KIZITO SPEAKS XV

KIZITO SPEAKS XV

Jessica. Lola. Girls. Girls. Crush.

A good number of us have that one girl (even two or more girls) crushing on them. What do you do when they confront you, look you in the face and say “I love you”?

What do you do abeg?

I don’t know what they see oh. Honestly, I don’t. Girls and guys; I don’t know what they see.

Jessica was my schoolmate. We never talked to each other much then in school. I was this jovial person in school; I talked, not just anyhow talking, I talked to the point of cracking the ribs of listeners. (I still do that. But I don’t talk much! Ok, I think I do.) Anyway, I was loved to an extent by all and I communicated with all.

Skip» fast-forward» skip»

Jessica and I became acquaintances after school, and then soon became friends. Very cool friends. She can ashawo for West Africa, and I can be fun to be with for South Africa. We can like to collect attention for the entire continent, whether we’re together or not.

Skip» fast-forward» skip»

Jessica said to me one day, “I love you.”

Yea right, bitch, you dey love?

She’s got tons of boyfriends and I know lots about them. But then, she goes to fall in love with me. Me! Her bestie, me! Why nau? Jessica, why?

“Abegi, I know say you dey joke,” I told her.

“But, I’m serious, baby,” she said.

“Abeg, shift.” I laughed. “Which of your boyfriends leave you?” I joked.

“Darling, I’m serious. Kai. Why don’t you believe me? I swear, when I’m with you, I don’t see no one else, baby’m,” she went on.

But she was spoiling everything. Or was she just testing me? She doesn’t know I’m queer. Perhaps she wanted to be sure?

Oh, they suspect quite all right. They all do.

So I kissed her one time to distort her thinking. I kissed her another time, and she thought she’d got me. Sorry bae, you can’t catch me. I kiss her again another time, and she was practically in heaven. Was she flying? I would have to cut off her hetero-montero wings.

“Jessica, nne, I need money badly oh. I can do just about anything for it right now,” I was talking with her one time.

She replied, “Ehen, me sef, my eye dey red. Are you sure you can do anything?”

“Yes,” I answered.

“Are you sure?” She sounded somewhat smug now.

I coughed out another “Yes.”

Days later, she was trying to hook me up with this rich gay man in Lekki.

Ha, Jessica! See bait!

Kito, anybody?

“Ya mad ooo!” I told her.

“What na? Shey it’s you that say you can do anything for money,” she said.

“Issoryt, I no say you no like me. God will provide.”

She chuckled.

Just imagine this girl. Don’t worry, I’ll kiss you again and you’ll finally have the impression that I’m straight like your spine.

***

My love for Vince was strong. I was starting to think that I loved him too much. Did he know? Yes, he did.

He loved me too.

But the demons that say love shall not prevail were on for business. On the road leading to blissful haven with Vince, they put up the sign: Enemies Of Love At Work.

I never saw Vince again. 🙁

He travelled. Far distance came between us. Our connection began to fluctuate. His enigmatic ways made my head spin.

I missed bae for a very long time. The chats weren’t as interesting as they used to. We talked lesser and lesser on phone. But I was holding on. It mustn’t fail.

“Love will prevail oh. Love must prevail!” This I kept telling myself. I repeatedly reassured myself that we would be fine. It was just the usual relationship trials everyone went through.

Yea. But…

Ping!!!

Vince pinged. Thank the gods. Or curse them?

It was time for ‘Baby, we need to talk.’ And you know what that means.

***

2016! 🙂

Happy New Year, folks! Yup, happy, happy!

I’ve got wishes, dreams, and maybe a few resolutions. And, KD…in fact, I’m short of words to explain the way I feel right now. PP, more grease to your elbow, more arches to your brow, lol, and more oil to ya porcelain skin. Well done.

Written by Kizito

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29 Comments

  1. GOld
    January 08, 06:24 Reply

    Kizito!!!!!!!

    Happy new year though.

    Nice post.I smiled from beginning to end.

  2. Dennis Macaulay
    January 08, 06:31 Reply

    The girl crushing on you!

    I can write a book on that!

    I think many girls fall in love with gay men easily because they are not like the men that they see; gay men are usually funny, smart, sensitive, loyal (atleast not when you are dating them lol) and often pay special attention to their dressing! What’s not to love!

    Also contrary to what people may think, sex between a gay man and a woman is often the bomb because a gay man has been on the receiving end of male physical affection so he knows what works and what doesn’t, plus he is probably insecure about the sex therefore goes ahead to over compensate and leave her breathless and subsequently calling your phone 15 times a day just to “check up on you”.

    Don’t ask me how I know these things, I just know stuff!

    Happy New Year Kizito!

    • Jamie
      January 08, 07:18 Reply

      Maybe ”some gay men” would be a better substitute in your statements, cos some gay men could faint at the thoughts of just the thighs of a woman! And sex with them can be really awkward for the man too, so I’m not sure that all gay men do not struggle to get an erection, and to satifsy the woman. If he’s bisexual, different case though…

      • Dennis Macaulay
        January 08, 07:31 Reply

        My bad!

        Some gay men!

        And I saw what you did there too and No I am not bisexual!

        • Jamie
          January 08, 18:17 Reply

          LOL
          …and ‘good’ jamie was innocent…

    • pete
      January 08, 08:56 Reply

      That’s me down to the multiple phone calls *covers face*

    • keredim
      January 08, 09:03 Reply

      “sex between a gay man and a woman is often the bomb because a gay man has been on the receiving end of male physical affection so he knows what works and what doesn’t….”

      @DM, not sure how that works? How does sleeping with a man make you know how to please a woman? Is the woman masculine? (Not that i have anything against Masculine women?)

      And I think any gay man that fucks women regularly and satisfies them to the point that they are gagging for more, may need to downgrade his gay membership…. #justsayin

      • pete
        January 08, 09:47 Reply

        @DM, not sure how that works? How does sleeping with a man make you know how to please a woman?

        @Kere, it does especially if you have bottomed.

        And I think any gay man that fucks women regularly and satisfies them to the point that they are gagging for more, may need to downgrade his gay membership…. #justsayin

        We seem so fixated on roles & labels and what to expect from people in such confined labels that we tend to forget that there is no general rule with humans.

        • keredim
          January 08, 10:46 Reply

          I think labels are necessary at least in the sexual context and when used honestly, for clarity. For example on Grindr, etc, a Top would primarily go for a bottom and vice – versa. So knowing what the other person is saves time on both sides

          In terms of relationships, I would like my intended to tell me from the beginning if he is bisexual, gay or straight. (Not say, he is gay but likes to screw women on the regular or from time to time)

          So in that regard I find having labels helps and one knows what they are signing up for.

          If it walks and quacks like a duck, it is a duck.

          I am not talking about sexual roles in bed in a gay relationship, as I believe that should be fluid to alleviate boredom

          • Max 2.0
            January 08, 11:03 Reply

            So you frequently get dicked @Keredim?

            #AskingForDelle’sPOM

            • keredim
              January 08, 12:09 Reply

              @Max, what part of my comment indicated that I frequently get dicked?

  3. Jamie
    January 08, 07:23 Reply

    My girl friends think that I am this very religious man…which is awkward, cos even some priests and pastors (married or single), have sexual partners. So Kizito, it’s good you’re smart. Maybe she expected you to fall for her, like her many customers, and you didn’t, so now she’s experimenting on you…lol

    • Dennis Macaulay
      January 08, 07:33 Reply

      That’s another angu!

      Some of these girls who have men falling at their feet and worshipping them begin to wonder why the charm is not working on you and hey you are aloof to them! This curiosity slowly begins to turn to attraction and admiration.

  4. #Chestnut
    January 08, 09:34 Reply

    Hahaha! Kizito o! U always make me laugh. “Why nau,jessica why?”Lol. I’ve to ask myself that question too, regarding my best friend in skool; she had to fall in love and turn a beautiful friendship into an awkward mess.
    Long-distance relationships …*sigh*… I always tell ppl that it’s only the grace of God that can save an LDR.

    • Dennis Macaulay
      January 08, 09:46 Reply

      Gearrahia!

      You that is looking for boyfriend who lives on your street only!

      • #Chestnut
        January 08, 10:06 Reply

        Hehehe…there’s nothing wrong with wanting to fall in love with the boy-next- door nah (literally).

        • Max 2.0
          January 08, 11:06 Reply

          Too close and too far are both bad. Some distance is needed at first…not seeing everyday. After that you both can now progress to the level where you can tolerate each other’s presence for long..then you can think of settling down together and having 2.5 kids…

          • michael
            January 08, 15:02 Reply

            Max, 2.5 kids? Are we naria betting here?

          • michael
            January 08, 15:03 Reply

            Max, 2.5 kids? Are we naira betting here?

  5. Promise4all
    January 08, 11:09 Reply

    Hmmm girls dey always like to surround me ooo. Some respect the fact that I don”t go around romancing them even if I can twist their brains but few are studying philosophy to know why I’ve never made passes at them. I support Dennis, guys wey don receive dick before sabi angles necessary for shooting missiles.

    KIZITO take five, U do well.

  6. Mr. Anonymous
    January 08, 12:49 Reply

    Everyone seems interested in the girl part. Me just dey this side dey think about lost love. That moment when things are starting to fall into place with bae, and then he goes and leaves town. Diaris God o

  7. Delle
    January 08, 17:35 Reply

    Well, well, well…I’m not saying I’m ‘uncrushable’ or anything but no girl should come to me to profess her love, don’t do it, except you want my insides on your body for the day! I can’t deal please…

    No gay man, really gay man, can get his ding-dong up for any woman, u know why? You’re gay and that’s that. Pete be saying shit like, ‘there are no general rules with humans’, huh? Really?
    If a man who claims to be gay can get aroused by a woman then it’s either he’s just ignorant of his sexuality or utterly stupid! Bye

    • pete
      January 08, 17:49 Reply

      Delle, you could put down your comment without sounding condescending. Newsflash dear, people don’t see life same way you see it. I’m a bisexual, DM says he’s a gay man who makes occasional trips to pussyvile(his words), Max says he’s repulsed by pussy, PP says he wouldn’t know what to do with an ass. 4 KDians with 4 different views on sexuality.

      • kacee
        January 08, 18:12 Reply

        “Occasional trips to pussyvile(his words)” LMAO

      • Delle
        January 08, 21:08 Reply

        Condescending? Was I really? When you guys (bisexuals) are always quick to smear it in our faces how you go to town on a p***y? Nehh, I don’t think I was condescending, it just came to you that way, something I’m not sorry about.

        • pete
          January 09, 13:03 Reply

          Maybe condescending was the wrong word, insulting more like. I gave 4 instances on the sexuality spectrum & you chose only to pick on bisexuals because according to you, they are always quick to smear it in your face. People always act differently & what you may see as smearing may be a guy just recounting his sex escapades as most do even gays.

          There’s this blog I follow https://kdaddy23.wordpress.com/. Read it in your spare time & learn more about bisexuality instead of doing the same thing we accuse homophobes of doing.

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