Let’s Discuss…About How To Keep A Successful Gay Relationship
I recently stumbled on a post published on nativeprince.com, titled ‘5 WAYS TO KEEP A SUCCESSFUL GAY RELATIONSHIP.’ And it got me thinking, especially after I read the content of the post. I didn’t agree with most of the things the writer had to say, but what do I know, I’ve only been in one relationship my entire life as a gay man.
So, read below what the Native Prince had to say, and in the comments section, you can let us know your thoughts on the subject.
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I don’t often disclose the intimate details of my personal life – and I don’t intend to start now. What I will say, though, is that I’ve reached a point in my life where I know what works and what doesn’t in a relationship. The answer: nothing. There is absolutely no prescribed fix for any given situation in terms of relationships. But to borrow from an old saying, I’ve learned from my mistakes – and his – and would offer these tidbits of advice for making your relationship last.
1) HE IS RIGHT, YOU ARE WRONG. ALWAYS.
In moments of frustration, it’s easy to become selfish and only think about how you feel – but in relationships, how you feel no longer matters. It’s all about him. All. Everything. What’s yours is his, and what’s his is his. For heterosexuals, the saying is “a happy wife makes for a happy life.” In our world, a happy boyfriend makes for…a lot of work for you.
2) STAND YOUR GROUND! . . . OVER THERE SOMEWHERE.
There’s nothing worse than a man who’s willing to be walked over to avoid a conflict, especially if it’s an issue he feels strongly about. What’s worse, though, is that you will become that man. Your frustrations will be deemed “silly,” “childish,” and “what the fuck is wrong with you?” Whatever he’s upset about, however, will be priority No. 1 – surpassing the fiscal cliff, debt ceiling, and Beyoncé’s set list for the Super Bowl halftime show. You may disagree with him, but it’s only because you don’t see it from his eyes (see rule No. 1). Trust me.
3) YOUR CALLS/TEXTS/EMAILS, ETC., WILL ALL BE MONITORED FOR QUALITY ASSURANCE PURPOSES.
You might as well remove your passcode from your phone, because chances are he knows it already. Be prepared for questions like, “Who is ‘Daddy’?” And don’t even think about answering “my father,” because that would make way too much sense. Your every like, re-tweet and mention will be scrutinized to the fullest, and he will find something – whether it’s there or not. Deleting your social media channels is also futile because you’ll probably end up fighting about what you were trying so hard to hide that you had to delete your stuff in the first place (see rule No. 2), leading you to beg and plead for forgiveness for something you likely never did (see rule No. 1). Is this sinking in yet?
4) SEX. ON DEMAND.
This is probably the only rule that will genuinely benefit the both of you. It’s your chance to remind him that you are in control of this. That is, unless you’re sleepy. Or sick. Or in the hospital. Regardless of how you feel, if he wants it – give it to him. Whether you have to straddle him and ride him senseless while trying not to sneeze on his face, or you have to turn his back into Jello while fighting off that impending cramp in your calf, do what you have to do. And make it count. He’ll thank you…someday.
5) SUCK IT UP.
Chances are you’re as big of a pain in the ass to him as he is to you, so learn to live with his flaws. He lives with your snoring, terrible morning breath and borderline alcoholism, right? Knowing that, I’m sure you can deal with his tiny, tiny issues. And let’s be honest here: can you do better?
Obviously, this “advice” is terrible and not meant to be taken seriously. It is, however, intended to help you see that we’re all human and we all have our own issues and insecurities. But every relationship is different, and it’s up to you and yours to decide what works (and what doesn’t) to keep it going.
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You almost went apoplectic reading that, didn’t you? Lol. Such bunkum, right? Well, it’s like he said: it’s up to you and yours to decide what works – or doesn’t work – for your relationship.
Why don’t you tell us what you think works in the maintaining of a relationship? *askance look at Chizzie and Dennis*
Sluts and serial daters, please stay away! There’s nothing for you here. Lol.
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25 Comments
Max
August 23, 06:44well, I think theyre all gud points albeit a bit preposterous, however, 99% of Nigerians won’t do that. We’ve not yet evolved to the era of maintaining a long lasting gay relationships. Trust me, I’ve tried. Most still have self guilt, others carry a alot of emotional baggage and sometimes its too much to handle. And pls I love being right…lol..All my past relationships ended because of either ignorance or cheating, how am I expected to understand that?.
Until people stop seeing this as a game/phase and realizing its “our life”, there won’t be any change.
trystham
August 23, 06:51I think the title should have been “How to be the perfect doormat – Teaching African Wives”
IMO, To having a successful relationship, the only rule is NEVER EXPECT IT TO LAST…more if you are the overly jealous monitoring spirit. So fight, fuck, live good and move on. Its two men in a relationship. The ROVING EYE will always be inherent.
pinkpanthertb
August 23, 06:53‘How to be the perfect doormat – Teaching African Wives’ … Hahahahahahahaaa. Oh Trystham
Lothario
August 23, 11:51Lol @ your title…but I disagree with your POV. Why bother dating if you’re already sitting and waiting for the end? You might as well just enjoy the sex and companionship, and not give it a label.
Ruby
August 23, 06:59Thanks @Pinky. Well speakin from experience, suffice it 2 say dat most of these: Nos 3,4,5 n a lil of 2 apply 2 М̣̣̥̇̊Ɣ relationship bt trust “Bottom Power” 2 prevail at some point *especially when I want something done М̣̣̥̇̊Ɣ way* (I’m crazy like that sometimes).
Your relationship’s tone is most times set from D̶̲̥̅ 1st day ƔU̶̲̥̅̊ both met n then decided 2 date tho in М̣̣̥̇̊Ɣ case, we both set ground rules which we still operate till date n it works 4 us (3yrs n counting).
So make ur rules and 4 D̶̲̥̅ Love of all things ƔU̶̲̥̅̊ Hold ː̗̗̀̀ ː̖̖́́. D̶̲̥̅ε̲̣̣̣̥ǻ̀́r… LIVE BY THEM.
Xoxo
Ruby
August 23, 07:12Oh n Max I’ve been in a relationship 4 3yrs with minimal roving eyes n monitoring spirits n Ɣε̲̣̣̣̥§ I have been D̶̲̥̅ Perfect wife with all D̶̲̥̅ Drama dat comes with it.
chestnut
August 23, 07:22I always say,making a relationship work can only happen if BOTH parties truly WANT it to work. To keep a relationship,u have to understand each other and u both have to be completely honest about the form u want ur relationship to take (exclusive, open…). Each party should be able to know his capabilities and limits,and neither should offer what they won’t be able to give in d long run.
3) D question of having or not having access to each other’s fones/bbm/facebook/manjam acct etc
Regarding d points up there:
1) One person can’t always be right. I’m guessing 2 ppl who entered into a relationship are adults,so they should be able to use their discretion,and realise when one person has genuinely fucked up,in which case d “offended” has every right to point it out to d “offender”. U don’t hav to go bat-shit crazy wen stating ur displeasure,but u can apply some tact and diplomacy. If u truly feel u’ve been wronged,don’t hold it in,for d sake of peace;it’ll eat u up from inside.
2).(Refer to 1,above): u SHOULD stand ur ground and make ur frustrations known.just apply tact and diplomacy; if he tries to make u out to be d crazy,nagging bf everytime he fuck up and ur complain abt it, then u should ask urself some questions abt his true feelings for u and d level of selflessness he brings to d union.(But remember,always air ur grievances in a tactful,mature manner)
3)D question of having or not having full access to each other’s fones/bbm/facebook/manjam acct etc, should depend on d kind of relationship u guys agreed to go into from d beginning. If it’s an exclusive relationship,I don’t see why anyone should hav anything to hide; if it’s an open relationship, then for each other’s mental well-being(becos d emotions are very fragile and unpredictable),u might both agree to adopt a “don’t ask,don’t tell” policy.
4) Sex on demand…hehehe .I guess dis one depends on how sexually in sync u both are with each other(one would assume that would have been figured out b4 making d relationship official). Let’s face it, both ppl will not always want sex at d same time. As long as it doesn’t occur regularly(or as a form of punishment), u and ur partner should be able to understand wen d other party is not in d mood.I mean,love is patient,no? Besides,having sex with someone who isn’t in d mood is never as exciting as wen d person is all amped up for it.
5) Suck it up,but know what to suck up.if it’s small things like snoring or morning-breath,those shouldn’t be a deal-breaker,to me. If they are issues that can be altered,u can talk to him;if he loves u,he’ll make d effort.if it’s things that can’t be changed,well,u just hav to suck it up,as long as it’s not something REALLY catastrophic.
(That was a looooong ass comment; now I’m tired…sorry for any typos)
pinkpanthertb
August 23, 07:23Wow. Gave this a lot of thought, did ya, Chestie? 🙂
chestnut
August 23, 07:38Lol.not really pinky.it just seems natural and logical to me, if u’re goin to hav a realtionship that works.
Lothario
August 23, 11:56I agree with you all the way…..
luke
August 23, 17:52This here is a better method of reasoning. Relationship is always and will be a two way thinking, the rules you set defines how you relationship will go.taking your partners feeling and your feeling into consideration also before any decisions made
dadiva
August 23, 08:46Wonda y people dnt kip deir relationship tight….anyways top sha if deve sin som1else with big ass nd a nice sex appeal dey go for dt den later fallin lust wit d peron…..btms just like sum1 givin wt dey want nd wen dey want sinz we knw dey dnt stick to a person so y stickin to dem….
Lothario
August 23, 12:03It is this kind of attitude that ruins the relationship even before it starts….. No! Not everyone is the same. It’s normal to be attracted to other people, but if you’re exclusive with your partner and you don’t act on it….aces!
There will always be big asses, big dicks and rich guys, but as long as your relationship is built on a solid foundation, you just might be lucky to withstand all those things….
Have a little faith in your partners.
Samaurai
August 23, 09:53IMO, the way to keep a successful relationship is to genuinely love and be in sync with each other. Love covers a multitude of “sins”. When I say Love, many people may scoff. But I must tell you, Real Love is a force to be reckoned with. It is the strongest force in existence and there is no limit to what it can do.
I’m not going to go into a long exposé. But the bottomline is that it takes two people who really want to be together to be together. Whether in a heterosexual or homosexual relationship, the principles are basically the same.
I’ve had my fair share of gay relationships. There’s a lot of drama, I concur(I can be very dramatic myself), but looking back at these relationships, I’ve realised that most would have succeeded if we decided to put in more work.
I’m currently in a loving relationship. It’s not been easy. I don’t think anyone annoys me and hurts me in this life the way he does. And I don’t think any other person has put him through the hell I’ve put him through. But guess what? We are still together. Most times, I’ve gotten so frustrated to the point of wanting to leave, but he always finds a way to mellow my spirit and make me stay. The converse is also true.
I’m not saying my relationship is a model relationship or something but here you see two people who are ready to do anything, and I mean anything, to make the relationship work (including being a doormat).
pinkpanthertb
August 23, 11:09Wow.
Dennis Macauley
August 23, 12:50I can relate with the “most annoying” part! Sometimes I wonder how someone can be so annoying and you still love them!
Dimkpa
August 23, 10:01I was relieved to see the comment at the end acknowledging the advice as terrible.
In my opinion, for a gay relationship to work both parties have to acknowledge that straying will occur and need to come to terms with how they will handle that. When people obsess about cheating in gay relations, I find it difficult to get. We are not wired thay way. Straight people are not either. No one is, in fact and studies have been done on this.
Besides that developing a good friendship, support for each other, being empathetic and validating each other’s feelings are essential.
Who knows even the cheating may occur by mutual consent or done together.
Dennis Macauley
August 23, 10:02Hian* why was I specifically mentioned here pink panther? Anyway I just ran a half marathon so I’m in a good mood and I will ignore the “half shade”
About relationships, take it from me there are no rules that work except one; take the good with the bad. I think a core component of our humanity is the fact that we are flawed! If you can accept that fact and expect no perfection, then you are fine. Be willing to forgive a few indiscretions!
Ruby
August 23, 14:42Lest I forget to add… Trust is D̶̲̥̅ most important factor in any relationship *Besides driving each other in Chestie’s words… BAT-SHIT crazy which helps sometimes* (Believe ♍e̶̲̥̅̊, М̣̣̥̇̊Ɣ boo has seen it all with М̣̣̥̇̊Ɣ Truckload of DRAMA just as I have Experienced his)
The basic truth is that when ƔU̶̲̥̅̊ both Genuinely Love n Trust each other *with all the Delilahs n Davids (dare I say so) around ƔU̶̲̥̅̊ . ƔU̶̲̥̅̊ both will ß̍̍̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ able to weather any storm that may come your way.
Chizzie
August 23, 17:54in my own opinion and based on my own experience, keeping and maintaining a relationship depends to are large extent on the following:
When both partners have money
When both partners have jobs
When atleast one has a place of his own so their’s convenience for a shag
When atleast one partner has a car
And this might be abit biased but dating a guy in his 30s or above helps! just cause men in their 30s (and >) are accomplished for the most mature enough to handle the drama that comes with same sex relationships
dan
August 23, 20:35Just like Dennis rightly said, there is no rule on how to make a relationship work. I’ve been in 4 gay relationships in my life, first lasted 3 years, second 18 months, third 2 years and I’m presently in the fourth – my bf and I are approaching the first year of our relationship.
Just as each of them was different, so was the dynamic of the relationship. I feel the love is the main thing that keeps a relationship going.
Recently my bf and I had misunderstanding over some silly thing I can’t even remember that made us not talk or chat for 5 days, he had written down the things he planned to say to me but when he saw me, things changed.
But in all, I think good communication makes good relationship. Make yourself easily approachable no matter what.
sensuousensei
August 25, 07:09Well I have had my fair share of relationships and I have learnt a lot. Most important thing is love. But some drama queens kill the love with bitchiness and at the end there is nothing left. And another thing is possessiveness. One was a monitoring spirit and dating him was hell. No peace of mind at all while we dated so what’s the point? And I can’t stand an insensitive and unreasonable person. You simply cannot make some guyz reason. Its all sentiments from A to Z. And nagging, OMG! That’s, I can’t handle.
Above all, the number one reason for failed relationship is POOR COMMUNICATION. I can beat my chest and say that any where. There is NO PROBLEM two grown adults cannot sit down and discuss to a reasonable conclusion. The problem is, some drama queens will not just sit down! And when some sit they just rant from beginning to end. Its not a discussion of only one person is doing all the talking!
My relationship is will be a year next month and it has been a wonderful learning experience. I have learnt to postpone my criticism to when the ambience is calmer, pick my words carefully and I have learnt to know when to NOT SAY ANYTHING at all!!!
sensuousensei
August 25, 07:13And I rank poor communication over love in my order of important factors.
pinkpanthertb
August 25, 07:39A year already? My, you two love kids have tried. Its about time I met that your yoriyori man sef 🙂
Kel
August 26, 22:07There’s no one-size-fits-all prescription on how to keep a relationship going,but the basic ingredients of love,trust,maturity and understanding that no one is perfect.If these are present from the get-go,then such relationship stands a good chance of succeeding.But like beds of roses,it needs work,work n more work.