LETTERS TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND (Entry 8)
Dear Future Husband,
So the time came a few weeks ago when I had to make a really tough decision.
I took an unscheduled visit to Uyo. Yes, I had to see Jackson, look him eyeball to eyeball, and sort things out. And should he insist on treating me as an unequal in our intended relationship, then I’d walk out and never look back. I’m just not cut out for losing myself in a relationship. I am a firm advocate for the belief that relationships should not be about one having the power over the other, but about two equal persons in a partnership working together to consolidate their happiness and lifestyle.
I’d landed in Uyo and started feeling nauseous. For a fleeting moment, I wasn’t sure if I was suffering a mild attack of diarrhea or just having a case of nerves. I was after all about to rock the boat with one of the best men I’d ever been with. Doubts began to filter into my mind. What if I simply let things be and watch where they go? What if I just enjoy being with a beautiful man such as Jackson? What if he’s you, Future Hubby, and I’m potentially throwing it all away? What if it ain’t broke? What if this…what if that…
Then there was intrusion of Jinx Monson’s ‘Water of the Duck’s Back’ into my mind, and I pushed aside my anxieties and placed one foot ahead of the other as I moved on.
I was at the gate to his office building when I called him. He answered, and for some time, we simply chit-chatted. Then I inquired about his whereabouts.
“I’m at the office,” he groaned. “It’s crazy here. I wish you were around. Then I could get through the day by enjoying your smile and company.”
I smiled to myself. By this time, I was walking through the office with the ease of one who was familiar with the environment. “Do you believe in magic?” I asked.
“If magic is what it’ll take to bring you here, then yes, I’ll believe and gladly conjure you here.”
“Well, now you’ve made your wish…” I said right before I sauntered into his office with an unspoken ta-da.
He was stunned. Beyond the astonishment on his face, I took in the grey three-piece suit he was wearing and his neatly barbered hair and beard. Such a beautiful man, I thought. And all mine!
I was thinking that thought as he came around the table to me, shut the door behind me and then pulled me into an embrace. I simply melted into him. My man! God, I like this man! It was all I could do not to shout it out loud.
Thereafter, he took me out to lunch. From there, we went to his house. This would be my first time in his place; I’d only ever met him in hotels and his workplace. As he led me through the well-appointed apartment, he was saying, “This is your home, Awele. This” – he spread his hands to encompass the space around him – “is why I need you here. It’s too quiet a house. You could bring this house alive.”
This was my cue. I cleared my throat and said, “Jackson, about that – can we talk?”
He nodded his acquiescence and pulled me to the bed to sit. But I wasn’t going to let any distraction get in my way. So I pulled away from him and went to sit by the dressing table.
Then I began by telling him of all the great qualities he had and how I admired them – him. Then I went on to talk about his domineering attitude and how I preferred it if he were less overly protective. As I talked, I observed him wince like someone had pinched him. His face got moody and his eyes went almost dark; I couldn’t tell if it was with anger or panic.
When I was done, he got up from the bed, came to where I was, and sat by my side. Then he took my fingers in his big hand and started telling me stories. They were the most heart breaking stories I’d heard in recent times. He told me of how he lost his mother because he felt he wasn’t paying enough attention to her and didn’t know when she had an episode that took her life. He told me of his younger sister who died because of injuries sustained during domestic violence at the hands of her husband. As he recounted these, he showed me their photographs. Clearly, he felt responsible for their deaths; he was of the opinion that he didn’t pay enough attention or protect them enough. And that was why when he met me, he promised not to let any harm come to me nor allow me out of his sight.
At this juncture, his eyes got dimmer. It was apparent that he was in pain, the pain that came from carrying so much burden in one’s heart. It all got a little more for me. I could walk away, you know, simply pull away from what was clearly a complicated man.
Or I could stay to help him get through this and teach him how to value, protect and care for loved ones without being imposing and a dictator.
Again, I have to ask, Future Hubby, is this you?
Anxiously Yours
Awele
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16 Comments
Foxydevil
July 31, 07:35He let his mother die out of negligence, allowed his sister to die out of consistent abuse and battery and you actually think he is gonna protect you?
I admire your dreams and aspirations and I certainly wish you luck with “your future hubby ” but I wouldn’t bank on a man that’s proved himself as unreliable again and again, especially in a sensitive issue like homosexuality in an under developed, hypocrisy ridden country like Nigeria…… Hope the man doesn’t leave you in the ditch when any hint of trouble starts looming .
Sup beautiful pinky ,I really miss getting on your nerves. ??????
YourNextDoorNeighbour?
July 31, 07:36It’s great you guys are finally talking about it and it’s even more awesome he’s very open with you BUT don’t unpack your bags and get comfortable in his life yet. Words are jus what they are, words. Yea, you want to be the one to help him through the hurt but doesn’t mean you should get hurt in the process. Give it time, let his actions speak, see the change you expect then you can get cozy AF else, it’ll be easy for you to still get out. My opinion anyways.
trystham
July 31, 08:24This
Black Dynasty
July 31, 20:47Precisely the same advice I’d have given, let the action and words match.
Do verify if what he says about fam is true, probably sucks but the things I’ve hrd pple have done to family for money terrifies me.
Karh J
July 31, 09:08Abasi oh.. A grown man with feelings! They still exist, thank God. That’s that.. Talking to him was the right step to take, only that now he’ll think twice before each phone call or text message.
P.S: This is my first read of this series so I am not sure if I am going completely off point…
. Again, mbok is this fiction?
Delle
August 01, 10:14Letters can’t be fiction now, can they?
Johnny
July 31, 12:26This must be fiction or your every fortnight dream. I’m looking forward to the day someone will sincerely say that to me. Gays and dem lies no be for here.
illuvmua
July 31, 15:31*boarding next flight to UYO…. ** time to look for my own husband
lluvmua
July 31, 15:36*boarding next flight to UYO…. ** time to look for my own husband
Francis
August 01, 08:29Sha keep ya eyes open and do your own verification. Some people can lie for Africa to get what they want.
OMG!!! It's HYPO
August 01, 09:39I believe him! Please give him a chance……….Your entry is one of the most important entries I missed while KD was on break! So glad it is back ?
BTW: When will DM have time to rant here ??
Delle
August 01, 10:13“Or I could stay to help him get through this and teach him how to value, protect and care for loved ones without being imposing and a dictator.”
This to me is it.
He clearly is into you. Already sees you as a part of his life. I think that matters.
I’m not for a relationship where one partner is subdued but you are smart, Awele. Smart enough to help him through. You could beat him into the man you want.
Don’t get so comfortable yet but don’t be in a hurry to leave him.
?
Francis
August 01, 10:15While he’s beating him into the man of his dreams, make he dey sure say dem dey the same page……before person go wake up say time to marry and born pikin don reach. Time and resources invested wasted!
Delle
August 01, 20:52That’s why I said he should not be so comfortable ?
Danté
February 05, 19:13Okay Awele, it’s been 4 years now. No update yet? Did you finally find “future hubby”?❤️
Pink Panther
February 05, 20:37🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Good question.