Dear KD: He Has Become Dangerous And I Don’t Know What To Do
Hello guys, my issue is quite urgent and I need help and guidance on what to do.
It is quite the story, so bear with me to the end.
I got a friend request on Facebook sometime early January last year from a guy (let’s call him Ayo). We started chatting immediately I confirmed the request. As we chatted, he talked about him being sick and how the person he lent over 80 thousand naira to had refused to pay back. (I would later find out that the guy he gave the money to was his ex-boyfriend and that the money was for his house rent. The boyfriend later broke up with him and never paid back the money.)
Anyway, I empathized with him and asked for his number. After he gave it to me, I called him and during our conversation, I advised him to be more careful in relating with people especially when it comes to money and other things.
In hindsight, I should have taken this advice myself.
After this phone call, Ayo seemed to cling to me, sending me messages by the hour, calling frequently just to hear my voice and to know how my day is going. He suddenly began to crave for us to meet. He got super into me super-fast, and I was a little wary of him.
However, we eventually got to see on a day I had an interview at a place close to where he lived. I told him about the interview and he came to the venue very early, even before the interview started and waited for about the four hours the interview lasted so he could see me after.
I was turned off by his appearance; he looked very unkempt and bleached, appeared too young and was sickly looking. And when he chatted me later in the evening, I bluntly told him I wouldn’t be seeing him anymore.
He didn’t take my rejection well. He began to call me severally, sending snapshots of himself in tears, begging that he needed a brother, that he felt like he had nobody. I softened and decided to become friendly with him again. I had a patient I was managing at a nearby location to his place. This led me to knowing where he lived.
My friendship with him continued and seemed okay until March 2018. I got a job in Yaba. I was living at Abule-Egba with my brother and his family, and Ayo was living in Maryland. Because of the commute, I asked him if I could stay with him during the week to return to my brother’s every weekend. He couldn’t say yes fast enough. At this time, I’d just started seeing someone but I didn’t tell Ayo about him, not like there was any need for me to. Before moving to his place however, I told my boyfriend about my plans and he was cool with it.
My stay at Ayo’s quickly became some kind of hell. I had initially told him that we would live like brothers and he shouldn’t think of anything sexual happening between us. He seemed okay with this until he learnt I was seeing someone. He would eavesdrop on my phone conversations and look through my phone diary most times. One day, he searched out my boyfriend on Facebook and sent him a request.
Ayo would not let me be at night. He would wake me up in the middle of the night and ask why I’d decided to reject him. He would cry the whole night. Some other nights, he would fight me (I mean physical combat). Other nights, he would try committing suicide; he actually did this twice when I was asleep, and both times, I woke up to see him in the process and cajoled him off it. The volatility of his behavior was even worse after each time my boyfriend visited.
He was wearing me thin and I was doing my best to stay accommodative of him primarily because of the accommodation. He didn’t have a job. We were living on my income. The couple of times he fell ill, I took care of his treatment. At a point, I gave him some money to start up a small food-selling business since he had some training in catering. But Ayo was that well of toxicity that never seemed to accommodate anything good.
Despite my kindness, he took to calling my boyfriend and telling him all sorts of things about me. And my boyfriend apparently began believing him because he soon started acting weird with me. Frustrated by his behavior, I broke up with him; there was just too drama going on and I needed to keep around what I could endure.
After the breakup, Ayo began to act like he was hoping I would now turn my affections toward him. But I wasn’t even thinking about him. I was supremely frustrated and actively planning on leaving his place.
And so, he started his nocturnal frustrations again. He would wake me up in the middle of the night, and complain and complain, and if I didn’t listen to him, he would pick a fight. He wouldn’t let me sleep. He would want me to have sex with him, which I absolutely didn’t see myself ever doing. I mean, I had no iota of sexual attraction for this guy. But then, his nagging got to a point that one night, I decided to let him have his way. He worked on my dick and fucked himself with it while I lay there like a lifeless being. This happened a few other nights, and each time, I felt violated, tortured and humiliated. But I wouldn’t fight him; I just needed to get back to my sleep so I could wake up early the next morning to prepare for work. So many times, he violated me like this without any protection, and I didn’t care because I felt like he should do his nonsense and let me sleep.
I eventually got an apartment and moved out in November. He helped with my relocation.
But he wasn’t finished with me. He would come to my house and insist that I have sex with him otherwise he would create a scene in my compound.
Then came January, and a colleague I visited in a hospital jokingly asked me to run a HIV test. He was just teasing me, but when I took the test, the joke became serious very fast. I was positive. It was a devastating moment to me. I became depressed. I had to tell Ayo about it and advised him to test himself too. He also tested positive. (Truth be told, I am not one to cast blame. I don’t know who infected whom. I last checked my status with my boyfriend in April last year and we both tested negative. However, I don’t know if Ayo had ever even had a HIV test.)
Knowing he was positive and was not well-informed about this new reality due to his poor educational background, I asked him to stay at my place for a while so I could monitor him take his medications properly. Besides, he was jobless; feeding was a problem for him, so I reasoned that him staying at mine would at least get him fed.
The period he was at my place, Ayo didn’t let the knowledge of our statuses quell his desires. He would still insist on me fucking him. He even sought out the doctor who attended to us to ask if it would be wrong for two seropositive persons to have sex. The doctor said it was cool and they could even be support for each other. I guess this further increased his expectations. But I wasn’t having it. And when it became apparent to him that I wasn’t going to give in to his sexual demands, he became vile. He started talking to my friends about my status. One of the guys he talked to was a guy I’d just started dating, who I was working toward informing about my HIV status. Ayo beat me to it, even adding that I’d infected him. This guy handled his revelations with maturity, and he was disappointed by the absence of drama he expected the guy to unleash on me.
Another friend he told played him. He got Ayo to leave my house by “advising” him to leave before I’d be tempted to poison him for all the things he had done to me.
So, Ayo left, but he didn’t let me be. He would call me several times a day, calls that sometimes totaled up to 50. He would send me lots of threatening messages on WhatsApp about how he would tell everyone of my sexuality and status, including my neighbours and colleagues.
Recently, Ayo came to my house at midnight with a knife he intended to stab me with. It took me so much energy and a lot of talk to dissuade him from his intent that night.
I haven’t seen him since that night. But he still calls and threatens. I have tried everything possible to end this madness of his and I am beginning to lose it. I lack ideas on what to do about this. It’s very serious. I need suggestions on a way out.
Submitted by Ikenna
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71 Comments
Jackcool
September 22, 06:30Sorry to tell you this, you got yourself into the mess, when you saw the first red light was when you saw him after your interview, someone you never had any feelings for and you still went ahead to move into his place, what were you thinking that will happen? Going to work from Iyana-paja would just need you to add a little effort of waking up on time.
My suggestion is for you to move from where you stay without his knowledge and then block him from every social media or means of getting across to you.
Anon
September 22, 11:59He didn’t ask for blame. Please he has being through a lot blaming him won’t do any good. Be guided
Juju
September 22, 18:43Bless you…
Net
September 22, 06:44Wow this level of toxicity is very high, I suggest you move to somewhere else and cut Ayo totally from your life, this means blocking him on fb and other places infact delete your Facebook profile and just relocate totally. This Ayo guy is obsessed with you and you already know what he’s capable of so please my dear Ikenna run away from him as fast as you can.
Ikenna
September 22, 07:24Thanks for your advice.
He knows where I work. He has even been there once to see my boss but I didn’t allow him. So, relocating when he still knows where I work, to me, may not be the ultimate solution. I don’t have another job and can’t afford to leave the one I have at the moment. I have blocked him on fb and IG. I left him on WhatsApp because I feel blocking him there will escalate the problem more than it is already.
Chris
September 22, 07:50It is your fault. I mean you sound naive like you’re not telling the whole truth. I don’t think he infected you with HIV because oral sex can’t infest one with HIV. Your boyfriend or something else infested you.
As for this Ayo, can’t you stand to him man on man and beat nonsense off his life and create a scene before he does that to you. I hate this situation you’re in nwanne. Trust me!
Mandy
September 22, 07:56What sort of stupidity is this you’re displaying, Chris? Or did you read the story at all? Where did he say they had oral sex? Where did he say Ayo infected him with HIV? And why are you so hostile toward a person seeking assistance? Jeezuz. Instead of coming here to make thoughtless comments on someone’s plight, how about you keep your mouth shut.
Chris
September 22, 08:00I’m sorry to offend you,but the Ayo guy is irritating me already.
Read the story through again. Ikenna gave in to Ayo’s demand and allowed make his way with his body. Please,read again. Thanks.
Ikenna
September 22, 08:22Thanks for judging
Where did you get oral sex from?
Did you read the part that my Ex and I tested negative before we engaged in sex?
This post is to seek advice, not to make anyone a judge.
Thanks anyways.
Chris
September 22, 08:46I’m deeply sorry bro. Apologies.
Diii Okpara
September 23, 17:22In my estimation, >80% of MSM have or have had(myself inclusive) raw, casual sex 95% of the time, it’s just that some folks get luckier than others in these matters. Otherwise, Thank God for +ve medication.
No one is judging you but Ikenna, ur narrative clearly states that you had unprotected sex with Ayo. So, I’m yet to see where @Chris missed it. Facts first.
Keep your head up, Sir
Juju
September 22, 18:47Asinnnnn ooo, the beatings he would have gotten those first nights he became physical would have hard reset his brain…
Diii Okpara
September 23, 17:03Yes, it’s true that we’re not here to judge, but we can all learn by examing the facts & tell tale signs.
And I seem to concur with Chris on dis one: it’s not likely that dis Ayo infected the writer, if all you guys had was BJ or protected sex. It’s more probable that the writer’s ex, or some other guy did. Between April & now is such a long time for shit to go down.
For one, the writer’s ex was soo cool with the writer moving in with the Ayo guy. That for me is such a red flag – meaning that bros was perhaps getting it from someone else on demand. Do you guys see how/why dis bf ish is so fucked up in the community?
For Ikenna: I feel you should be more proactive in tackling Ayo, listen to @Mitch, or perhaps get guys who you can pay to run this ish for you. Him outing you shouldn’t be ur worst fear. Again, being kind & nice doesn’t help, I’ve been there b4, so time to get real smart, vicious & bitchy.
I wish you well, Ikenna. This, too shall pass.
p.s: before any meet up/ hook up, several video calls is key!
Ikenna
September 23, 18:37Hi Dii Okpara
Thanks for commenting but I’m prompted to ask if it was really my story you read.
I have searched and I didn’t find where I mentioned that we only had oral or protected sex.
Inasmuch as I don’t really want to explain further becy the post is very explanatory, permit me to clarify you.
I never consented to sex with Ayo. He blackmailed, fought, and forced himself to me for sex. He used the fact that he accommodated me to his advantage. Well, you will not understand this until it happens to you. All the times “we had sex”, it was condomless. In all the time I got tired and didn’t want to continue the fight, I was tired and I needed some sleep, so I gave in. He used my dick as he wanted, inserted in him as he wanted, did all he felt was pleasurable to him. All of the time, I was passive, laid like a lifeless body while he fondled. Well, I could have been infected by my Ex but then, we both were negative before we even had our first kiss and our relationship only lasted for 5 months. However, like I said in the post, I don’t know who infected who.
Btw, my Ex wasn’t so cool when he learnt I was moving to Ayo’s. He had his fears and I did a lot of talking to get him to accept it was the only choice I had.
I left Ayo’s house in November last year and I knew about my status early January this year so, I don’t know where you got your ‘April to now is a long time’ from.
Albeit, my HIV status is not a problem to me anymore because I’m undetectable and I am living fine.
Anyways, thanks for your advice.
Pink Panther
September 23, 20:44“…if all you guys had was BJ or protected sex.”
Quick question, did you read the story at all???
Wonda Buoy
September 23, 22:22I was surprised that I might have read a different story from the one he read, together with the other Chris, abi? Do people read by just scrolling and looking at the letters?
Pink Panther
September 24, 06:54I taya.
Pakis
September 22, 07:24Relocate to a destination that’s unknown to Ayo and his friends like NET adviced.
That’s the only workable solution I see right now.
Chris
September 22, 07:27You know what to do if really you want to do it.
Relocate,block him,and beat the ogbanje out of him by organizing some guys for him. The rest will be history.
trystham
September 22, 07:31I’m going to blame you. Not for having sex with him (even though your excuse on the circumstances leading to it kinda sounds lame), but for knowing him to be this irrationally violent and still allowing him to know where u moved to.
Because the internet is far reaching, with stupid fb always dropping suggestions for friends of friends, you have to delete your Facebook account totally, control the damage by telling the rest of the people who matter he hasn’t got to, and make really active plans to go stay somewhere he don’t know. I just pray he doesn’t know where u work because you have to start thinking of changing jobs.
Ikenna
September 22, 07:46He already knows where I work. I accept your blame. I shouldn’t have let him know where I moved to but then, I thought it will very unkind of me especially for the fact he accommodated me. I know better now.
Meanwhile, he has FB IDs of some of my relations. He already threatened he will send them messages. Will relocating and leaving my job really put a final stop?
Chris
September 22, 08:05It will partially. Relocate,get a new job if possible and deal with Ayo when you’d have moved on. I don’t say go and kill me oo. Face him and deal with him,unless you can’t do that physically.
He can’t do that,and even if he does nobody will readily believe a lunatic looking guy like him.
Please, I feel like I know this Ayo guy. Can you please share us his picture (s)? Thanks.
King O
September 22, 13:15I really feel sorry about all what you are going through. It’s very though. As much as i wanna knock your head for even not scattering his face with a slap the first day he started being so insistent, moving to his house upon all that, you are a kind man. Let me tell you this, he will reap what he sowed in your life. All of it. To let you know also, that feeling of giving in could happen to anyone, you letting him have sex with u was an error and worst still unprotected. But i do understand the situation. Look, call him. Sit him diwn, talk to him and tell him the bitter truth of what he has done to you and how he ruined your life. KD is cool, but does he even know? He still thinks he is fighting for love. Yes it’s a psychotic behaviour. Now at that sitting, inform him with all the strength you possess as a man, that you want him to stop calling or writing you. And you never wanna see him, if not you will drop charges against him in court for threat to life and endangerment. Let him know if that does not work, you will make sure you use other means toruin his forsaken life. See, time for pity is long gone… You need to do this to recuperate and adapt to this new life soonest. If you don’t cut the parasite, you become it. You got friends who support you, walk with them to this Ayos house and let hell break loose if it makes him stay away. If he threatens telling your family, use that as a means to drop charges. You coukd link up with a police commissioner who can really help you scare him away. Think fast and get that mad fuck away. Here are options, crazy as they may, one or all can actually get this blood sucker away. Stop being kind to him. Period. Good luck Ikenna, bless you!
Ikenna
September 22, 15:50Thank you.
Please, do you know any police commissioner or military person that could be of help?
King O
September 24, 13:15I wish i knew one. Just drop a petition at any police officer’s bureau. Let them know je has been stalking and threatening you to do things with him. Let an injunction be served upon him so he is legally disallowed from seeing you. If you cannot get the judicial offiverz, please pass a stronv warning to him and go along with support from your close friends
Act fast my guy. Please don’t be scared!
Mandy
September 22, 07:35Ikenna, you sound like a kind hearted person. But please it’s time to recognize that this Ayo doesn’t deserve your kindness. After everything he’d already done, you still housed him to monitor his HIV treatment and take care of him??? Fuck that please!!! This guy doesn’t deserve your kindness.
Block him!!! Everywhere you can block him. Cut him off. You have to be ruthless about this.
You also have to stop giving a fuck about people knowing you’re gay. I know it’s hard, but you have to put your mind in that no-fucks-to-give zone, because it’s the only way you’ll conquer the fear that is holding you hostage to this guy’s threats. As it is, he may or may not even actually out you if you cut him off. But to call his bluff, you have to genuinely not care whether he’ll out you or not.
This guy is toxic and he doesn’t deserve your friendship. And find a way to make peace with being outed, and then call his bluff. Cut him off and tell him to do his worst.
Ikenna
September 22, 07:51Okay..
Thanks.
Wonda Buoy
September 22, 07:45O boy! You need to purge Ayo from your life by reclaiming your spaces, leave/delete your current social media pages, you can always build a new one, delete your WhatsApp account after securing it with your email, change your mobile number and connect with only family and the friends your want. You can even relocate o. Such danger embodied in Ayo is something that TB Joshua casts away with slaps.
Ikenna
September 22, 07:56Okay.
Thanks.
Tj
September 22, 07:49Damn! You are way too kind and I hope you get delivered from this demon of a guy.
Mitch
September 22, 08:07This is way too much to take in.
I’m really sorry you’re dealing with shit like this. And, for once, I’m going to step away from beating you up over what’s happening because I know you’d have been doing that to yourself since this took a turn for the worse.
Here’s the thing you need to understand: bullies are bullies because they think they can get away with what they’re doing. And most times, they do get away with doing them. But only because those they’re bullying haven’t gotten to know their power or how to stop them.
In this case, going with the flow won’t stop him. Cutting him off won’t stop him either. So, what you need to do is get in front of it. Anticipate his every move – if possible, make a list of all the things he could do to hurt you – and actively plan how to counter them. If need be, step in front of them. Take those actions yourself but in a way that shows you in a positive light.
Now, everyone’s been screaming “Cut him off” since. I won’t say you should cut him off. No. Become as vicious as him. If you need to find out his family address and other personal and private things about him, find them out. And, if push comes to shove, be just as callous as he’s been towards you.
You’re a nice person. But, unfortunately, this isn’t a time when niceness is going to fly. Take it from someone who’s been here. Now is the time to pack your kindness in one corner and become as vicious a beast towards him as he’s been towards you. That’s the only way this madness would stop.
I’d still be available if you need someone to talk to. I do hope you come out of this unscathed. Or, at least, with minimal damage.
Ikenna
September 22, 08:39Thanks Mitch
Could you please drop your email address or any other means of reaching you.
Ife
September 22, 09:04First you need to understand that he is obsessed with you and he won’t leave you that easily. I won’t blame you even tho I should but why cry over splitted milk.
Now what you need to do is to make sure u off grid for a while ie Facebook and any where he can get easy access to you .
Then when next he threatens you use the same tactics threaten him back let him know u also have access to him and will damage his already spoilt life he has.
And your job sweetie you need to control the situation be the boss don’t let ur kind heart take control sometimes be a bad ass person. Tell whoever is at the gate show the person his picture and let them know he is a threat to the organization and to you, he should not be allowed near or loitering around the organization. If seen he should be sent away.
Then take ur time to stay off ur house till u get a new apartment. At the end you are the only one that can clear this mess and u need to act fast cos someone obsessed isn’t gone he is coming with another plan.
Also you really need counseling after all this you have been through. I’m a trained counseling Psychologist let me know if u need my assistance.
Mitch
September 22, 13:29Ask Pink Panther for my contact, Ikenna.
He’d forward them to you.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Nil
September 22, 08:19We’ll be reading all the gory details of your eventual death on Nigerian blogs (Ayo’ll fuck your corpse after the stabs you 57 times and dismembers you). You need to get proactive NOW. That cretin is unstable and cannot be reasoned with.You need to fight fire with fire. I wish I was in Lagos right now! I would’ve bought this problem. Shit!
Dark_side
September 22, 08:40You’re being manipulated and controlled. You care about how he feels and he knows this. That’s why he’s able to latch on and take control. I suggest
1. Stop caring. Sounds mean but it’s the only way out. You’ll remain vulnerable as long as you care. Whatever happens to him is his responsibility not yours.
2. Take charge of the narrative. Anticipate his every move and take pre-emptive action (Mitch already said this. A very good point). You may need to meet the security in your office and show them his picture with a story ready. Think about other alternatives. Weigh the pros and cons of each.
3. Switch from pity to anger. Like Mitch said, you may need to become the vile beast that he is. Does someone have an LGBT-friendly contact in the police? Or army? This is the time to use it. Have this guy arrested and terrorized. Trust me, when reasoning and appeals fail, humans will respond to force. They make him sign andl undertaking to stay away from you.
4. Be prepared at all times. You may even need to be armed. He may succeed if you are not prepared.
Ife
September 22, 08:53Hmm this is trouble… First the guy (Ayo) is obviously obsessed with you and you should have seen that with the calls and jealousy but u still work ur whole life into his hands… Trust me someone that obsessed will not leave u that easily..
The best thing to do here is when next he threatens you use the same tactics threaten him back and be smooth at it. Also try going off the grid ie Facebook or where ever he can get access to info then ur house relocate, has for your job let ur gateman and any one who has access to the gate know that he is a threat and should not be allowed in..
Teejay
September 22, 09:11Well, good morning IK.
I want to say this and be very clear about it….
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
I can’t blame you for being human. You had stated it that you were not sexually interested in this AYO guy and made it very clear. He just couldn’t handle being rejected which is what most people even those who have blamed you for this may as have been guilty of themselves. Rather than assert blames, here is what I think you should do. Continue being the human that you are but with boundaries that really clearly defined to this AYO guy. I am sorry he has resorted to threatening you, if you can make that stop, then I advice you move out to somewhere else. Lending a hand to someone who was kind enough to open their doors to you not minding what ulterior motives they had is NOT LEADING THEM ON.
Make it clear that you would try to be supportive in any capacity that you can but that your home and place of work are off limits.
Since you are figure of his obsession, get him help by setting him up with a counselor and then talk to a civil rights lawyer about your current situation. They should be able to help you draft a complaint that can be submitted to the authorities warning him(AYO) to stay away from you as he has become a threat to your life. Nothing in the law compares to a threat to life and since you have counsel, they have no choice but to enforce your wishes. I know Nigeria sucks but there are few persons that can help manage the situations before lives are lost.
I know what hell you’re in, AYO feels like a victim and is just fighting a battle he realizes that he’s lost. Giving up isn’t really an option for him because he thinks he doesn’t have anything left to loose.
Make him realize he can be more and has the potential to do better. You’ve been diplomatic about this so far and I admire you for it. If the situation does get really bad, give notice and start searching for other employment. I know that’ll suck given how rare jobs are. But your life should mean more. Something better will come along. It may not be great but you’ll be alive.
Ikenna
September 22, 10:31Thank you Teejay
I appreciate this.
Jay
September 22, 09:29I totally agree with Mitch. In times like this, running won’t help much. At best, it only helps in the very short run, but sooner than later, the beast always catches up, and guess what, his morale will be boosted since you are a scared, little, running, rat.
Darling, fight the demon’s fire with fire. Fiercer fire. That’s your only hope now. Any flight mode is a scared mode, and only feeds his own fire. Fight this coward with all you got, and be as ruthless as you need to be. Find and awaken the sleeping witch in you (everyone can muster some bile!). Fish out his weaknesses (and from your story, he must have lots) and have as much fun destroying them as he has had taunting you. Let him know, clearly, that you are more than capable of matching and even exceeding his vile, and make him know you would stop at nothing to put him in his place.
Another way is to set him up with an actual crime and have the police lock him up or prosecute him for good. You may or may not let him know it was your doing.
I once had a toxic friend who became suicidal and maniacal when I called it quits. We had physically fought a lot and I was tired cos he was way stronger. On a particular day, he was brooding for another fight & refused to leave my house. I tactfully stepped out and I got my street niggas (who I occasionally got drinks for) to come over and we beat him to a pulp or at least, until his brain was reformatted back to some sense. He was instructed never to be seen in that neighborhood or anywhere near me. We threatened him that while I lived alone, he had his entire family to watch out for if he ever tried anything funny at any time even in the future. It’s been 4years now and nigga has faded into dust. I never heard from him again.
So if you’re gonna fight and win this, Ikenna, you’re gonna have to get ruthless. My last words: If you snooze, you lose!!
Ikenna
September 22, 10:29Okay.
I noted all you have advised.
Let me say that I once tried to fight back. I contacted his aunt and told her what he’s been going on. She advised and warned him to stay off me. Said he could look for another guy who would want him. I didn’t hear from him for one or two weeks only for him to resurface and become more beastly.
Anyway, thanks for the good advice.
Gm
September 22, 09:39I feel this ayo guy has mental issues, the best thing which everyone has been saying is delete all your social media accounts, change your number, just quit the job and look for another far from where you’re already working. This ayo guy is jobless, his rent would eventually expire and he would be evicted from the apartment. But why not try to talk to any of his family member so they could take him for check up in a psychiatric hospital.
CBC
September 22, 10:00Ikenna I’m sorry you are going through this level of unrest in your life. Ayo is toxic, and you don’t deserve it.
You should not cut Ayo off, it’s dangerous to do so. I’d advise you mirror the same energy he’s giving you.
Call him 50 times, get angry when he doesn’t answer on the first ring, try to see him as often as possible, if he declines get angry, like bat shit angry.
Text him on WhatsApp if he replies 2 secs late emotionally blackmail him and don’t talk to him for like some hours.
Go to his house, look for the slightest thing that will annoy you and flip, break a plate or two.
Just be real aggressive like he is, don’t go overboard like harming him.
Ask for sex at the most inconvenient moments; maybe when you both are taking a stroll ask for a quickie in the bush if you sense the slightest hesitation get mad and leave him.
Eventually, he’d get bored of the crazy attention and draw away.
Mirror his energy, there’s a chance he’d leave. I think it’s the best way to be truly free. Take the alpha narcissistic role.
Read his messages, if you see any flirty message between him and someone, flip. “Be obsessed”
It may be hard with someone of your personality type but it’s can help you be free.
Cutting him off will get him mad!
I hope this helps.
Mitch
September 22, 14:10You do realize that Ayo’s obsession with him is a very toxic energy, right? Him mirroring the same character would simply make Ayo feel like Ikenna is into him and that he’s won.
That isn’t what is needed.
Mirroring his behaviour will only cause more problems, not eradicate the animal from his life.
demi
September 26, 17:31Jesus!! this comment is so crazy that I can’t help but love it… lmfao.. alpha narcissistic role, dear lord!!
Khing
September 22, 10:41Hi, ike, I hope this passes soon.
I have never been in a situation like this, or had someone be in one, so I wouldn’t really know the best advice to give, but like Mitch and some other people said, you have to get in front of this. You know how he plays his game, he uses threats and violence, you have to work that way too. Find something or someone he truly values and threaten him with it, I doubt he has sense as of now, but this should make him stop.
Blocking him and going of grid wouldn’t really help, cause he knows your friends and family, place of work and some of their homes. So, the best thing to do is get ahead of all the drama he might perform with them. The worst he can do is reveal your sexual its and your status. With the status, I think the important people in your life should know, with the sexuality, you have to find a cover story that nullifies all his talk. This can be hard but, it’s a necessary measure.
With work, you can have the gateman prevent him from getting into the building, but I’m guessing you work in a hospital, if it’s relating to his condition this might be tricky, if not, kick his ass out. Then you can further get boys in the hospital area to stop him from getting close to the hospital in the first place, doesn’t have to be violently, but definitely.
With your home, if you can afford to relocate, then fine, please do, if not, do the same as the job. Like someone said, you can have him dealt with a hit, doesn’t have to be known that it’s from you.
Just create counter measures to block all his stories, some of them might not go as perfectly planned, and some will go too well.
Your family and friends are you biggest weaknesses in this kind of war, you have to be ready with stories to counter all of his, cause he’ll definitely get to them, you just have to get ahead of it. You said he was humble after he got an unexpected drama less response from your boyfriend he told bout your sexuality, cause he’s mature and probably had an idea, so you have to prepare people for things too so the responses will be similar.
At the end of the day, all of these can go two ways, he might have sense and quit, or find new ways to bring you down, you have to be prepared for the worst possible situation. If you can get him locked in a mental.home for treatment or a rehab, that will go a long way other than all of this. But, I wish you all the best.
Grace
September 22, 11:02Hmmmmm at this point Ayo is crazy has been crazy and will be crazy a case of boy interrupted. Stop being nice ( the world ain’t nice anyways) match up to Ayos craziness. He ain’t gonna stop and if u don’t stop him he is gonna destroy the last of u. Organise him well and Stop doing Mimi with him d guy get kolo
Match up to his kolo
Dimpka1
September 22, 12:19wao! you have a very soft heart man, I cant take that nonsense. you also seem to be scared of him causing knowing your place of work isn’t enough reasons to be scared, for him to leave you,he needs to out you to some certain people and you need to be prepared for it it could either be at your home or your work its how you handles it that matters. I wish you luck
ps; I live very close to yaba should in case you need a temporary place to stay pending when your wahala is over ill accommodate you.
Ikenna
September 22, 16:08Thank you Dimkpa
I appreciate your good words.
Could you please drop your contact details should I want to reach you?
Thanks man.
Dimkpa1
September 22, 20:34send a message to tylernonso91@gmail.com i’ll be there to help anyday anytime
Tony
September 22, 12:33Hi, ikenna
None of this is your fault.
He has already done more than enough and I think it’s time you confront the whole matter. But all in all you ve done ur best. Is there anyway I could reach you personally please?
Ikenna
September 22, 18:17Thank you Tony. I really do appreciate your good words.
Please, contact Pink Panther to send you contact of the person that will give you my contact details. Thanks
Tony
September 24, 08:51Thank you
Ikenna
September 22, 13:22Your comment.. Namie, I’m very sorry for all you are passing through. This is my first time of commenting here as I recently discovered this place. I don’t even know what else to tell you cos I’m still trying to understand myself too. Just be strong. Muru anya ka azu. Udo.
Ose
September 22, 14:27From your story and his behavior towards you it’s simply a BLACKMAIL and as such, this blackmail needs to be dealt with accordingly. If you don’t mind getting in touch with me, I know of someone in the community who can help you sort out this blackmail from “Ayo”.
Arnold
September 22, 15:00So sorry about the fact you decided to be good and it turned out to be evil, i think you should at least blacklist his number and then move from your place or basically send him a text that you moved
really it’s horrible but really seek advise from from close friends
North
September 22, 17:05Wow.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this.
Cut him off!!!
He’s a cancer and cancer spreads and keeps spreading until it is attacked.
I’m sorry this might sound harsh but you have to take control of your life. You have enough on your plate and Ayo shouldn’t be on that plate.
He wants to expose your sexuality, let him.
He’s become homicidal and you can’t keep feeding him, he would keep coming for more.
Stop tolerating shit o.
North
September 22, 17:08Whatever happens, we are here for you
August
September 22, 19:11I really do not know how to feel, but I feel for you, but dammmit you are a really good person & Ayo was a demon from the deepest circles of hell but now here you are…
But now shoving the emotions aside
You really should stand up,
1. You either kill him or
2. You beat the Living daylight out of him, gather boys, look for people to buy this problem,
Mann!!! He took a knife to use against you, break those hands, next thing he’ll carry acid!!!
I get you might be a passive person who actively avoids confrontation but there are many like us, but then everything has a limit and until you stand up to this Demon, you’ll literally have no peace..
We haven’t talked about how all this mental stress is affecting your worklife, family, general well-being and the likes, he has done alot of harm, he’s an entire repository of toxicity, not good for any space in your life at all.
He won’t stop here, what if he comes back with acid!!..??
This guy is out to ruin your destiny and unless you get violent about it, he would do so.
I really do wish there was more I could do than wellwishes, but notwithstanding arrange a meeting, if he doesn’t come, go to his place (don’t go alone)…
Be aggressive,tell him your terms, if he ventures misbehaves don’t leave there without giving him a scar..
As a side note, please get someone to come and stay with you for the meantime
Meanwhile make contingencies, take it up legally just in case and be really vigilant..
Finally we will be here, I just have never seen something on this scale, read it in books but mannn, this is legit scary…if you need someone to talk to, please reachout.
And please try to update us..let us know that you are well and fine..
This is not the end of your road, cheer up and handle this with determination, at this point you’re basically fighting for your life.
Please stay safe.
Buz
September 22, 21:18Ikenna, you have a good heart. Don’t beat yourself too much. I totally understand you. You were too good to the point you thought everyone would be as good as you are. Ayo won’t let you go that easy because he knows he has got a strong hold of you. I mean he knows your place of work and your brother’s house. Honestly, I really would want to suggest two things: You either have a heart to heart conversation with him, with you being assertive and/or looking for policemen/soldiers that would give him stern warning never to come close to you. Ayo needs something firm to stay away from you. I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through. But fam, for anything, you’ve got to hold on strong and don’t you ever lose it. Do reach out should you need someone to pour it all out on. Trust me, you’d surely get through this. It’s only a phase. Be strong, just like your name.
Buz
September 22, 21:22I would want to reach out to you too.
Buz
September 22, 21:25I would like to reach out and help in any way I can.
Lyanna
September 22, 23:08Ikenna, this is what you should do:
1. Delete the numbers of your family members, close friends, colleagues, boss…(everyone who has a strong link to you) from your phone. Delete their WhatsApp messages too.
2. Befriend him again, pretend to love him so you can gain his trust. You need to gain his trust in order to get close to him.
3. Now that you’re close to him, he’ll let you have access to his phone. Remember, whatever you do, the goal is to have access to his phone.
4. Once you have unrestricted access to his phone (and perhaps his other personal gadgets), restore it to factory settings. This’ll ensure all incriminating messages, videos, voice notes and pictures are wiped off.
5. He may have backed up his files and WhatsApp messages. So log into his Google account and deactivate (delete) it. Delete ALL his Google accounts.
6. Now destroy his memory card or simply wipe off data.
All these must be done with tact.
7. Now that you’ve successfully deleted everything that may implicate you, you must know you should never see him again cos he’ would fly into a rage once he finds out.
(He can no longer threaten to out you, that was his greatest power, you’ve taken that from him).
8. However, you cannot underestimate his capacity for revenge/violence. Please take Dimpka up on his offer. You need a temporary accommodation while you sort yourself out.
Lastly, you’re truly naive, compassionate and empathetic. This shouldn’t be a personality defect but to monsters it is. You must learn to work on yourself. Know when to give kindness. Not everyone deserves it. Your tolerance for BS must be so low that you’re quickly discarded as bad market by a sociopath hunting for his next victim.
Always LISTEN to your instincts. To guide you. If it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t right.
Kristo
September 23, 00:29Kill him! Kill him!! Kill him !!! You all say ..which one of us here haven’t obsessed over somebody b4?
Ikenna I am very sure there is a psychological term for this type of behaviour it is not your garden variety obsession ar all!!!
U need to understand this guy is obsessed with you and UNSTABLE the only way out of this is to
1 not escalate issues with him by fighting with him so he should not kill you or himself
2. Begin a research on his fears
3. Be firm in your decisions and dint be readily available to him
Dr_Tsch
September 23, 21:09You deserve a right to avoid toxic people in your personal space.
You have to be well physically and emotionally…and the only way to do that is to count your losses…save up some money, change your job, delete all your social media accounts…start all over again.
David
September 25, 21:53Boy oh Boy!…
so sorry Ikenna. Be brave!… You know your situation better. You’re in the best position to handle this. What you could do is get someone , maybe an elder to talk to him. Tell him how you feel, make him feel you love him. If you showed him affection from day one, none of this will have happened. He also feels you used him that’s why he’s troubling you. He’s bottom and he is hurt. You could also pay him off.. Just love him and it’ll be fine
Omar
September 28, 15:47I feel your pain and I totally empathise with you.
For the other member of this community that thinks locking Ayo up, beating and caging him,I feel more sorry for us because we are not the Ayo neither do we understand mental health and it’s consequences,what the Ayo of a guy needs,is love,care and support.
So dear Ikenna,seek the support of medical professionals and if possible there is support group in most government hospitals that counsels plwha (persons living with hiv/aids).
We must understand that it’s not all members of this community that is fortunate to have come from good homes or robust educational background,there is need for us as a community to be more tolerant and proactive in suggesting ways to educate and rehabilitate the likes of my dear friend Ayo.
We can’t be against set ups and the other half’s that plans to break us while we hate and proffer cruelty as a measure for one of our disadvantaged member.
To Ikenna,the Lord is your strength and your meeting that lad isn’t a mistake,u can help in recreating him.God bless us
Kennie
October 31, 06:19I will leave a police contact with PP who is also a member of the community. If anyone is interested.
Pink Panther
October 31, 06:41Please forward the contact pronto. We need more men in the police who are on our side.
Yusuf
November 14, 10:26Hopefully, he doesn’t know your place of work. If so, move, change your home address, change your lines, be sure to inform mutual contacts not to let him in on your new location and number. Run Bruh, RUN!!!
Quinn
February 13, 01:41I know this is coming late, but I’m in a similar mess, I honestly don’t have the money to rent a new apartment in Lagos, but how long do I keep running, I just want to be free of busola from iyana ipaja, please if there’s a contact from a person in the armed forces I think I will be the only way he’ll finally leave me. PP pls help.