Dear KD: I Need A New Purpose

Dear KD: I Need A New Purpose

I tested positive for HIV in 2016 at my mother’s office health centre. They wouldn’t let me out of the health center until they’d asked my mother over and informed her of everything. She was shocked, and having to explain my new reality to her husband made it worse. My father didn’t take the news lightly and wished me dead. And for two years, he’d been taking me from one place to another, searching for a cure.

I had to take the bull by the horn in June this year when I talked to a doctor friend, who enrolled me for ARVs for the first time since I tested positive (my parents don’t know about this and I don’t intend to tell them anytime soon).

But this isn’t the direst of my situation. About two years ago, I was also outed to my parents by a vindictive person, and that turned my life for the worse. Since that kito experience, I have been the “HIV+ Homo Child” who has been the cause of the bad luck the family has been through all our lives.

I happen to school in one of the universities in South Western Nigeria, and I got to know of Kito Diaries some days after my kito experience, an experience I still haven’t been able to fully talk to anyone about. Ever since it happened, I struggled to stay sane and every little thing I did was enough to cause rancour at home. My mother would even get pissed at the ringing tone of my phone, so much that I would either turn off my phone whenever I was at home or put it on silent. They stripped me of many privileges I used to enjoy as a student, barely giving me even the allowance that enables my transportation to and from the school campus, let alone my feeding.

About two months ago, I attempted suicide. I really didn’t want to die but I had gotten very depressed from all the persecution at home, that I felt like I had no option. However, I was rescued from the suicide attempt, and the health administrator asked my parents over to lecture them on the dangers of whatever they were doing to me to make me consider taking my life. Of course, not everything was revealed to the doctor, and everything was settled right there.

Things changed for the better for a while. Then I made the decision to not come home for a holiday period, something that turned out to be a mistake, because my parents interpreted that to mean I was staying back to be with my “homo” friends. Their prejudice reared up again, and they took their nastiness to a whole new level. Resuming school meant new school fees, which they didn’t bother paying, despite repeated reminders, until the portal closed. I have tried to talk to them, to reason with them, but it’s like they look at me, see the “HIV” and the “gay” and they can’t see beyond that.

Seeing as their refusal to pay my school fees appears to be a way of them saying they are washing their hands off my education, I have decided to take some time off school. I cannot afford to pay my fees on my own. And the fact that the course I’m studying was something that was forced on me to begin with, I really need some time to breathe and take some of my life back. I have become mentally and emotionally downtrodden and I’m trying to find my way back to myself. I just want to make the best of situation that my parents have set me up to fail.

This isn’t an appeal for money to pay my fees. Far from it. All I need is for a job, no matter how little it is, as far as it will pay enough for me to start life on my own, and offers temporary accommodation until I’ve got enough to get one for myself. Because I was thrown out of my parents’ house, I am currently staying at the off-campus lodge in my school, whose rent will expire in December. I would like to have started something before then.

I am looking to work and live in any part of the South West; however, I am not shutting down any options to employment in any part of the country as I have lived in the North before and I am sure I could live anywhere if the right environment is available.

I am an undergraduate and I am well-versed and a quick learner, and can take on any basic office job. I am good at multitasking as well, and my computer skills are good. I also know how to drive and I have a valid driver’s license. I have worked and managed a poultry farm before and could work in such a place if need be.

Please, if there is anyone who can extend such employment assistance, or can suggest a means to find my feet, do kindly communicate with me via the email address,

Please, help a brother find a new purpose in life. Thank you.

Submitted by Roseman

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  1. Audrey
    October 27, 08:35 Reply

    My prayers are with you dear and I’d be on the look out for anything I can get but what irks me most times is the thought of were some of you get your parents from(Don’t get wrong) but is it not the duty of the parent to love their child(ren) regardless of how they turn out(Especially in a situation where you did not beg for them to birth you)….Nawa oh

    I’m 92% sure that my parents knows about me but they’ve chosen to love me regardless and be my strongest support system(Even though the African in them surfaces once in a While) and that way I wear my confidence like this LORD’S CHOSEN PEOPLE’S BANNER everywhere I go cos I know that nothing you’d do or say would change their love for me.Sending love and light your way.

    • slender
      October 27, 17:46 Reply

      I am deeply sorry, Roseman,my thoughts are with you.

  2. Higwe
    October 27, 08:37 Reply

    This is sad mehn !

    There are places open here in the east …the only problem is accommodation and house rent here nobi beans.

    Have you ever thought of seeking asylum ?

    Is there anyone here that can put him through it .

    • J
      October 28, 19:37 Reply

      Higwe asylum where? In Ghana or Ivory Coast? What he needs is accommodation and a small job to start fending for himself. Living the shores of this country to a better place legally is not beans. He isn’t been hunted by his parents or any person so his claims to asylum wouldn’t be very strong enough. Have you even thought of travel documents, flight ticket, invitation and etc . He has to be in a gay friendly country before he can claim asylum. Getting a small job for the mean time would be better. TIERS can be of help I believe.

      • Higwe
        October 29, 06:38 Reply

        Read my comment again ….I said ” Is there anyone that can put him through it ”

        Meaning I don’t know Jack about asylum and I’m not gonna pretend I do .

        However , I’ve heard of people who sought asylum for less …..

        His parents aren’t hunting him … technically …

        However he was emotionally , physically and psychologically abused .

        Disowned / left to cater for himself while battling with his health.

        They even tried to kill him by not putting him on AVR …two years after his diagnosis .

        … if these aren’t enough to seek asylum , I really don’t know what is .

        Again ….read my comment again .
        Jobs exist …the issue is where he’s going to stay while working … everyone here can read and understand , hence why we give alternative suggestions when we are incapable of giving him the assist he needs .

        Abeg …no use me show yourself .

        Face front .

        • J
          November 03, 22:12 Reply

          Lol I’m not trying to use you to shine Higwe, everyone knows that you’re a sharp guy. I didn’t mean to be rude in any way, so please don’t be offended. Abi you want mey tear you slap? ???? Seeking asylum could be more depressing if one is not financially stable… It’s a very tedious process and it takes a lot of patience and strength. I haven’t tried it before, but I know people who have tried it.

          Everyone that left in the past had some sort of support system. People can hardly help these days considering the dishonesty going on in the country. ARVs are available, but talking of the abroad? My dear, body go tell you.

      • Blessed
        October 31, 13:22 Reply

        TIERS handles “violation against lgbt’s” cases, so far that I know tho, cuz I’ve tried reaching out once on a similar issue to this…

  3. BlackPope
    October 27, 09:08 Reply

    So much to face in a world created by an Almighty God, who’s loving, omnipotent, omnipresent, who knows best.

    And some persons are now in those temples, they call church, lifting holy hands in reverence to Him… While they ought to be seeking for answers to so many unanswered questions…

    Sending peace, love, happiness joy and light your way honey!!!

  4. Femi
    October 27, 09:44 Reply

    This is sad.
    My prayers are with you.

  5. Phyneasphuck
    October 27, 10:26 Reply

    Tbis was heartbreaking to read, the persecution we have to endure collectively and individually is cruel and disheartening, please don’t let this break you, rather let it be the Catalyst that fuels your desire to be better and succeed. I’m glad you’re taking this step and I hope you find something soon. No one should go through what you are having to go endure. *Hugs*

  6. Bastet
    October 27, 13:30 Reply

    I’ve never comment on this platform before, but I just have to today cause I can really relate to what you’re going through and I have to say it’s not an easy situation cause the emotional torture can really traumatize someone. I am sorry for all that you’ve been going through and I know and believe you will bounce back. Take heart dear and be strong.

  7. Delle
    October 27, 19:13 Reply

    While you’re waiting for assistance from on here, you should also register with one of these job boards online (HotNigerianjobs and Jobguru are quite authentic) and you’ll get mails on a daily as regards positions available. Positions that do not require a certificate so much as well.

    There’s also this WhatsApp group I’m in where they send in job vacancies of all sorts. If you’re interested, PP can give you my email address and I’ll tell the admin to add you.

    It’s a hard knock life we’re in but I know for a fact you’ll be better for it. In the meantime, hang in there, Roseman.

  8. Chiboy
    October 27, 21:34 Reply

    Your comment.. Jeez! This really got me teary, Roseman. Just be strong. I pray help comes your way. Believe me, you will get through this. It’s just a matter of time. A cow that doesn’t have tail invariably has its flies driven away by its Chi. I wish you well nnaa. To everyone being concussed by the vissicitudes of life, rapuba, everything shall fall into place.

    Meanwhile, I just discovered this site this month and mehn, the stories here are wow! I’m just struggling with my sexuality. Seriously, it’s not being easy for me. I’m yet to even have sex cos of my religious beliefs. My case no be here Sha but it’s well. I’m still undecided about accepting fully who I am. Nwayo, nwayo, ka eji arasha hot soup mehn! I sincerely need help too.

    To PP, you are doing a wonderful work here. More grace nnaa. I sincerely love you guys especially Higwe and Jboy. Your stories really resonate with me. I would like to know you guys more. Biko, I’m new here. I will take time and read up every every.

    • Higwe
      October 28, 05:24 Reply

      Love you too my dear .

      Welcome .

      I hope you get to have lots of fun.

      • Chiboy
        October 28, 05:55 Reply

        Definitely will. Thank you so much too?

    • Pink Panther
      October 28, 06:43 Reply

      Welcome, Chiboy. Do stick around in this community, and believe me, there’ll be so much you’ll learn and unlearn to help you in your journey to self acceptance.

      • Chiboy
        October 28, 12:06 Reply

        Thank you so much PP. I’m not leaving either. I have really learned a whole lot. Ignorant me. Reading those kito stories enervated me. I’m so pliable that I could have been kitoed if I had been active. I’m grateful for Kitodiaries. I’m way up wiser and smarter now.

        Onye tinye ishi, Mpiatuo ya quick quick???

  9. Williams
    October 28, 01:06 Reply

    Fight. And do so with an intention to win.
    No one can tell you what to do or how to do it , but just fight and don’t forget to take those pills everyday.

  10. Adichie
    October 28, 11:16 Reply

    I must say that God wants you to live or you are destined to live because if for 2years and you weren’t on ARV and your systems hadn’t started failing you. Then Darling you are made for greatness.
    Help will come your way. Time to turn our skill to money

  11. Mancho
    October 28, 17:30 Reply

    Hello, I must say that your story is really touching and I can only imagine what you must be going through. If we were in the same country, I would have searched high and low for an opportunity for you.

    I’m Cameroonian and just recently came across this website. After I understood what the word Kito means, I got so engrossed and interested in all the stories shared here. I’ve been reading them for the last few weeks and I really appreciate the wonderful writing. Those who came up with this site have really done something great. As a married super discrete Bi guy who’s suppressing his feelings all the time and has never been with a guy before, this site helps me experience the gay life through all your stories. I’m not sure I’ll ever get to experience even half of what I have read here but it sure is very helpful. I equally like the good command of language most of those who share their stories here possess, as well as the commenters. It’s almost as though you all are professional scriptwriters.
    All in all, more power to your elbows; keep touching lives positively.

    • Pink Panther
      October 28, 20:19 Reply

      Welcome to our community, Mancho. Glad to have you here. And when you can, please feel free to share your stories for them to also get published.

      • Mancho
        October 29, 17:19 Reply

        Thanks! I’ll definitely share my stories once I learn to write as well as you Pink Panther!

  12. J
    October 28, 20:21 Reply

    Roseman, please forgive your parents they’re ignorant. It’s good that you’re looking for a job to be on your own. Your parents have failed you and they should be ashamed of themselves. They don’t deserve to have a child if they can’t love them unconditionally. As we all know, life is a struggle you have to be very strong for yourself, don’t joke with your medication. There’s a family for everyone one of us out there we just need to reach out and we will be fine at the end of the day.

    Parental love should be unconditional. I see that in my parents when my elder brother was diagnosed with HIV, it was among the first cases of HIV, when retroviral drugs were scarce and expensive, when people were dying with no help coming their way… He had tuberculosis and liver cirrhosis, he was bed ridden, a complete skeleton. Some nights we stayed till day break without sleeping, we cried whenever he was crying, he was in pain and it was so obvious. Our struggle became the talk of town. Me and sister then always leave school with the thought of meeting him dead at home. His condition was so critical that even doctors had given up on him. My parents stood by him we all stood by him. He survived and he’s now married with four kids. No one should give up on their child no matter what!

    • Gif
      October 30, 17:01 Reply

      Your family is the real OG!
      They deserve plenty accolades joor

  13. PennyWise
    October 31, 11:28 Reply

    I can’t even claim to know what you’ve been through.
    But you are one strong person.

    I pray you find solid ground. And things turn out to be better

  14. Punisher
    May 29, 15:48 Reply

    I have issues sometimes keeping an erection during love and I’m feeling like I’m having inadequacy complex coming into the picture

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