Man Wonders How He’ll Ever Find Real Love When He’s Obsessed With Hooking Up

Man Wonders How He’ll Ever Find Real Love When He’s Obsessed With Hooking Up

It’s hard out there for an over-sexed Millennial with an iPhone armed with every gay hookup app known to man.

At least, according to 20-something blogger, Nixon Gold.

“Sex, like most Millennials, has been on my brain a lot lately,” Gold writes in a post titled Confessions Of A Gay Man Looking For Love In The Hook-Up Generation. “And when I say a lot, I pretty much mean every single day for the last 20 fucking years.”

Gold claims that “not a single day” passes when he doesn’t think about, engage in, or watch other people have sexual relations with one another.

“So my question is this: Am I alone?” he ponders. “Or are there other people who are just as horny, but who aren’t talking about it?”

Gold estimates that “at any given time, all over gay New York City there are two people going at it like a pair of horny teenagers whose parents just left them alone for the weekend.”

“Sound outrageous?” he asks. “Don’t believe me? Well, I’m telling you because who and what I just described is me.”

Gold goes on to say that he has “lots and lots of sex.”

“Sometimes it’s with multiple partners, and sometimes it’s twice a day,” he brags. “Sometimes it happens in the most unlikely of places. It can be sweaty, aggressive romps in cramped stairwells. It can be loud, passionate love-making in spacious lofts with stunning panoramic views. It can be quick, seedy one-offs in Midtown hotel rooms.”

But it’s not all glamour. Because despite having sex pretty much whenever and wherever with whomever he pleases, deep down Gold fears his insatiable sexual appetite may be ruining his chances of ever finding true, meaningful love.

“Is all of this sexual activity ruining the idea of traditional monogamy?” he wonders. “Is it just so easy to get laid these days that the sole idea of only having sex with one person is no longer desirable?”

He says he tried being in a relationship one time. It lasted seven months before he realized “I just wasn’t feeling sexually satisfied fucking the same person night after night.”

Gold admits that there’s something “very appealing” about settling down with one guy and starting a family together, but he fears he may not be suited for it.

“As attractive and secure as that sounds, I wonder, will it ever be enough?” he asks. “When you go from having multiple sex partners in a week, can you suddenly be satisfied with just one?”

What do you think? Have dating apps completely killed the chances for future generations of gay men to partake in monogamous relationships? Sound off in the comments section below.

Previous My Friend Is On A Mission To Save My Soul
Next Actor Eddie Redmayne talks of how vulnerable he felt, playing a trans woman

About author

You might also like

Our Stories 20 Comments

That Piece About Nigeria And America’s Same-Sex Marriage Ruling

This write-up was done by Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani, and originally published on cnn.com.  It’s titled ‘Why are Nigerians terrified of same-sex marriage in America?’ And in my opinion, I think

Editor's Desk 5 Comments

Things Someone Who Loved You Should Have Told You

Originally published on johnpavlovitz.com Words can do incredible damage, but they can’t hold a candle to silence. Often it is those words that have been withheld which leave the greatest

Our Stories 26 Comments

GOODBYES ARE NOT FOR EVERYONE

We met at a fashion show. A friend of mine was among the designers whose clothes were getting shown at the show. He was a model on the show. Tall.

26 Comments

  1. XavierA
    December 07, 05:58 Reply

    The question is; What is the essence of having and signing up to dating apps in the first place? To obviously meet and date, have sex and rarely just maintain platonic friendship.

    I feel it’s okay to have dating apps, explore them and during the process kiss as many frogs as possible but on meeting someone who ticks all the right boxes, you’re better off deleting them. Else, speaking from personal experience, you’ll be tempted again and again, to come back and search with the likelihood of mingling.

    • Pink Panther
      December 07, 06:32 Reply

      But there is really no stipulation as to where one can find love. Love is not a guarantee from traditional introductions. And yes, even though a majority of people who go on dating apps are clearly on the hunt for casual sex, who’s to say two people hooking up won’t fire up the appropriate chemistry to want to stay together?

      • ken
        December 07, 08:35 Reply

        @PP I am to say….cos sex on the first date ruins everything. the moment u guys have sex, its most likely over (eventhough u might not know it).
        Reason: sex is much more than pleasure. It is opening yourself completely to the other. The problem is, if your partner is satisfied by it then he will most probably move on to d next thing. On the other hand, if he is not satisfied then he will most probably go elsewhere (in other words “hit it n quit it”)!

        • Pink Panther
          December 08, 03:52 Reply

          Well, ken, my last relationship must’ve been an anomaly, becos we met thru a hookup app, had sex, and he went on to make me very happy for the next few months.

  2. Mandy
    December 07, 06:31 Reply

    Pastor Max-imus takes the altar: “Verily verily I say unto you. For a man shall step away from his gay dating apps, and his hoe-ly ways, and his wanking fingers, and cleave unto his pillow and blankets at night, whilst waiting on the Lord for the coming of his Bae, unto whom he shalt stay until death (or a wandering eye, or a hoe from the other side) do them part.”
    And the congregation shouts: “Amen!”

  3. Nightwing
    December 07, 07:26 Reply

    Delete the app, “permanently” at least that should reduce the hook-up chances a little bit, and oga it’s either you aren’t ready to settle down or aren’t suited for it either way start your” figure it out” journey I’m pretty sure you’ll know where you belong.

  4. #Chestnut
    December 07, 07:56 Reply

    Ok,first of all let me say, d dude is still quite young; he’s not yet at risk of “running out of time” to find true love. In a couple of years, this need to “hook up” serially might just drop off naturally (u’d be suprised how differently u feel about a lot of things in just,say, 3 years).It just might be that he hasn’t found “the one” that will make him hang up his coat,without even trying. I think essentially he understands the need for,and wants true love,for him to be so worried about it now; an unrepentant player wouldn’t even be thinking along these lines,or worrying abt this.
    He mentioned he’d been in a relationship for 7 months. I’m assuming he didn’t sleep with anyone else during those 7 months,since he said it was not being able to sleep with anyone else that drove him mad enuff to end d relationship. A lot of gay guys who see themselves as (relatively) loyal,can even stay for 5 months without sleeping with someone else. I’m sure a lot of us here who say they’re looking for true love and not just random sex,haven’t even been in a STRICTLY exclusive relationship for more than 3 months (maybe thru their own fault,maybe thru their partner’s fault…whatever).
    Anyway,like I said earlier, dude is still quite young; his priorities and desires might change in a few years. When true love happens, every other thing just falls off,effortlessly.

  5. Tarter
    December 07, 08:02 Reply

    its just a phase,it will be outgrown in the Coming years,just have as much as you can now! don’t forget condoms!

  6. Peak
    December 07, 08:03 Reply

    First off, he is addicted to SEX, and not hook up apps.

    These apps and sites, were originally designed to help ppl meet and go on date, get to know each other, and possibly establish a relationship. Unfortunately, they have morphed into a one stop mall for cheap, easy and quick sex. If you are lucky, you make a casual friend or 2. If you are really, REALLY lucky, you might actually snag a relationship.

    The apps and sites just enables his sex addiction.

    There is an exhilarating thrill that comes with living on the edge, wild and free. That is his problem. He would always get bored with a conventional/traditional monogamous relationship. He can still find love, but it would have to be with someone who is very open minded. A swinger, they have to be creative and open to occasionally allowing 3rd parties into lives etc.

  7. bruno
    December 07, 08:22 Reply

    lol. so he wants to eat his cake (or have his cake eaten, whatev) and have it…

    i know a couple of people who have this same mind set. “i want to meet the love of my life and i want to keep sleeping with everyone, everywhere everytime”. boggles the mind. he should invest in a competent shrink. maybe they’ll figure out what the problem is.

  8. Delle
    December 07, 08:37 Reply

    You see?! Exactly what I’m always emphasising on…being a slut doesn’t help in anyway. Look how sexually satisfied this guy sounds but yet feels incomplete. Sex and love aren’t same and would never be.

    I’ve never really thought having sex could be that easy, with his explanations on the amount of sex he gets in a daily, it’s dawned on me that the Nigerian situation curbs our sexual pangs in more ways than we know, which to me is a good thing. I wonder the Nigerian man that gets as much sex…hmm.

    Yes, dating apps are just a prerequisite to being a sex maniac. What with the countless men one is exposed to, I’ve never been a fan of the Grindr thingy. I wish all the dating apps would be scrapped, let’s all go back to the days when we have to see, to feel.

    OAN
    PP, that theme picture isn’t good 2 be viewed on a cold, dry Monday morning! Haba

  9. ken
    December 07, 08:41 Reply

    Its almost as if gay men are programmed to be promiscuous, whether they want to or not. There’s something incredibly mesmerizing about secret hookups and engaging in that which is “forbidden”.

    Unfortunately, after all is said and done, after have sex with all the hot or not so hot guys you can muster in your lifetime, we all need/desire that one constant.

    Heterosexuals learnt this a long time ago. Monogamy is not just for show or fun, its not the easiest way to go but one day you will be 80, bald, fat and no longer attractive. And if you dont have anyone there by you side, despart all the success in this world, it might all seem like a waste. No one wants to die alone

  10. ronniephoenix
    December 07, 10:27 Reply

    Sex addiction is one is the most easiest addictions to begin and the hardest to end.

    My advice, SEE A THERAPIST!!!!!!!!!!!.

  11. Max
    December 07, 10:28 Reply

    Funny, the dude is blaming dating apps. The problem is not the apps, its his problem. Before we had the apps, we had websites which is/was easily accessible to anyone anywhere. I have grindr in my phone, but its been disabled for months now without being opened, I never got to meet anyone from it either for the short time(few weeks) I occasionally opened it.

    Men are hoes and will stick their dick into anything and everything. It’s not exclusive to gay people. Gay people however are on a different level of harloting. Nobody wants to be identified as aa cheap prostitute, but you go about doing exactly what they do (sleeping around with anything you can get your hands on). Actually, “paid” prostitutes are actually better,at least they get paid.

    I said it here the other time that hoes are always the ones bickering and crying about “not finding” love. I always laugh in my mind when they complain. You can’t eat your cake and have it, you have to choose.
    Not a lot of people can put up with a lying and cheating ass.

  12. Chizzie
    December 07, 11:41 Reply

    I think its ideal for folks, gay and straight to be abit more promiscuous in their 20s, because you are young with all that time,not that much responsibilities and not a care in the world. But as you get older and pass your mid twenties its proper to reevaluate a couple of things which includes sex.

    You have to realize that there’s more to you than a random bang from someone u met a few minutes on an app; You ask your self, do I want to be in my late 40s still on Grindr posting screenshots on Twitter or blogging abt 20yr olds that don’t douche whilst still indulging in harlotry both on the national and international level? #NoTNoShade but no one is happy doing that.

    Im at a point where sex isn’t my prerogative, neither are guys. There are tons of other things on my mind expected for a guy my age. And I’m glad I’ve found someone who i can share my hopes and aspirations with, who fucks me to smithereens, genuinely wants to see me succeed and who i am fond of. I don’t know what this feeling is but he makes me check my Grindr msgs less which is a good indication that I might be on to something

  13. Khaleesi
    December 07, 12:59 Reply

    ***drags Rev Sister Maxine in complete with long flowing cape and gown*** oya ooo, dissect this topic, we are looking anxiously at your mouth …

Leave a Reply