PROBLEMATIC GAY MEN YOU’VE EVER HAD SEX WITH
1. Those who’ll avert their face when you reach for a kiss, bringing you to the sudden sinking realization that they are not kissers.
2. Those who kiss, but without tongue. They keep that tongue locked behind gritted teeth, which they won’t unclench, no matter how much you try to push through with your kisses.
3. Or they simply keep their mouth wide open during the kiss, for you and your entire buccal cavity to fall into.
4. Those who are into nipple-play, but will keep stopping to wipe away at any sweat – or germs – that may be on your chest before resuming the sucking of your nipples.
5. Those who will not take their head – and lips – anywhere on your body below your nipples, no matter how much loving pressure you apply to their head to get them to go down and give you head.
6. Those who will go down to your dick, take the tip inside their mouth, nibble on it a bit, and then spit it out before coming up for air. By God! That was hard work!
7. Those who do manage to give you head, and when they come up for air, have their mouth full of saliva. In your very before, one might even dare to spit the saliva out into a corner of your bed sheet, furtively, as if he believes you won’t catch him doing that.
8. Or he might reach up to your face for a kiss and proceed to deposit the saliva into your mouth.
9. Those who have barely given you three minutes of foreplay before they start looking for the lube and condoms. Like damn, dawg! Where’s the fire!
10. The Tops who treat your ass like it’s a danger zone where the only thing brave enough to venture into it is their dick. They won’t finger you. They won’t rim you. (Are you kidding? That’s like asking Ru Paul to go down on a vagina.) They expect you to apply the lube to your ass. Heck, they even wait for you to spread your ass cheeks yourself for them to penetrate.
11. The Bottoms who sigh when you push up their hips for easier doggy penetration, hiss when you turn them around on their back for missionary, grimace when you suggest riding your dick, and just generally look like they’d rather be watching Will and Grace as you huff and pant away on top of them.
12. The Tops that shove into your ass at first entry as if your ass is an expressway and their dick a trailer that expects no obstacles in its way.
13. The Bottoms that ask you three minutes into the sex: “When are you going to cum?”
14. The Tops that cum and then flop away from you, ignoring your own orgasmic needs. No questions like “How do you like to cum?” or “How can I make you cum?” They simply cum and the sex business is over. Done. Moving on.
15. Those who do not cuddle or spoon when the sex is properly over and it’s time to sleep.
16. And finally, those who’ll grumble at you: “No, please, go back to sleep”, when you wake up in the middle of the night for Round 2.
Are you any of these men? If you are, Rainbow Jesus is speaking to you right now, through me, asking for you to change.
If you’re not, and you know of anyone else with sex crimes not in this list, comment such a sex offence and we shall put the offender in our prayers.
Written by Pink Panther
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16 Comments
SirCumsAlot
October 20, 07:1513 out of 16!
The fact that I’ve been with men who exhibit 13 of these traits means something…I just can’t place it yet.
James
October 20, 07:43Hahahahaha. I wonder how you could be this accurate. This right here is the summary of the Nigerian gay sex experience. Lmao
Mandy
October 20, 07:59I don’t know whether to laugh or be disgusted by this list. I mean, number 8… Ewwwww!!!! This is a hilarious representation of bad sex in the gayborhood. ????
CDV
October 20, 08:44? ? ? ? ? ??? Sex can be so stressful most times and to think person never experience wetin dey make bottoms roll their eyes into the back of their heads and scream halleluyah when collecting dick. ???
Some days you will collect dick just once fa, and the ynash stays aching for 1 week. Just kill me.
I don’t understand what people enjoy in that spit/cum swap thing. I see it in porn and lose all erection one time. I can’t stand the smell of spit ?.
keredim
October 20, 09:40#1 could be a polite way of saying “Dude, you have dragon breath”?
Yup, i am with CDV on the spit thing. You spit. you leave.????
Queerned
October 20, 10:20I only found myself guilty of about 3 of these , I do hope I change soon enough !!! ?????
Omiete
October 20, 10:22I have been with 1, 12 and 15. Also I don’t ever kiss with tongue, it grosses me out, it’s like a turn off, am like please keep your tongue to yourself
cedar
October 20, 13:22Pinky o, this bitch here has experienced almost all listed here. I can’t stop laughing remembering an episode with this mudafuka who thought he was fucking a sex doll, not a human being. Dude was going for this ass like he was digging for gold. I was naive enough to indulge him that day, and twice more after that. My pussy hurt for almost a month, no jokes. When I realized this dicker was sent by my village people to reduce my bride price, that was the end of it. Insensitive tops are a no no for me.
btw, who is that tall glass of chocolate by the left? I’d like to ogle him a bit.
Eddie
October 20, 15:45Lol am I like the only gay bottom who dislikes giving and receiving head or getting rimmed or being penetrated doggy style????
trystham
October 20, 19:04I’m actually so indifferent, it borders on dislike. So, yes, we are in the same corner
Lyon
October 20, 18:58You couldn’t put it any better.
Lyon
October 20, 23:02You know most times, how nasty we get during sex depends majorly on the hygiene of the other guy. With some guys you could go all the way but with some others you could end up barfing. Personally, guys whom I perceive to be not-clean-enough not only turn me off, but also get me so miffed.
Lyon
October 21, 06:28And as for the insensitive tops and the lazy you-get-to-do-all-the-work-cuz-you’re-privileged-to-worship-in-my-Temple bottoms, Lady Karma will definitely call me when she’s ready for you.
Pink Panther
October 21, 06:43????????
The Top privilege is a bastard.
Taul
October 23, 19:37Hahaha, this cracked me. Imagining number seven!! ?
Charles
October 26, 13:03Lol.
There is this person who posted it on Facebook and I could not get back and trace him, he’s a gay activist.
Anyone who knows the fb contact?