Let’s Discuss…About Cheating As A Deal-breaker
In a Facebook LGBT group I belong to, a friend updated the post below. It drew several opinions, clashing and agreeing, and I felt obligated to share here on KD. Check on it:
“Ok this is something I would like to get you guys’ opinion on. Is having sex with other people worth the reason for breaking up with your boo?
“I have recently heard a lot of stories about dudes breaking up a relationship that had lasted for months, years even, simply because one of them went and had sex with some other guy. This, as we all know, makes up 80% of the reasons why couples break up these days. I will give an example.
“You have been in a relationship with this guy for almost a year. You have been good together until the day you found out he had sex with some nigga. Maybe not once, let’s say three times. Then you decided to call it off. Now about this shag with whom he had sex with, he is probably someone you know (which is the worst case scenario). Perhaps he hid his cheating from you, or perhaps he told you about it. You got really worked up and called it off.
“But then, I want to ask: would he have gone on cinema dates with a mere shag? Would he have taken some random dude he just had sex with on a date in a restaurant? Would he have stolen occasional kisses from him? Would he have stayed at home naked all day with this guy? Would he have cooked or served this guy breakfast in bed? Would he have cuddled with him all night while sleeping? Would he even have surprise-hugged him from behind while he was doing something serious? Would he have taken him for a walk one evening just to get some air? Would he have told him those boring stories about how he spilled the chocolate from his donut on his white shirt in school that other day? I don’t think so. These are the little things that matter (to me anyway, I don’t know about you). We are all men, probably between the ages of 19 and 40. We all get the urges every now and then to get into any cute guy’s pants. But is that all it is to date someone? Wouldn’t it mean you are with me only for sex if you break up with me because I had sex with someone else?
“Please ponder on these and let’s have your opinions. I guess mine is pretty obvious on this post.”
And there you have it, KDians. Let’s discuss about cheating as a reason to break up your relationship.
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46 Comments
KingBey
February 27, 07:53*files nails*
Alves
February 27, 07:56If it happened once, I don’t think it should be a reason for breakup. If it’s consistent, and he feels for that person, well its best we end it.
Mandy
February 27, 08:06The consistency of the cheating is what is the deal breaker for me. Cheat on me once, and we can work it out. Cheat on me more than once, and it’s obvious you want to keep spreading the good news. And I dont wanna stay in a relationship with no evangelist.
DI-NAVY
February 27, 08:09First of all, I love my boo so much that thought of him sleeping with someone else will even break me down. Why keep a relationship when there’s a back up plan to cheat? It’ll hurt more if you’re 100% faithful to the infidel. Tbh, the rate at which i love my guy, i’ll hurt, sulk and cry for a long time, even go up to the extent of staying away from some time, but hunnay, I won’t be caught dead leaving the love of my life cos he cheated . It might sound so excruciating when he cheated with someone you know, that’s unacceptable, but as humans, we fall off the l,adder once in a while, leaving him won’t make him 100% faithful either, rather you made him more porous and vulnerable. The love i have for my boo is so strong that it’ll take a lot to say “it’s over” and i stick to it. I just can’t.
Pink Panther
February 27, 08:10My oh my, DI-Navy’s boo, are you reading this? 🙂
DI-NAVY
February 27, 08:28What if he’s not an avid reader of KD? LOL
KingBey
February 27, 08:34Di Navy’s Boo. Are you there? Lol. Coman read o
bruno
February 27, 08:15cheating has never been about the sex.
its about the betrayal of trust. that’s what’s so damaging about it.
it’s about the fact that someone you’ve opened up to and have been completely honest and vulnerable with has reciprocated with lies, cover up and taken you for a ride.
it’s about the fact you your friends who were supposed to have you back and your loyalty would pass it all up for a chance to ride on your boyfriend’s dick.
in theory, i’m not every against open relationships as long as its what both partners agree on but that is not cheating. cheating is the breaking of a promise not to.
of course, cheating is completely forgivable but its ridiculous to to try and dismiss something that threatens to damage the very core of love and intimacy with a simple wave of a hand.
a simple google search brought this up… maybe it will help understand the psychology better https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/healthy-connections/201003/the-blind-side-when-the-one-you-love-cheats
DI-NAVY
February 27, 08:26whatever open relationship means, not a fan, never had, never will. just call it fvck buddies when deem fit.
If two people agree to be in an open relationship, sorry to burst your bubbles, you guys are just best of friends with strings attached. I’m not trying to endorse the word “cheating here’ but when he opens up to you about his sexcapade, if you love him that much, you wouldn’t wanna leave. But I will treat him with so much silence, leaving him? naaaaaaaaaaa hunty.
Francis
February 27, 09:20Well they say some peeps are good at seperating Love from Sex and that’s probably what open relationships are based on. You love each other dearly but the sex with one person ONLY thing just doesn’t work for you guys. So you agree to have sex with other people and not fall in love with them……..but the devil can be a bastard and eventually one falls in love with an outsider *sighs*
Colossus
February 27, 09:00This is why I don’t do relationships. It’s already assumed as men, we’ll cheat so why put myself through the worry of when either of us will step out? Stay your Lane make I stay my Lane.
Chuck
February 27, 09:52assumed by who?
Are you sure this is assumed for men, or assumed for entitled, misogynist men?
bruno
February 27, 10:40you don’t do relationships? so what exactly do you do? what are you into?
Max 2.1
February 27, 10:43Ummm, the whole point of being an MGM is that you’re already in a relationship, so you shouldn’t be seeking out one(with boys) anyways. @Colossus
Wayfaring Stranger
February 27, 14:23I don’t know why an MGM would cheat.
pete
February 27, 14:38MGMs are humans & humans cheat. outline reasons why humans cheat & that’s same reasons MGMs cheat
Chandler B.
February 27, 15:20Do you not also know why a married straight man would cheat?
chuck
February 27, 17:55No wonder. Lying, cheating and disrespect are second nature to him. Funny how he would react if he found a man or woman in his wife’s bed
Wayfaring Stranger
February 27, 18:29I don’t support adultery.
Francis
February 27, 09:11Shit happens. You deal with it and move on BUT when that shit occurs frequently, it’s time to move on biko especially if it’s meant to be a monogamous relationship and not an open season one
Mr. Big
February 27, 09:12Like the writer said, there are so many more things that make up a relationship than sex. Yes, there is the betrayal of trust and intimacy, but if it was just sex and nothing beyond that, it will hurt at first, but you’ll be fine eventually.
We’re all human and make mistakes, but if it’s truly a mistake and your partner fesses up, that shows he really wants to make things right, but if it’s a situation where he got caught and it’s been a continuous thing happening, maybe your relationship is in trouble and he’s seeking happiness elsewhere.
There’s so much more to these things than meets the eye, the parties involved have to be honest with themselves and decide if what they have is worth saving or if it makes more sense to call it quits. Sometimes, love isn’t enough…. We hate to admit it, but it’s true.
XOXO
Max 2.1
February 27, 09:15Cheating may occur accidentally, but let’s not say it wasn’t a choice. In every situation, there’s always a choice, except if you were not in the right frame of mind to make the batter choice.
The bad kind of cheating would be the one where your lover “actively” seeks out/flirts with other dudes and “plans” to have a “tryst” with them. The whole process of seeking out, planning and carrying out the deed is what is worrisome about cheating.
The not-so-bad kind of cheating is the type that happened randomly(unplanned) and mistakenly (maybe he went out and had a few drinks with friends… Let his guard down).
Also the “telling” part matters too. If he goes ahead to hide it from you, it means he plans on doing it again(which means he most likely did the first kind of cheating I talked about here).
There are several kinds of cheating too;
Emotional/Psychological cheating- where you confide in other people and get emotionally attached to them(with high risk of letting ur guard down when they’re close) instead of doing that with your lover.
And then there’s real cheating- where you flirt with other poeole and test your “man fetching” power. This flirting eventually leads to seeking a meet up with the said person and eventually do the do.
Whether it was just a kiss, or some dry humping, or mutual masturbation, or blow job, or the anal sex, they’re all cheating!!.
Cheating is a serious offence in any relationship and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Only people who have witnessed first hand of what it could do to a relationship would be able to relate. Breaking your partner’s trust can devastating for both of you and it takes lots of hard work and time to rebuild.
Of course cheating is forgivable, but its not a small forgiveness to grant. Usually takes a while for the partner cheated on to heal from it. The forgiveness also depends on a lot of factors like the events that led to the cheating and if it was likely to occur again etc.
A habitual cheater(especially those that sleep with your friends) should be dropped, its better for your mental health because you won’t spend time thinking about the next friend of yours he’s gonna sleep with.
DI-NAVY
February 27, 09:51Max i’m a fan of yours. Can i get an autograph please? you already said it all. Yes i can forgive my boo if he tells me before i find out, and it’s unforgivable if he cheats with my own very friend cos that’s the height of disrespect and he’s a serial cheat for that.
You are so brilliant, come let’s go have some cocktail. lol
Max 2.1
February 27, 10:03“Cock”- tail? ???
Theo
February 27, 10:57Oh Max! This is lovely….you’re indeed an intelligent guy. You said it way better than a shrink.
Where can I kiss you?
Pink Panther
February 27, 11:59Hi Max, that altar is looking pretty darn good. 😀
KingBey
February 28, 07:24The way he mounts the podium these days. George Judy will even be green with envy. If only Jesus didn’t say no one is perfect, I would have thought you were. Lol
Jeova Sanctus Unus
February 28, 08:58She’s a judge, Judy.
TheMagnus
March 01, 12:02Sir Max, I couldn’t have said those words better! Well said.??
Khaleesi
February 27, 11:19St. Maxine Patron Saint of the church of anti-hoe denomination!! Preachhh gurl!! ***sprinkles glitter all over your nun habit***
Ok, i can pardon my man if he cheats on me, sex can be mostly physical, so if in an unguarded moment like when he’s in a strange town and has a few drinks with a guy And somehow they end up in bed, i can pardon that if it’s a one-off, no strings attached encounter, but what i honestly cannot pardon is when emotions become involved esp when he cheats with the same guy on the regular – whether or not the guy is a friend of mine. The repetitive nature of the encounter will indicate that they both share an emotional bond and um … Who wants to compete with that? Certainly not me!!
Tony Odekunle - Brown
February 27, 11:21So… It depends. If they just has sex one time… It’s fine. But if he confides in the person, has long conversations with the person and is emotional connected to the person then we have a problem
Mr. Fingers
February 27, 11:44All these talk abt gay relationships lasting for months and years is fiction. We all know these things dont last long. If u truly love someone,the fact that he cheated and is asking for forgiveness shouldnt be a deal breaker.
Pink Panther
February 27, 12:08All these talk abt gay relationships lasting for months and years is fiction. We all know these things dont last long???
Are you speaking from a worldly point of view? Or just opining from the narrowed view of a gay Nigerian?
Mr. Fingers
February 27, 16:36Are we in the west or nigeria?
Max 2.1
February 27, 12:17@Finger, speak for yourself. The world doesn’t revolve around your narrow keyhole view of it.
Mr. Fingers
February 27, 16:39Max how lond did ur last relationship last?
pete
February 27, 13:26Mr Fingers, I was in a relationship for 6 years. stop projecting your experience on others.
DI-NAVY
February 27, 16:11Yassssssssssss! I envisage more than that with my boo….. Thank you Pete! This gave me hope!!!
Mr. Fingers
February 27, 16:42lol.Dear Pete,i doubt any nigerian gay will be in an exclusive relationship for six years,but if u say u where congratulations.
Pink Panther
February 27, 21:29So cynical.
Max 2.1
February 27, 21:53I don’t blame him, I blame the guy(s) who screwed him up.
Mr. Fingers
February 27, 22:49Lol. Dear Max u really need help.
Chuck
February 27, 23:04he’s not cynical – he’s stupid, illogical, and trying to win an argument without reasoning. Notice how he started off by saying “we all know”, but once he was challenged he came back with “i doubt”?
Fingers, you don’t know shit, and you can’t learn crap. Fool.
Jeova Sanctus Unus
February 28, 09:01Hello Chuck!
Mr. Fingers
February 28, 16:05Lol. Are u done with ur rant? Hahaha. Bitter much? Poor u.smh.
Ruby
February 28, 23:18Calm ur titties ladies, I’ve been in a relationship for 5yrs n counting n I haven’t had any reason to consider leaving Мy man for any and every one due to one slip….
We have ground rules that govern our relationship and should you flout any, well…. Time will tell….
Its simply about understanding how much that individual means to you and how willing you are to ensure that your relationship works!!!