HIS COMING OUT STORY (Edition 5)
Writer’s Note: This piece is dedicated to a contributor here on Kito Diaries. He has been an inspiration to me in so many ways. And I’ve come to admire his courage and boldness. I somewhat have a crush on him. I know it’s silly but it can’t be helped.
*
I’m a very simple person. I was an average student in school. I do my job when it’s needed to be done. I started off with the family business but grew tired of the constant meddling I got from my mother. I love her, I truly do, but sometimes, she’s just too intense and brash with her decisions, opinions and concerns when it comes to me.
I was an only child until my parents adopted one of my cousins whose parents passed away many years ago. I was glad because I finally had a sister. We’d play together and pick on each other, among other things.
When I was fourteen, I had a crush on my class captain. It didn’t help because he stayed on my street, two houses down. Sometimes, the three of us would go home from school together. At other times, it’d be my sister and me alone. He would go home in the company of some other guy. Incidences like this always made me jealous and moody. My sister would notice and tease me endlessly about my “boyfriend” leaving me for another boy. I’d just smack her head and run away.
When I finally understood that I was attracted to guys (this was in the university), the first person I spoke to about it was my sister. She didn’t judge and she didn’t freak out. She asked me what I wanted to do. I told her I didn’t know. She then proceeded to set me up with two of her friends, and we kept my secret between us, because we both knew my parents, especially Mother, would chop my head off if they got to know.
Things didn’t work out with my sister’s friends. I moved on. I met guys. Dated a few, shagged a few. My life wasn’t boring. Then came life after Youth Service. Father died.
Mother asked when I’d settle down. I had no concrete answer. I told her I wasn’t ready for marriage. It didn’t help that my sister soon brought her fiancé home. She didn’t want to at first, but I persuaded her not to hold back on my account. I was genuinely happy for her.
Mother was thrilled too. It was this excitement that made her come back at me with full force, and she pestered me with questions about when she’d meet my girlfriend. Truthfully, I knew she wanted the best for me. I just don’t want to settle down with someone of the opposite sex. Not that my relationships with guys lasts either. I’ve got demons I’m dealing with.
A friend introduced me to Kito Diaries last year. So far, I’ve learnt a lot, I’ve laughed a lot and I’ve also cringed a lot.
One of the things I’ve learnt here however is to be brave, to make decisions and stand by them. I read Vhar’s Coming Out Story sometime last year, and I was amazed at how he handled things with his mother. He inspired me to do the needful: Come out to mine.
And when I did, it was liberating. It was like Vhar laid out the template for me.
I had the talk with her. I came out to her. I told her that her only son is gay.
She was angry. My God, she was. Then she cried. And I did too.
I left her alone afterwards. I stayed away.
On the fifteenth of March, she called me. And she told me she loved me.
And now, I want to say: Thank you, Vhar. Somehow, I am indebted to you.
Written by Boye
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50 Comments
Mandy
March 30, 05:52This is the beauty of Kito Diaries. Beyond the bickering and bloodshed and pettiness, there is always the story of inspiration for one to own his truth and do right by his life. Boye, this was very brave of you. It couldn’t have been easy, coming out, an only son. How refreshing your life must now be, free from the expectations of your family. All the best.
Delle
March 30, 08:43*thinking stance*…maybe we should send gifts your way for most times being first to comment, Mandy hunnay
Dubem
March 30, 05:53That is how the writers on this blog will be touching people’s lives without even being fully aware of it. Vhar, you do good. Boye, you are brave. #Live
Absalom
March 30, 06:06This is inspiring. We need more stories like this. #dream
Rapum
March 30, 07:10This moved me. Way to go, Boye!
Francis
March 30, 07:22Everybody just dey come out and I’m still stuck in this rubbish closet ?? Maybe we should start #StepOuttaTheCloset2016 movement ?
Congrats man. Hopefully things get better and stay positive for you and she doesn’t get the idea to recommend some pastor. *hopefully you guys have discussed that and you’ve made your stance known to her*
A-non
March 30, 07:24Sofri sofri o! No be inter house sports.
Francis
March 30, 07:27???
Pink Panther
March 30, 07:56????? Tell am o, Anon.
A-non
March 30, 07:22Beautiful!
miztadiol
March 30, 07:24This got to me… I love it
Kenny
March 30, 07:53Boye I’m very happy for you. You can live on your own terms now. Enjoy your life
Delle
March 30, 08:41Oh my! This is truly beautiful. I don’t know when and how I’d get such courage but I’m so glad you overcame your fear. Good for you Boye. Have lots of good fun with it. XO
kennedy
March 30, 09:43congratulations boye…am so happy for ya..#live
doe eyed monster
March 30, 10:45Hmm…i knew I had to go deeper into the closet when I told my parents I wanted to small temporary baby dreads on my hair and mum said “ahh..you want to make satan happy” and dad asked me to drop my surname and not come home for the week the hair is up… Hmmm….I need new lock and keys for this closet…
ambivalentone
March 30, 15:39bwahahahaha
iamcoy
March 30, 12:15#TeamVhar-gency
Kudos boye!
Mitch
March 30, 12:36This is what KD is all about: touching lives in more ways than one. Congratulations Boye. The years ahead may still be tough but you’ve conquered your biggest mountain. I really am happy for you.
bruno
March 30, 12:43nice post. pretty inspiring… i’m out to all my friends but for some reason, i’ve been reluctant to do the same with family. i think i’m ready now though.
Delle
March 30, 16:23*seatbelt on*
Ame
May 10, 15:25Same Bruno from Bella Naija?
Vhar.
March 30, 13:17Hello, Boye.
Congratulations. And You owe me absolutely nothing. You did all that by yourself. 🙂
Be good, man.
BRYANNN
March 30, 18:37This is bravery at its peak!!!!
Instead of beating abt the bush and scampering over nothing…
You decided to drag the bull by the horn…Now the pressures will gradually subside….I luv this, I luv the fact that u dint arrange to hide under a lesbian wife to be doing ur same-sex stuff. I will come out wen am fully independent…For now, am still ensconced in that CLOSET!!!!!
ame
May 10, 15:29But don’t chu think hiding behind a lesbian wife is better than deceiving and cheating a straight wife?
BRYANNN
March 30, 18:39PLS for those of us with illiterate parents, do not pull that American stunt on them…..Ur dad will kill u before he understands the word same-sex attractions…LOL!!!
Francis
March 30, 18:46???? what if they are Sango worshippers?
KingBey
March 31, 06:47My Dad has a PhD but he will kill me if he gets to know about my sexuality. ???
DI-NAVY
March 31, 08:34Most of our parents are educated but they’ll never come in terms with same sex! The African mentality’s killing them.
HERO
March 30, 19:07Inspiring Congrats Boye, but don’t be too comfortable, always be a step ahead of Mum. I bet you she would come calling again because she wants Grand Children & a wedding. Even when Mum knew about me &Ruby she still ask me if l don’t want to have a child? She has no issue if l want 2 spend Мy life with Ruby as a Broda. All she needs is a wedding 2 a girl 2 please her & the so called society ladies club she belongs. Again Congrats Boye wellcome on board.
Francis
March 30, 19:12This our obsession with keeping up appearances sha. My enemies must not see me fall. ??
Khaleesi
March 30, 20:35Congrats Boye, you are indeed very brave. While its true that a lot of the burden has been lifted off your shoulders, the truth is that ‘this’ never quite goes away! in a few years, your Mum will be back, asking you to find a way,anyway to get with a girl, that she wants a daughter in law as well as grandchildren, regardless of the fact that you’re gay, then society (whether you like it or not), will come up with their oppression and discrimination, simply on account of the fact that you’re an unmarried mature man. What am trying to say is – dont relax, you’ve won one of so many battles in a long, painful, drawn out war which you might fight for most of your life #BraceYourself
Keredim
March 30, 21:02Wow! You really know how to suck the joy out of everything.
What if his mum encourages him to have a child via surrogacy?! ?
Its not always doom and gloom you know.????
Wayfaring Stranger
March 30, 23:22UKD.
Mandy
March 31, 00:00Lol. Keredim you’re talking to Khaleesi. She’s gone from the mother of dragons to the prophetess of doom in the past year
KingBey
March 31, 06:44I so wish…..this past Easter eve, my dad coldly and calmly told me he will disown me without flinching if at all I’m Gay. That’s it’s a cult and that he has noticed I don’t really like women. He even gave me an ultimatum to bring home my GF ASAP when I went defensive and told him I have one already. Mum overheard us and later advised me to be more careful. She never makes a fuss anytime my sexuality issue comes up. I think she knows about me. She’s only bothered about my health and safety. But my dad? unrepentant homophobe. He never spoke to me in that cold manner before. ??? ???
Kenny
March 31, 07:41They both know Kingbey, it just didn’t come up for no reason.
Pink Panther
March 31, 07:42That’s what I thought too.
KingBey
March 31, 07:54Why then will he threaten me. He feels I will be made straight by that? Smh ??? I actually felt really bad last Saturday. Haven’t felt that bad in a long while. Thank God my BF talked me out of my mood. Would probably have done something stupid that night.
Pink Panther
March 31, 08:02Pele, my brother. It’s a good thing you’re drawing strength from your bf. At some point, something has to give.
DI-NAVY
March 31, 08:37Awwwwwwwwww. You’ll be fine @KingBey…
Francis
March 31, 08:27????
Thank God my dad doesn’t form bad guy. He no dey even talk sef.
I can just imagine the acute depression wey catch you. Pele ?
Wiffey
March 31, 07:29I’ve got a question
Will you have ever been brave enough to have come out to your father?
Do u feel in death he’ll approve your lifestyle and still love you?
Mandy
March 31, 07:31And this matters because?
Chizzie
March 31, 10:37This was nice. ???
Geeluv
March 31, 13:39It’s obvious I’m the only one who will die in silence…. because coming out is like so impossible for me…. my family thinks I’m a saint… very holy person…. can’t even do sin…. good choir master with the fear of God… the supposed Rev. Fr. G….. where I go start from biko…. Vhar come to my rescue. Lolz…
emperor
March 31, 16:52Not only u bruh…it seems so impossible for me too. I’m like d golden boy in d family and my bf who recently bowed to pressures have been on my neck too to get a dummy gf. I’ve had sex in d past with gals and it was really a bitter story. So confused right now BTW congrats Boye
Reed
March 31, 19:21Hmmmmmm, doesn’t it seem like, even we are legalized our families will still want to pull us under their pressures? Cos it could become a case of which family will get disgraced first by having an out son/daughter. If only we were independent from young ages….. * looking out from inside the closet * ?
Marc Francis of Chelsea
April 02, 19:28OMG my heart! This was so sweet to read. You are so lucky and blessed. I hope one day your luck rubs off on me.
HIS COMING OUT STORY (The Equation Called Family) | KitoDiaries
April 14, 06:04[…] with a bunch of friends, one where we were talking about guys, relationships and Kito Diaries. Boye’s Coming Out Story had just trended on KD, and we were talking about the issue of coming out. Somebody talked about […]
Tommen
May 24, 13:02I wonder if I’d ever have this kind of courage..