Chizzie’s Jukebox (Episode 3)

Do you ever hear a song and go, “If only Tunde could give that a listen!” because it perfectly conveys how you feel about Tunde and what you think about him but lack the words (or balls) to tell him?  We’ve all been guilty of taking some lines of a song and putting it up on our BBM status messages, hoping that someone gets the hint. Yours Truly texted parts of Fergie’s Big Girls Don’t Cry to a love interest. Never again!

Here are Five Songs You Wish He’d Listen To:

The Only Exception

Artist: Paramore

Genre: Acoustic Rock

Year: 2010

This is for the love cynics, the ones who have given up on love and are bored with the same old routine of meeting guys, fucking and moving on, the Grindr hook ups, the blind dates. But then, someone comes along and changes everything. He actually cares about you, takes the time to mend your shattered heart and dares you to give this love thing a shot. Slowly you begin to let go of your inhibitions, and as you listen to Hayley’s delicate vocals waltzing over simple acoustic cords, you realize that he is the only exception and you want him to listen to this song too.

Fave line: “…up until now, I have sworn to myself that I’m content with loneliness, because none of it was ever worth the risk. Well you are the only exception…”

End Of Time

Artist: Beyoncé

Genre: Pop

Year: 2011

Sure, this is the kind of song that when it comes on, you go, “Heyyyy gurrrll! That’s my soonnngg!” and proceed to twerk your way to the dance floor. And why not? The song is energetic, sounds like a parade song and Beyoncé spits vocals in her typical Sasha Fierceness.

But we completely forget that its lyrics are so powerful and sweet. Wouldn’t we all love to hear a guy say he’ll love us till the end of time?

I think the song works best for Bottoms. Not trying to be bottom-typical here, but it is a Beyoncé song for starters, with lovely lyrics, so there you go.

Are you a Top trying to win a Bottom over? Request this song for him on Cool FM.

Fave Line: “…Let me turn your rain into sun. You don’t have to worry, I promise I’ll set your heart free. Let my love into your soul…”

See You When You’re 40

Artist: Dido

Genre: Easy Listening

Year: 2003

This song describes what happens when you go back to your vomit and see that it is, well, still vomit. Sticky and disgusting vomit.  Sometimes we miss an ex, or a onetime fling, but it’s always sad when years later, you meet them and they’re still the same person with no form of growth whatsoever – mentally and in terms of maturity. Then you think, “Thank God I got out of that ship fast.”

Dido makes what would have been an otherwise bitter and vicious rendition (Keysha Cole anyone?) about a stagnant ex, into a beautiful, reflective song with the occasional shade thrown here and there.  It is one of my favorite songs and a must listen for that maturity-stunted ex, with hopes that they see the light.

Fave Line: “…not sad because you lost me, but sad because you thought it was cool to be sad…”

Tired

Artist: Adele

Genre: Blue eyed soul

Year: 2008

We’ve all had that one person that derives joy in leading us on. They woo us with words like bae, baby, boo, call us to check on how we are doing and just when you start getting too comfortable, they drop the ‘Just Friends’ card, tell you to back the fuck up, then proceed to lead you on again.

Well trust Adele to write a song about being led on. I like how she does so without sounding too literal but relying on a witty mix of innuendos instead. It seems like a properly structured song, like something the Queen of England would listen to.

The next time Emeka tries to lead you on, swerve him to the left and recommend he give this song several listens.

Fave Line: “Never mind, said your open arms…”

Not A Bad Thing

Artist: Justin Timberlake

Genre: Pop

Year: 2014

What better way to win a lover over than to have them listen to a song with Justin Timberlake softly serenading sweet words to them. Even Maleficent would melt to this song. Know a guy proving a tad difficult; a candle-lit dinner with this song playing should do the trick.

Fave Line:   “…how about I be the last voice you hear tonight? And every other night for the rest of the nights that there are.”

Next Week’s Theme: Tit Calmers (Songs That Make Us Cry)

You Should Probably Download This Song:

Dear Sallie Mae

Artist: Tiara Thomas

Genre: Hip Hop

Year: 2013

Yes, a Hip-hop song! Horror upon horrors! But it does have the makings of a viral hit. Its lyrics are obnoxious and obscene, but in a humorous way that listeners most likely won’t be offended by. Tiara blames who ever this Sallie Mae person is for everything, from her unpaid bills, to her unfurnished apartment, and proceeds to tell listeners to suck her peanus, doing so while spitting vocals over prominent 808s and finger snaps that should inspire several twerk and black gay vine combination videos on Pornhub.

POOR DRAKESo the results are in. And come today (when this gets posted), Adele should debut at #1 on the Billboard’s Hot 100. Billboard 100 is a compilation of the most played, most streamed, most downloaded, most watched and most bought 100 songs in the United States. It is highly credible and published weekly on Billboard.com (current #1 as at time of writing is The Hills by The Weekend).  Seeing as the States is the biggest music market in the entire planet, every artist dreams to have a Billboard #1 song.

About a week ago, Drake was poised to replace The Weekend at #1 with Hotline Bling, which is a BRILLIANT song by the way; he had everything going, a good song that was getting increasing airplay and a ton of remixes, a catchy video that has now become viral with a gazillion spoofs out each week. He seemed unstoppable, well, until Adele came along. Not only is Adele’s Hello aiming for #1, but it is shattering every single record on its way in the process.

Happy for Adele and all, but it’s a bit unfair to Drake, because he really wanted this and in his own words, finally having a #1 song would “…mean everything”.  Plus it’s quite rare to have a rap song reach #1. Drake almost came close with Best I Ever Had which peaked at #2.

From all indications, Drake will just have to wait this one out or maybe try and snatch the #1 spot from Adele. We shall be watching.

Here are a few popular songs that surprisingly never made it to #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100

• Bad Romance – Lady Gaga (Peaked at #2)
• Torn – Natalia Imbruglia (Wasn’t eligible to chart at the time)
• Frozen – Madonna (Peaked at #2, blocked by Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On *hiss*)
• Sexual Healing – Marvin Gaye (Peaked at #3)
• How Do I Live – Lean Rimes (Peaked at #2 for like forever, then gave up)

Will Drake’s Hotline Bling be joining them?

Written by Chizzie