LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 19)
“Who is Paschal smashing so vigorously like that abeg?” Ekene said with a giggle as he moved from the kitchen, through the connecting doorway, into the living room, where the rest of us were sprawled in various positions of relaxation on Biola’s carpeted floor and sofas. Muted coital sounds were floating out to us through the small corridor, from the guestroom at the end of the hallway.
“As in eh,” Adebola exclaimed, coming up behind Ekene. The two of them came bearing items of food we’d be having for brunch. “Since we came here, they’ve been cooped up inside there. Abeg, Biola, since when did your house turn into a brothel?”
“My dear, I have no idea o,” Biola said, as he stood before the television and flicked through DSTV stations. “Dude came to me yesterday evening with his squeeze, some young thing he invited from UniBen, and begged me to let the boy crash here for the night.”
“And you agreed?” I said with a mock-gasp. “Since when did you start becoming so charitable?” It is an understanding amongst us that Biola is just not the type of friend that will discommode himself over someone else’s convenience. He’s just not wired to be a Good Samaritan.
“Bigger question is, since when did Paschal start doing young things and students?” Eddie lifted his head from behind his laptop long enough to ask. He was partially engrossed with some blog work, no doubt attending to the several comments streaming in following his updates this morning.
“He did you, didn’t he?” Yinka quipped.
“Hey, I was not a student when me and Paschal got our freak on abeg,” Eddie said in loud protest over our chuckles at Yinka’s sally.
“The guy is certainly busy with that his dick,” Jonathan piped up. He stretched out a hand to receive a glass of chilled Sherry which Adebola had started handing out. Ekene was already dishing out helpings of plantain gnocchi and egusi-deviled eggs. The aroma of the cuisine had been torturing my senses ever since Adebola, Ekene and Biola – even though he kept flitting in and out of the kitchen – started on its preparation about an hour ago.
“Paschal’s dick has always been a busy thing,” Ekene chortled.
“Yes, but so busy he fucked the insides out of some dude in Ajah?” Jonathan said smilingly. While everyone else turned to stare at him, I slid my gaze away from him, feeling my heart pick up a slight tattoo and my face warm. I knew Paschal hadn’t told any of them about our little misadventure at my place, but the knowledge that I was hiding something from my friends still filled me with mild discomfort.
“Wait, what do you mean he fucked the insides out of a guy?” Yinka asked, accepting a dish from Ekene.
“He called me, asking for medication for piles, that he’d been fucking one dude like that in Ajah, and fucked the guy to the point of hemorrhage.” Jonathan chuckled as he spoke. The others joined him. I remained deadpan. “You should have heard him on the phone. The guy sounded like he was about to have a panic attack.”
“Wait, he called you?” Biola said. He gave a quick shake of his head. “Eddie, you’re right, something has upset Paschal’s routine, since he’s apparently now doing osho-free and with spring chickens like us.”
“So, you’re saying this fuck-mate is young too?” I asked.
“Well, duh? It can’t have been one of his usual older rich queens, because those ones would have known what to do to take care of their anus, and Paschal wouldn’t have needed to call Jonathan for medical advice.”
I shut my mouth. Sometimes, this Biola can be too smart for his own good.
“Oh I’ll love to hear the full details of this gist,” Adebola enthused.
“What, the story of someone getting piles from sex that foreign to you?” I said tersely.
“But of course,” he replied, arching his sleek, dark brows imperiously. With a smirk, he continued, “I’ll have you know that I have very strong anal muscle walls, and so, I can ride King Solomon’s dick from now till Thy Kingdom Come and still sit upright for breakfast thereafter.”
The other men burst out in laughter as they hailed him. He genuflected before them, theatrically waving his hands in acknowledgement of their encomiums. I had to smile grudgingly at his melodrama. Then, noticing Biola peer at his watch for the umpteenth time, I seized the chance to divert the focus from all this talk of Paschal and who he’d given piles during sex. “Ah, Biola,” I said, “you’ve been looking at that your watch every five-five minutes. Don’t tell me you’re thinking of bailing on us o.”
“To where kwanu?” Ekene said. “Is this not his house? He should bail nah, and I’ll just ring Moses over for us to have torrid sex all over his furniture.”
There was some laughter at that, as Biola shot Ekene a feigned scowl. Just then, there was a rap on the door. He seemed to instantly straighten, and in the pause that came over us following the knock, he smiled and said in a hushed tone, “That” – he pointed at the door – “is the reason why I have been looking at my watch. And please, guys, be nice. Don’t judge, okay?” He actually said that last bit with an expression overcast with a glimmer of vulnerability.
Biola? Vulnerable? Who the hell is at that door? I thought with increasing interest as I watched him make his way to the door. I could see my interest mirrored on the faces of the others in the room as well.
He opened the door, with that unsure smile hovering on his lips, stepped back and said, “George, hi…”
The sight of the young man that stepped into the room made my jaw slowly sag open with shock.
“George?” Adebola gasped, as though he needed to say the name to believe the identity of the newcomer. “George Emoefe, is this really you?”
The guy smiled, slow and plastic, before saying with easy familiarity, “Hello, guys.”
Here’s where I need to give you a little bit of history. In our gang, there are three people who have quite the casual and unrestrained sex life, and they are Paschal, Eddie and Biola. Paschal however has to sleep around, because he does it for the money. Eddie and Biola have no excuse; incredibly though, Eddie is a romantic, and believes that he will fuck his way to his Prince Charming some day. Biola thinks all that business about love is a load of bunkum. He scoffs at love and exclusive relationships, and got into a verbal fight with Ekene one day shortly after Ekene and Moses started dating, when he insouciantly said they wouldn’t last. Even now, after nearly a year in the relationship, Biola still believes it has an expiry date. No booty call of his had ever graduated from sex to anything remotely involving emotions.
No one that is, except for George Emoefe.
George had actually been Adebola’s friend, one of the acquaintances he made in the fashion industry. George was an aspiring model, and Adebola had hired him a few times to wear his creations during fashion shows. The guy wasn’t good looking in the conventional sense, what with his perpetually shaved dome-shaped head and facial bone structure that were a bit too angular. But he has an amazing body, sinewy and whipcord lean, which wore clothes well. When he became fast friends with Adebola and started hanging out with us about a year ago, Biola picked an interest in him. He pulled out his entire arsenal of seduction in order to get George into his bed, but the model kept acting blithely unaware of his efforts. We’d actually started to believe he really didn’t know Biola had the hots for him, until one day, during a game we were playing in Adebola’s house, he blurted out that he could never sleep with Biola. That stung Biola, and he lashed out with an ugly retort. Their tempers were immediately ignited, and a verbal altercation ensued.
From that moment thenceforth, the acrimony between the two became palpable, with the only exchange between them being snide remarks and snappy rejoinders. That quickly graduated to heated arguments between them over somber issues such as LGBT matters, politics and the entertainment industry. It quickly became obvious to us that George wasn’t just a great body; he knew his onions. And the sapiosexual Biola was inexorably drawn to him.
And then it happened, like every typical Hollywood rom-com, even though we were not there when it happened. All I know is, today, they were arguing heatedly about the right religion has to influence the affairs of state of Nigeria, and the next day, they were cuddling in our presence, and kissing and sharing private jokes. The chemistry between them was just right, and it was a stupendous thing to see Biola so obviously smitten by George, even though he maintained, in the face of Ekene’s smug exultancy, that he wasn’t in love; he just really, really liked George.
They were together for a month-and-a-half, and then George found Christ. He became born again, and old things were passed away. That included his homosexuality and everything that was even remotely connected to that way of life. He broke up with Biola, dumped us as his friends, and discarded his budding modeling career. The breakup with Biola was a shouting match at Adebola’s house, the end resembling the beginning, with the hurling of epithets and the vows to never see each other again. When George banged out of Adebola’s apartment that evening, it was the last time we were to see of him for a long time.
Biola handled the breakup in his true fashion. He didn’t cry or let his defenses crumble, not ever in our presence. But we knew of his hurt in the only way he knew how to express it. He turned into an ogre, as brutally scathing as ever, verbally decimating anything or anyone that irked him, even the slightest bit. And we, his friends, couldn’t escape the scourge of his tongue. Ekene, who was still in love and in a steady relationship, was his regular target. It got to a point when – after Ekene threatened to no longer be friends with him – we all had to conduct an intervention. We didn’t want mean, derisive Biola anymore. We wanted the sarcastic, witty Biola back.
Eventually he came back to us. But he made some changes in his life. Huge changes. He cut off every tie with the church, dumped his Protestant faith, tossed his bible into the trash can, and declared himself an atheist. Then he proceeded to write a corrosive, no-holds-barred piece for Rainbowman.com, which he titled ‘I Hate God,’ a write-up which Eddie still alleges recorded the highest traffic and largest number of comments his blog had ever seen, so controversial was it.
All this because of the one man he’d loved and lost, the man who was now standing in his living room, obviously here upon his invitation.
Why, pray tell, was he back? I wondered as I stared pensively from one to the other of the two ex-lovers.
Written by Pink Panther
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82 Comments
xpressivejboy
October 27, 05:27Nice One, Pinkie.
Dennis Macauley
October 27, 05:44Amazing!
This should be a TV series!
Call Shonda Rhimes please!
And the Egusi Deviled eggs? Awesome!
I have had it
xpressivejboy
October 27, 06:01Did you make it, yourself? Or what is it made by Mrs. M?
If you don’t mind, you can come in and satisfy your watery appetite, I can make enough for your delicious delight.
*walks in*
Mrs Macaulay
October 27, 06:09@XpressiveJboy, oh my! How mighty nice of you, but don’t worry I got this!
Thanks for asking tho!
*winks*
pinkpanthertb
October 27, 06:49And the madame smiles daggers at the interloper… Lol
Dubem
October 27, 06:15Hehehee. Everybody wants to make ‘something’ for Dennis Macaulay. Mrs. Macaulay you must have your hands full, always being at your A game, no?
Mrs Macaulay
October 27, 06:26@Dubem you have no idea!
It’s all harmless fun and games here tho! Which is kool!
But in real life? That’s where the war is! I have to be on top of my game, if not “shildren” go pursue me go village
pinkpanthertb
October 27, 06:52Hahahahahahahaa. Kai!
chestnut
October 27, 06:26Hehehe…this Mrs. Macauley is a class-act!
xpressivejboy
October 27, 06:38Mrs. M, I know Dearie; the very reason I acknowledged you…but allow him speak for himself; the last I checked, DM isn’t deaf, blind or dumb.
DM, me waiting.
pinkpanthertb
October 27, 06:55Lmao. Heu! Jisox!
Mrs Macaulay
October 27, 07:00*smiles Victoria Grayson smile*
Well I do get to speak for DM, we have the same surname!
He likes my breakfast, lunch and cakes in between!
Seeing as you like to offer to cook, I hear the salvation army helps feed the homeless! They would love to have your meals!
*air kiss*
pinkpanthertb
October 27, 07:19Hahahahahahahaa. Shade is dark. Very very dark.
xpressivejboy
October 27, 07:09LMGAO!!!…
Mrs. M, you share same last name for a reason; one that can be overtaken by events, so don’t push.
I cook good meals, Salvation Army can’t pay me wella. DM isn’t hungry, neither is he homeless…he just deserves a great taste from my steamy pot…so, save yourself the headache.
Dennis, speak and be the man…ahu odikwa gi?
Mrs Macaulay
October 27, 07:18My darling
“Overtaken by events”
Oh well, you are allowed to dream! Its a core component of our humanity; dreaming dreams that will NEVER come to pass!
I have survived hurricanes and Tsunamis in this household my dear, a gentle breeze will not dislodge me!
I’m sure your cooking is all those things, but seeing as there is no one to eat them and you have to ask and ask my Dennis (who hasn’t bothered to respond by the way) to come and sample it says a lot about the food and the person who cooked it!
#NeedISayMore?
By the way, I love your jacket! Where did you get it? Cooks for less?
*hugs*
chestnut
October 27, 07:29Shit is getting real…*sips tea*…(Jboy u sef rest kwanu; face ur work and leave another person’s matrimonial home,Hian!)
pinkpanthertb
October 27, 07:35LOL! Abi, him tell you say hungry dey hungry am, eh Jboy? 🙂
Peak
October 27, 07:47Dear lord! So much shade and not a single palm tree in sight! Chai! Dearest Mrs macauley, if say you are not all wifed up and passionate about ur territory enh! I will ask for ur hand right away! Damn you are making Victoria grayson look like a learner in bad bitch department
king
October 27, 07:49Mrs Macaulay to say am impressed is understating how I feel!!! Wow so much words and precise and well said…pls we need more of your presence here if only to keep Dennis,s Schlong in check! way to go dear!
xpressivejboy
October 27, 08:06Heu!!!
Mrs. M, I give up. *hugs*
Mrs Macaulay
October 27, 08:15*hugs you back*
We should swap recipe’s sometime
*air kiss*
Dennis Macauley
October 27, 08:18*Phew*
That ended well
I had to stay out of it! Don’t put me on the spot again biko
Mr Bassey
October 27, 11:37Somebody wanna die I see……. Instagram cannot filter acid ooooo.
simba
October 27, 06:10The difference between this and that..meaning other stories from other blogs, is tht this is relatable. It has happened to virtually all of us, either we suddenly becoming the born again or our friends.. but it never last long lol
Samaurai
October 28, 10:04Relatable is an understatement.
I’ve had three different cases.
These guys were really “chasing” me. Telling me how much they love and care about me and all that shit. And I kept posting them.
But when I finally opened my heart to them and they bedded me, they told me they had accepted Christ in their lives and even started preaching the Gospel to me.
This happened on 3 separate occasions.
At a point, I was wondering if I had become God’s tool for curing “gayism”. Seriously.
pinkpanthertb
October 28, 10:12Hahahahahahahaa. I swear I read this comment and collapsed with laughter.
Dubem
October 27, 06:11Ok this episode is awesome. Wow. The dynamics of the friendship between these guys is just something else. And an ex lover thrown into the mix? I sense some major drama in the works here.
Madam Cliffhanger, Pinkie dear, any chance you can follow up with the next episode this week?
pinkpanthertb
October 27, 06:50Lol. You can hope.
Ruby
October 27, 06:11Beautifully Done Gurl!
Come here *gives Pinky a Bear Hug n Smothers her Checks with my Raspberry Lipstick*
pinkpanthertb
October 27, 06:51Ewwww! Gerroff me, Ruby! *cleaning my cheeks with Hermes Handkerchief*
gad
October 27, 06:13*smiles* I remember the night he came back.it was a very eventful night. They always come back.Always
king
October 27, 07:35Hmmmm Gad care to exfoliate……ahem! sorry expantiate?
gad
October 27, 12:16Don’t worry. I will give us the full details when I decide to pick up my pen
Colossus
October 27, 17:1268 comments and i think to myself, this episode must be good, surely i can now start reading the series.
But after reading the comments, i see hustling everywhere, Guys be scheming and others be pimping.
Good story by the way, i gotta now start the series.
pinkpanthertb
October 27, 17:19Hahahahaa. Colossus you’re precious.
daniel
October 27, 06:29Lmao, I can relate to this. I think a good no of us have had that ‘born-again’ part in our lives. This group of friends reminds me a lot about the one that I’ve left for ‘greener pastures’, I hope we all meet again someday for tea and biscuits. Pinky IOU a kiss if Gad will let me.
pinkpanthertb
October 27, 06:54If gad will let you? What is he, my oga at the top?
Dennis Macauley
October 27, 06:56Oga on top of you maybe
pinkpanthertb
October 27, 06:58Who? Gad? You’re joking, right? He and I can’t even connect on the same ideals, how then can we connect elsewhere?
Dennis Macauley
October 27, 07:01Ever heard of fight sex?
#OkBye
Samaurai
October 28, 10:14Bia Evil Dennis 😀
When the fight was about you somewhere else, you jejely kept quiet.
Do you have selective mutism?
LOL.
Please I didn’t say anything o. Blame my fingers.
Samaurai
October 28, 10:36Daniel, Mrs Macauley invited you to tea with D M, and you’re gladly going.
I’m now convinced you need refresher chemistry lectures on the effect of human skin cos it’s obvious you’ve chosen to forget. And you’ve also chosen to forget the ferocity of the lioness that is Mrs Macauley.
Burns specialists in the house, please be getting ready.
chestnut
October 27, 07:04Wait wait wait…all my amebo senses just got stimulated! “If Gad wil let u”? Is there something going on btwn pinky and Gad? Pinky and Gad, pls u pipu shuld com and confess o! Daniel, if u know something with don’t know, pls tell us nah, I beg u in d name of God and everything good! (This tea is going to be soooo sweet; I hope I don’t drink it too fast and choke!)
Dennis Macauley
October 27, 07:12*plugs coffee maker*
Oya chestnut I have milk, let us brew a cup! Daniel darling! Care to join?
daniel
October 27, 07:24Chestnut, lol, I’ll only say what Pinky let’s me say..
Dennis about that tea, I’ll get back to u, I need to know Mrs Macauley’s whereabouts first.
chestnut
October 27, 07:35Daniel, u only say what pinky let’s u say? Dis gist is getting deeper o! Come nau,join dennis and me for d coffee; don’t worry about Mrs Macaulay; I’m here so she knows nothing untoward will happen btwn u and dennis on my watch…(Chaperone thingz)
daniel
October 27, 07:50Lmao…. Is that so? I’ll take my chances…
Mrs Macaulay
October 27, 07:52I taya!
Come and join us joo! This tea go sweet die!
Peak
October 27, 08:11Please make room for one more biko. I might be new here and a lil fan of pinky, but in my 2weeks of being here I ve noticed how pinky jumps down gad’s throat like a bitch in heat who has his thongs tied up in bunch! Maybe gad is not giving up that D! And the comment about ve opposite ideas! King and gad seems to ve the same line of thought or think almost alike, but why does king get a pass when he comments and not Gad? So danny nwa, biko spill the tea I follow de wait, today gist 2 hot for work, my work can wait
pinkpanthertb
October 27, 10:54A bitch in heat. Not giving up the D.
All this with me n gad in the same statement.
I want to puke.
daniel
October 27, 10:00Oh Mrs Macauley invited, I’m on my way….. This is going to take a LOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGG time….. *in miss Jocelyn’s voice*
Paul
October 27, 11:52I’m surprised U guys dnt seem to c d deliberate tin Daniel did by makin such comment.
Pinky n Gad never see eye to eye.
So its jst “fire meets gasoline”
N he is happy watchin d burns n ruins.
daniel
October 27, 14:17Oga paul Biko don’t rain on my Parade na… Lmao!!
Legalkoboko
October 27, 10:30hmm wiaris oga gad?
ok le me shorop for now.
*changes reading glasses*
enigmous
October 27, 06:48Pinkie darling…Nice read as always. I totally enjoyed it
pinkpanthertb
October 27, 06:56Why thanks enigmous 🙂
Peak
October 27, 07:38Nicely done pinky, today’s episode got me wanting some of its content in my life lol, gay-closely knitted friends, a big crazy love, and a heavy dose of heartbreak to go with it! Aaaahhh my hunger for some drama in my life shocks me at timesn cos for some unexplainable reason I choose to remain invisible even if I want more from life *sighs*
king
October 27, 07:45I feel you Peak…it’s called “because of the fear of the unknown ” ….more excitement like a three or more some will cure this!!…ehm are u by any chance in abj…i could arrange this for you privately and discreetly!
Dennis Macauley
October 27, 07:58The Predator has moved in for the kill
BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING
pinkpanthertb
October 27, 07:59And he says your schlong is too busy. Issorait.
Peak
October 27, 08:03Hahahah am in lagos! Thanks 4 asking who knows I might visit abj in the future and it will be nice to ve someone to give me a private and public tour of the city(if you know what I mean)
king
October 27, 08:17I know EXACTLY what you NEED..eh sorry Mean!!!
gad
October 27, 12:44Ehm…king, tell me, do you run a pimping agency
pinkpanthertb
October 27, 12:53*stifles laughter*
Legalkoboko
October 27, 15:46humph!
You want to patronize the agency abi gad?
God is watching you oo.
Lol.
Brian Collins
October 27, 18:37King bianu Biko, dat ya agency jor, ehm despite de the fact dat i is a good children, i wouldn’t lilly mind being ya debut slut.
* picks up purse and runs off – Marion Jones couldn’t catch me*
Peak
October 27, 08:35Abeg make una wait ooo, who be prey 1st???
Lol….I pray ooooo and fyi @denis I like cakes 2 so you might want to pass that lil info down to small brother “BIG BROTHER”
Legalkoboko
October 27, 10:39hm!
Alora guys here need jezos.
Vhar
October 27, 08:15The Chronicles of Mrs. M.
#for Jboy Learners.
Pinkpanther Sire, could you please pull a story outta this?
Immanuel
October 27, 08:21Whoever the writer is, lemme just say that you are extreeeemely talented.. I write as well, but nothing as good as this. Its incredibly realistic. I wouldn’t lie.. I am living vicariously through these characters. As you all must know how limited and secretive the life of a seventeen year old gay guy in nigeria can be.
pinkpanthertb
October 27, 10:55Welcome Immanuel. I’m Pink Panther and I’m the writer.
Brian Collins
October 27, 08:47Lwkmd 4 hia.
First of all, i also think this should be a tv series. I totally love the drama. The friends sound like Alex, Ricky, chance & Noah # Noah’s Arc. Nicely done as always.
@ Mrs M.
Gurl, do you need my beretta pistol to take care of a certain xpressive someone?
On second thought, i’d really rather not. A certain DM seems like quite the catch and i might start developing the hots for him in a not.too distant future. What a bitch it’d be should my pink utility for permanent silencing be used on me.
Brian Collins
October 27, 09:01In other news
I think a certain Gl@msqu@d presenter might be a very valuable player on our team #i did not say anything o.
pinkpanthertb
October 27, 10:56*dashing off to Google*
Brian Collins
October 27, 13:55Pinky me i go Google o and i saw some shii. It is the Nigerian Glamsquad not the NYC. Fellows initial are T.O, the T rhymes with Taofik
trystham
October 27, 10:19Pinkie, THAT is not me!!! ROTFLMAO…well, some parts tho. Very uncanny how u described some certain emotions. Well done
Metrosexual
October 27, 12:00Lool…. The struggle is real… Realer than Renee Zellweger’s dramatic face change….. Hahahahah
blue fox
October 27, 12:33hahaha I can relate to this, pinky did you have me in mind here eh? Anyway mine is a bf who thinks he’s straight for 3yrs now off and on. Leave I won’t leave, I’m in a crazy situation I swear lol.
s_sensei
October 28, 14:25I like!!!
Lothario
October 28, 15:49PP…great read as always. Meanwhile, you all need Jesus *calls TB Joshua*
LOVE AND SEX IN THE CITY (Episode 21) | kitodiaries
December 08, 05:06[…] into his life, reintroducing himself as a guest to the gang’s Sunday ritual at Biola’s place. (Episode 19 & Episode […]
michael
December 12, 13:51Oh dear! that sucks