‘I Thought Sex Was Bad.’ – Binyavanga Wainaina
In a Facebook post, Kenyan writer, Binyavanga Wainaina, reveals his earliest turmoil as a gay man.
‘In my 20s, I wanted to be asexual. I let my body grow very fat (safe from desire). I become the group rustic – big dreads to hide under, oversize clothes, never shave, a story of huggable bear who never lets anybody close. I decided to love groups, buddies, cliques. Like many queers, become the class clown. Nobody asks you who u are with. U make sure they have no reason to ask you. You put out the vibe that u are beyond sex and loving. U are available to advise everybody. U are a public person, in your room you wank a lot. Alone. I did the work diligently of guiding everybody to not see me as a sexual person a person needing love. I was the highest defender of all closets. I made all those who love me expect little of me. I expected very little of me. It nearly destroyed me. I buried a friend who died of shame ..I would have expired the same way, slowly degraded again and again. Until I was thirty I really thought kisses were dirty. Every women I kissed sexually left me feeling wrong and dirty. So, I told myself sex itself is bad. It was a male escort who kissed me and made me feel I deserved to tingle from a kiss. Imagine that. A French Canadian man in Montreal. Imagine that. Fucker saved my life.’
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26 Comments
Francis
June 13, 05:43Eeeya! #ThatJoyousMomentWhenYouFinallyLoveYourself 🙂
pinkpanthertb
June 13, 05:45Something a certain KDian really REALLY needs. *still shaking my head at his comments*
Francis
June 13, 05:48@pinkpanthertb lol. Hopefully he or she will get that golden opportunity before checking out of this life 🙂
Colossus
June 13, 11:43Haba! What is happening here? “A certain KDian?” Nna call the name jor. You people would just be walking on egg shells, call the name make I… err, some of us know who you’re talking about.
pinkpanthertb
June 13, 11:45LOL.
Here. A compass to yesterday’s Father-son post comment section will enlighten you.
Colossus
June 13, 11:54*rushing to said post* I’ve got time this Saturday
Colossus
June 13, 12:12Look eh, did you want to spoil this my beautiful Saturday? Why did you send me on a suicide mission? What was some of that thrash I read? Look PP, you now owe me, you now owe me big time.
Ringlana
June 13, 05:58And Who. Says we don’t know how to do it better?we are unique,that’s why there are afraid of. Us
keredim
June 13, 06:02The guy is so fine!!!!!! The French Canadian escort must have found it very easy to do his job☺️
pinkpanthertb
June 13, 06:03*narrowing eyes at Keredim*
*sniffing for the hint of shade*
Francis
June 13, 06:05@Keredim the appropriate post for this kind of comment is coming soonest. Trust me. 😛
trystham
June 13, 06:59ROTFL. That was my first thought
pinkpanthertb
June 13, 06:05Hahahahahahahahahaa!!! Touche. I’ll get you for that, Kere.
JArch
June 13, 06:29Kere is on a roll this morning
There must be something in the air around London today
pete
June 13, 06:30breath the air of freedom
JArch
June 13, 07:02You should be asleep by now then
Abi jetlag is a bitch
keredim
June 13, 07:06Yup it’s a real bitch, but there are nice distractions
pinkpanthertb
June 13, 08:19You’re still not getting any? lol
Ace
June 13, 08:43Is it appropriate to say I am still praying? No? I think God is answering me by not giving me an answer. Lol
Diablo
June 13, 08:36Well im glad he got to love himself…might not be the brightess bird in the flock ( yellow eyes and black lips , the ultimate turn off. *shudders*) but, atleast he loves himself and that’s all there is – Loving yourself! Its something we all have to aspire to attain. Its apparent when ppl dont love themselves, it shows, even on an anonymous gay blog like this
sinnex
June 13, 08:53You think your case is bad until meet one whose own is worse.
Max
June 13, 10:32Lol… Sinnex take note..
🙂
ronniephoenix
June 13, 17:38i can totally relate, i am bipolar,depressed and suicidal.
yes i can relate.
Sinnex
June 13, 19:57Only you?
That is serious.
Be strong!
shuga chocolata
June 13, 21:25Well I’m a bit BiPolar, depressed but I can never be sucidal, RP *hugs from me to you.*
ronniephoenix
June 13, 22:38thanks shuga