Numbers Is The New Two

Numbers Is The New Two

Tunde has done it. He simply plans to ruin me – yes! It’s a vendetta of sorts. I knew I couldn’t trust it, couldn’t trust Jordan, couldn’t trust him. But he had to open his mouth.

“It’s not the weirdest thing, Ty,” Tunde says reassuringly.

“It’s not? I’m in love with the both of you. And now, you’re telling me you love us both too?” I say. “When did this even happen? That blabbing fuck-boy!” I know I’m not in a place to judge. I had emotionally cheated on Tunde, and now here he is telling me he feels the same way too. And with the same guy, Jordan!

“Look, it’s good this is all out in the open,” Tunde says. “We’ve actually wanted to ask you about something for a while now.”

“We?” I give off a short mirthless laugh. We? “You’ve talked to Jordan about this?”

“Yes, I actually would have loved for him to be here when I ask you for this.”

“Ask me what?”

And he does. He opens that rose-bud mouth of his which I love to devour in fevered kisses and tells me what he wants, what he and Jordan want for us.

I stare at him in disbelief. He is obviously insane. I tell him as much. “You’re insane, Tunde! Absolutely nuts!”

Despite my abhorrence for his idea, I find myself getting intrigued. Intrigue segues into acceptance, and a trial period settles into normalcy. And it works. The two men I love become the two lovers I share a relationship with.

I did not think it would work. This relationship requires an overwhelming sense of open-mindedness. Naturally, I live for control. But for this to work, I let myself go. I try every day, working on overcoming the pangs of jealousy I feel whenever Tunde touches Jordan or Jordan kisses him. I work on realizing every day that they are both just as crazy about me as I am about them. It is more than just the attraction. It is the emotional, intellectual, sexual connection that has tied us in a crazy but neat bow. It doesn’t come without its flaws, its drama. But really, according to my sister, Debbie, who I told about us: “What couple does not have drama?” The happiness we feel together came in varying degrees, but come, it did.

And then, five years go by.

That evening, I walk into the apartment, tired from the most annoying day made more exasperating from trying not to point out to my boss how stupid she can be.

“Hey, baby,” Tunde coos, when he opens the door for me. We exchange a quick kiss. “Jordan just came in a few minutes ago. He’s taking a shower.”

I think about how nice it will be to join Jordan in the shower. My gait quickens as I walk with Tunde into the living room.

“This is Chisom,” Tunde says, gesturing to the man lounging amidst his fabrics and drawings. “Isn’t he cute?” It is more of a statement than an actual question. Chisom is hot. He is also undressed to just a pair of bum-shorts that show off long, athletic legs.

“Right. Hello Chisom,” I greet.

Chisom replies with a big smile, hurriedly given and hanging unsure on his lips. He is obviously apprehensive in my presence. I wonder why.

“How was work?”

“Ridiculous,” I say with a snort.

My heart falls when Jordan walks out from the kitchen, his body dewed with drying moisture from his shower.

“Anything there to eat?” I say to him, while nodding in the direction of the kitchen.

“Yep, in the microwave,” he replies. “Lucky for you, I put in enough for two of us.”

I nod and begin for the inner rooms to divest myself of my day.

“Uh, just a sec, Ty. Jordan and I would actually love a word,” Tunde says.

“Talk and walk then,” I reply, while still moving toward the bedroom.

I hear the two of them follow after me.

I get to the bedroom. It’s a commodious space, with furnishings that is an eclectic mixture of our individualities. I begin to pull out my tie. “What’s this about?”

“Uhm,” Tunde begins, “Jordan and I were thinking…” He stops and gives me that look.

I recognize the look. I have seen it before. It is the same look he had on the last time.

No! It can’t be!

“Chisom is cute, right?”

“NO!” All thoughts of my hunger and exhaustion vanish. “What is this? What are we – a growing village?”

“Calm down, Ty. Let’s talk about this rationally –”

“Rationally? What part of my reaction is irrational?”

“Jordan has being friends with him for a long time now, and then he introduced me to him about three months ago –”

“Wait a minute! Have you three being hooking up behind my back?”

“Of course not!” the two of them say in outraged unison.

“But we have had such great chemistry with him, and have been talking about it,” Tunde says. “However, we thought you wouldn’t exactly react positively about it –”

“Turns out we were right,” Jordan interjects.

I shut my eyes for a while, slowly counting in my head to keep my exasperation in check. I open my eyes to meet their collectively expectant gazes, as if the few seconds that passed was enough to give my acquiescence. I expel an angry breath, walk past them, pick up my keys along the way, and walk out of the house.

I get into my car and drive. I simply keep driving, while my mind is buffeted by thoughts. I try to sort through them all. I do not know what feeling to wallow in more – hurt, confusion, anger, irritation. Somehow, five years ago, I bought a slice of crazy cake. It turned out to taste really good. But it was still a crazy purchase. And here they are, asking me to buy some more of that cake. Impossible! I can’t. Or can I? I love them. But this is crazy, right? I mean, what will be next, make us a perfect dozen? No, a stop is necessary. I am done. We are done. This is done.

It should be.


I sigh.

Chisom is cute. And the last five years cannot just be thrown away like that. Am I really thinking about this? I am insane. It’s the only explanation. And these two guys I love are just as crazy as I am, arguably more.

I sigh, and begin the drive back home. I get inside. Chisom is still around, and meets my sweeping stern gaze with an open boldness that I find both appealing and unsettling as I stalk past the parlour. I go straight to the bedroom.

Moments later, Jordan pokes his head in through the door.

“Dinner is ready,” he announces softly.

I grunt in response.

He waits a beat, and then, “You have to admit, physically, he’s exactly your type.”

“I keep telling you I don’t have a type,” I growl.

“Uh-huh. Want me to properly introduce you two?”

“I want to be mad for a while longer, even if he is cute,” I say, maintaining the sternness in my voice.

Jordan doesn’t say anything. Instead he walks properly into the room, walks up to me and pulls me close to him. Then he takes my lips in his in a brief kiss that sends frissons of desire down my tired body. He pulls back, looks softly into my eyes and husks, “Just give it a try, will you?”

Written by Abrams T.

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  1. Dennis Macaulay
    December 07, 06:43 Reply


    Quartet? Or what is it called sef?

    Marriage and traditional relationships will soon be extinct! This is hilarious!

    **runs off to find 6 other husbands to add to Just James**

    Any takers?

      • Dennis Macaulay
        December 07, 06:49 Reply

        Abeg shift, I am looking for additional husbands to add to Just james;

        Queen Bluefox

        Oh shoot I need two more? Who wants to marry me bikonu?

        • JArch
          December 08, 11:56 Reply

          Lmao…The thunder that will fire you eh!!! It would be one of a kind

          Bia, In whose house would this marriage of 6 take place biko?

  2. Mandy
    December 07, 06:44 Reply

    My dear Ty, you ar enot alone o. Three was all I was willing to handle. But four?! Are y’all growing a village indeed? lol

  3. Masked Man
    December 07, 06:52 Reply

    The more, the merrier.

    And there’s safety in numbers. Lol

  4. ambivalentone
    December 07, 07:03 Reply

    This uncle, just put ur feet down or it WILL grow into a village. If its an open relationship y’all want, start defining. If its a triad, with regular random fucks on the side, start talking. Your predictability will also be ur heart break. You can tell by the way Chisom met ur stare they’ve had a nice long chat about u

  5. Absalom
    December 07, 07:25 Reply

    Agenda writing, LOL.


    But why was Chisom already undressed in their apartment when he hadn’t been accepted by all of the pack?

    • Pink Panther
      December 07, 07:27 Reply

      When you want to sell a product to a customer base, you have to advertise its goodness, don’t you? 🙂

      • Absalom
        December 07, 08:50 Reply

        LOL. All falling in place now.

  6. Francis
    December 07, 07:44 Reply

    This is how psychos are manufactured. Just come on out and say you want an open relationship but then again what do we say about men with plentiful wives.

    Hmmm, come to think of it do they (oga and madams) all sex themselves at the same time?

  7. Nightwing
    December 07, 08:02 Reply

    Oh well if you guys do grow into a village, or get cheaper by the dozen please post an entry about your sex life with all of em. you could call it “An Orgy with my Boyfriends- First of many” ?

  8. R.A
    December 07, 08:17 Reply

    I haff not handle one finish, some people be doing two and three! Oshey maze runners *sighs*

  9. #Chestnut
    December 07, 08:47 Reply

    Someone needs to put a video camera in that house…

  10. Peak
    December 07, 10:14 Reply

    Ok this left me weak.
    The arrangements seems very enticing in a odd way, but… I don’t know biko. I trying to tell myself to keep an open mind since I’m a huge advocate. I equally know, that it’s going to take the grace of a higher power to resist the urge not to burn down the house and everything in it. Hot body, my type or not. This is just hard dakun.

  11. Chizzie
    December 07, 10:26 Reply

    Is this fiction or did this really happen? I don’t know how ppl can get themselves in a mess like that but I guess what ever works for you. But I like to think of my body and time as precious and deserving of one persons full attention, after all that’s why I am a human being not a public toilet.
    But I suppose ppl are fine being public toilets, cosmopolitan or intra-state

  12. #TeamKizito
    December 07, 12:01 Reply

    Convivial. Interesting.

    *NP: Rae Sremmurd – No Type

  13. Frank stein
    December 07, 12:29 Reply

    Eventually, they’ll pick one and become a couple of couples… This situation has a silver lining

  14. Dickson Clement
    December 07, 12:43 Reply

    Until I get into a relationship, I wouldn’t know how messed up this is! For now, it’s cool. Chisom is hot too? Holy cow! I am definitely in this roller- coaster! This train seems like it’s a fun ride! I will only suggest a full blood examination of all parties. Tiger Mandigo is a character and a lot of pple can act that role excellently!

  15. Delle
    December 07, 12:55 Reply

    Noooo! Please, for the sake of relationship sanity, do not give in! What’s the guarantee this would be the end? For all it’s worth, this particular scenario may just happen over and over and over and over again until a village is formed in your house!
    He’s cute should not be a criterion. The love you have for your two partners (something I already find unsettling), doesn’t stop discipline from coming in. A relationship with two people could be quite turbulent, with three…chaotic and then FOUR…an earthquake!
    By the way, I really do not think something as serious as a relationship should be based on the fact that you find the incoming party cute or the fact that you’re just trying to please your other partners. I really am against the whole thing.

  16. Tobby
    December 07, 13:03 Reply

    This is messed up. lol

  17. GAG
    December 07, 14:30 Reply

    3 was already a crowd now add the 4th person to it, it turns into an orphanage oh….. pls visit

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