So y’all know that I was pretty excited to have Kaddy cum over. Sorry, I meant ‘come over’. *insert innocent angel face* Well, here’s the gist of how Friday went down.

My parents, at the beginning of September, had shipped my younger brother off to the boarding house. It was one of their wisest decisions in life, if you ask me. When Friday arrived, I gleefully helped my parents pack everything they needed to take with them out of the house. I even dusted my daddy’s car for him. Eventually by 9:30 am, they were good to go. They donned their sunglasses, nodded to each other, and then got into the car. I opened the gate for them, and as my dad drove out, he eased the car to a stop beside me and pulled down his shades, looking at me from over them.

“You’re acting suspicious,” he said. And then drove off with a peace sign in the air.

Oh Father, if only you knew what and who I planned to do today.

With a grin, I headed back into the house to prepare for Kaddy’s presence. As I adjusted the dining table chairs and arranged the pillows on the couches, I increased Terry G’s Akpako Master to the highest volume. I was ready to knack Kadris akpako! I drew the curtains apart and let the beautiful sunlight pour into my living room, illuminating my handiwork. (Yes! I take pride in arranging things)

Smiling like a mumu, I made my bed and arranged my pillows. I jumped on the bed to make sure it was soft enough for Kaddy’s landing because I had plans of tossing her sexily on my bed. It was soft; I smiled once more and adjusted the sheets. As I cleared my reading table, I smirked as I recalled how the knacking in Wattpad novels always started from the table. I sprayed my Avon Soft Musk unto my sheets and in the air.

Chai! Today would be lit. A day that Kadris will never forget!

“Today is going to be fucking terrrrneddd up!” I yelled as I danced to the stairs.

At the stairs, I stumbled a bit and ended up falling. I quickly found my balance at the sixth stair. I proceeded to cross myself and muttered ‘Blood of Jesus’ till I reached the landing.

I worked out for a bit to my Alternative/Indie playlist before heading to my bathroom to prepare my body for the day’s activities. I cut my nails to an attractive low; I followed this with a quick shave of the ups and the down.

At 11:00 am, I was seated at my table eating a sumptuous meal of bread and egg with some of the hot tea that you guys love to sip. Once I was done, I immediately went to sit under the fan. Only Lord knows why I decided to drink hot tea on an especially hot day – maybe to make myself even hotter? ;D ;D

12:30 pm found me walking behind Kadris, admiring her wonderful behind. I kept thinking: ‘All that booty for me? I’m touched.’ NEPA had conveniently taken the light just twenty minutes before her arrival, because I obviously would not need the coolness of my AC. *insert eye roll*

“My goodness, it’s so hot outside! I want to just rip off my clothes right now,” she exclaimed in a giggly voice.

My eyes bulged.

“Su-sure, feel free,” I croaked.

She giggled again and hugged me, pressing those breasts against me. My senses were already dissolving and we hadn’t even started anything! Tori, I have met your master.

Kaddy smiled at me. I gave a shaky smile back.

“Calm down, babe. Relax, I don’t bite. Much,” she spoke into my ear before kissing my cheek and moving away from me. She went to the other couch and stretched out.

I don’t bite much, I thought. That’s my line! She used my line against me!

“Ife, I’m hungry. Do you have anything to eat?”

“Nope. I could cook some rice for you though. How does that sound, maganda?”  I said with my sexy smirk.

“Sounds great, B. I told you to stop calling me this maganda thing. Come and unlock your laptop.”

She sat up and I slid in next to her. I turned my head so I was facing her; there was little space between us. I could kiss her if I wanted to.

“I told you, if you don’t want to be called maganda, stop being it.” I unlocked my laptop and got up.

“You this Ife girl, you get as you be. What does maganda mean?”

I smiled at her before heading for the kitchen. “Maganda means beautiful in Filipino.”


I put the rice on fire and NEPA decided to supply me with some electricity. Aren’t they just wonderful? They just take it and bring it at any time. It’s not like I pay for it or anything. *insert another eye roll* I connected my laptop to the TV with an HDMI cable and told her to pick any movie she wanted to watch. While she did that, I put a bowl of efo-riro in the microwave to warm. There was no stew and I dinnor have energy to start making it for anyone. Yimu to her if she didn’t want the vegetable I was warming.

When I stepped out of the kitchen, I found her watching Fifty Shades of Grey.

“Fifty shades? Goodness gracious, Kaddy – why?!”  I gasped.

She turned to look at me with this adorable pout. My weakness. There’s just something about a beautiful woman pouting that upsets the balance of nature.

“What’s wrong with it? You don’t like it? I can change it if you want. I just haven’t seen it before, that’s why.”

She increased the power of her pout. I sat next to her and put up her legs on my laps. I ran a slender finger over her lips and smiled at her.

“Smile for me, maganda. You can leave it if you want. I’m just not a fan of the movie; I find it quite different from the book and not in a good way.”

She beamed at me and stretched her legs some more.

“I heard it’s rather educative.”

Her smile turned into a smirk and I started to move in for a kiss when my ‘awesome’ electricity suppliers concluded that I no longer needed the light. Kadris disconnected the HDMI cable from my laptop and sent me off to the kitchen to check on the rice. The rice was bubbling just like the konji in me. I sat down next to Kaddy and she put her legs up on me again. For her mind, I resemble leg rest. Mscheew! I began massaging her legs and thighs, you know, letting her know what my hands could do, but playing it cool and PG.

My laptop could not handle the amount of hotness she was producing, so it died. Lol, just kidding. The battery was bad. She withdrew her legs and sat crossed-legged on the couch. She smiled at me and I smiled right back.

“So what do we do now?” she asked, looking straight at me.

Ah oshe! What time is it? Knacking time! What time is it? Knacking time!

“Anything you want to do,” I replied a bit huskily.

She laughed and began to glance around for something to do. In my mind, I was like, ‘See me! Pick me! Do me!’

“Hey, are those cards?” She had spotted my deck of cards. Grinning, she asked, “Want to play?”

“Sure, what does the winner get?” I questioned, not really interested in a game of cards.

“A kiss.”

I looked up and smiled. “Well then, let’s play.”


Less than a minute later, I won. Lol, what she didn’t know was that I am a master at card games.

“Where’s my prize?” I said after a bout of laughter.

She frowned at me and shuffled the cards. “No kiss for you. You cheated.”

“I cheated? Edakun how?” I asked laughingly.

She was frowning and looking like I wouldn’t be getting any kisses today. And so, true to my hoe-ish nature, I offered her a rematch.

“How about another round then? This time, you can pay more attention to me,” I asked, patronizing her.

“This time around, I’m going to finish you,” she replied with determination.


Another minute later, I won. Again!

“Reward time?” I inquired of her, suppressing the urge to laugh in her face.

She shook her head and I frowned.

“You’re so cute. Come here.”

She didn’t need to ask twice. I slid over real quick and she leaned in and pecked my lips.  As I raised a hand to cup her head, she withdrew. I frowned again and she laughed.

“That was a kiss na. Why are you looking at me like that?” she queried me with a giggle.

She was clearly enjoying this while I protested in my head. Imagine a whole grown woman like me, collecting peck that is meant for my small brother. She suggested another type of card game and I agreed. I had no idea how to play it and I kept losing. She would peck me each time I lost, to make me feel better. Perhaps I lost on purpose? Oh well. #Hoe

After losing another round and getting another peck on the lips, I decided to fast forward a bit.

“I want a real kiss, Kaddy,” I said.

She laughed. Is it me or does this girl laugh a lot?

“Hmmm, if you want a real kiss, tell me about your exes.”

I looked at her quizzically. I tell person say I wan kiss am, e come dey ask me about my exes. Which kind girl be this?

“The last person I dated is a guy and it was in March,” I said. “Well I have only dated one girl. Her name is Loamy. She’s a lesbian. I call her Master Butch King, and she hates it. We dated for a month or so.” As I answered, I hoped that the sooner I gave her answers, the sooner she would kiss me.

She leaned in and brushed her lips against mine, and then sat back. I groaned inwardly. Can’t she just stay still and let somebody kiss her?

“I want to see a picture of Loamy,” she said.

Come, didn’t this girl say she was coming over to ‘entertain’ me? All these demands do not count as entertainment.

“Why?” I stared, wondering if I was the one who misinterpreted her intentions for today. Maybe she didn’t want to do at all.

“I haven’t seen a lesbian apart from you before,” she said.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. “I am not a lesbian. I am bisexual. I happen to like boys too, quite a lot sef. And my laptop is dead, so no picture for you.”

“Eiyah, I was really going to GIVE you anything you wanted if I got to see her picture.”

Oh my! Did you hear that? My hoe senses are tingling.

“Anything I want?” I questioned to make sure I heard right.

“Anything.” She smiled this sexy smile.

“What about a kiss?”

She nodded.

“How many?”

“As many as you’d like.” Her smile was now catlike. It turned me on even more.

I looked at my sweet Marion and decided that he had to take one for the team. (Marion is the name of my laptop). I put on the system and quickly searched for pictures of Loamy. She scrolled through and then handed my laptop back to me, and I quickly shut him down. Immediately I placed it on the table, she beckoned to me. I moved faster than the Flash in between her legs and kissed her. She broke the kiss. This time, I groaned out loud.

“What is with you, this woman?!” I asked, a bit exasperated.

She laughed. I swear if she laughs one more time, I’m going to behead her like she was a member of Game of Thrones.

“I don’t kiss girls,” she said, giggling.

Sure. Of course you don’t. And Kim Kardashian is flat-assed.

She started to say some things but I wasn’t really listening, I was tired of talking. No more Miss Nice Gal. I leaned in and kissed her, placing one hand on her thigh and the other on her head. She deepened the kiss and pressed her body into mine. Sure, she tots doesn’t kiss girls.

“Can I touch you?” I husked against her lips, wanting the green light before doing anything.

“Yes, but I’m not having sex with you.”

Sex kwa? How did that one enter the equation?

“I’m definitely not having sex with you,” I replied.

She began kissing me. I broke the kiss this time to drag my lips and tongue to her neck as my hand moved from her thigh to her stomach. She moaned as my lips moved over the top of one breast as my hand came up to squeeze the other.

“Can I take off your shirt?”

Gosh, I’m such a gentle lady.

She nodded, and with immediate effect, I took off her shirt and began kissing her stomach and chest and breasts over her bra. I was about to take off her bra when she spoke.

“Ife… My breasts… They’re not so big. The bra makes them look bigger.”

If I wasn’t so horny and if she didn’t look so insecure, I would have laughed.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said comfortingly and kissed her lips while I sharply unhooked her bra.

I looked down and, my Lawd, she had porn star breasts. You know, those medium breasts that are firm and are never going to fall. So perfectly round with amazingly perky nipples. I grinned at her like I had won the lottery.

“Perfect. Your breasts are so fucking perfect.”

I kissed her once more on her lips before going to pay tribute to the twin mounds. I took one nipple into my mouth and began to worship it while my hand teased her other breast.  She moaned and writhed under me.

“Ife, the curtains,” she gasped. “They are open. Someone can see. Let’s go upstairs.”

I looked around to realize that she was right; I hadn’t even being paying attention to my surroundings.  I got up and pulled the curtains close and shut the door, simply hooking it with a padlock.

I got upstairs to meet a sexy, topless Kaddy on my bed. Yass bitch! It’s going down right now! I rejoiced in my head as I kicked off my slippers and sat upright on my bed. She crawled sexily towards me and straddled me as we began making out again. As I teased her nipple with my tongue, she took my right hand to the beach. I took off her trousers and panties and then slipped in two fingers to test the waters. She was wet, soaking wet. I dived in and out, and she moaned, grinding against me.

I began to panic. If I thrust too deep, could I break her hymen? She had mentioned earlier that she was a virgin; I didn’t want to disvirgin anyone biko. Thinking about this affected the movements of my fingers, making her thrusts hesitant and slow.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, sounding a little out of breath.

“I may have never done this before.”

She stopped writhing against me and stared. “I thought you said you have.” The pleasure was melting from her voice into disappointment. “I’m going home.”

She began to get off me. I flipped her back down on the bed and gave her a long kiss that melted her resistance.

“I said I was going to do it that day, but my brother interrupted me. And haven’t you heard the saying that practice makes perfect?” I kissed her again and begun my journey to the South of the Land. As I kissed the swell of her breasts, I felt drawn to her deep well. I wanted to taste it.

“Can I go down on you?” I husked.

“Whatever,” she said, her voice breathless and snappish at the same time. “It’s not like you’ll do it well, when you couldn’t even use your fingers properly.”

Ewo! A whole me?! I entered my Avatar mode, remembering every lesbian book I had ever read and the stupid porn video that I watched the night before Victoria. I thought about the lectures I had received from the Master Butch King. And with all that, I went down.

Kadris got loud the moment I hit her honey pot. She gripped my head with steely strength. My tongue stroked and flicked and pleased, and she moaned and groaned and begged. As I teased her clit, she tightened her grip on my head and thrust her body forward. Just as she was about to hit that high note and explode into a world of colours, I pulled back.

“You were saying?” I said very smugly.

Groaning harshly, she pulled me down to her and kissed me, slipping her hands under my shirt and into my bra.

“Fuck, you have big breasts,” she gasped with some fascination in her eyes.

She pushed me down on my back and took off my T-shirt and bra. She took my breast into her mouth and my knees turned to jelly. I felt a moan escape my lips. This is magic. She was about to take her fingers down for a swim when I heard my front door opening.

“Ife!” My father’s voice carried through the air to meet me upstairs.


Kadris sprang apart from me immediately, her eyes wide open and startled.

“Calm down,” I whispered. I tossed her clothes to her. “Go to the bathroom.”

She didn’t wait for me to say it twice. I wore my clothes, forgetting to put on my bra.

“Mummy, daddy, good afternoon o!” I hollered when I got downstairs to meet my parents. “How did you get inside?”

“We called you but you didn’t pick,” my mum said, setting down her bag.

I picked up my phone from where I had abandoned it in favor of Kaddy’s boobs. I saw seven missed calls.

“There are no missed calls showing on this phone,” I said. “Don’t mind this Glo people with their nonsense network wahala.”

My dad looked round and spotted Kadris’ sandals. “Whose are those?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at me.

I brushed him off with a smile. “They belong to my friend, Kadris. She’s in the upstairs bathroom.”

I drew the curtains apart and waited for Kaddy to come downstairs. A few minutes later, she came down with her makeup redone and looking like she could commit no evil. She greeted my parents and left my house.


At 8:30 pm, Kaddy called me. I asked her if she had a fun day and she said she did, that she would love to hang out with me sometime soon. I smiled to myself.

“Well, if you had to rate me based on my, er, performance today, what would you score me?”

She giggled and then paused to ponder. “Hmmm, I’ll give you 8.5/10.”

“8.5? Why that score?” I queried her, amused at her answer.

“I’m giving you that because…well, you didn’t finish the job.”

I laughed at that before promising to finish the job next time. I went to bed with a smile on my face because I had learnt something important today. Princess Vitarah was right in her song: Nigerian pussy is indeed the tightest.

Whoa! Is it me or was that long? Oh well, now you know how Friday went down. Do let me know what you think about it?

P.S: Victoria Akintola, don’t be a ghost reader, tell your ‘side’ of the story in the comment box. *wink wink*

Written by iAmNotAPerv

Previous Antigay Evangelicals Are Freaking Out Over President-Elect Trump’s Latest Flip-Flop On Gay Marriage
Next Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson Is 2016's Sexiest Man Alive!

About author

You might also like

Series (Non-Fiction) 51 Comments

The Diary of a Nigerian Fuckboy: Pilot Entry

Hello, I’m Duke formerly known as Ace. First, I didn’t want to do this. In fact, I resented the idea of having my own series on the blog; I battled

Series (Non-Fiction) 9 Comments

Eez Positive I Positive! I No Kill Person! (Episode 5)

This kovik-wan-nine lockdown did bring a few good things to my life. I don’t have a job, true. But I wasn’t getting stressed by Mother physically. Madam travelled to Lagos

Series (Non-Fiction) 44 Comments

What’s On Your Mind… IV

Based on the background information supplied in some KDians’ comments here, I’ve often wondered: Born This Way or Converted This Way? A number of times on this blog, the issue


  1. iAmNotAPerv
    November 16, 06:18 Reply

    I just want to say I got here before Mandy ?☺

  2. SillyAnonymous
    November 16, 09:22 Reply

    “Where is Victoria?”
    (Looking left to right to left nigerian-mum style) “Victoriaa!”

  3. Mitch
    November 16, 10:06 Reply

    Okay, this got me all hot and flustered for some reason I don’t know about.

    Good story IamNotaPerv

    • iAmNotAPerv
      November 16, 16:42 Reply

      Thank you very much Mitch. It’s not bad to be flustered. *wink wink*

  4. Delle
    November 16, 14:49 Reply

    I love you o. Choi, I over love you this gal! I was just laughing like a belligerent pikin all through.
    And who says lesbian sex isn’t hot? Mehn, this story would change a lot of minds?.

    Your family shaa! Na wa o. First, your bro and now your dad. Oh church!

    Have I said I love you? I LOVE YOU!

    • iAmNotAPerv
      November 16, 16:47 Reply

      My family is crazy I tell you. They will make you a Virgin by force. Maybe one day I’ll tell the story of the girl that jumped from my balcony because of my brother. Funny story. Who said lesbian sex isn’t hot?? Their opinion then. I love you too. Thank you for reading.

  5. z
    November 16, 16:22 Reply

    I loove this!!

  6. Nefertiti
    November 16, 20:01 Reply

    I am in love!!!!! *the terry g apako part killed me??????…….. Lesbians are just the coolest ?

    • iAmNotAPerv
      November 16, 20:04 Reply

      with Kadris? Lesbian are pretty cool yeah. do you know any hot ones who like writers? 😀

      • Nefertiti
        November 17, 09:48 Reply

        Lol.. ..I Am in love with u!!! !and I know one but she is a stud and I think she likes hoes

        • iAmNotAPerv
          November 17, 12:02 Reply

          yay! i love being loved. 😀 She’s not my type unfortunately but she might know some that i like. Who doesn’t like hoes?

  7. Jide
    November 16, 21:44 Reply

    Really loved this.

  8. Iliana
    November 16, 22:05 Reply

    Yes I know one @iamnotaperv. Winks

  9. Pjay
    November 16, 23:31 Reply

    Where are all those people who use to say lesbian sex does nothing for them!?

    • iAmNotAPerv
      November 17, 12:06 Reply

      They are in hiding or they just plain refused to read lol

  10. IBK
    November 17, 00:48 Reply

    Odiegwu oooooo
    I was reading this thing and realised junior was turning into senior. Was confused for a moment when I realised what was happening.
    You did a very good job.. I mean I got hard! Me!!

    • iAmNotAPerv
      November 17, 12:12 Reply

      🙂 I’m feeling rather smug right now. Thank you Junior for responding to the call of my words. Come i think i need to even read this episode again

  11. WhoIsUgo
    November 17, 21:05 Reply

    You’re writing is so good! Like I want to know you! Keep up the good work! ???

    • iAmNotAPerv
      November 18, 16:30 Reply

      Thank you so much for reading. i appreciate the compliment. 😀
      but do answer me this one question: Who is Ugo? 🙂

  12. Ixzy
    November 17, 23:16 Reply

    First time commenting. Totally in love with Kd…..your stories@Iamnotaperv is super doper nice.

    • iAmNotAPerv
      November 18, 16:34 Reply

      First timer!!! Whoo hoo! *hands you a cup of tea* welcome to comment land, i must advise you to watch what you say in comment land because the citizens are very sensitive. 😀

      Thank you for reading, i hope to see more of you Ixzy!

Leave a Reply