A WELL-DRESSED STRANGER IN IKOTUN
An artist friend of mine had gifted me with a penciled portraiture of myself, which he sent to me through a friend of his traveling to Nigeria. It was a stunning likeness of me, and I was very pleased to have something like this hanging on my wall.
Thing is, it wasn’t framed yet. And I didn’t know where to get it framed. So, I asked another artist friend, this one based in Nigeria, and he directed me to a place in Ikotun where I could have my drawing framed. He gave me the framer’s number and told me to tell him he sent me; his patronage of the man’s business was sure to get me a discount, he said.
So, that afternoon had me going on that errand. Two stops later and I was now in a keke headed for Ikotun. Seated in the back of the vehicle with me were a young woman in the middle and a young man on the other end. A burly middle-aged man shared the front seat with the driver.
As we trundled along, I noticed that the young man, slim and stylishly dressed in yellow thigh-length shorts and a flower-patterned tank top, was frequently answering phone calls. It seemed to be the same person calling him because his voice soon took on an edge of impatience every time he answered and said, “I told you I’m on my way. There’s hold-up along this Ejigbo road. Chill please.”
At some point, he made a limp-wristed gesture with his hand that had me thinking with some amusement: OK, gurl! I see you, sista.
And so, because there was little else to do in a vehicle held up traffic, I began to observe him. And the more I did, the more I was convinced that he was a member of the gay community. It wasn’t anything he particularly did; it was just an awareness of him that I had. I wondered if the person frequently calling him on the phone was a longtime friend or a first-time hookup. I took note of the fact that he was going to Ikotun and I hoped, for his sake, that it was a friend, and not a hookup, that he was going there to see. I noted that he had a Samsung smartphone with him, and I wondered if that was smart – going for a hookup with an expensive phone, that is, if it was a hookup he was going for. I wondered if he knew about Kito Diaries. If he read Kito Diaries. If he routinely checked the kito alerts. I saw how good he looked, with a clutch of differently-coloured bracelets strapped around one wrist, and a slim gold wristwatch around the other, a pair of sunshades pulled up just above his forehead, and a skin that glowed with self-care and confidence – and I wondered if at the end of his visit to Ikotun, if he would go back home still looking this good.
OK, stop! a voice admonished in my head. You’re much too paranoid for your own good.
No, I’m not, I denied.
Really? the voice argued. Every scenario you’ve imagined for this stranger has ended with something catastrophic happening to him. You need to chill. He may after all be on his way to see his, I dunno, girlfriend!
So, I tried to chill, to take my attention from him and stare blankly at the passing scenery of houses, vehicles and Lagosians. I remembered the time before 2014 when I used to visit this area. When hookups weren’t so complicated. We passed a junction I vaguely remembered was the place a guy I’d visited to shag in 2012 had walked me out to after we were done. I wondered if he still lived there, if he was still positive and gay – or had turned into scum who preyed on his community.
See? Paranoid! the voice interjected again, causing me to chuckle and turn to my phone to respond to my Facebook notifications.
Soon, we were pulling up at Ikotun. It was a very noisy area phalanxed with loud pedestrians and louder motors. I clutched my shoulder bag a little closer to myself and gripped the satchel containing my drawing a little harder as I alighted from the keke.
Then I heard the exclamation.
“What! This is not fair!”
I turned and it was my fellow passenger looking exasperated as he spoke into his phone. He too had alighted and, in his elegance, was looking very out of place against the rowdy backdrop of Ikotun’s bustling environs.
“You said you would come and meet me here, and now you’re saying I still have to take a bike to Igando?” He paused, as though listening to something the person on the other end was saying. Then his brows rose in outrage and he spluttered, “And then another bus to Iyana Iba?! What sort of nonsense is this na? Please, don’t baby me! I didn’t bargain for this! You said you stay at Ikotun, and now you’re telling me you stay in Iyana Iba?!”
As he railed on, I stood there, feeling undecided about what to do. I mean, I should just mind my business and go on to attend to the matter that brought me here. But I’d heard two things that made me realize I had to make this guy’s business my business – “Please, don’t baby me” and “Iyana Iba”. These two things confirmed to me that not only was it not a girlfriend on the other end of the phone connection, but this guy was queer and was headed to a first-time hookup.
And clearly, nobody told this guy that nothing good comes from Iyana Iba. That when somebody gets you to come to Ikotun, and then tries to lure you to Iyana Iba, he most likely doesn’t have his penis waiting for you.
I took a step toward him, hesitated, and then took the next few steps that drew me close to him.
“Excuse me,” I said, while wondering what on earth I was even going to say. Hello, I know you’re gay and probably headed for a Grindr hookup that you’ll regret?
He turned and his eyes were still ablaze with frustration as he ended the call. He lifted his brows inquiringly at me.
“You don’t know me,” I said, “but I was just in the keke with you…”
Something shifted in his expression. I didn’t know what it was, but if this guy was truly gay, then I could take a wild guess over what he was thinking: Oh great, somebody has the guts to come and chyke me on the roadside.
“I don’t mean to bother you –” I started saying.
“And yet, here you are, bothering me,” he cut in waspishly.
This bitch! I thought, feeling the sting of his remark. For a second, I considered just turning around and walking away.
But that second passed, and I straightened my spine and pinned him with a glare. And I said, “I hope I’m wrong, but if it’s a Grindr or Badoo hookup you were just now on the phone with, that is telling you to come to Iyana Iba to come see him, then you might wanna consider going back home right now, because he may very well be a criminal waiting to fuck you up, and not in a good way. Google Kito Diaries. It’s a website. Check the kito alerts on it. You could learn a thing or two about how to be safe.”
That was all. That was all I had to say. I’d done my part. And taking note of how his eyes had widened with some shock at the things I was saying to him, I turned and began walking away. Hopefully, I hadn’t just wasted my time on some straight guy or on a gay guy who wouldn’t get past his konji. As I walked on, I looked back one last time to see him focused on his phone. Maybe he was Googling Kito Diaries. Maybe he was firing queries at his hookup on WhatsApp. Maybe his next move would be to get on another keke back toward where he’d just come from. Maybe he would carry on to board a bike to Igando.
Either way, I still couldn’t get over how out of place he looked, all dolled-up and elegant against the backdrop of bustling and impatient pedestrians milling about in Ikotun.
Written by Pink Panther
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24 Comments
Saucebutton
November 15, 06:38Wow! Hoping he got the message.
Zoar
November 15, 06:51Preach it to them adamant ears to listen.
They all have this site to come for help in times like this but they never do.
I just pray he’s safe.
We should be expecting a near miss story of him here on KD, that’s if he’s a writer and would care to share.
Ken
November 15, 06:53I just hate Lagos. Tueh!
KingB
November 15, 07:29I had a similar situation a couple of weeks ago. In 2017, I experienced a kito that changed me forever. Infact, it’s my third since my existence as a gay man and I’ve resolved that till I leave this earth , it’s gonna be my last.
I had met the guy, we lodged that night and after like 10 minutes of foreplay, the bastard came and slept off. Feeling frustrated, I decided to sleep as well. The following morning, I woke up around 4:30 am as I needed to go home to prepare for work that November. I then decided to also drop some tfare for d dude. By the way, we never agreed on me giving him tfare. I only did it as the Onye Oma CY that I am. Woke him up and informed him I was about leaving and that I’d left some money for his tfare on the table.To cut a long story short, he insisted I’d pay him 50k for doing nothing. I refused and we started fighting. I had black eye for one week, lost my 3 days old phone to him and my wristwatch and little cash I had on me. I had bruises all over my body. I still see the guy till date and don’t know how to take my pound of flesh yet
Two weeks ago, I saw this same guy trying to lure one of the gay guys at Costain to God knows where. I heard him asking the guy to be sure he had his phone on Him and all his personal effects. Upon hearing this, the guy swiftly excused himself to go pick his things from his friend. I immediately rushed to him and warned him not to go anywhere with the guy that he was a set up and thankfully, he listened and didn’t go with him.As community members, we owe ourselves a little duty of looking out for one another even though u don’t know that person you’re looking out for. Once u notice anything that could put a community member in danger, pls don’t keep mum. Speak up!
Pink Panther
November 15, 07:58Please who is this guy? Can you email me details of this situation you had with him?
KingB
November 15, 09:19I don’t think he’s currently on any SM platform. A couple of my friends know him and he’s reputed to be very dangerous and regularly set guys up.
Pink Panther
November 15, 11:01Do you have any information at all about him? Pictures? Phone number? You’re making a case for why this menace should be exposed.
BRYAN PETERS
November 15, 07:59Awwwnnn. Fairy Godmother Pinky ???
That was brave and thoughtful of you. I’m sure he’s grateful wherever he is.
Higwe
November 15, 09:11All I could get from this story is that you recklessly exposed yourself to a guy you don’t know the first and last thing about ….just because he’s “hot” and you had a hunch.
The guy you described in this story doesn’t fit the bill of someone who would randomly go off to meet a total stranger he encountered on a hook-up app .
He comes off as saucy and divaish …with your very detailed description of his appearance, he doesn’t strike me as someone who would have problems landing a fling , to the point of journeying half of Lagos for a quick fuck.
A gay guy who can’t get past his Konji * doesn’t fly either .
Your story clearly enunciated that he was the one getting irritated with the calls from the other end .
* Don’t baby me * – I don’t know about you , but I wouldn’t be on a baby level with a potential hook up I encountered on Grindr, and I suspect that guy wouldn’t either .
Given the offish way he reacted to your intrusion , he sure has an aversion for strangers * ?
Why your concerns may be valid , so many potential scenarios exist here :
He could be meeting his girlfriend.
He could be meeting a male lover who recently changed base .
Perhaps a friend ( male or female ) who he’s never been at his/ her place before .
He could infact be on his way for a business just like you were .
And yes, he could also be walking right into a kito situation .
I guess we will never know for sure …one thing we do know for sure is that Nigeria is a pretty dangerous country.
It’s good and admirable to look out for others but randomly exposing yourself to a stranger you have no inkling of his identity , motive or background… just because you had a hunch , is a big red flag . ?
*******************
And King B your own situation is very different .
In your case you’ve had a previous encounter with the rapscallion and you know he’s dangerous .
In this story the writer knows nothing about this man or who he’s going to meet – squares and circles
brother ?
trystham
November 15, 10:20And it didn’t occur to you that in his moment of panic, the first and best form of defence is to attack??? And since we are all stereotyping based on ‘fineness’, it didn’t occur to you that his skin’s glow might be typical of a get-inside-AC kid?
Find somewhere to sit abeg
Demi
November 15, 14:53@ Higwe.. I really don’t see y we shud or u shud be concerned pinky exposed himself, yes he mentioned ‘grindr’ and ‘kitodiaries’ but he didn’t outrightly want to do that or to probably get d boy’s contact, he wanted to help and I wud av done d same, what do I care if a stranger that has a high possibility of being queer finds out I’m queer. Me I didn’t see any red flag there at all. Or what kud d boy possibly to to hurt pinky bcos of what he illustrated to him.. I’m just thinking out loud
Kito scums are smart and kud be a catfish using an equally hot persons pic to get any hook up. So yes d boy kud randomly go out to see a supposed hookup in ikotun.
Pinky you just might have helped d young fella.. I just hope he got the memo and acted accordingly.. And if he ain’t queer and just befuddled at ur instructions then we take solace that he’d be fine ad he’s not walking into kito..
Mike
November 15, 22:24Off point.
Francis
November 16, 05:00These stereotypes we have of beautiful and rich people sha ??♂️??♂️??♂️
This one you’re just painting excuses upandan for person. Any idiot that changes location on me just like that is so on his own. Me that can be very lazy when it comes to moving around in that nasty city
Audrey
November 16, 08:18As much as I agree with most of your opinions I beg to differ on this.
PP was right to have done what he did and any sane person in his position would have done same.If outing himself to save the life and well being of that guy was the only option at that point then so be it and you’d have to know that if he turned out being a straight nigga and decided to create a scene there it would become his word against PP’s own.
Let me tell you a quick story about something that happened at my place of work recently.
We had openings for a Part time Content creator on our social media pages and some person’s were invited for an interview after an over the phone interview.On the said day we had about seven persons in attendance and they clearly needed just one Person.
We were all seated in the conference with our HOD who’s is Homophobic BTW when they began inviting them in one after the other then he walked in….
Dude was tall,dark and cute but Naomi Campbell had nothing on him when it came to taking Em strides(I’m also effeminate BTW but dude outdid me in the shele department).
So the interview started and dude was actually good at selling himself but immediately he left our HOD began to point out the fact he was effeminate and Blablabla but the HR said he was impressed with his performance and would call him back for the last phase of the interview but also made it clear that during the final interview that he’d leave my HOD with final decision of who she wanted as she was in charge of the department the guy was to resume to.I became worried for the guy cos I knew that he’d probably lose his chance at getting the job cos of my HODs disgust for the community so I thought out a plan.
When the interview was over and Hr had gone to address them at the waiting room I stepped out like I was going to buy something and waited for him at the gate and immediately he stepped out I asked to talk to him then I told him about how impressed his performance was but told him about my HODs bias with him and pleaded that he man up a bit should he get invited for the final stage.He thanked me and left and true to the Hr’s word he was invited for the next stage with the MD and other management staff and I was impressed that dude took my advice.
The good news is that dude is resuming on the 2nd of December with us and was posted to work from a different branch(Which means he wouldn’t be in same space as the homophobic HOD)and within me I’m glad that I did something to help a member of the community even if it meant me being a bit exposed as humans can’t be totally trusted.
Mandy
November 16, 09:42Wow. I love reading human interest stories like this your own, Audrey. Keep up the energy please.
Mitch
November 15, 10:41You are an angel, you this human called Pink Panther. Lord knows my inner bitch would have surfaced and swallowed that mothering figure that wanted to advice the guy the moment he snapped at me.
Uzor
November 15, 21:10??? swears! I’d be like “Ahhh! Sorry ohh! When they beat your head and finish and your mouth has swollen you go know something”
NoBallsSusan
November 16, 04:46Few weeks in a new workplace, a colleague resumed one morning with inconsistent stories about housing some stranger who made away in the morning with his money and stuff. He looked so lost in the following days, it took about 3 of such days for me to decide to show him Kitodiaries and gist him about how to be safe. He’s not openly gay. I had to out myself to try to get him help (not sure that was a good idea now). Also advised him to hit up PP with his story and name the criminal.
Pink Panther
November 16, 07:20It was admirable of you to put yourself out like that to help him. Tell him I’ll be waiting to hear from him.
Francis
November 16, 05:03PP I felt you could have been more insistent but on reviewing the circumstances and location, you tried abeg. The ball dey God court to complete the guy deliverance. Kudos man ? ?
Zoar
November 16, 08:44On another news..
PP please check your mail. I sent you a story that I think might interest you. Check it out. You’ve got my approval to post already.
Thanks
Mandy
November 16, 09:40I don’t understand why anyone would have an issue with what PP did, talmabout how he risked himself to reach out to the guy. Isn’t the very existence of this blog yet another way to step out of our comfort zones to reach out and educate and enlighten others? Sometimes, the help we have to give cannot be given from inside the house, sometimes we have to step outside the gate to give that help.
Malik
November 16, 09:59Some high risk evangelism stuff. You’re heaven bound, PP, for potentially saving a soul from the clutches of hell. Thank you on his behalf.
Dayve A.
November 29, 07:47I wish I met you the day I went to Iyana Iba. Ordinarily I would have thought it was too far but Konji Na beesh I carried my legs to go and fuck and boy was I fucked that day.. not literally but literally. Scarred too. My paranoia scale is now… 1000%
To the writer, I commend you
Thanks for saving the boiz life but my question why dress flamboyantly for a hook up in this Nigeria when you are not driving. We need to be guided Na.