ONE STEP AT A TIME (Episode 2)
These past weeks have been really educative and interesting. Bae and I have really gotten to learn a lot about ourselves in ways we never got to do while in Nigeria. It’s one thing to be dating someone and be staying apart, maybe get to meet up at intervals. But it’s a totally different scenario when you live in same space with your partner. It’s not all that rosy. There’ve been fights, sharp exchange of words – crazy moments really. But like I said before, when he’s your brother and best friend, you’ll survive.
This makes resolving any issue that comes up between us a lot easier. You can fight all you can with your brother but will still remain together. There is an Igbo saying which goes like so: Iwe nwanne anaghi eru na okpukpu, which literally translates to “The anger of a sibling doesn’t get to the bone.” This means: A sibling’s anger is shallow or temporary.
Bae now has a job. He actually started his first day at work on the day of our fifteenth month anniversary. Sorting out his residence documents and putting him through the process of getting a job hadn’t been easy, but God has our back. We pray together too. I still believe in the saying that a couple that prays together stays together. (Never mind all those people, both gay and straight, that’d like you to believe that God hates gays. Well, the God I worship doesn’t hate me and Bae.)
My younger cousin from my mother’s side is coming over this weekend. I have two options: either come out to him so Bae and I won’t have to pretend around him, or get him someplace else to stay. The two options are hard, the first for obvious reasons. The only family member that knows about me is some other younger cousin who’s a doctor in the US. I came out to him five years ago when he was still in medical school. I supplied the revelation ‘carelessly’ during our chat on Facebook and he chuckled and said he’d always known. I asked him how he got to know and he said no straight guy loves Beyoncé the way I do. I just rolled my eyes in response. And he has been totally cool with it and occasionally wants to know updates concerning my boyfriends.
But with this one coming to visit, I’m a bit worried, because I don’t want a situation where I’ll come out to him and he’ll start acting funny or disrespecting me or Bae. This I won’t take.
The second option is also hard because, as a newbie in town, he needs guidance and assistance in the time before he finds his feet and settles down. But in that all that time… With him in the same apartment with us… I really don’t know what to do.
I need your advice, guys.
We stumbled on some Commercial Ad audition on a Facebook page we both follow. They required only foreigners for the shoot, especially Africans and Austrians/Germans. Bae and I went for the audition. If we are successful, it should be nice because the pay that comes with it is a good one.
Summer is fast approaching and we have some serious travel plans. I hope we will get some time off work to be able to explore this country. The city we stay in is already a bore to us. I won’t be able to pen down our daily activities because then I’d bore you guys. But I will make sure I come on here to update you guys as often as something interesting happens. Also, I’m sure Bae has got a lot to say. I’m off this evening, so let me go and make him a nice dinner to celebrate his first day at work before he gets back from work.
See you!
And please, let’s have your advice on the issue of what to do with my cousin.
Carl.
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24 Comments
Mandy
May 01, 07:00Summer is fast approaching and we have some serious travel plans.
When you’re boo-ed up so tight, your lives are now about what plans the two of you have as a couple instead of as individuals. ????Such relationship goals. Carl and Melvynn, you guys don’t know how much I envy you. Keep your good thing going please.
Belcullen
May 01, 07:22Well seeing that you would be the one taking care of him and all. I’m very sure he wudnt mind you telling him. He should know its your life and should respect it. He might be uncomfortable at first but he would eventually get used to it. Staying with you 2 would make him see how being gay doesn’t translate to some1 being a monster. Treat him well nd he’ll all forget his Nigerian gay bashing mentality..
Francis
May 01, 07:29Will he be able to keep kwayet and not transmit the info back to home people? That’s the main thing
KingBey
May 01, 07:49This is exactly my worry. He might talk to people back home. Being a mummys pet. He’s always on the phone with his mum and that is my worry.
Delle
May 01, 08:11He isn’t a baby. When you come out to him, you’d make him understand you aren’t ready for the family to know and that you’d really want it to be a secret for now.
You could go ahead to patronize him by saying you only wanted to tell him cos you felt he was mature enough to handle it. He should understand what Bro Code means and only a wizard would go ahead to snitch on his host knowing the repercussions of his action.
Pink Panther
May 01, 08:25??? My thinking exactly.
ambivalentone
May 01, 16:11When has ‘bro code’ and homophobia worked together? I can already see his lips flapping for a lifetime’s worth of tale-telling. Nwa m, prevent stories that touch. Its only a weekend na (or not?). What posh666 said.
Francis
May 01, 16:24If na just weekend he no for raise the matter na. This na probaby indefinite stay till he settle well
FJ
May 01, 12:19Hmmm, are you sure? My closest friend whom i had sacrificed so much for, more than anyone could ever imagine, was the first to lead an uprising against me when he got winds of my being gay. Being nice to them, may really not change the devil in them.
Francis
May 01, 12:22In as much as we are not to expect rewards for being amazing, this sucks still ???
Pink Panther
May 01, 13:41This sounds like a story we want to hear.
Francis
May 01, 07:28Baba God do oh. I want to be serious human being ?????
This your predicament na serious something. I have zero advice on the matter. Thankfully nobody ever wants to come to my end and if they eventually do, I can always formulate one better lie to keep them away unless i kinda like them and they are just staying a few days for sure. I can survive in the closet for a few days but other than that na die be that.
Jide
May 04, 11:05Lool you’re the worst tho
Delle
May 01, 08:08I’m all for coming out to him. There really was no way it would be a secret forever and from every single person in the family.
You could tell him you are gay but not necessarily that you and bae are together (it might be a lot to swallow at once). Let him piece two and two together.
Come out to him on a very wonderful day, when his mood screams happiness and the weather is as pleasant as supper by the river.
I’m sure he wouldn’t be that dumb as to board a flight the next day back to Nigeria.
You can’t keep it away from him. If. He doesn’t take it well, his loss. He would have to fend for himself in a country he isn’t used to.
FJ
May 01, 12:02You ‘ll be so shocked to see him dafter than you could ever imagine. Some would rather bury their life and whatever prospects life with you may hold, than simply showing some understanding. It’s sometimes difficult to predict the Nigerian homophobe.
I ‘ll rather advise he takes time to study the cousin before reeling out such information. Graded outing is another option, while watching the cousin’s action or inaction.
Delle
May 01, 12:52True. But I’m hanging on to that thread of hope of the cousin being sensible.
Of course he would study the cousin before coming all out (which I already stated).
If he decides to still be the ignorant mofo and out you to your family, consider it fate and good riddance.
Best be with the one who loves you than those you have to pretend to be what you are not in order to gain their love.
Deviantus
May 01, 09:14Well, “Carl”, I think there’s a third option.
Wait.
For him to notice things.
For his reaction or none thereof.
For him to settle down so that he doesn’t feel “blackmailed” into accepting you and Bae.
For the right time to come out; as much I don’t believe in “coming out”, (straight guys don’t, who I fuck shouldn’t be of interest to you) but I’m being delusional here, so yes, when the right time comes tell him matter-of-factly. This could be tricky as he might decide to relay the message to Nigeria like an unpaid courier or he might not.
The first persons, and significantly the hardest, that I “came out” to were my childhood friends. They are brothers, approximately 10 months apart and we’ve always been “blood” as we grew up together. It was hard. I was 15 and had to because of some circumstances. The first few days were crucial as they were curious and partly in disbelief but I stood my ground. We’re fine now much more so than ever. I came out to my Godmum, their mum, through one of them early this year, she has always known. But my situation is unique in that my younger sister has known about me since, well, since walking in on me banging away at her crush at 13 so…. I kinda was never really in the closet
Just wait. Give teasers. Subtle ones. Then open the bloody closet and come out swinging in sequinned spandex.
A good time to do so would be during Pride.
DI-NAVY
May 01, 10:51Yasssssssssssss.
FJ
May 01, 11:39Good…???????
KingBey
May 01, 12:20Erdongan would not let us celebrate Pride in peace. ???
posh666
May 01, 14:03Do you really need to explain anything to him? Just act the way you act without the unnecessary touching,calling of pet name and kissing in his front. If he observes things and decides to confront you with the issue then you can tell him the truth.. .
But for the time being since you don’t know his stance about gay’s you can keep ur display of emotions away from him cos it won’t be fair to make him uncomfortable just because you feel you are helping him out.
You won’t die if you and bae don’t have sex on the kitchen counter.But apart from that do whatever you like in your bedroom.Its not your fault if he decides to be nosy and hears your lovemaking moans.After all you are paying the rent.
KingBey
May 01, 14:46On point. ✋
Gag
May 01, 15:17You can drop subtle hints though. For example, you can watch movies that have gay people in it and look at his reaction when he sees them and what he says. Also, you can tell him about Celebrities who are Out and Proud, then listen to what he has to say about them and their sexuality.
Quinn
May 03, 14:06Ah to be young and in love! the singles cruise is still fun!!! about Beyonce, really??? they’re missing! no need to sweat it about coming out to your cousin, do what feels right, check if its worth the risk, but remember, only your happiness matters