EVIL, THY NAME IS MAN
When NYSC came around, I was posted to Imo State. Before then, I’d often heard about how the East ties with Lagos as the gay capital of Nigeria, that it is home to a lot of gay guys. But for a long while, as I served, I didn’t want to explore the gaybourhood here.
After a few weeks, I was finally in the mood to travel, to meet someone, and to have a good time. I contacted a friend of mine in Lagos and asked him to hook me up with someone, and he did. The guy is someone we’ll call Bobby, and he was a resident of Port Harcourt.
I called Bobby and we talked, getting past the pleasantries and establishing our shared interests as two guys with a mutual friend and who were interested in getting together sometime. Bobby sounded nice, and said a lot of nice things like how he couldn’t wait to meet me and give me a good time. I was excited, both by the prospect of seeing him and of visiting Port Harcourt, as this would be my first time there.
I asked him for his Facebook account name, so I check him out. He obliged me, and soon, I was going through the pictures of a guy who looked quite cute and had a muscular build.
Not bad, I thought to myself.
The next day, Friday, as agreed upon with Bobby, I packed a small bag and was soon off to Port Harcourt. The plan was that I would stay with him for the weekend. All though the journey, he kept calling to know how my journey was going and how close I was. I was touched by his sweetness.
I finally got to the place where he’d directed me to stop, and he came out to pick me up. When I beheld him in the flesh, I felt a slight tug of disappointment. In real life, he didn’t look as good as he did in his pictures.
But he isn’t so bad, I thought to myself in consolation.
We got to his place and his house was really cool. I was appreciative of the fact that he had a really nice place. He was also hospitable, asking if I’d eaten anything, and when I said no, he took me to a restaurant downstairs so I could get something. He said he would cook later. As I ate, we talked. He sounded really mature and cool, a great personality that made me overlook the fact that he wasn’t as physically appealing as I’d imagined.
It was evening time when we returned to his house, and I asked to take a shower. He showed me to the bathroom, and when I was done, I put on some shorts and went to meet him in the parlour, where we sat watching TV. Night finally came and we were on the bed gisting; he was full of gist, talking about his past experiences as a gay man, about how he had converted lots of straight guys, about how he spends money on any guy he finds attractive just to get his ass. This part of the conversation was a big turn-off for me, and I started to revise my earlier impression of him. He sounded like someone who liked to live life on the edge, and I am not about that kind of life. I love getting with people who are reserved but with just a little dash of crazy – just like me.
Then he said that truthfully speaking, I wasn’t his kind of guy, and for some reason, I felt a rush of relief. At some point in the night, I had gotten so turned off by his gist, that I’d completely lost whatever attraction I felt for him. Hearing him say this meant I wouldn’t have to put up with giving him sex. I could actually sleep peacefully tonight. Thank God.
Eventually, we both slept off. In the middle of the night however, his hands on my body wakened me. He was caressing me and pulling off his clothes.
I felt a spark of irritation and blurted out, “Dude, I thought you said I’m not your spec. can I sleep in peace please?”
He pleaded that he was horny and would really like to fuck me. His caresses on my body were insistent, and eventually, I was turned on. He took off my shorts and we started making out.
Now, I am not very good at bottoming, because I’d always found it to be a painful experience whenever I tried. And so, when he kept trying to pull me around to get access to my ass, I resisted, pleading with him not to fuck me because I don’t really take dicks. (This, I suppose, is the advantage of having a discussion about roles with a potential hookup first, so miscommunications like this don’t occur.) Bobby wouldn’t take no for an answer, and forcefully had his way with me until he came. Even though he didn’t last very long, I felt very bad, angry, used and in so much pain.
As though sensing my resentment, he cajoled me by saying I shouldn’t worry, that he would get someone for me to fuck.
The next day, a friend of his came to the house. This guy (let’s call him Ovie) was very tall and dark-complected, a combination of physical attributes that had me feeling attracted to him. The two of them went into the bedroom, and even though their conversation was conducted in low tones, I could hear them.
I heard Ovie say, “How far, Bobby? Who be that fine guy?”
This had my heart doing a quick tattoo. You know, that feeling you get when you find out that the guy you like also likes you.
“Na one corper o,” Bobby replied. “He come flex here from Owerri. You like am?”
“I swear. I go like fuck am,” Ovie said.
I go like fuck am? I thought as I felt my heart start sinking. God, please, don’t let this one be another strict top.
“Oya, go meet am na,” I heard Bobby say.
Ovie returned to the parlour and came over to where I was lounging to chat me up. He didn’t waste any time, before he started talking to me about his attraction for me and all that jazz. Since I wasn’t supposed to have heard their conversation and the fact that Bobby had encouraged him to come on to me, I resisted, telling Ovie that I couldn’t get down with him because he was friends with the person who I’d come to Port Harcourt to see. He said that he had already told Bobby, and that he had no issue with us getting together.
Then he said the words that were my undoing. He said he just wants to kiss me.
This guy had such sensuous lips, and hearing him say that he wanted to kiss me, seeing those lips in their near-pout before me, quickly got me turned on. My dick hardened inside the shorts I was wearing. I wanted him.
And he seemed to sense that, because he didn’t say anything anymore. He just took out my erection from my shorts and began to suck me.
At this moment, Bobby walked into the room to see what was happening, and for some reason, I felt immediately stricken by guilt. Feeling self-conscious, I stopped Ovie’s blowjob and readjusted myself.
As the day went on, with Ovie still hanging around, I noticed that Bobby’s attitude toward me had changed. He’d gotten chilly and distant with me. And because of the guilt I was feeling, I would corner him to ask him if everything was okay, and he would say that it was all good.
Well, if he had no problem, then I had no problem telling him that Ovie had asked if I could spend the night at his place. When I told him this, Bobby said it was okay, that I should go. I honestly wasn’t comfortable with the way he said what he said, and when I showed my reluctance, he kept on insisting that I should go, that it was cool.
So, I left with Ovie that evening.
When I came back the next morning, I knocked on the door, and the look on Bobby’s face when he opened up should have been enough portent for what was to come. I greeted him good morning and he didn’t respond.
It was very clear that something was wrong, and I asked him outright, “Are you mad at me or something?” When he turned away, like he was going to ignore me, I said, “I’d really appreciate it if you’ll talk to me please.”
And that was when he turned on me and unleashed his anger. He went off about how cheap I was for making out with his friend who I’d just met and barely knew, about how I had the nerve to be kissing and romancing with his friend in his living room. He was furious, and was calling me names.
As he raged, I stood there, not knowing how to react. When I was finally able to get a word in edgewise, I said, “What exactly is all this? Were you not the one I kept on asking if you were okay and you said you were? Were you not the one I asked if it was cool for me to go home with your friend, and you said you were good?”
He retorted that he gave me permission because he was irritated by what he saw me do with Ovie in the parlour and could not stand my presence in his house that night.
I felt those words like a slap to my face. I began to apologize, but he wouldn’t hear it. He just kept on heaping verbal abuse on me. I hate confrontations, and at this point, I was starting to feel like bursting into tears. He told me that he would give me that day to arrange myself, and that he’d want me out of his house the next day. I didn’t have any money on me; actually, the plan was for him to give me my transport fare back to Owerri. But I didn’t think he was going to be that generous anymore. So I called my mother to send me some cash for something urgent, and that night, my bank account was credited.
That night was a tense one, and I barely managed to get some sleep. At some point, I was finally able to fall into a fitful slumber. Early the next morning, he woke me up and told me to pack up and leave his house, as he was about to head out to work. He was already dressed. I got up to go take my bath, and he stopped me with a terse comment about how he didn’t have the time to wait for me to do that. I was astounded. Could I at least brush my teeth and splash some water on my face? This guy said no, insisting that I leave his house immediately, that I could go back to Ovie’s house for all he cares. He was already picking up my things and taking them outside. I’d never felt so humiliated, inferior and ashamed in my life.
I threw on some clothes, took up my things and left his house that early morning, soon headed for Imo State.
During the journey, he called me but I didn’t answer. Then he sent me a text, asking me to delete his pictures and number from my phone, and to never contact him again, otherwise, he would call the guy who linked us up (let’s call him Peter) and tell him what a lousy hookup I was.
I read the text and smiled sardonically, before texting him back: ‘Thank you for everything. Maybe I made a mistake with what I did with Ovie, maybe not. But you are an even more terrible person for the way you behaved toward me. You can call Peter and tell him whatever, I don’t care. And as for your number, you didn’t even have to ask. I already deleted it as I left your house.’
He must have read my text because a few moments later, he sent a response. I didn’t even bother reading this one; I simply deleted it as it came.
I eventually got back to my place, brushed my teeth, took my bath and went to bed.
For days after that horrendous weekend, the humiliation of what happened wouldn’t let me be. Such a thing had never happened to me before, and it took awhile for me to get over the trauma of getting abused and thrown out of someone’s house.
Two weeks later, the bastard called me. I actually didn’t delete his number like I said I did, so I could see his name on my phone screen as my phone rang. I found myself not sure of what to do, whether to answer or not to answer. Eventually, I didn’t pick up.
The next day, at night, he called again. It was with a different number and I was downstairs hanging out and having drinks with my neighbours when the call came through. When I got back to my room, I saw the missed calls from an unknown number, and I called back.
He answered and without saying who it was on the phone, began with the pleasantries of how my day was. The voice sounded familiar, but I was too tipsy from the drinks I’d had to place it exactly.
“Who is this please?” I asked, but he tried to ignore the question and keep up with the pleasantries. But I insisted, “Who is this?”
He paused before finally saying, “It’s Bobby.”
A surge of emotions that ranged from resentment to anger rushed through me. I also didn’t know what to do, whether to simply end the call or start assaulting him with insults or to let him speak.
Somehow, I was able to contain all my rancour and stayed on the line, allowing the idiot speak. “Good evening,” I greeted.
“Good evening,” he responded. “And how is your new friend?”
“What new friend?” I snapped, and irritation surged forward. What new friend? Is this guy for real? Instead of leading with an apology, he is here trying to…to…to what exactly?
I ended the call right then. He called back, and then called back again, and again. At some point, I had to turn off my phone in order to not be disturbed by his calls.
Like seriously, had the bastard not done enough!
Written by James
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46 Comments
Mandy
March 26, 07:41Wow. This Bobby is a special kind of asshole.
Mitch
March 26, 08:14There are stupid people. There are arseholes. There are dumb motherfuckers.
And then, there is Bobby. The lowest of the lows.
Tufiakwa!!!
Gif
March 26, 22:06Atleast he is not a kito!
The title of lowest of low should be reserved for gay kitoes!
Lopez
March 26, 08:52And then there are sluts.
Seth
March 26, 09:43Be nice Ho-pez ?
SAGE PHILIP
March 26, 11:11Kisses from the east. I FELT IT!
Sage Philip
March 26, 11:48This is not a “slut” thing, its a self worth thing. In this scenerio they’re (“slut” and self worth) mutually exclusively.
Seth
March 26, 09:49He is a special kind of jerk. I had straight roommates in college who treated their hookups just as shabbily. Also that encounter you both had read as borderline rape? I wouldn’t sweat this one. I dare say you’ll never let yourself get caught up in a situation like this. And VEX money is a MUST in Nigeria. Never ever try that one again.
Higwe
March 26, 10:22Yup , Bobby might be the shitiest of shit but let’s start from the beginning now shall we. ?
1 A guy basically raped you and then passed you over to his friend.
2 You heard them discussing you like a beef in a butcher’s shop and you not only made out with a man who was seeking permission from another man to have you ( not you , the actual owner of your body ) , you received fellatio from him right in the living room of the man who just disrespected you the other night. ?
3 You followed the second man home …came back empty handed ( obviously) .
Most probably fucked for the second time in a row , even though you limpidly stated you aren’t really enthused taking dicks .
4 Received a torrent of verbal abuse from your first date.
Sent out empty handed again without being availed the luxury of personal hygiene .?
5 Kept his number for some reason best known to you .
6 Entertained his call but only turned it off when an apology wasn’t forthcoming.
Welp .
****************
I know this is the point we are supposed to rain curses on the “evil” Bobby , and I most definitely will.So here we go.
Bobby is a useless foolish ignoramus.
A dandy-walker , flibbertigibbet and an opprobrious slubberdegullion.
The scummiest of the scummations ever produced in a scummy factory .
That settles it then ?
**************
As someone who has spent a score and nearly half a decade predominantly in the east , I can tell you that gay people are sparged almost evenly across Nigeria .
Such misconceptions and grand exaggerations are some of the reasons people fall into these kito situations.
There is no factory here that mass produces gay people .
At the end of the day , it all depends on where you’re looking.
Be guided please … methinks one Bobby should be enough .?
trystham
March 27, 08:51You forgot the fact he left the entirety of Imo to travel to PH without a backup plan.
I really don’t know how u ppl do it. Go to ppls’ homes without ur own T-Fare???
Its because I’m a cheapskate I don’t leave my area for preek o.
Gaia
March 27, 23:58Bobby was actually right about him being cheap but our beloved brethren here on KD will not tell our uncle the truth…
Lopez
March 26, 11:04Not there’s anything wrong with being a whore Seth-ore, but be a whore with diginity.He put himself in that position, traveling without proper back up plan… If the lodge in a hotel and fucked all the guys in Ph who will raise a finger at him. Haba people should be better than this.
CHUCK
March 26, 12:54What a surprise! A stranger treated you badly after you refused to give him what he wanted.
How do you go to an unknown destination without means of leaving?
You just live off your hookups?
Mariposa
March 26, 15:09Exactly my point…
Yes, Bobby acted really really despicable but atimes we contribute to our problems. We got to be careful, have something doing. I strongly feel Bobby also acted that way cos he knew you were jobless and had nothing doing.
LORD help is not to come across and evil Bobby.
Wizzy
March 26, 13:18Hmm speechless
T.T
March 26, 14:47The idiot was in love with you.
Mariposa
March 26, 15:10Hahahahahahaha…
That might be true but you don’t humiliate someone you love
Hoyeh
March 26, 16:57Actually, what Bobby did was quite inhumane. On the other hands, you should listen to yourself, you traveled all the way from Imo state to Port Harcourt with the mindset of collecting a fro fare from him without prior notification. Even if you have notified him, that gullible attributes you displayed will definitely pissed of. Thank God for your ever caring mummy.
Anyways, I think you must have learnt some lessons from that trip
Uzor
March 26, 18:32Should’ve gone home the morning after the rape thing, that’s how you leave with your dignity ?
Gaia
March 28, 00:00Gbam!!!
Rexxy
March 27, 02:42Why do I feel like giving James a sanitized slappp!!!!!!! A very hot slap, that will leave my hand prints on your face.
First you left all the guys in the so called gay capital. And travel to PH long long… So assuming its was a kito situation nko…
And don’t you dare say I’m judging because yes I am fucking judging you….. And don’t come here and cry foul, you played yourself and you are lucky it wasn’t worse than that.
Where is your self respect… How does someone rape a full grown man rape you and you stay there and oblige his friend (did he forcefully rape you or you suddenly remembered how to bottom).
Bro, give yourself some respect and stop bejng a cry baby… Ya a full blown adult darling…
Puliiiiiiiizzzz and next time carry extra 1k maka incasity
Floki
March 27, 05:06Honestly, this is a terrible character quashing situation. You mean you had a hook up with someone based on recommendation and who Tops or who Bottoms was never discussed. Yet , you went to see him and here you are talking about you are not used to taking Dicks. Guy, you make me laugh. For me there’s no doubt u were supposed to oblige and take the fucking dick calmly after all you are in his house and he treated u nicely before then. What exactly were you thinking? And another thing here is, you came to someone’s house on an invitation and you dare to hook up with another with the idea that you sought Bobby’s permission. Guy, where is your self respect and self control? For crying out loud, you are shit to say the least. Don’t you think u had giving Bobby a forgettable experience with you on bed and there you were, having a nice time with his friend. How do you expect him to feel? You were Lucky that he wasn’t overly raging with emotions. Perhaps, you would have found yourself in a more difficult situation.
I believe, this would have thought you a bigger lesson.
Mostly importantly, thank Ur God for Safety.
Pink Panther
March 27, 07:17I just want to pick out something from your comment.
“For me, there’s no doubt you were supposed to oblige and take the fucking dick calmly, after all you are in his house and he treated you nicely before then.”
Interesting. So we are now saying that rape is justified when someone treats you nicely beforehand? We are now saying that consent is no longer a thing as long as you’re the house of someone who treats you well?
I know it’s hard for people to picture men in rape situations, but think of James as a woman and apply your comment to “her” and then tell me again if it makes sense what you said.
There is no justification for forcing someone to do something sexually that they have already said no to. Scold James about anything else that you want to, but please let’s never ever create a justification for Bobby forcing himself on him. Whether a discussion about roles wasn’t had beforehand, whether James traveled to Port Harcourt without any regard for his safety, whether the “ridiculousness” of his experience makes you laugh, don’t ever use that to justify rape.
At least be human enough to not accept that bit of monstrosity.
Floki
March 27, 11:04There’s no doubt that Bobby fucked up. But, If you look at my comment very closely, you will observe that I tried to identify the mistakes James incurred as it were. Like they said, “one thing leads to another”. Let’s forget the fact that Bobby out of his arrogance and flippancy said he was not his spec. Although, that was emotionally crushing and ridiculously rude coming from Bobby. But was James not suppose to take the fucking Dick Calmly? After all, he moved all the distance to come see him not just for seeing sakes but to have fun and without having a thinking through. Who Tops or Who Bottoms? What it means completely is that he, James, was ready to oblige in anyway. But oppositely, he never did. Instead, he made the night a forgettable one for him. If I were, James, I would have left the house the following day, morning at the earliest, without consenting to having fun with any guy in his house or elsewhere. Because, obviously, Bobby had already shown he is not a steady person emotionally. After the spec issue and still consented to touching him. Hence, when Ovie came in, If I were James, I wouldn’t react to whatsoever. He should be in control of his emotion. He shouldn’t have given in. Because, the same Bobby who asked him to go for Ovie turned against him. Meaning his words are always in contrast to his actions. And I must warn James that such people are very dangerous to say the least. Without mincing words, I’m sure Bobby displayed that character illness out of jealousy seeing how relaxed James and Ovie were together. In his mind, he was dying and raging. To be honest with you James, you were Lucky. I keep saying you should thank God for your safety. Cos he could have done worse than he did to you already. Never meddle with people with an unsteady show of character. Always, underline that in your dealings with people. It would save you a whole lot of stress.
However, I am not in anyway in support of Bobby forcing James into commitment sexually as some of the guys here such as pink panther thinks. All I’m saying is that James should know when to call a spade, a spade.
Thanks…..
Chase
March 27, 22:23This same Bobby told James to his face that he isn’t his type. I mean, that was the height of being rude to a date, and then he moves to get intimate with James at night? And then throws up tantrums when he finds out that the same James who isn’t his type is getting cuddly with Ovie? I can only surmise that the Bobby of a person is borderline psychotic..May God save us from hooking up with Bobbys of this world.
Marvey
March 27, 19:07Oh pls peepee , if he was raped there is no way he would have used that same ass to take dick the following day again…do we know what rape is ,the trauma , the bruises…the story obviously isn’t adding up we need to hear from the side of bobby.
Pink Panther
March 28, 02:12Please show me where in the story where he said he “used that same ass to take dick the following day again”.
Do you people even read a story at all, or do you just jump from Point A to Point B?
And secondly, have you ever been raped? Because if you’ve not, please shut up about trauma and bruises and about how you presume people deal with it using their own bodies.
Marvey
March 27, 19:04My deear!! Maybe he was thinking he was going for a praying and fasting session.cos obviously the person that shared him to the guy must have told him the hooker is top so there is no reason he shouldn’t have prepared his ass down for d weekend spree!!
Floki
March 28, 05:57“My dear, may be he was thinking he was going for a praying and fasting session..””” ????? . Marvey, you definitely killed me with laughter. But thank God I’m still alive.
Don’t mind James… Let him keep claiming ignorant that he doesn’t know that Bobby was Top in the first place.
Mandy
March 27, 08:12I have commented before, but in light of some of the comments I’m seeing here, I feel like I should comment again.
To me, the only “crime” that James committed here was to not go for a hookup with vex money. In every hookup situation, it is always advisable to take along vex money. Because unforeseen circumstances must be anticipated. You must always take into consideration that something may happen that will require you to get out of there and just go home. And for that, you need to have your money for that, no matter what promises have been made to you.
And that, to me, is all I can fault this guy for.
As to the rest, I cannot believe what some of you are saying.
First of all, James didn’t deserve to be raped. No matter what foolishness you think he exhibited, when he said no, his no should be fucking enough. Like my god, are you guys serious? If he was a straight man who was in Bobby’s house and Bobby made an advance and he said no and Bobby still went ahead to seduce him, would you same guys not come out here and comment about how Bobby should have left him alone? For heavenssakes, Bobby even said he wasn’t his type. Only to realize in the middle of the night that konji is a bastard, and now he wants to fuck? No is NO! Whether man or woman! When a person has stated the lengths of what they can do sexually, we should respect that! Nothing justifies forcing a person to do what he has not consented to.
Secondly, someone is actually scolding James for having sex with Ovie? Lol. Like, are you guys serious? A conversation was overheard where Bobby explicitly gave Ovie the go-ahead to go for James, and James repeatedly asked Bobby if he was cool with their hookup happening? Excuse me for thinking that Bobby is a child for pouting and acting immature when he should have simply said his mind right from the get-go. Besides, again, DID HE NOT SAY THAT JAMES WAS NOT HIS SPEC??? So, WTF! You don’t sexually vibe with the guy who came to see you. You forced yourself to have sex with him, something you realize you did and apologized by saying you will find someone for him to fuck. You encourage your friend to go for him, and then you give your permission for both of them to spend the night together.
And somehow, we are blaming James for all this nonsense? LOL. You guys are trying it sha. By all means, let’s leave the man-child and focus on the victim of the circumstance.
And PS: Does anyone here think he would have this same energy that he used on James on his friend Ovie? Because he’d be a hypocrite if he will vex for James finish and not turn some of that same anger on Ovie? After all, it took two to have sex.
The only reason I can think of as to why some comments are existing in these comments section is that some of you recognize the Bobby in you. The man-child who won’t own his bullshit but will instead turn your hurts on the nearest person who doesn’t deserve it.
Phael
March 27, 11:02Mandy I love you for this comment
Mitch
March 27, 11:15Applause!
A standing ovation for this comment!
You, my darling, hit the nail on the fucking head! After this comment, there’s nothing left to be said.
Floki
March 28, 06:14Mandy, that’s how you see the situation. But that doesn’t entirely make your opinion a perfect picture of the whole situationship. Look at the picture very well you will see that even James was an architect of his own supposed rape… That’s if there was anything like that. Honestly, we need to hear from Bobby….?
Pink Panther
March 28, 06:33“James was an architect of his own supposed rape”???
WOW. Just Wow. Oh Wow!!!
Mandy
March 28, 06:40So James was the architect of his rape, huh? As in, you’re saying that someone can be blamed for when they are raped, right?
Ok. Keep that same energy for when someone in your family, preferably a female, gets raped, you hear?
What a callous monster you are. Tufia!
Mitch
March 28, 07:58…an architect of his own SUPPOSED rape…
Floki, you are a wild beast. If compassion isn’t your first response to someone who has so very clearly been violated, then you’re worse than the basest beast, lower than pond scum.
Tufiakwa!
I di very disgusting!
Anamasobrifa!
James
March 27, 09:44Thanks everyone I sincerely appreciate this.. Pink panther u deserve a Grammy as an amazing writer.. I have deleted his number already. I have moved on..
ChubbyLover
March 28, 02:11ERM uncle, I’m sure you’ve learnt a thing or two. Some free fuck can still be overlooked ok.
Yeah!!
March 28, 16:41You’re encouraging him to have sex with his rapist?
ChubbyLover
March 29, 10:03If I invite you over and you think hooking up with another dick is OK then one thing is clear…..you are too cheap and loose.
I play with my type…..people that can say no even when a yes is the easiest thing to say.
Yeah!
March 30, 08:20Biko what is the litmus test for being cheap and loose (interesting word),the way you guys weaponise that word makes me realise you guys see sex as something that taints you and please while i get indocrination and how hard it is to break out of it please unlearn your sex negativity
If we are going by the write up,it was establihed that he wasnt in a monogamous relationship with his host and even sought consent before he went ahead with his sexual liason with his host’s friend so please tuck in your sex shaming.
Pink Panther
March 30, 11:42This!!!!
ChubbyLover
March 29, 10:21You really didn’t take time to read my post….yeah.
Who in his normal senses will support such absurdity?
James
March 27, 09:47Thanks everyone for your comments.. I sincerely appreciate this. Pink panther u deserve a Grammy as an amazing writer. I have deleted his number and moved on. GRACIAS…
Juls
March 29, 21:46He must have really missed you☺️
Francis
April 05, 16:12I can’t remember where I’ve read this gist before ??