Guys Whisper The Highs And (Mostly) Lows Of Online Dating
Gay dating websites can be an awesome way to connect, but can also be a real drag. Messages go unanswered, hours seem wasted scrolling through endless profiles and something that’s supposed to hook you up leaves you feeling as isolated as ever.
Below is a Whisper round-up of revelations made by men who are either disillusioned or ambivalent toward online dating.
About author
You might also like
For Our Brothers With Wives And Girlfriends
I happened upon this post titled ‘5 Signs That Says He Is Gay’ and I decided to share for our MGM and MBM, you know, things you should or shouldn’t
OPEN LETTER TO AN INTERNALLY-HOMOPHOBIC FRIEND
Dear X, I watched a movie called Prayers For Bobby. It’s a movie about the true life story of a young man, Bobby Griffith, who found out he was gay,
Promo for TIERs’ UNTOLD FACTS by Moses Omoghena
Here’s the promo for the TIERs online program, Untold Facts. It was initially slated to kick off on 26th May, the last Thursday of last month, but certain logistics have
 Lows Of Online Dating){kind=link}
84 Comments
enigmous
April 22, 05:49Well…the 3rd picture says it all.
Mitch
April 22, 05:50Another set of reasons for me not to join any gay dating sites. It just seems too wierd
Dennis Macaulay
April 22, 05:51Online dating? Hmmmmmm! I know it barely works. Grindr is a hookup app and not a love app IMO
Meet a guy organically or have someone refer you/introduce you!
pinkpanthertb
April 22, 05:55But Dennis, I have known love that began online.
Dennis Macaulay
April 22, 05:58And you are still single! Your point again is?
pinkpanthertb
April 22, 06:01The beginning of your comment was a very insensitive thing to say. The relationship you had that just ended, it was organically orchestrated, no?
Dennis Macaulay
April 22, 06:01And you are still single? Your point again is?
Mitch
April 22, 06:02Pinky where’s that love now? Hookup apps produce more mind blowing sex stories than love stories with a very high difference. Its rarely ever seen.
pinkpanthertb
April 22, 06:06And Mitch, aren’t you the one who said you once dated someone? Who was introduced to you through a friend, I presume. And that it’s over, no? How come you two aren’t the poster couple for LGBT relationships?
Dennis Macaulay
April 22, 06:02Now you did not have to go there
pinkpanthertb
April 22, 06:04You came swinging. I hit back. God no go vex.
McGray
April 22, 06:38Pinky lol! u no dey carry last, no?
pinkpanthertb
April 22, 06:41LOL. McGray, my mama no born me name me ‘Last’ nah.
Max
April 22, 06:31@Dennis, it doesn’t matter where you met them. I’ve met people both online and organically, both relationships lasted just the same.
MacArdry
April 22, 09:45Mine started online,we’re still here and working just fine,Dennis.You were saying?
Queen Blue Fox
April 22, 16:40Dennis I met my boyfriend Online and this is 4years running, yes it hasn’t been easy but we are making it work
Jeova Sanctus Unus
April 22, 20:56Oh shut up you!!
pinkpanthertb
April 22, 21:46Why exactly should he shut up?
Mercury
April 22, 05:51Mehn!!!!!, they’re all true in their own way, Its hard. Really hard.
#TeamKizito
April 22, 05:56••••••••••**••
*sigh*
Lemuel
April 22, 06:02Same guys we meet online are same guys we meet in the clubs, churches, weddings and schools. So whichever way you meet yours..you both can define wht u two want. Either for fuckery only or get more nd more fucks, even orgy perhaps or a relationship.#Grins& gives the kind of facial expression I give when my fuck buddy says over the phone “Lemuel, Can you come over?”
pinkpanthertb
April 22, 06:05‘Same guys we meet online are same guys we meet in the clubs, churches, weddings and schools. So whichever way you meet yours..you both can define wht u two want.’
Exactly!
Max
April 22, 06:45@Lemuel- #TheSkinny
Lemuel
April 22, 07:03@Max #Paddles bombom
Absalom
April 22, 06:11Stop whining!
There are more serious problems in life.
That you met him at choir practice and not on Grindr doesn’t make him any better.
The same rejections you’ll face on Grindr are the same you’ll face from the hot guy in your tennis club because – surprise! – he’s on Grindr too! *eye roll*
It’s not the app, it’s how you use it. That bloody empty profile full of “n/a, n/a, n/a…” all the way to Madagascar, fix it!
pinkpanthertb
April 22, 06:15Absie Bae, keeping it real as usual!
#TeamKizito
April 22, 06:19But I saw what he did there..
*gives Absie the look*
Absalom
April 22, 07:01LOL, A-non. Well…
We complain that the internet is full of creeps and horndogs. First of, stop pathologising human sexuality; sex is good, people should have it when and if and how they want to.
Second, WHY THE FUCK IS YOUR PROFILE BORING? Not one thing interesting about you except that you’re “here for like-minded folks”. Come on, what does that even mean? It doesn’t have to be something major. So you love noodles or cars or you’re an Anorexic Bottom, well put it there!
I’d never advise that people go online to search for love.
Hell, I’d never advise that people *search* for love at all, anywhere.
Perhaps I’m just naive, but I believe love finds you. And, like the Lord, when he *comes* will he meet you ready?
A boyfriend is not a job or a career opportunity that you go out hunting for. You will just exhaust yourself. Just live, make friends, have sex (within the boundaries you are comfortable with)…and you never know.
You want to meet interesting guys for friendship or more, are *you* interesting? After your name, age, location, role, cute face, and whether you live alone or not, what else is awesome about you? What will keep after your 80th birthday?
Be the man you wanna meet.
Kizito, I see you too! (lol)
Bye!
pinkpanthertb
April 22, 07:05I’m loving Absalom today. 😀
JArch
April 22, 08:05Absie where and when can I kiss you today
A-non
April 22, 06:20Lol!
Absalom! Am sure this new government won’t be considering you for a job in diplomacy.
Lothario
April 22, 18:32The ones from church are even the dramatic ones….
A-non
April 22, 06:18I think I am ready to start dating but not even sure where to start from especially as the comments so far has been mixed….
Fingers crossed
Pete
April 22, 06:20Visit gay sites *shudders*. Not my thing. Is it not ironic that people who want love/ relationship go online when chances of finding either is very slim?
A-non
April 22, 06:22But what if two out of these amount of people seeking love have the good fortune of meeting themselves on this same dating site?
pinkpanthertb
April 22, 06:31Good question, Anon
Pete
April 22, 06:54Like I said, chances are very slim. Show me people still in a relationship from online hookups & I’ll show you thousands who have sad stories to tell.
Rapum
April 22, 06:26“Dating in the gay world is like finding a job. You have to either go online or get referred.” Touche. Lol. I agree with Absalom though. My first Badoo account, I didn’t enjoy it because it was scant. Very few pics and all. But now it’s different. Which doesn’t mean I like it either even with all the people now chatting me up. You find very few people you can talk to. And, is it just me, or are the over-30 guys too cautious? Most of the 30-somethings I see there use just one picture.
McGray
April 22, 06:43*rolling my eyes*
Max
April 22, 06:28Most of them are true.. Its sad.
trystham
April 22, 06:554th pic…So many dudes who can’t converse just want ur numba immediately and maybe a fuck in d nxt hr.
10th, The serial killer part tho + kito wearer here.
15th, All the guys u message aren’t just into u and vice versa.. #sigh Sums it up
Ruby
April 22, 06:56I have had a really nasty experience concerning online relationships.
There was this Hot, Amazing looking guy I met online and we exchanged contacts. He called me when he was in town and I went to meet him only to find the worst looking MAN with a massive Paunch in front of him, scruffy looking and horrible accent.
It took the Grace and Poise of a Diva for me to be civil enough to stand him for 10 mins after which I FLED and cut all communications with him.
Since then, I’ve sworn off online dating and I’ve resorted to “Organic Relationship* which has paid off for 4years and counting *with its Highs n Lows*
Sinnex
April 22, 07:50I actually agree with everything. I guess it is only the very hot guys who have is so good. You start off so well with some people, and after some minutes they’d tell you that they are alone and horny and want you to visit them, when you decline, God help you if your messages get answered or if you won’t be deleted or blocked. I have also noticed that some hot guys are mainly after sex. They want nothing serious. I think I want more than that.
You guys that are talking about meeting people ‘organically’, can you show me how to do that in Abuja or maybe Lagos. I no wan person whey go chop the small money whey I get oooo. That was how one guy was telling me about his family problems and how he needed a place to stay, money for school and other stuffs. The guy kept pestering that he wanted to visit me. The funniest thing is that he sends me messages at night. There was a time we were chatting by 11 PM and he said he wanted to come. This is coming from someone who stays in Gwarimpa and I stay around Airport Road. I kept on giving him excuses, but im no gree. He said he would use a cab. A friend of mine who knows him told me to delete him that he also did the same thing to him.
Absalom
April 22, 07:57Sinnex! Sinnex! Sinnex!
How many times did I call you?
So you were waiting for your friend to tell you before you delete that boy abi?
Ok!
chestnut
April 22, 09:04Lol.
Regarding d topic, it’s not so easy to meet people offline. A lot of ppl here say they’d never touch internet-dating, and only meet ppl “organically”. But it’s not that easy for everyone to meet ppl organically. Not everyone is that out-going or sociable or lucky. One of the things about being gay; it’s not like heterosexuals, where u can see a hot guy on the street and walk up to him *sigh*. U have to be referred by ur friends (but chances are,most times, the friends of ur friends, are already ur own friends too,in d first place).
Online, at least u’re sure that the stranger u’re trying to chat up is gay (not a certainty that we’re always entitled to in real life).
Online dating is a bitch,really, but for so many ppl, it’s d only way of meeting a stranger whom u’re sure is gay.
OAN: my best/longest relationship started from- wait for it- MANJAM! Hehehe. (And my strangest/weirdest relationships were “organically orchestrated”…go figure.)
trystham
April 22, 10:02AMEN to that Chestnut. Amen! #sigh Sure or not, the screening processes n examinations I have to conduct b4 I decide to meet ppl offline nko? Its even more exhausting than getting my contact details…and I try to avoid doing that A LOT.
JArch
April 22, 08:12Gwarimpa to airport road isn’t that far now, just 2k for taxi (since it’s around midnight) should solve it. ***flees***
Sinned you can meet people organically in Abuja, it’s all in the eyes…. Be aware of your surroundings, don’t just glade through amigos or Next stores without taking in who’s who and who’s not…
I didn’t say you should stare oooo lol
Colossus
April 22, 08:23Hmmmm *taking down notes* Any other place?
JArch
April 22, 08:26Looool Colossus I thought you lived in Lagos?
Everywhere you go really, just keep an eye out for potential eye candy…. You may never know who’s looking right back at you
Absalom
April 22, 09:02JArch, that thing you’re prescribing is so exhausting ehn!
And since I’m neither fashionable nor cute, odds are I’ll end up doing all the staring anyway. My ex is always trying to teach me these…tricks, but I never learn.
Not to talk of those times I smile foolishly at a total stranger all in a bid to appear, uh, *approachable*.
Absalom haff suffer sha.
sinnex
April 22, 09:05O’boi I don try am tire, my eye don dey pain me sef.
Khaleesi
April 22, 12:54Biko twll me more about this your notion of ‘its all in the eyes’, am deely interested … how d u look in someone’s eyes and see that he’s gay or not?
JArch
April 22, 14:40Khaleesi you of all people should not be asking me this question na, I had citied a real life example of how it worked when you and I had dinner some months ago. Remember the gist about Lagos????
JArch
April 22, 08:17I believe online dating is a lot more easier than organic dating to be honest. Especially in a country such as our. Also who says the same guys you meet at church or at a party don’t have a profile online?
With online dating it’s easier to gauge to a guy’s personality from a safe distance, it works for me anyway, whether it’s just for quick shag, or friends with benefits or potential boyfriend, you can tell who belongs to which category on the first day, after sending messages back and forth
Oluwadamilare Okoro
April 22, 08:18Online dating or apps isn’t the problem here… it’s the people…
Because I agree with the person that said “same people u meet in real life are the same ones on the gay apps”.
Colossus
April 22, 08:18If you’re scum, you’re scum. If you’re decent, you’re decent. Does not matter where people meet you, so long as you are who you are, nothing would change.
The internet creates that level of anonymity which makes people to be bolder and say things. If you met a guy online who tells you He wants to handcuff you, spank you with a whip, eat your ass with layers of whipcream and screw you till you can’t walk, chances are, if you also met him in a church, he’ll write it on a note and slip it in your pocket while you were both going for holy communion.
pinkpanthertb
April 22, 08:21Hahahahahahahahahaa!!! Colossus, you know Angel Michael just frowned at you, right?
Teflondon
April 22, 09:14Those twinks in the second pix tho*
Yummy! How can you not love twinks.. Such adorable *things* yes! Things! Cuz I just want to own them. Lol
If you want quick shag.. Go online.
If you want a long lasting relationship.. Go Natural. It’s just that simple. Majority of those that go through the process having profiles online.. Esp Exclusively Gay sites do so just to get a quick shags.. Hence, why they are always reluctant to add adequate detials abt themselves on it. I know I’m guilty of that.. Mostly Anyone I meet online is for quick shag.. Most people I meet have the same mindset.. LOL at those that really believe they would find ” true Love ” online.. Good luck on that.
IMO You won’t meet Classy people that want true long lasting relationships online. IMO o! That’s just what I think.
By the way
Absie and Colossus what planet are you guys from? Really? Both of yall are just all ‘shades of awesome’
Khaleesi
April 22, 13:00Lmao such a dirty child ….
La-Coozee
April 22, 08:43I prefer face to face. That way, you can face all your fears at once and not have it delayed until you meet
D-boy
April 22, 08:54i think referrals work best. Social media too. I usually check who people follow to get a clue to whether they play for my team. Depending on if they followback, and we can have random conversations. Proceed to DM! You have to be fully convinced they are, o di kwa risky. Start off friendly and non sexual.
Teflondon
April 22, 09:15Those twinks in the second pix tho*
Yummy! How can you not love twinks.. Such adorable *things* yes! Things! Cuz I just want to own them. Lol
If you want quick shag.. Go online.
If you want a long lasting relationship.. Go Natural. It’s just that simple. Majority of those that go through the process having profiles online.. Esp Exclusively Gay sites do so just to get a quick shags.. Hence, why they are always reluctant to add adequate detials abt themselves on it. I know I’m guilty of that.. Mostly Anyone I meet online is for quick shag.. Most people I meet have the same mindset.. LOL at those that really believe they would find ” true Love ” online.. Good luck on that.
IMO You won’t meet Classy people that want true long lasting relationships online. IMO o! That’s just what I think.
By the way
Absie and Colossus what planet are you guys from? Really? Both of yall are just all ‘shades of awesome’
sinnex
April 22, 09:36lol…you just had to repeat yourself for more emphasis.
Teflondon
April 22, 09:40**Throws my weave-on backwards, looks away like I don’t know what you talking abt**
richbee
April 22, 09:53I agree with the talk of people u meet naturally being same as those u meet online. Btw,not everyone is interested in the superhot dude. A friend of mine used to say, ‘if u need a one man guy, run away from the superhot dudes’. They basically just about sex now or delete.
I’ve had two bfs from online site and they both been wonderful in their own way. So I guess the trick is with the individuals involved. Although it cud be frustrating meeting one u’d like back.
For the naturally stuff, I can’t still get my head around that. I mean, how do u just know that he is it??? I stare and stare and nothing. So I just walk my way out.
I still fantasize about meeting sum1 in a coffee shop. Well, God help us all.
Ruby
April 22, 10:09For those of you who need tips on meeting guys organically *you know yourselves*
1. Its all about the magnetic attraction *I don’t know bout a lot of people but when I see someone who suppossedly plays 4 D̶̲̥̅ team, I get all sorts of alarms beeping in my head *gaydar anyone*
2. Get close enough to catch his eye @ least 2ce *dats if you are in Shoprite, Next or Amigos* and maybe ask him 4 the cereal or toiletries section or for directions *if you are on the road*. The key is to do it with a smile *not a full toothy smile nor a smirk. Moderation is key.
3. Or you could play the *you look familiar” card *sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. If it doesn’t jst apologise with a smile and maybe ask him to get a drink with you *as an atonement for your sin* then build your relationship from there.
PS these tips aren’t Fool-Proof but if executed properly should get you a second hangout or date*depending on how interesting you were in atonning for your sin of mistaken Identity.
I beg of you if you don’t have an effective alarm system, don’t attempt no 2. Just wait for your refferal.
Good Luck
Hope to hear Testimonies soon though
And remember to Smile *a good smile is never forgotten*
Colossus
April 22, 10:13Do we have to go for teeth whitening before we start the smiling process? Some smiles are already a turn off you know.
Ruby
April 22, 11:02If necessary bt like I said, flash the smile. *we are not doing a Close-up, Macleans or Oral B commercial.
But overall, an interesting personality with a good sense of humour plus a wide knowledge and idea of issues and happenings will definitely get you a second outing *provided you both are thinking with your heads and not your balls*
trystham
April 22, 11:13I hope u have notes on ‘How to take a furious beating’. Hian!!!
Chris
April 22, 13:35@trystham lol @i hope you ve notes…furious beating
lol still, plus the public embarrassment wont ve part 2
Plz dont try it at home , oh, sorry to say think twice
before someone get thrown in the lagoon.
sinnex
April 22, 11:20Seems like you want me to go through the same experience I had last year. This time, the guy won’t only hiss and walk away, he’d definitely give me a very hot slap that would chase the “gay” out of me.
I have not even been to Amigo or Shoprite before sef.
Colossus
April 22, 11:30Huh? You stay in Abuja and you’ve never been to shoprite? Where do you shop? Mama Nkechi provision store down the road? Once in a while, take a trip to shoprite at Silverbird or grand tower mall, stroll around, smile to everybody and feel your manjina tingle. It’s quite the stress buster, so I’ve heard.
Sinnex
April 22, 11:48You had me @Mama Nkechi shop. Not far from the truth tho.
I have been to SEC, but never entered Shoprite. Sometimes I see people carrying nylons with just a can of Sprite in it, I am like, WTF…make I go Shoprite go buy stuffs when I never marry….
pinkpanthertb
April 22, 12:05You must be married to go to shoprite?
Sinnex
April 22, 12:28@PP I knew there was something wrong with the statement. The truth is that it is quite far from my house and I don’t see the reason why I’d go there when I can buy it close by. If I was married, then, maybe I’d have the need to buy more stuffs for the family.
I only meant that being married would mean me buying more stuffs, so, undergoing the stress of going there.
Diablo
April 22, 11:50Online dating has its downsides but in a homophobic country like ours where every gay guy has to watch his back and would rather walk a plank than approach another guy in public, then Grindr and co would do just fine! We haven’t exactly got gay bars opening in numbers here, or social gay gatherings – its even against the law. So we might as well suck it up and make do with what we have!
Chris
April 22, 13:39@Gad , well said. until lgbti public gathering or association is allowed, peace out.
Chris
April 22, 16:11@Gad, , sorry my bad, above response is meant for Diablo 11.50am response.
JArch
April 22, 12:53OK CHILDREN GATHER ROUND. What I have to say it totally unrelated to the post here but I had to do amebo about it somewhere – sorry pinky
For all you series buffs, there’s a new series around, it’s called “CUCUMBER” ….. If you enjoyed Queer As Folk and love daddies, then you’ll enjoy this one too.. it’s in it’s first season and so far about 5 episodes have been aired
A friend of mine introduced it to me last week and I’ve been lol’ing and aww’ing since I began. So please avoid wearing a LASTMA jacket. Go on YouTube and enjoy
Signed:
JArch
HONOURABLE MINISTER OF DADDY AFFAIRS
Ps: most of the episodes on YouTube are dubbed, so not much enjoyment in that regard but it’s still clear nonetheless
Khaleesi
April 22, 13:09And where are we going to get the data/bandwidth with which to watch this ‘cucumber’?
JArch
April 22, 13:22DM will always come to our rescue lol
Sinnex
April 22, 13:23Helep me ask him oooo
JArch
April 22, 13:21DM will always come to our rescue lol
Gerald
April 22, 14:31Aaaaah…cucumber hearing from second mouth.