I want to rant.
Shall I rant please?
Waking up every day to the same old routine of battling with the sheets for 30 minutes before actually getting up, followed by uncanny thirst for my dose of hot coffee, before finally unwinding to the business of the day has been a thing for me.
But this morning, I woke up feeling rather elated. Maybe it was the fact that I didn’t have to battle with the sheets before getting out of bed. Or maybe it was that perfect blend of coffee taken afterwards. Whatever it was, I felt on top of the world.
Next on the agenda was Twitter. And with a flick of my hand, I opened my page right away.
It seemed the Devil had decided to drop my enthusiasm down a few megawatts. For the first thing I saw was:
Sco pa Tu mana – Bisexual people.
Firstly, I am not particularly keen on this “Sco pa Tu mana” trend that won’t quit on Twitter. I initially hated it actually. However, I was starting to warm up to it as it seemed to have made a tent in Twitter. So, instead of skipping past the different queries of “Sco pa Tu mana” or “O jewa Keng”, I would take the time to know what Twitter had to say.
And on this day, they were talking about bisexual people. I was going through these comments and reading people attempt to invalidate my existence, stereotype my sexuality and serve me delicacies of trash. Of course, at first, there was a rush of emotions. But with some effort, I calmed myself. I reasoned that these people were probably speaking from one experience or the other.
I took a deep breath and got my eyes off that nest. I was not going to let these faceless people spoil my good day. And so, I moved to WhatsApp. Recall I said the Devil was working overtime. That nigga had somehow slipped from Twitter to my WhatsApp contact list. I was chatting with this…this… (Tobi, you said you wouldn’t swear. Sigh) – this lovely, intelligent human being and he said, “Dude, you’re confused. You can either be gay or straight, no in-betweens.”
All my inhibitors gave way, and I took to educating him on the fact that sexuality is a spectrum, the fact of my attraction to both men and women, attacking his biphobia and kissing his sorry-ass goodbye with a tap on the block button when he decided to continue glorying in his ignorance.
And I just want to know:
Why is it so hard for you to understand I exist? Yes, I don’t fit into your neat, little boxes. I don’t identify with your notions…
But I EXIST.
I’m hated for who I am and even despised by those whose community I share. We call ourselves one, and yet I am put on the outside, forced to hide the pictures I paint.
You say I’ve got it easy, oblivious of the struggles I face in relationships, the sheer denial of my existence, the stereotypes carved from my commitments and the assumption that I am confused.
At a point, I was lost to myself, negligent of my existence and invisible to my being after being brainwashed to think I had to either be straight or queer. But I guess I couldn’t run from my identity and soon, I found my light and with it, my peace.
So, yes. I am Me.
I am Love to Him.
I am Love to Her.
I am Bi. And I am Here.
Written by Tobi