ALL I WANTED

We kissed. Our lips met and parted and meshed. I shook in uncertainty as your beard sensually grazed my chin. There was fire and it burned so sweet.

I tasted you and nothing had ever tasted better. There was no flavor to your taste, just warm, wet, sweet saliva. It felt glorious. That was all I wanted, to taste you.

My left hand encircled your neck as I sought to bring you closer, to taste you in your depths.  My right hand was placed firmly and gently on your back as I sought to mesh us further together like we weren’t already one. I wanted all of you. I wanted your soul. This was no longer about your body. I don’t think it ever was.

I turned from you but not away from you. I turned and pressed my back to you pulling your head down as I tilted my neck to the side. I wanted your lips on my neck. I wanted to feel your moist, hot breath on my neck as I ground my back slowly and rhythmically on your chest to the music of our beating hearts. You obliged. It felt so right.

I felt tears prick the back of my eyes as I closed them in pleasure. My senses were heightened as I felt it all: your spastic, shaky, hot breath on my neck, your fingers crawling all over my body at once. I writhed in soulful pleasure as I felt all my nerve endings catch fire. I saw nothing but I felt it all and it felt right.

The tears pricked more fiercely for reasons other than heightened pleasure: I was drowning in doubt, in fear, in the hurt of knowing that what we have is so strong, so pure, that the world around would feel threatened by it and then try to tear us apart. I cried because I felt crushed that what feels so right would be misunderstood so strongly.

I was torn.

I wanted to run but I was rooted in one place: in your embrace.

My heart fought with my head, my conscience with my soul. I felt pain beyond the physical as the turbulence raged within me.

I broke from your embrace and turned to look at you. I looked into your eyes, into the depths of your soul, and I saw what you didn’t see in mine. I saw calm. I saw certainty. I saw understanding. All the battles I fought within, you had fought and won them: the fear, the doubt, the hurt were feelings no longer familiar to you.

In that moment, you brought me close and took my lips in yours and it felt like you took my pain. You understood. Without words, you calmed the storm that raged within me. In that moment I was certain about what I felt. I was certain I’d fight to keep us. We were stronger together. We’d fight together. And we’d win together. Our lips held and our bodies trembled in victory. The tears flowed freely now and I surfed on them for I knew I couldn’t drown, anchored in your embrace. We swayed as the wind sang and danced around us.

You were all I wanted. You and I was all that mattered.

Written by Chandler B.