GUILTY BY ASSOCIATION
My friend, Blessing, is someone I’ve known for years while growing up in Lagos. Even after I moved to Delta State some years ago, a new job and a new relationship being the major reasons for the relocation, our friendship of course thrived, with online interactions and her occasionally visiting me.
So, when Blessing started dating some girl named Teni in Lagos, she told me about her. Teni was a lovely girl and Blessing introduced us to each other, wanting me to get acquainted with the woman in her life. About six months later, I got to meet Teni when the two lovebirds came to visit me. I was struck by how youthful Teni looked, and when I asked her how old she was, the last thing I expected was to hear that she was 17.
I brought this up with Blessing, and she said she only got to know Teni’s age long after they started dating, and by then, they’d gotten past the age difference. (Blessing and I are in our twenties). I could see that Blessing was crazy about her, and so, I didn’t make a big deal out of it.
After meeting Teni, we started becoming fast friends. Like I said, she seemed lovely, and because she was a student, I also felt kinda responsible for her. So I would sometimes send money to her. We got so close, that whenever she and Blessing had issues, they would call me and I would do my best to fix their problems.
Then last week happened. First, Blessing called me. She said she was worried. I asked her why. She said that Teni had called her to tell her that her mother had found out about them. She didn’t say how, but apparently, Teni’s mother had been so enraged (expectedly of course. I mean, it’s lesbianism), that she’d forbidden her daughter from ever seeing Blessing again, making her swear on her life and on the lives of her unborn children that she would stay away from the “bad influence” that is my friend.
Blessing was distraught. She really loved this girl and didn’t want things to end between them just because. On my own part, I wondered in perhaps Teni’s mother had really found out about her daughter’s lesbian relationship or if this was a ruse Teni was using to break up with Blessing.
“I don’t know what to do,” Blessing said on the phone, her voice breaking. “Please, help me… Help me talk to her…”
“No,” I said.
I was starting to get uncomfortable with how involved they had gotten me to be in their relationship, and in my opinion, if Teni was done, then Blessing should accept it and move on.
“This is between the two of you,” I continued. “If you don’t want to let go, then you two should figure it out on your own.”
A few days later, Blessing called me again. This time, as she was talking about being away from Teni, she started crying. I felt my resolve weaken and agreed to talk to her girlfriend.
I called Teni, and after a long talk, during which she acquainted me with the details of her mother finding out about her lesbianism and relationship with Blessing, I asked her a question.
“Do you still love Blessing or are you done with being with her?”
“Of course I still love her,” she protested. “I haven’t stopped loving her, and I want to be with her.”
“Then why are you letting your family come between the two of you?” I queried. “Blessing wants to be with you. And you say you want to be with her. I’m sure you two can figure out a way to still be together without your mother knowing.”
I went on to suggest ways they could evade her mother’s detection. They could stop communicating with each other on social media – Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp – so Teni’s mother wouldn’t happen on any incriminating chat messages. Since the woman also had Blessing’s number, Blessing could get another line that Teni would save with a different name, so if her mother routinely dials the number she has on Teni’s phone, she wouldn’t get any confirmation that they were still in touch. And since Teni was often away at school, carrying on with each other behind her mother’s back would be an easy feat.
Teni acquiesced to these suggestions, and it seemed she and Blessing made a plan to continue dating and be more careful about it.
I thought that was it, until Blessing called me a few days ago. Teni had called her to come see her in school. This would be the first time they would see since the whole mess about Teni’s mother finding out, and Blessing was worried.
“What are you worried about?” I asked.
“I don’t know…”
I knew what she was thinking. It is exactly what any queer person in Nigeria thinks when their identity has been threatened in any way: you start to see demons lurking in shadows that didn’t exist before. The fear of kito is the beginning of wisdom, and it’s been often said on this platform that we should always rely on our gut instinct. Blessing’s gut was communicating to her something she couldn’t put in words, and we chose to ignore it.
“Do you think Teni will do anything to harm you?” I asked her.
“No,” Blessing said emphatically.
“Well then, there’s your answer. You should go and see her. This could be a good way for the both of you to reconnect.”
Teni schools in Sagamu. Blessing made the trip to go see her, and she lodged in a hotel, intending to ask Teni over so they could spend time together there.
As you can already tell, that didn’t go as planned. It turns out that Teni is not such a lovely girl after all.
First, she has a boyfriend, it would seem. And she, her boyfriend and her mother descended on Blessing in what was a set-up. The boyfriend beat Blessing up badly, after which they took her to a police station where she was detained. She was released the next day on bail, after she had written an undertaking that she would stay away from Teni, this after she’d been severally verbally abused.
Blessing called me after she got home to unload the entire ordeal on me. And that was not all. Apparently, Teni had also roped me – and my girlfriend – into her set-up. According to Blessing, Teni had furnished the police in Sagamu with information about my address in Delta State, my job and even where my girlfriend’s business is located. Teni had also been recording my phone calls with her and making screenshots of our chats, all of which she gave to the police. Someone even called my girlfriend to threaten her, but she wasn’t fazed. She’d told off the caller, daring him to come and do his worst. However, when she talked to me, she was furious.
“If we get kitoed, it’ll be because you were being a friend,” she fumed, her anger directed at me, at Blessing, and mostly at Teni.
She isn’t the only person who’s mad. Blessing is too. For someone who was ready to risk everything to be with Teni, she had made a u-turn to hating the girl. So much in fact, that she’s considering options for revenge, thinking about how to use her connections to cause some ruin in Teni’s life. I won’t get into the details of what she’s been saying she wants to do, but I am trying to talk her down – either to let it go or to not act now. I fear that any move she makes now, in the heat of her rage, will be fraught with missteps that will lead back to her – and frankly, to me too. There’s a reason why they say vengeance is a dish best served cold.
As for me, I have vacillated between being worried for my safety and the safety of my girlfriend and being comforted by the thought that Teni and her fellow scum may be too daunted by the distance to follow through with their threats. I am also mad at this country, as we all are: mad at the pain that this country causes us, mad that this society persecutes us so unjustly, and mad that someone like me could go to jail for just being a friend.
Written by Wealth
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28 Comments
Wyclef
April 04, 10:38There’s something I’ve learned overtime about teenage homosexuals and some of them in their early twenties…
I think most of them are still struggling between letting go of the whole of bullshits they were told about homosexuality and embracing who they really are.
I think they’re sure about their feelings; they know that they’re attracted to people of their same sex. But they lack this will to beat their chest and say “This is who I am and I must be me no matter what happens”.
One can get anything (including being kitoed) from any homosexual who has not accepted themselves. When family members and anyone else around them can still influence their thoughts about homosexuality. When they can’t defend themselves and protect their friends when their families find out about their sexuality, they can put anyone who is seeing them in danger.
I would advice any queer adult to stay away from the teenage me. I could harm anyone then to save myself – from family members, peer group, village people in general. This is because I was struggling with my sexuality and what the Church and people around said about it.
P. Mitch O.
April 04, 10:58A teenager had the gumption to do this to someone she called a lover? And to her friends?
See ehn, Wealth, whatever you and Blessing do, do not let this go. Do not leave this to karma. Bide your time, yes, but ultimately, fuck Teni, her mother and her so-called boyfriend up. Fuck them up badly enough that they’d think again and again before proceeding to act like unconscionable idiots towards others.
That said, if you’re an adult, please stay away from teenagers. You can have them as friends, as mentees or whatever. Just not as lovers. There’s just so much baggage of confusion and possible madness teenagers can bring your way. We cannot afford it, not at this stage of our lives. Teenagers are best left to date fellow teenagers, not adults.
Bikonu!
Francis
April 04, 13:52Having them as friends didn’t work out for Wealth so na to dey maintain distance till they hit/pass 18.
Wealth
April 04, 14:15I really just wanted to help a friend. Funny enough, I help pay most of her bills and my woman helped her get a modeling job recently which Teni could lose if my girlfriend was just as diabolical as she and her mother. I spoke with Blessing to take her time so she doesn’t do something she will end up regretting. Currently her mother now knows she’s a lesbian as it was her mum who went to bail her at the police station. Her mother happen to be a police woman with a high rank which was why it was easy to get her out of there. Now she’s depressed and is still in shock that Teni could do this to her.
Pink Panther
April 04, 14:36Terrible. Just terrible.
Mannie
April 04, 13:39Even if I’ll never advise an adult to date a teenager, I strongly believe that you have to be really wicked and vile for you to do something like this. Wtf.
In the nearest future, she’d be looking for solutions to her misery.
Dear adults, please date yourselves and leave teenagers to date themselves. Don’t always try to be somebody’s shield.
Francis
April 04, 13:55Wealth, pele oh! I hope the matter doesn’t escalate further and you guys can move on from this UNTIL the spirit of do me, I do you gives you the upper hand.
PP: This story no qualify to be under Kito Stories?
Wealth
April 04, 14:10Well I’ve accepted that that’s the way life is and to you it’s not a kito story but to me it’s way worst than that.
Francis
April 04, 15:58Eeerm that was a question, NOT a statement oh.
Pink Panther
April 04, 14:35It does actually. I’ll categorize it as such.
Someone's Someone
April 04, 14:35This was a painful read. When I was a teenager and I had very beautiful relationships and a mind of my own. The people in my life then, are still in my life over a decade after.
Teni actions were borne out of wickedness and not because she’s a teenager. She could have stood up to her mother and boyfriend if she really loved Blessing. She should be dealt with at the right time. No rush. It has to be calculative and decisive.
Meanwhile, I think Teni should be added to Kito Alert so others can thread carefully or go ahead with her at their own risk.
Pink Panther
April 04, 14:44Your last paragraph… Absolutely. Hopefully, Blessing will see your comment and oblige us.
Wealth
April 04, 18:03I absolutely with you on this, for this Blessing will have to first stop being depressed. She’s still in the heartbreak period and shock, lots of shock
CHUCK
April 04, 16:46Just stay away from students and teenagers, anyone that is not an independent adult. I’ve done that and it hasn’t worked for me.
I personally can’t yoke my life to someone who doesn’t even control their personal destiny.
Jen
April 04, 17:16even as a teenager, i wouldn’t have the mind to do such despicable things to my lover nor a friend. i mean, this girl is pure evil with or without her mother ‘cos she could have stopped at her girlfriend if her mother was the only reason for her actions. instead she dragged you and your girlfriend into her madness.
there are so many evil two faced people in this world, you really don’t know who to trust anymore. i’m so sorry y’all was put through all that shit. i really hope your friend cooks up a sweet revenge ‘cos karma doesn’t seem to work anymore
Danté
April 04, 18:32This was so sad to read… How did something so beautiful turn out so horrendous? Blessing dear you’ll be fine, stay your anger, lick your wounds and plot your pay back with icy blood lust infused precision.
I also think Teni should be put up as a kito alert, if that would be the case then this would be KD’s first lesbian kito alert…no?🤔
Dunder
April 04, 19:03Sometimes, it seems no good deed goes unpunished. I’m sorry about your ordeal. Please keep your phone’s close at all times and if you can, increase security on all your addesses and devices. Don’t stay out late and if you are connected, strengthen those links in case those who arrested your friends are up to more trouble. This situation reminds me of the stings in Edo and Delta where these guys were keeping a list and trying to extort everyone named. This girl may show up with a sob story and apology tomorrow. Tell her to pour her heart into her diary. Jump and pass because self haters are always up to something. Next thing, she’ll say she was paid an iPhone to eat da poopoo.
I think this is a reminder to date your age and wage and let jambites map their own future. It’s about values and appetite for risk. I don’t think my mother would be lurking about hotel rooms to beat people up because… E just no follow. It’s about how you were raised. I understand how difficult it is to find companionship in harsh climes but I feel someone more financially independent and chronologically mature would not have degenerated from ex to kito and conspiracy in a few short days. All of a sudden after she was outed 😒, she’s dating Mayweather and recording phonecalls? I’d rather not play these saviour roles. Did you consider the that the gutter dweller may be well set in gutter ways? Not everyone wants to be indoors o.
I pray this is the lastnleg of this gory chapter. I advise Blessings to just pick the lesson and move on. No more school daughters and without giving into fear, to trust her intuition. The girl may have done worse if this relationship continued. Internalised homophobia is a real bastard.
This is another kito- it seems they are becoming more drawn out and sophisticated these days.
Wealth
April 05, 08:07I agree with you 💯, it just doesn’t make sense. I personally is still in shock by it all but then not everyone had it together at 17. I personally didn’t but I didn’t go around accusing people or arresting people either. This girl is diabolical, Blessing said when she walked into her hotel room they were talking a knock came….the moment the boyfriend and mum came in she was like ” okay thank you “. She was beaten there in front of her and she didn’t even shake. SMH. It’s just heart breakinh
Dunder
April 05, 16:43“okay, thank you”? Wonderful!!!
Wealth
April 05, 16:56Yes, “okay Thank you”. It’s rather calcularing of a 17 year old but the more we live, the more we learn. Personally I’ve learned that anyone can stand you in the back, still in a state of shock
O.B
April 13, 12:14Kindly give space of about a year.
After that, fuck that girl up, with everything you’ve got. It doesn’t matter whether you’re still angry, or not.
Do it so that she will be shit scared of ever running anyone that kind of rubbish street ever in her life again…
Damn bloody fool!!!
Pollyanna
April 15, 18:18Wow I feel crying aswr, wealth I just hope you guys are safe tho this is painful but what is paining me more is, you sent moneys for the girl am sure your friend she was dating did too so why will she do that ?for me ooo I guess maybe it’s her mum that set everything up or her boyfriend cause Omo me self am confused so so sorry boo just know we are one family and we are here incase you need anything 😔
Wealth
April 15, 23:01Her mum asked her to say all those things?? She said some things, things I don’t even want to bother to share. She wanted to save herself from her mother then decided to throw us under the bus. If Blessing’s mother wasn’t a ranked member of the police force, heaven knows what would have happened. I saw her body, it was heart breaking
Viviella
April 16, 10:00This is not a case of being a teenager or not having a mind of her own, That is who Teni is, she is not naive or scared of what her mum will do, she is just out rightly wicked. Imagine doing this as a teen, I am trying to picture her in her late twenties.
To think we have to battle straight homophobes and also battle our own community members, it’s really saddening.
That being said, biko adults should date adults and teens should date teena. Avoid dating teens in the name of trying to be their shield.
Blessing, pls take care of yourself, you will be fine, dear. Wealth, thank you for standing by her, you and your woman should stay safe, pls.
Tee
April 17, 06:09I heard a different version of this story
I’m surprise
Wow
That means people in my group are not safe with Teni in it
Blessing
April 17, 07:52A different story? Please I want to hear….
Blessing
April 17, 08:34Different story?? Tell me about it please.
Wealth
April 17, 16:43Please I would also like to hear Teni’s story because I am very very much interested in the new lies she’s cooked up..