ON THE 31ST NIGHT

Not having sex for some months in 2019 was starting to take its toll on the psyche of a self-acclaimed hoe like me. All year long, I’d been engaging in several raunchy conversation with friends and acquaintances, daily flirting with guys. Every now and then, these conversations would lead to getting asked out for a hook-up, but due to my living situation in VGC, I would always turn these offers down.

But then, the year was winding down to its final days in December, and I was in the mainland with all this freedom, hoping to pursue my sexual proclivities to the maximum. Only for me to soon realize that this was not going to be. It was like everyone I spoke to and tried to hook up with had other engagements. I’ve always known I am a slut, but this drove in a very uncomfortable message.

Where was sex now that I was ready to have it?

And due to the high prevalence of kito on Grindr, I didn’t even consider going on there to find a hook-up.

So then, I was going through my WhatsApp status on the 30th of December, and I stumbled on the status of a friend, Ade, who I’d occasionally hooked up with in the past. I immediately slid in, coyly responding to his status to get started on a conversation that I desperately hoped would lead somewhere.

After the pleasantries were sorted, I reminded him of a sexual favour he owed me. And what do you know? He’d missed me too! He promised to call the following day when he had a bit of privacy. Something about the aunt he lives with going out with her family.

That night, I slept like an angel. I was finally going to get the pound I deserved. Ade was someone I’d always looked forward to being with. A dark-skinned, skinny jock with an 8-inch-long and thick penis, who knows how to use his weapon of ass destruction.

The last time we met was in December 2018. I had just had a dental procedure during which I took out a molar, and was still in pain from the whole thing. That however didn’t stop me from heading straight to him when he called me to come over. His aunt and her family had left for some family function at their hometown, so we had the space. It was one of the most satisfying nights of my life. When I close my eyes, I can still remember how he kissed and held me. Pounding me on the sofa, on the floor… He was just so energetic. Sadly, the pain from my gum and the lunch and dinner I had pressing down on my alimentary canal didn’t let me be great during that fuck.

This time though, I was going to be very ready. The next morning, on the last day of 2019, I got up, cleaned up, had my bread and ewà agoyin (which was a sure-fire way of keeping me energized for the whole day – even if I don’t have to eat anything else). Drinking only water, I waited.

All day, I waited.

Then by 5 PM, I chatted him up, wanting to know what the matter was and why I hadn’t heard from him all day. He apologized, explaining how things hadn’t gone as planned; his aunt and her husband had been going out and coming in, so much he’d hardly been able to catch a break.

And then he proposed an idea: a quickie in the unoccupied security post.

Security post???

I hesitated. Naturally, I assumed it was furnished with a mattress, only unoccupied because they’d fired their security man. Even then, the thought wasn’t entirely palatable. But I was desperate to get fucked. So, I asked how clean the place was and if there was access to water – you know, for a boy to clean up afterwards. He confirmed that the place was dusty, but that there was water in the loo right next to it.

So now, it was left to my pride and self-respect to decide whether to primp and preen for this hook-up that’d end up happening in some dusty room last inhabited by the gateman. Or to pass.

I think you know what decision I took.

But Ade went offline before he could send me the address and directions to his place. Apparently, he had moved from the aunt’s house in Ojota to another aunt’s house in Ketu.

6 PM.

7 PM.

By 8 PM, I called him. I was in that state of mind where I wasn’t after an apology or explanation. I just wanted to know if the security post was still available for smashing.

He said it was.

So, by 9 PM, I was all set. Grey joggers, grey shirt, palm slippers, a wristwatch and bracelet (I hate to overdress). I left my bestie’s at Ojuelegba, letting him know I was heading out but that I’d still be back by midnight, except something changes. Whichever way, I’d keep him informed.

Seated in the bus headed toward Ade, I began measuring all my life choices till date. This was the 31st night, and most of my friends were at religious houses, calling on the gods they worship for a prosperous new year.

And what was I doing?

Headed toward an 8-inch-long and thick penis.

Five minutes past 10 PM, I was somewhere I’d never been to around Ketu. Like I said, our last meeting was at Ojota. That, I was familiar with. This was a completely different terrain for me. But I’d already come this far, and I trusted him.

“This is a different aunt,” he’d told me.

Most of the shops were closed, and just across the street from me was an RCCG church doing its praise and worship session for the watch night service.

A very stressful ten minutes later, after trying to get an okada rider who’d take me to Ade’s place, I finally got one who already had a passenger. I had to persuade the passenger to let me share the ride with him. Along the way, the passenger alighted at his bus stop, and I was on to Ade’s. The different noises from the sound systems of churches that seemed to be at every corner were hitting out at me, as though in condemnation. And my heart was starting to race from different thoughts and worries: We’ve been riding for so long – is it that far? What if anything happens to me? Am I really doing this? How many minutes of pleasure do I suppose I’d have? Is it worth this stress?

The bike man soon stopped at the beginning of the street and I began walking down what seemed in the dark to be a wonky neighbourhood. As I trekked to where Ade had described, I saw a group of young men sitting in a corner close to a gate, gisting. I dialled Ade and then spotted him waving at me from a gate not very far from where I was.

The time was 10.20 PM when I finally met him, and standing before him, I could swear there were butterflies in my tummy. In spite of my attraction to him, I was still anxious over several things, like: When and how the fuck will I get home tonight? What if he doesn’t rise to the occasion? What if I start to feel too pressed and my body makes a mess? What if I’m too tight? What if any of his family members or neighbours spots us?

He snuck me into the compound to the security post. The room was small and smelled musty. I asked if he could open the windows, and he said he would open just one so as not to attract any unwanted attention.

After he did, we stood there for a few moments, staring into each other’s eyes and smiling sheepishly at each other, like we were shy to be in the presence of the other. It was such an adorable moment. And this tenderness is something I like about him. He’s only ever treated me with respect. I could tell from the expression in his eyes that he appreciated my company, even if we were meeting in a place that was less than ideal. Truth was, we were happy to see each other; friends with benefits who’d been kept apart by work and NYSC.

We hugged tightly and passionately. And kissed slowly.

“It’s been a while o,” I said.

“Yeah, I know,” he said.“You know neither of us has space, plus service and distance…”

I sighed; he had stated our reality.

By now, my battery was low and I wanted to charge it. He pointed at a socket and I plugged it in.

After that, I don’t even remember how it happened; I just knew that my lips were soon locked with his in a frantic caress, our hands grabbing at each other’s bodies, searching for what was not lost.

But we didn’t have time to luxuriate in this. A few moments later, we broke apart to quickly lift the front side of our shirts up over our heads. Then our tongues were free to roam the expanse of each other’s bodies. Then, the moment I’d been looking forward to was finally here as I pulled his pants down for the prize. I wasn’t disappointed – well, except that I could see he had a curvature I hadn’t noticed before. My heart sank a bit as I wondered briefly if I could handle this. Then I knelt before the massive 8-inch, semi-erect, thick meat, placed it in my mouth, and commenced with what would be the quickest blow job I’d ever given.

As I rose to kiss him, he grabbed my ass and squeezed the cheeks. Tongue to tongue, we kissed. And then, he turned me around, held me by the waist and pushed my head down, knelt and began to rim me. Now I must confess, I’m usually averse to getting blow jobs and getting rimmed. I’ve never understood the pleasure people get from them, so I usually inform anyone I’m hooking up with to not bother if they’re not deriving any pleasure from rimming or blowing me. But for some reason, I didn’t resist Ade. My goodness! The pleasure I experienced from this ass eating was more than I can articulate.

And then we straightened and kissed some more. Passionately. Then he strapped on a condom and I applied the lube. I bent over again and he thrust into me.

Fuck!

That familiar sharp pain that that characterizes the beginning of anal sex for me shot through my body. (Please, if anyone has a panacea for this maddening pain that I get around my inner sphincter during the initial penetration, kindly let me know. I thought I would outgrow it over time, but… *sigh*) I pulled him out immediately, gasping from the pain. He apologized and petted me some. He understood that because I’m tight, I’m very prone to the initial pain. Fortunately, he maintained his erection, as he kissed me, our lips lingering together for a few seconds. This whole setup was feeling rushed, and even though we would like to savour each other, we were too aware of our circumstances to get comfortable in our passion.

In the background, the church next door was doing its thing. I could swear there were at least two of them on this street. It was getting on 11 PM, the height of the New Year religious hysteria. The church members in this church had just finished singing praise and worship, and were sharing testimonies. The people seemed enthusiastic in their sharing of God’s goodness in their lives. One guy got a job this year, at long last. His testimony motivated me. Because, here I was, about to get me a dick in me at long last. And I’d be damned if I would fuck it up.

I bent over again and braced myself, with my legs spread wide apart. He thrust in again, this time more slowly. I could feel him in me, and I wanted more. The church people were now praying and casting and binding in the next building. And I wanted more. He pushed his entire dick as far as he could into my hole, and I could swear I’d not experienced this measure of orgasm in a while. I wanted so badly to be indoors with him to fully relish this feeling his dick was giving me. But his family was home and that wish couldn’t be a reality. My reality was getting fucked from behind at a security post on New Year’s Eve.

I backed up on him and was moving on that dick as he pounded, like my existence depended on it. He banged away, his hands holding mine backwards. It was all I could do not to groan out loud at the sheer pleasure he was giving me.

Then I came. More like surged. My legs were quivering as I ejaculated all over that dusty floor. Ade was still riding hard and fast, slamming inside me. Slamming the cum out of me. It was like we’d thrown all cares to the wind at this point, what with our loud panting and the slap-slap sound of his crotch connecting with my derriere. I was starting to experience some mild pains, which happens once I cum first.

And he was nowhere near cumming. Whereas all I wanted to do at this time was to lie next to him and rest. I was struggling to stand.

He soon recognised my discomfort and withdrew. We kissed again and he took off the condom, which led to us tempting ourselves with some raw fuck. It was tempting, but I’m an over-processor. When did he last get tested? I didn’t get tested before the holidays and I’ve not been on PrEP…The risks…!

I also had my eyes on the time. I wanted to be back at my friend’s place before midnight. I also wanted to clean up and rest a little before we go again. But that wasn’t to be. Time wasn’t our friend. So, we got dressed and he stepped out of the room to check if anyone from his house was outside. He soon returned to let me know the coast was clear, and so I could use the toilet whose door was next to the security room to clean up. I cleaned up as stealthily as I could, and texted him when I was done. He came and led me out of the compound, quietly.

As we started down the street, I teased him about his aunt’s husband probably watching us from some veranda upstairs, and shaking his head at our childish bravado. That he probably even saw us enter the security room and knew what we were up to. Lol.

Around the corner, I spotted those guys I saw earlier. And as we passed them, I heard them speculating about us fucking, wondering out loud who fucked who. Lol. I mentioned this to Ade, and he shrugged it off. He didn’t seem to mind. So long as they were not brave enough to come confront us.

He saw me off to the gate of the street, where I was supposed to get a bike to Ikorodu expressway. With only 5k in my account, 400naira in my pocket and my MasterCard, which was expiring in January 2020, I wondered how I’d make it home. Again, I started to question my life choices. There were no taxis or OPay bikes around to rescue me. However, Ade stood by me and assured me that I’d be alright.

Soon enough, a bike came along, and after charging 50 naira higher than the normal fare, I had no choice but to hop on. I waved goodbye to Ade and began looking forward to covering all the steps it would take to get me home.

At the bus stop, I noticed that all the shops were closed. Even the RCCG church was quiet, and I became anxious. The roads were virtually empty, but around the corner, I saw some teenagers buying suya at a suya spot. I approached them and asked for directions to where I’d get a bus. They pointed me to the bus stop, cautioning me to be careful and hold my phone tight. Like I wasn’t scared enough.

Thankfully, as though God was answering my unsaid prayer, a bus drove by with the conductor yelling, “Ojuelegba! Ojuelegba!” I screamed at the top of my lungs for them to stop and chased after it, running with all my strength till I got to the bus. Seated inside, I then turned around to observe the demography of those in the bus. The driver was a young man who looking annoying but nice. There was a middle-aged woman with four children (going to God-knows-where), a pretty young lady, a man whoseemed like a pastor (judging from the phone call he was making. I think he had some church emergency he needed to get to), and three women at the furthest inside of the bus. I heaved a sigh of relief. This was not an ominous group.

My relief lasted just until we got to Ojota, when the driver pulled up to the side of the road to load more passengers. He didn’t move for a long time, and this annoyed some of the passengers, causing them to alight. Our numbers shrunk.

And the driver managed this measly number until he got to Maryland. Then he was like: “Ggbogboèrò.” He was done. The trip wasn’t being favourable to him, so he asked his conductor to offload us into another bus headed to Ojuelegba.

This was all so agitating for me. I kept trying not to look at the time and looking at the time all at the same time. I was just trying to calm myself.

Mercifully, I got to my friend’s street without further incident. I expected there to be people and a party crowding the street; earlier in the day, there’d been a beehive of activity as things were getting set up for a street jam. But the area was empty. It occurred to me that the residents were all probably religious and had gone to their places of worship instead of party away the crossover into the new year.

Five minutes to midnight, I finally got to the gate and called my friend to come open up.

Phew!

As I reclined on the chair in the sitting room, my adrenaline rush finally began to subside. Last sex of the decade complete and I was home safe.

Was it worth it? Heck yeah!

Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.

You only live once!

Happy New Year, hoes.

Written by Jay Armstrong