When all is said and done, the bed sheet and plate smashing rampage over, the blinds are drawn, the lights are out, and it’s just you with flared and aggrieved tits, mad at the world or at a certain somebody, here are 5 songs that should calm those tits down or perhaps just help you cry it out. These are the Tit Calmers (Songs That Make Us Cry):
The original version of this song was by James Taylor in 1970, and its lyrics allude to losing a friend to suicide, drug addiction, depression and a failed band. Pretty much a rolodex of all things sad. I haven’t heard the original version, but Birdy’s cover does justice in conveying the sadness behind the lyrics, especially seeing as she sounds like she’s about to cry half of the time.
If you perhaps feel the need to cry, give this song a listen
Artist: London Grammar
Genre: Down tempo
If you are say in your 20s and still writing JAMB, 3 years into unemployment or just an unmarried Yoruba woman in her late 20s, you could easily misinterpret the message of this song, which is really just about wasting time on an undeserving lover, to wasting your youth and accomplishing nothing/ It’s hard to not relate to Hannah Reid’s gloomy and high pitched eldritch vocals as she admits to wasting her young years, and not sob on your pillow, wishing you were 25 again.
Artist: Of Monsters and Men
Nanna Bryndís Hilmarsdóttir (Tongue twister, this one), lead singer of Icelandic band Of Monsters and Men, has one of the most endearing voices in the same leagues as Colbie Caillat, Dido and Lily Allen, where she can pretty much sing anything and get away with it because she sounds too adorable. She does so in this song, about her inability to reciprocate love and her avoidance of emotional attachments, much like your average Nigerian bisexual top. But instead of slut shaming and casting a stone, you are compelled to reach out, hug her and cry.
Genre: Folk Rock
When I first heard that Beck won Album of the Year at this year’s Grammy’s, much to everyone’s amazement, I was curious and decided to give the album a listen. What I heard was a perfect mix of poignant and awe inspiring nostalgic songs, all cohesively sung and arranged, and immediately I knew he deserved it.
This song is sad, but not sad in one of those gloomy ways; it’s sad in a beautiful thought-provoking way. The ice breaker is the bridge, where what sounds like a harmonium is played, his vocals muted, and in that moment, you feel maybe it’s time to cry.
Definitely a tear jerker
Artist: Fleetwood Mac
Genre: Soft Rock, Acoustic Rock
Will this song make you cry? Well that’s debatable, but it will leave your tits calm and with a lot to think about. The whole song carries with it profound and cryptic messages of caution. Urging the listener to double check whatever rash decision they are about to make. With lyrics like “Listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness”, “Thunder only happens when it’s raining”, it’s testament of the fact that good music defies time, and it is a must listen!
Next week’s theme: Love Sucks!
You Should Probably Download This Song:
Genre: Electro Pop
Halsey is the poster child of genuine liberalism, post modernism and political incorrectness. She’s biracial, bisexual, sings about sex and drugs, uses the F word, has blue hair and calls herself a hurricane. Basically Donald Trump’s worst nightmare.
This song is one of the standouts in her debut album, Badlands, and it’s a good place to start if you want to get into her music.
Ellie Goulding dropped her new album titled Delirium recently and I was excited, seeing as I am a fan of hers before her US mainstream, circa Starry Eyed days. How exactly do I feel about Delirium? Let’s just say, it feels like when your grandma suddenly decided to jump on the coffee table and started rapping to Nicki Minaj’s Anaconda. Yes very that.
The whole album comes across as awkward as Ellie attempts to delve into genres that are clearly not her forte, and it becomes extremely evident with each track.
Some songs are hands down unlistenable and require great forbearance, a prime example being the EDM electro ballad fail, Devotion; while some are flat-out so comical and ridiculous, you have to restrain yourself from laughing out loud, case in point being On My Mind and Do What I Want, especially the latter. The bulk of the album comprises of generic pop fillers.
There are a few instances where Ellie’s attempt to be trendy works, as in Don’t Need No Body, which is a catchy EDM banger bound to be a hit in say the UK, but all in all, the album is a perfect example of what happens when a talented artist in a bid to attain mass audience gives in to conformance.
Stand Outs: Lost and Found, Don’t Need No Body, Around U
Verdict: 2 stars
Written by Chizzie