cum-then-bye-bye scenario. How wrong I was.
While we were making out, he pulled me on top of him and we continued at it. We were kissing and I was trying to feel him up and get us in the proper mood before we’d proceed to anything. But this dude had other ideas. He pushed me back to the bed and got on top of me. I was on my back and he was right on top of me, still kissing me back. He was grinding and writhing about on my belly in slow movements. Then he pulled his face up and his head back, and I went for his nipples. I sucked them in turns while grabbing at his butt cheeks, caressing them, kneading them, spreading them apart, and teasing the bussy with the tip of my fingers before periodically slipping them in. I was anticipating more intensity in our foreplay – an exchange of blowjobs, and then I could eat that bussy out, before we’d get to the main event.
But to my everlasting shock, less than a minute of him getting on top of me, this brother stopped his grinding movement and I felt some moistness of my belly button. It was such a startling development that it took me a moment to understand what had happened. I touched a finger to my belly button, and yup, he had cum. I wasn’t even fully erect or even gotten to the point where I was even in the mood to get to fucking him – and this brother had already cum!
Feeling a bit desperate, I tried to slip a finger inside his asshole to stimulate my wanking so I could get myself to cum. That way, I could at least say I didn’t waste my time coming here. But this brother put the kibosh on that as he pulled away from me, saying he was tired and had to go somewhere, instructing me to start dressing up. He left for the washroom and I was just lying there, naked, with half a boner and someone else’s cum all over me, confused as to how I got here.
He walked back into the room with some tissue and cleaned himself up. I was there, waiting for him to hand me a tissue so I could clean his spunk off me. But this guy walked out of the room again without a word or a look in my direction. When he came back in and saw that I hadn’t moved, he handed me THE SAME TISSUE HE USED TO CLEAN HIMSELF!
God!
I of course declined and used my handkerchief to wipe the cum off. I picked what was left of my dignity, put my clothes back on and started to head for the door after him. We got to the entrance of the house, and brother told me thank you and said I should just jam the main gate shut when I get out.
Just like that, I was dismissed from a service I didn’t even fully render.
The walk of shame I did on my way back home was very original.
When I got back home, he called and asked me if I saw so-and-so amount of money in his room, that he couldn’t find some money he had in the house. As if the humiliation of the non-sex wasn’t enough, this guy was insinuating that I’d stolen his money. I asked him how much he was missing and he said N700. I told him I didn’t see his money, and then proceeded to send him a thousand naira, because my ego could not take the label of a thief on top of everything else.
And do you know his response to my generosity? That he was expecting me to send him two thousand naira at the very least.
At this point, I guess it’s safe to say that I’m never going to try this again. If this is what people have to go through in the name of a hookup, then nope, it is definitely NOT for me! I still wonder how you people do it though.
So, here I am, still celibate, horny, humiliated and still can’t get myself to touch myself because I feel disgusted with my own self. But I’m sure it won’t last. I should be back jerking myself off and enjoying myself all by myself in a few days. But I’m definitely getting my one-year celibacy chip. And with this turn of events, it might extend to a two-year or even three-year chip. Because I just can’t deal!
Written by Numb
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22 Comments
trystham
November 04, 06:15So, if u hadn’t even sent anything in the first place, what would he have done? Brought people over to beat u up for taking a #700 u didn’t even know existed in the first place?
Na u even get time to dey ask how much is missing.
Ken
November 04, 06:28Loooool
U Sha know how to raise someone bp. I kept expecting u to be mugged or kitoed or both. So na just bad sex u de complain of??? Anyways, take heart cos it happens like this sometimes.
BTW there’s nothing good that comes out of 2go
KingB
November 04, 06:32Hook up is such an extreme sports in this our Obodo Nigeria oooo. Me I just love the man I’m growing into in the last two years. Once I let my guard down abit to show interest in you and I notice or feel a modicum of doubt about u, I jejely let go. Be it that you’re giving kito vibe or that I meet u in person and within two minutes I feel a shift in my spirit, I let it go. Last night I was somewhere with a friend who ran into someone he had shagged in the past.
I asked him if he could talk to do guy for us to hook up to which he said yes and did.
Dude and I started talking and within d first five minutes of us talking , I just felt some kinda way and had to let go. Firstly, he said he stays at Abule EGba and we were both in EbuteMetta. I reckoned that if anything happened, I might not be able to trace him. I then asked him to give me his number and the moron asked me to collect it from my friend. That was d height of disrespect to me and I had to just walk out. For fuck sake you’re standing there with me and then you’re asking me to go collect ur mother fucking number from my friend. If I had wanted to do that I’d had done so but then it’s quite foolish hence my request to talk to u so I get it personally from u.
This top privilege is just on another level aswear
trystham
November 06, 01:49Maybe, just maybe, he didn’t want to disrespect his friend who he prolly knows has shagged u before. Oga, camdan. I’m not sure I’d av talked to anyone my friend categorically states they have shagged sef
ChubbyLover
November 06, 22:24The fact that it is all about shagging….. nothing else.
Nothing as sweet as meeting your spec and both of you signing off market.
Where can I find me a hairy chubby mature non- promiscuous fella? Someone gave a perfect description here(280 lb, 6.5″)…..in the article” not gay enough” I’m still waiting for you ooo.
Rex
February 26, 23:10Hello @chubbyLover how can I get in touch with you?????! You can reach me at minesbaby69@gmail.com
I’m a shy plus size man looking to get serious with someone…. Dear Mother Pinky please do your magic!!!!
Delle
November 04, 06:55Oh my father!????
I’m sorry, I could not help but laugh all through this read. And the balls of you though!!!
With all the red flags, you still pranced on to his house? Wow.
That said, would you want a repeat action? I could help cleanse the memory, you know, wipe it all out ☺ My email address is already a whore
Zoar
November 04, 07:04Thank goodness that it wasn’t a kito case because from the midpoint of the story,it was driving towards kito
But atleast you left with your whole body intact. That’s something to be grateful about. The humiliation will subside with time. Just time dear.
People always take extreme risks to hookup. Always know this.
You’ll be safe brother.
Mitch
November 04, 09:51???????????????
Ohmaighod!
It’s beginning to seem like random hookups are now an extremely dangerous and disappointing sport.
Wassaldis?
If it’s not kito, it’s a very disappointing sexperience.
Something needs to be done!
Kelvin
November 04, 11:30With so many stories I have read on kito diaries it’s safe to say Lagos is a no for me, let me enjoy my Abuja in peace at least the thought of being kitoed during hookup is rare and based on my sexperience the hookups sex are mindblowing. And I was thinking about moving to Lagos, Hell to the No
Fabuluz
November 05, 09:05@ kelvin perhaps I will need to learn from you how to go on safe hook up in Abuja. Here is my email :Mmavikky5@gmail.com, looking forward to hearing from you
Cedar
November 04, 12:38And there was I waiting to read about how the area boys slapped the fear of God into you and stripped you of your belongings.?
Tman
November 04, 13:16Lol. This one got me. Our minds have been conditioned to view any story with a tad bit irregularity suspiciously.
We all have our several experiences, some positive or not; they serve as learning curves for us. First time I had sex with a random person, he painted all over me and I found myself pulling my dick with excreta sordidly plastered all over. Hasn’t stopped me from having randoms still. That Mr Konji ehn.?
You’ll be better ehn.
Fàntome
November 04, 14:38Me will never do random hook up. I am emotional and sexually starved oh for years now. It can or it is very lonely oh but nothing is more important to me than my dignity and I hate to be used. So I will wait till I am sure if who ever I want to be with
ChubbyLover
November 06, 22:31Don’t you ever change… you’ve made the right choice.
Optimus
November 04, 16:14Trust me , they come in different flavors. As long as it is a random hookup, be prepared for the worst. We have clowns, drama queens, psychos,narcissists, demented people. You’d better adjust to that reality or to be on a safer side. Get a trusted fuck buddy.
Pink Panther
November 04, 17:09Random hookups are not all bad please. Just as you’re a good guy hooking up with the clowns, drama queens, psychos, narcissists and demented people, and you think of yourself as a good guy, so are there other good guys also randomly hooking up. You’ve simply not met them. Either that or you used a first impression to judge them.
Black Dynasty
November 04, 17:03I’m so relieved it didn’t end up as a kito situation.
?? i can relate to my first hookup as I’m not a fan either, i used to think i was weird… turns it out it’s demisexuality.
First hook up, few weeks after a 4yr rship.. 2005, it was a white guy…he lasted 2 mins or less and i was ? as my only experience prior was the ex. 2nd and 3rd experiences over a few months with other guys convinced me it wasn’t for me.
A disappointing sexual experience especially after a looong hiatus is just ugh!!! You’ll get over the humiliation and you’ll be fine ?
Higwe
November 04, 19:53Seriously , what were you expecting hooking up with an infant .
I’d smack the kid right across the face and give him a good spanking .??♂️
Mike
November 05, 01:27My own pattern is date, break up, disappear for along time, reappear then a random hook up, who I’d later date extensively.
I don’t call mine hook up, I call it searching, I pretty good a sizing people up at first glance, so I already know if I’mma date this would be hookup or not before getting in bed with them. If I know I can’t date this person, but I like them, we’d just become flirt buddies, a nigga has to keep his teeth sharp for the one nao.
But that 2mins thing is funny Sha, maybe you were just too hot.
Peace
November 05, 10:23Wait ọ! I seem to be living in a different world. Does 2go still exist??? Like at this time?.
I had an experience like this. I think I should even write about it.
Kaaku, Lu.
November 07, 16:33???
Aswear! I had this same question about 2go when I read it. I paused for a bit and scrolled up to check the date it was published.
Well, Mr. Numb, you could still hookup through referrals from friends (trusted).
Otherwise, cheers to getting those chips in due time.