A Very Nyama-Nyama Hookup

A Very Nyama-Nyama Hookup

I was on holiday and decided to go to my sister’s place in Ibadan.

On that day, the children had gone to school and my sister and her husband gone to work. I was home alone and soon very bored.

Then I remembered Grindr. I logged in. Saw a lot of brothers online. Wow. That’s great. Messages began coming in and I saw an opportunity to be the hoe I never was. My sexual history was such that I got shagged like three times a year. It was like so because of how overly cautious I was whenever it was time to hook up with someone. But out here, in Ibadan, I felt a need to simply be and just be a hoe. After all, the last guy I hooked up with had called me a slut, despite him being the second guy I’d had sex with in a year. I decided right then to follow through with actually being a hoe so I wouldn’t be pained with such false allegations.

Anyway, so I went to the University of Ibadan for some sightseeing, and I was about to leave when a message popped up on Grindr. He was fast, asking a lot of questions, barely letting me get a word in edgewise. He wanted to know where I was and I told him that I was about to leave where I was. That I was headed back home. He begged me to come over since I was currently close by. Ibadan is a really big place, and I didn’t want to stress myself with postponing this potential hookup to a day when we’d be distant from each other.

I decided to go see him. He said it was a fifteen-minute drive to his place. He kept asking if I had a big ass. That that was what he likes the most on guys. A big ass. I told him I don’t have ass. I am actually flat-assed. He didn’t seem fazed. He encouraged me to still come over.

I eventually got to the place where he said he would meet me. I actually missed my way a few times. Soon, he came to pick me up. He was light-skinned. This was when I should have known that this hookup was going to be a real fuckup. Because I don’t like getting with fair guys.

But what to do?

As we walked along the road, he began complimenting me on how I was acting “like a real nigga” and how I was “not bitchy at all.” I found this very irritating. My irritation however dialed up a notch when he began professing love. Like Jeezuz, dude, we haven’t even had a conversation. We haven’t even fucked yet. What can you possibly love about me? I was starting to get annoyed.

We were walking and he said something about how we were almost at his place. I saw the direction we appeared to be headed and I felt a jolt of panic. It was an NSCDC building. Defence corps! I started crying within. Is this how I will enter my first kito?

He noticed that I’d stopped walking beside him and turned to ask what the problem was. I told him I was going nowhere with him, and furiously turned around, already hastening my footsteps, ready to turn them into a run should he try to pull a fast one. He called me back, and when I turned, he was pleading. He was talking fast, swearing to the gods that he meant me no harm. There was a desperation about him that was reassuring. The konji kind of desperation. He really looked like someone who was craving some action. He couldn’t possibly be kito, I told myself, before allowing myself to be led by him into the rundown compound of the NSCDC.

The place was in such a sorry state. I was momentarily distracted by how hardscrabble the entire place was. Inside the building was not much of an improvement. How the hell was this even a federal annex office? There were cracked floors with puddles of rain water everywhere. The office he led me into had faded sofas and a wooden table. There was some other guy inside, but he soon left. So, we were alone.

He was talking, but I was too disappointed in my surrounding to focus on our conversation. I felt so out of place. When I could no longer stand the environment, I told him I wanted to leave. He asked for us to have sex. I was like, uncle, sex where? He was like, right here.

I very barely held myself back from bursting out with “God forbid!” Sex inside this place that was making my skin crawl! I wanted to cry.

But my revulsion was apparently not enough to make me say no. I stood there, watching him as he went to lock the door, after checking the surrounding to make sure no one would suddenly return to the office. Then he proceeded to take off his trouser.

Even then, I really didn’t want to do this with him here. But I didn’t know how to simply shut it down. I asked for condoms, hoping he would say he didn’t have any so I would seize on that as a reason to say no.

But the uncle had condoms o.

Oya, where’s lube?

Uncle didn’t have. Good excuse. Time to say n–

Before I knew it, he was all over me. Romancing me. Caressing me. Weakening the spirit along with the flesh. He had a soft body. I took hold of his dick; it was thick, not very long. He had even started apologizing for not having a big dick. I laughed to myself. Me that doesn’t even like big dicks. I told him he was even too big for me. He seemed to think that was an excuse I was giving to back out, because he hastily said that he would be gentle, that even though there was no lube, he would use saliva.

What stopped me from throwing up at this, I would never know. Saliva for lubrication – who does that in this 21st century? Fortunately, I had KY Jelly in my shoulder bag, which I produced, telling him there was no need for Option A.

Soon, he was turning me over for doggy. I told him I don’t do doggy. That shii is painful. Cannot do doggy for even a million dollars. I can only fuck missionary or cow-girl. He said OK.

Then he turned and began spreading the faded cushions from the sofa on the floor. That cracked floor with its different puddles of rainwater. Hay God! The makeshift bed was ready for me to lie on. To cry was hungering me as I positioned. I’d never felt so useless and dirtied in my life.

He lubed me up and began to penetrate slowly while I groaned in pain. I still don’t know why I am a bottom, considering how bad I am at taking dicks. Thanks to the KY Jelly, he went inside without much drama. And he was soon banging away. I just lay there, praying to the Good Lord for him to come quick. I was not enjoying it. I was not enjoying any of this.

Then he turned me on my belly and began ramming his dick in. I couldn’t take it. I stopped him and told him I would like to be on top, to ride him. He agreed. I got on top and rode him until I got accustomed to the dick being inside me. But he put a stop to that, saying he wouldn’t be able to cum in that position. So, we went back to missionary. It was a fumble of legs and bodies, but eventually, we managed to both cum.

And I painted! For the first time in my sex life! I painted in that useless environment. I never felt more like trash. Everything was dirty and gross and horrid – a very nyama-nyama hookup.

We cleaned up and he set the room aright. We got seated. He began talking again, wanting to get personal, asking me this and that. But I was still too busy recoiling within my soul to give him any good responses. He started asking me to give him the contacts of any big-assed guys I know. Is this uncle serious at all?

I told him I would check later. And that I was ready to leave.

We left the building together, because apparently, it was closing time. He was headed home too. When we got outside, he handed me 50 naira for my transport money. I cried bitterly inside. See my life. 50 naira! Not like I asked him for money, and he was waving the 50 naira note around like he had done something immensely generous.

Nah. Keep it, uncle. I always go out well prepared.

As we walked to where I would get transport and be on my way, he began talking about his family. This man even had a wife. I looked at him with renewed disgust, feeling further dirtied that we had done what we did, me and a married man.

I got home and it wasn’t until I had washed out the grime of that hookup that I discovered that I forgot my lube in his office. My precious, expensive lube – and I was yet to finish my whoring! No way! As much as it displeased me, I had to go back to get it.

And so, the next day found me back there. When he saw me, he wore the shock of one who hadn’t expected I would ever come back. For his mind, uncle thought he’d been so good, I came back for more.

Nah! I clarified him sharp-sharp on why I was back there. To retrieve my KY Jelly. But Uncle thought I left for him sha.

Nah, it’s mine, oga. Go buy your own.

He begged me for it, but I refused.

So, of course, because that’s the way these things happen, he moved from begging for the lube to begging for sex. He began touching me and yours truly gave in again. Same nyama-nyama environment. Longer fuck this time around. Real banging. He kept going on and on. We were done, and he asked for another round.

But fuck me once, shame on you. Fuck me twice, shame on both of us. But fuck me thrice, na me get all the shame. I had received sense from my cumming. So, I knew I had to be out of there as fast as possible.

We parted ways NEVER to see again. He however kept on calling my number, you know, to get the contacts of those big-assed bottoms I promised him. But did I answer his calls? HELL NO! I was taking my time to heal. To heal from the disappointment and self-deprecation I was putting myself through for the things I did in that dirty, horrid office.

It’s bene five months since this happened, and now, when I look back on it, I can laugh at the sheer stupidity of that hookup.

Written by KY Samsef

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  1. Damian
    March 09, 06:21 Reply

    Let the jury forgive you on the grounds that, once in a while you got to kiss frogs before finding your own “one”. If a hook up is not what you’d expected; fake a call and bounce, than be drawn into his toxicity.

  2. Kelvin
    March 09, 06:54 Reply

    Well alot of bottoms have experienced same ordeal as you, having sex in places that one can’t possibly imagine ???

    • trystham
      March 09, 07:56 Reply

      I haven’t o. Hian!!! Proper beds all the time.
      My Ibadan hook-ups have been worse than ‘basic’. The ones that are seemingly hot are on the other extreme of the city. Until my current beau, I had actually written that city off.

  3. Kayeze
    March 09, 08:31 Reply

    This ur story is actually funny, Na conji dey do u… Because I cant imagine all the self acclaimed disgust u felt earlier ,, when u went there about him being married and all … U still went back there because of ur KY gel… Aunty u love the dude n wat he did to u earlier that’s y u went back…. N all ds ur disgust Na sham

    • Pink Panther
      March 09, 08:55 Reply

      You do realize not everyone has the strength of will to follow through with rejecting what they don’t like, right? That someone go through certain things even though they don’t like it?

  4. Posh
    March 09, 08:40 Reply

    Hmmm, this reminds me of one dirty hook up last August somewhere in Benin. I was waiting for NYSC.
    I was f**ked on a lecture center. The Jamb and waec kinda lecture center.
    It was a rainy Wednesday evening. Everyone had gone home. So, he led me to the inner office where the Jamb teachers had their office. The office was so dirty and unkempt with the chairs and tables already wet due to a bad roof. You know that kinda big old chairs made with foam. It was soak. Let me cut it short tho. We used the table and it broke. Leaving me inside the dirty water. Abeg I nr wan remember again abeg.

  5. Cain
    March 09, 08:42 Reply

    I don’t understand why the writer kept portraying himself in good light, the summary of it all is that you had sex with a stranger you’re supposedly not attracted to in an unkept environment. Thought we left all these one sided holier than thou stories in 2018.

    • Pink Panther
      March 09, 08:53 Reply

      At what point did he portray himself in a good light? When he said he painted or when he said he kept falling for the hookup’s demand for sex? How are those holier-than-thou? He told a story which is that he had sex with someone he didn’t like in an unkempt environment. He’s not summarising. He’s walking you through the conflicts of the story.

    • Pink Panther
      March 09, 08:59 Reply

      The day a friend told me it’s the most painful sex position for a bottom, I was astonished. I find doggy more accommodating of my pain than even missionary.

      • Francis
        March 09, 09:32 Reply

        Tried that shit once and that was it for me. I kept praying for the ex to do and finish and for the first time I painted. ?‍♂️?‍♂️?‍♂️

        It’s like the dick be hitting a really fucked up nerve in that position. Never again biko

  6. Mandy
    March 09, 09:01 Reply

    ????? As if Ibadan doesn’t already have enough to deal with, it had to be the place where people have bad sex? Hay God.

  7. that dark-fair guy
    March 09, 09:22 Reply

    You were angry that you had sex with a married gay man and you still went back the second day to get your lube and had sex with him again? My friend, carry that your sanctimonious tone and go and sit down. What happened to getting whatever you came for and leaving? What happened to faking a call? Heck, what actually happened to leaving on that first day because you don’t want to have sex in such a terrible place?

    And the part of coming to your senses after you came. Sigh. I don’t know, but I am just thinking that this may be what plays out in false rape accusations. Where you tell a story that you actually said “No, God Forbid” but he locked the doors and came at you and your “spirit and flesh” gave in. Big Mtcheww!

  8. Gaia
    March 09, 12:06 Reply

    You went back there because of KY jelly?
    How much is K.Y bikonu???

    • Delle
      March 10, 12:46 Reply

      How very crass.

      You didn’t have to reduce yourself so, Benin Dude. No one cares about this BS you just commented. Having some bit of integrity isn’t as expensive as we make it seem.

  9. Margarita
    March 09, 13:49 Reply

    Why is nobody talking about the hot guy PP used for this story? That was even what drew me here. That ass though ?

  10. Rex
    March 09, 14:39 Reply

    Well well… It happens but a second time issa no no.

  11. Kenny
    March 09, 16:34 Reply

    There are hot guys in Ibadan, there are responsible guys in Ibadan, you can have sex in very nice places/homes in ibadan.

    That being said, most of the hook ups that happen in Ibadan are just pathetic ??‍♂️

  12. J
    March 09, 17:35 Reply

    Please learn to maintain your self-esteem, shits like these can drain all your mental health and could to lead suicide… I’m not judging you, but it’s people like you that give bad name to bottoms and the community. How could you go back to someone who’s asking you for other people’s contact? How desperate were you to have sex? Can’t you masturbate? A married man at that? No wonder most of these married men have no regards for single gays that want something serious, they feel they can eat their cakes and have it.

    This shows the risky lifestyles most gay people are living… Condoms are not 100% reliable, don’t risk your life because of 5 minutes pleasure with some idiots. If you get infected with an incurable disease tomorrow, non of these selfish guys will be there for you. You will face your depression alone, and inflict your family members with pains and expenses you can’t assist to pay . If you can buy a lube, you can save enough to get a dildo. Learn the act of self-love making and reduce reading blogs like kitodiaries ,watching porns etc.they raise your sexual desires. Before you have sex with anyone, try and know them very well… Go for test if possible. Your life and health is the most important thing don’t waste it on shallow sexual desires with sex addicts that have no values to add to your life.

    • Nick
      March 09, 19:13 Reply

      .You started well but ended up like assistant Jesus.

      • J
        March 10, 07:59 Reply

        Yes assistant Lucifer, that was my little piece… So give yours and proceed.

  13. Julian_woodhouse
    March 09, 19:28 Reply

    Sanctimonious this, brash that, self esteem kiniko!!? All I know is that this is the funniest story I’ve read here in a while.. who starts asking for the phone numbers of big assed bottoms from the guy he just fucked??????

    • J
      March 09, 20:05 Reply

      It’s not funny, it is disrespectful and abusive! No one deserves that kind of treatment.

  14. Uzor
    March 09, 20:21 Reply

    Ahhh! When I think of the quantity of germs lounging around in the nasty environment, konji will die. I can’t come and be battling eczema or some vile skin infection because I was frolicking in unsanitary places.

  15. Malik
    March 09, 20:32 Reply

    As nobody has highlighted my favorite line of the story, let me do the honours:

    “Fuck me once, shame on you. Fuck me twice, shame on both of us. But fuck me thrice, na me get all the shame.”


  16. Black Dynasty
    March 10, 09:12 Reply

    Lool some of you really came to snatch weaves @ your comments… damn. I’m sure we’ve all done things we aren’t proud of.. like the author.

    @ the author, you didn’t try sha @ doing it the second time but I def know that feeling and no one is perfect.

    I found the story amusing nonetheless and partly relatable to a time when my self esteem was low.

  17. Sworld
    March 12, 08:48 Reply

    foreign observer passing by ????

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