RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 4)
I am a rebel, something that, of course, comes with the territory of being a gay man; it has been this way for as long as I can remember. As a kid, I held my ground against my parents’ “wise decision” for me to study law; I refused and subsequently was not allowed to get into university for three years. I refused to break until they backed down after the third year. I absolutely hate being told what to do or how to do it, not because I think I know everything but because something inside of me resents someone else telling me what to do. I think that’s just the way I am. Most times, when I get into a parking lot, I deliberately do not follow the lead of the parking attendant and would most likely park somewhere else that is equally good, as long as I did not park at the exact spot that he was directing me to park. When I do however follow his lead, I will extend further than he asks just to get the satisfaction that it was my decision. I do realize that it does not make any sense, and sometimes I don’t understand why I do it… It’s just the way it is. The person that I report directly to at work understands me perfectly and always allows me to go carte blanche, as long as the expected outcomes are met; he often pretends not to notice that I employed my own MO. At the sports centre, I have been reminded SEVERAL times that approved gear for tennis is white and not orange (which for some reason I prefer to wear) and that the shorts have to reach the knees. (Let’s just say that the hemline of my shorts does not like my knees, so in the interest of world peace, I keep them both far apart). I am slowly learning to let go sometimes and not be unnecessarily stubborn, even though it is a very difficult thing to do.
I also have some weird differences which some of my friends do not understand, characteristics that prompt them to ask what kind of gay man I am. For starters, I do not like gay porn; I am not big on porn in general, but I particularly do not watch gay porn. I don’t download porn as I tend to stream whenever I want to watch (which always eats up my data bundles). I do have a few I downloaded years ago on a hard disk that I still keep, but that’s just about it. I like straight porn and my favorite category is interracial bondage and domination; I also like interracial lesbian porn. My friends however do have on surprised expressions whenever I tell them that I don’t have an impressive porn stash or when they see that the few ones I have saved are straight porn. Someone once said that I am confused because of that, and if it were bisexual porn I watch, then he could categorize me, but as it was, he had no box for me except confused. Frankly I don’t get the need we have to categorize people and assign labels to them as well as archetypes. I am confused because I don’t like gay porn? It literarily made me laugh as I have observed that gay people are usually very intolerant of difference. This is extremely ironical seeing as we fight for acceptance from society, but we don’t easily give that which we want. Anyway what do I know? Moving on.
I had lunch with Pink Panther on Sunday, an outing which was amazing, besides the fact that he made me feel like an alcoholic. (After I ordered two beers to go with the pizza, PP ordered a coke and gave me the look) Anyway, while I was trying not to be distracted by his porcelain skin, we got to talking about a lot of stuff; KDians (naturally), hair, roles, Chimamanda Adichie, archetypes and skin bleaching.
And I told him a story. Just the other day when I was travelling, I ran into someone I know at the airport. He called my name and I looked at him. The voice sounded very familiar but the complexion was not. When I finally looked closely and realized who it was, my jaw dropped to the floor. This guy used to be dark skinned, like really dark skinned, and now PP sef has nothing on him. I told him to pardon me not recognizing him, seeing as he had become fifty shades lighter.
And he was like, “Oh you know, I went to the USA for a few years, right? The weather over there just makes you really fair…”
I couldn’t hold my tongue (yes my infamous tongue), so I replied, “Yes, I know you were in the States, but Oprah, Forrest Whitaker, Don Cheadle and even Lupita Nyong’o all live in the states, and are still very dark skinned, are they not? Abi the weather dey select people to affect?”
He gave an awkward laugh and rallied with another excuse: “Well, you know I have fair people on mumsy’s side of the family…”
“And so, your genes waited till you were over thirty for them to suddenly realize they had fairness in them?” I returned.
And he was like I was just jealous, and we laughed over it and said our goodbyes.
I realize this is a touchy subject and some people may say I am judging, but I think skin bleaching is the highest declaration of insecurity, and it means that you have bought into the narrative sold by the West that fairer is better. The stats by WHO says that 77 percent of Nigerians bleach their skin, so even for KD here, them dey. Una doooooo! I hail. *runs away*
Now, a majority of straight people look at us as just sexual beings, believing that sex defines our entire existence as gay men. This is of course absolutely ridiculous, but sometimes we buy into that stereotype. A friend from Enugu called me before the holidays, asking me to accommodate his close friend who was coming to PH for a job interview. I know that Nigeria has an unemployment epidemic, so I’d be more than happy to assist anybody get a job. I readily agreed. The guy came, stayed over that night and I provided a room for him, food and all; I ensured he was comfortable. I even called someone I know in that industry to get him information on what kind of questions to expect. I eventually retired to my bedroom and slept off after doing some work, only for me to be woken up a few hours later when I felt someone touching me. It was this guy, and I freaked out totally, asking him to return to where he was sleeping, that this was not the plan, and that he should not feel obligated to do anything for me in return. He made a fuss about me not desiring him and all, and eventually left. He proceeded to be cold throughout his stay and left on the third day after the interview. (Dude deleted me from BBM the moment he boarded a bus) I wondered: Is this how it is now? Can’t someone be nice without expecting something in return? And since when did all we think about become sex, that if someone is not interested in doing the fandango at that point he becomes an enemy? Now this guy was very attractive, but that was not the circumstance under which we met. I realize quite a few people would have grabbed the offer but I just freaked out (especially as I had a boyfriend at the time, which was also made clear to him). Coming on to someone is not exactly a crime, but when they decline, it’s not a biggie neither does it mean you are ugly. HIAN!
Enjoy the rest of your week, folks.
Dennis Macaulay
OAN: Erm, Pink Panther, I kept walking behind you, and opening doors for you to pass through, not because I am a gentleman or anything. I just wanted to gawk at your cakes, which are quite impressive by the way. *RUNS AWAY BEFORE LORD SCARFACE SHOOTS ME IN THE HEAD*
XOXO
Dennis Macaulay
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122 Comments
shuga chocolata
February 04, 05:07OAN: Erm, Pink Panther, I kept walking behind you, and
opening doors for you to pass through, not because I am a
gentleman or anything. I just wanted to gawk at your cakes,
which are quite impressive by the way. *RUNS AWAY
BEFORE LORD SCARFACE SHOOTS ME IN THE HEAD*
This I totally agree with you dennis. Nice entry me like it. *runs off*
pinkpanthertb
February 04, 05:10shuga chocolata, its high time I get to know who you are. lol
shuga chocolata
February 04, 05:17For real???
*shaking*
PP I’m no stalker but you chat like my namesake on bbm and that dude can just appear like an angel and disappear like one fat diaster.
NB: fear not PP I’m just right beside you, no touching but sight seeing. *sideseyes*
pinkpanthertb
February 04, 05:32LMAO!!!
Samurai
February 04, 05:23If you want to know how sulky and saucy most gay guys truly are, just refuse to have sex with them. it’s really pathetic, to say the least.
pete
February 04, 05:30you are right about most people expecting you to make out with them irrespective of whether you are attracted to them or not
Max
February 04, 05:43Every part of this piece is totally relatable… Its just like I was reading my own memoir.. First, I’m a stubborn dude… But not unnecessarily.. I’m always stubborn for the right cause.. And two- dudes who expect sex once sleep over is involved, they make me ashamed of the whole LGBT community in general.. And PP, Mr porcelain.. ☺.. Lemme reserve my comment.
And Dennis, I’m now having 2nd thoughts abt that hookup(future meeting)– to some people here, hookup means having sex..
Khaleesi
February 04, 14:19Honestly these overly randy duded give credence to the homophobes assertion that gays are all about mindless random sex … whereas it isnt always the case
KryxxX
February 04, 05:56Awwwwwwwwwwww!
That’s my own personal Christian Grey talking! Bondage nd shii! I like!
Nd dat skin complexion part got me loling like mad! Na only am waka go Amrika(Dilemma of d Ghost).
On d rebel part, I think I can relate! Tell me what to do but pls, na afa nna, don’t tell how to do it i.e. If I already do know how. I’d rather do it my way than have someone breathing down my neck. It ticks me off!
Some guys need to set their priorities right nd put sex second while life should come first.
But bia Dennis, u wear an orange bumshort to d sports club? Dat, I would like to see.
And u Pinky, u left us hanging bcos of Dennis? Ngwa pull that boxers nd lie down flat under my bunk till I get back! D night shall b hot!
Mercury
February 04, 06:54Hahaaaaa, so you follow they defile junior students that year abi?(pull your boxers and lie under my bunk.)……
KyrxxX
February 04, 07:03Ah! Mercury! Me I no follow do oh! I was such a good, obedient nd UPRIGHT student! Lol!
Mercury
February 04, 08:12Until you became rotten and slutty.
Mitch
February 04, 08:31UPRIGHT!
I died.
KryxxX, you shall not kill me!
Gad
February 04, 05:57The percentage of Nigerians that shares the same mentality with your dark skinned friend that later turned light is quite high. People eat poison in the name of food and call it being classy because it’s oyibo food,DM sees a guy whose favorite actor is of nollywood as dumb because he didn’t chose one from Hollywood. Many can’t give nollywood movie a 5minutes audience but won’t feel any shame to display their knowledge of all Hollywood movies,including the crew,actors and their bio-data. We show interest in Western politics but dismiss issues that borders on national interest with a wave of the hand. DM, we all(except a sensible few) have inferiority complex issues like your friend. As usual, you didn’t disappoint me. A beautiful work. The best so far.
pinkpanthertb
February 04, 06:01Gad don come again. Dennis was going for the issue of a lack of self esteem, and you suddenly exploded the issue to include the preferences and interests of people.
Lothario
February 04, 22:05I honestly don’t think anyone picked up on the shade in this comment *siddon dey look*
Max
February 04, 06:03I’ll start giving Nollywood credit when they stop making movies with cheap camera phones… When they stop drawing from the pool of untalented actors.. When they start finding ways to fund their movies and make high quality work that’ll stand the test of time., when they stop using cheap and basically silly scripts for their movies..
When they start sending more time in producing their movies instead of making movies horridly in a week while high on weed.
pinkpanthertb
February 04, 06:04Bless you, Max.
Dennis Macauley
February 04, 06:15Max has replied, no need for me to. Nollywood? Odiegwu! Chika Ike? Make that a double odiegwu
KyrxxX
February 04, 06:59Nollywood? D same nollywood that I saw a movie from them last week nd wept? A nollywood movie where there was a shooting scene nd a close up shot of d pistol had MADE IN CHINA written boldly on it!
Gad! Gad! If not for d love I have for u eh……………..
shuga chocolata
February 04, 07:15Made in where? CHINA!!bb ewooooooooo
Odiegwu, hian, inukwa???
Nna please what’s the name of the eivom??? Backward.
Gad
February 04, 09:15We should love and be proud of Nigeria and it’s local contents. With our support they will get there. Hollywood,Bollywood etc didn’t get to where they are overnight.
JArch
February 04, 07:35Gad!!! Chai I just love you sha…. I definitely understand where you’re coming from but in the context you’ve outlined there are some bits and pieces you missed. The guy who said his favorite actor is Nigerian was definitely dumb. Not because of his preference in actors, but as a whole couldn’t keep up a conversation in anything remotely stimulating while they were at the eatery…. I for one love “oyibo food” not because I want to feel classy but it’s just what I enjoy. Whether home made or take outs. I don’t reject Nigerian or African cuisine either, but if given a choice I’d rather have a pasta than swallow eba. The ONLY dish that can make me say no to oyibo food is pounded yam lol
I am officially stating that I do have a small crush on you.
Mercury
February 04, 08:16Hian!!!!!, Crushing on ebe owo…..person wife go soon nack breast for you….mbaha doo
Gad
February 04, 16:43Jealousy
Dennis Macauley
February 04, 08:52All of you that are crushing on a “mallied someborry” , diarisHotWaterOoooooo
JArch
February 04, 09:52Mercury lemme ooo because anye ado eve owo, nnam idea idaha ado. Nsuk ndia anye mfon mfon
DM dis mallied someborry will be my knight in shinning arm our and catch hot water for me hahaha
Gad
February 04, 17:11Jarch, don’t mind them. Blood is thicker than water
Gad
February 04, 13:06Wao. Short of words.
Mercury
February 04, 15:10Gad, shey you don hear…..better make sure my brother is not cooked ok.
Gad
February 04, 18:48Is that an order or an appeal? By the way what do you mean by cooked?
Mercury
February 04, 19:54Its kinda both, cooked as in no boiling water baths from a Mrs ooooo….if not mkparawa eya eduk mkpo uno idiok idiok.
mirage
February 04, 06:01I totally relate,sex can be awesome but at times you don’t just wanna shag some peeps not cos they not attractive just cos it would ruin everything.Ok am in a new town and a friend introduced me to this mid 30’s guy so I visit him some sundays cos I don’t really have friends he doesn’t wanna understand the I don’t wanna shag you letter but enjoy hanging around you and himself and his friends tagged me “full of himself” cos I meet several guys@his place and not exchange contacts as most of them do,now that is a crime abi?@PP booty queen lol and thanks those times you sheltered me too!
pinkpanthertb
February 04, 06:03Mirage,, izzit me you are calling booty queen? You! You that is carrying something Kim Kardashian would be proud of on your behind, eh?
Max
February 04, 06:05Mother Theresa always has everyone’s best interest @ heart.. Ure welcome.. ☺
Masked Man
February 04, 06:14Comments reserved.
Let me don’t appear stolid.
#TeamKizito
February 04, 06:22Ah, Pinky’s skin no be here..
*
What a simple “NO”, “I don’t wanna do”, “I’m not interested” can create for you ehn. Smh.
Oh, and they’re thrilling, high quality Nollywood movies out there nau. Check.
Dennis Macauley
February 04, 06:24Such as? And dont dare say “30 days in atlanta” cos I regret the 1500 I used to watch that movie. Money that I would have used to buy data
pinkpanthertb
February 04, 06:26Dennis, Phone Swap is good. Really hilarious. The Meeting too. Let’s not knock Nollywood entirely. The bulk of the industry produces trash, yes. but there are really good things coming out from there.
pinkpanthertb
February 04, 06:25Oh I know there are. I have my favorites among the products churned out by the Nollywood industry
Max
February 04, 06:36I’ve seen phone swap.. Its hilarious.. Could’ve been better though… The NSE girl is a good actress.. It would’ve been better if Dennis’ friend used her as a role model instead of Chika Power…
#TeamKizito
February 04, 06:44Lmao!
Mercury
February 04, 07:01Cool post, I don’t like being told whatbto do either, ita that bad, I turned down a job because madam said hey , you have to be here whenever I need you,don’t care what youre doing, drop it……I love my complexion and would never change it…..I’m actually attracted to extremely dark people, something about em gets me all the time. By the way @ DM orange bum shorts to the sports club,( and I’m sure they were neon orange), with those Ebube Nwagbo legs…..I’m glad youre owning it. As for them skanks who want sex by force, its so sad, I don’t know where to start pitying you….sha its not good to be an Olosho.
Gad
February 04, 09:38I don’t know what to think or say of people who can’t take instructions or people that will reject an idea just because it’s coming from another person.
Mercury
February 04, 15:11Depends on the idea, or instruction and how they r delivered to me.
Gad
February 04, 18:53Well, I issue orders and expect total compliance. If you can’t take orders you can’t get care neither can you lead. “If a man serve a king, he becomes a king”. So my ancestors said. Wise men
wytem
February 04, 19:21Echoes………
JArch
February 04, 07:06I can relate with a few points in this article… My stubbornness never reach your level, it all depends on where the undesired energy/opinion is coming from. Sometimes I try to reach a compromise, other times I simply just ignore and do whatever I want.
Now people are categorizing who’s gay and who not, by their taste in porn abi? I do enjoy straight porn as well as gay porn stash, and watch either of them depending on my mood. So does that makes me bi?
DM as much as I agree with you that a large number of Nigerians bleach, I am also of the opinion that weather also affects skin tone as well. It’s why most white folks who visit Nigeria run home looking almost orange or light brown due to the level of exposure to the sun. They say their are tanning. So if you reverse the situation where a Nigerian visits a much colder region where hot sun no dey fry your black ass, chances are you’ll get a different skin tone as well.
PInky I didn’t know you had retired from being a cougar. *sips OJ*
Mercury
February 04, 07:15Lol…..Pinky is a couger?…..gggrrrrr
Dennis Macauley
February 04, 09:31Pinky wrote the cougar manual na! It is common knowledge
DeadlyDarius
February 04, 23:40J’arch, a dark-skinned person will not undergo a skin tone change to be lighter simply because of living in a cold climate. There is no scientific evidence/basis for that statement. Melanin cells do not reduce from what u were born with due to a cold climate
Just a correction
Mercury
February 04, 07:12Bia Pinky, this one that ya bumbum is trending on KD, warris happening, those perky lil things na im dey cos commotion for hia……take ya time ooooo. Isn’t DM’s ass bigger, I’ve seen both and I think DM has bigger cakes, just feel bad for those legs tho, having to carry those round things abt.
shuga chocolata
February 04, 07:24Epic @ mercury….
Uh o˚°◦h my what am I still doing here when I should be investigating? Wish I could say same for pinky fine hairless leg and the cakes Uh o˚°◦h my have said much again this my hands ehhhhh.
*runs of and takes cover*
chestnut
February 04, 07:30Wait, Dennis has a badonkadonkdonk too? Wondahful! Na only me waka come o…*sniff*
Ace
February 04, 13:23Hehehe chestnut!
Max
February 04, 07:33Errrn Dennis???… ***EyeswideOpen .. Come and defend yaself
Dennis Macauley
February 04, 07:40Lekwanum oo! Ha abiago! Mercury? Have we met Biko? How did you see my erm (you know what). Wait Neon Orange? Who are you please?
Mercury
February 04, 08:20Hahahahaaa, DM yes we’ve met and yes I know you like neon, suits you tho. And yes Dennis has cakes, guys who cycle always do.
Dennis Macauley
February 04, 08:45Okay, now I am having anxiety! Wait this is prolly one of my friends pulling my legs. I am not buying it!
And for the records, I no get nyash oooo! Ask PP na e be like fried eggs!
Mercury
February 04, 15:15Well DM, they didn’t look like cardboard cutouts to me sha……and those riding shorts looked more like speedos to me……I know you like to show what you’ve got.
KyrxxX
February 04, 07:40Pinky to me doesn’t look like someone to carry much(fragile), maybe two sizeable pawpaw! But my vision of Dennis has him carrying oversized watermelons! The type that tucks in nd u swoon/fall into a lagoon!
Mercury
February 04, 08:23Chai!!!!!, you my friend are a hoe-bag, haba, water melon kwa??, wetin dey hungry you no dey market.
KryxxX
February 04, 08:52E dey market oh! Lol!
Dennis Macauley
February 04, 09:10Chai kryxxx! Swoon and fall into the lagoon? Lol
I feel objectified and I will sue you for sexual harassment!
****dials khaleesi who will be my lawyer****
Masked Man
February 04, 07:24Ha!
The things they say and happen on KD.
This person is sure to have seen that person’s bum.
Now, DM is more endowed than PP from behind.
Mecury, something you aint saying.
Mercury
February 04, 08:24Sips tea!!
Pearle
February 04, 07:47So it turns out that Dennis and I have a few important things in common, first being that I’m a tennis player whose shorts must stay miles apart from his knees, how else do I put these long legs of mine on display without being judged for wearing something that almost passes for bum shorts in broad daylight for a man? Secondly, my friends seem to uphold this cosmic notion that I’m not “gay enough” as I’m not easily excited by gay porns as they’re, I love me my interracial hardcore porn biko, in fact I’m so little on porns that Richard Mann is the only actor I know by name, boy’s got dominance. Thirdly, just when you think you have all the answers solved for me, I’ll change the questions, I derive some degree of satisfaction in knowing that it was done all by myself, which sometimes isn’t a good route to take anyway, but at least you can be sure I won’t be taking the one you’re leading me through.
Dennis Macauley
February 04, 08:48Lol! Brian Pumper is the only porn star I know by name!
But wait ooo, bum shorts? I dont know if my own is as short as that biko
Pearle
February 04, 09:31Hahahahahaha…. Erm… It’s not as if they’re bum shorts as such o, I just figured that since I do not have the kind of ASSets that you and @PP hawk around town, I might as well emphasize my own selling point(s) by wearing something a little highlighting, and Tennis happens to be one forgiving loophole for such. Please don’t open the book of judges on me for this lol…
Dennis Macauley
February 04, 10:03Chai! ASSets? Mercury shey you see what you have caused? My god will judge you
Mercury
February 04, 15:22Hhmmmm, Awwwwwww, DM, you should be thanking papa for doing free PR for ya…..no mind em werk what ya mama gave you.
trystham
February 04, 08:08Watching gay porn is always like “why is he taking dick like that and I can’t” amazement. I usually forget to be aroused by the time its done most times.
Anyway, I AM now stubborn. That mulehead did not start showing until after grad. It still a total shock for them at home, when I put my feet down and turn up my nose. They still get me with the “God” part sha.
Peak
February 04, 09:57Hmmm after going through all the adverts promoting PP’s bootey, all I want to know is………………….PP abeg when can we ve lunch? I grew up in lagos but seriously doubt if I know the city well. So I don’t mind you showing me around while I walk behind you. Let’s see what the hype is all about sef.
The issue of saying No? Hmmm let’s just say I got myself in a situation with a friend of a guy of interest a few months back.I didn’t ve enough experience to extricate myself without causing a dent on the guy emotionally (was trying too hard not do dent his self esteem). I’m still living with the guilt of my actions that night, cos the makeout went down under the dudes roof (guy of interest). He was aware the whole time and did nofin to stop us. It was just a make out session but I felt dirty afterwards. So let Ur No be No! Rolling around with someone out of pity will definately leave u empty (and dirty).
pinkpanthertb
February 04, 12:17Showing you around Lagos, Peak, could also involve walking side by side. #justsaying
Mercury
February 04, 15:25Eerrrrmmm, Pinky doll, youre showing him around, shouldn’t you be leading (in front).
Handsomely Inclined
February 04, 12:00Yea,I can relate with DM on the sex aspect,its so true…personally,I like meeting people just to chat and nothing else as I haven’t made up my mind to let go yet…..i never knew people have issues with that….
Anytime I meet a friend online and you start saying let us meet and do what???,good I have a standby friend that I always transfer their PINS or whatssap numbers to…..he just knows how to get by with them….
And I don’t know if its Peach or pearle who said not wanting to exchange numbers with guys or meet them after the first visit is regarded to as forming.
Everyone mustn’t be like you guys,yes,I am gay doesn’t mean I should meet you,exchange numbers,have sex with everyone,No,it doesn’t work that way….if your sheets are stained,its okay,allow the rest of us whose own hasn’t…its really annoying….
I had issues with some of them in the north last time,they will invite you to follow them to meet a friend,you go…..then they will tell you to joust do it,and when you tell them you haven’t done something like that before,they will tell you there is always a first time….oh yea,I know but you won’t remind me about that
And Dennis,I will gladly be your lawyer on a condition you tell me how the services rendered will be paid?
Colossus
February 04, 12:33With sex.
Now, would you still take on his case?
Max
February 04, 12:36Naa, I don’t think so.. Virgins always get deflowered in less-than flattering situations..
Mercury
February 04, 15:28That’s true honey, you don’t want your first time to be with Dennis…..last time I checked you dey fear carrot, talk less of eggplant….I no dey oooo.
Gad
February 04, 18:00**APPLICATION CLOSED** DM has already gotten a lawyer except if you want to join the legal team
Chizzie
February 04, 12:25About skin ‘bleaching’…first of, the proper term is lightening..anddd to a large extent I don’t blame some ppl that do it. Cause…hellooo! have u seen how hot and humid and polluted the weather is over here? One must take extra *coughs* measures to ensure that their market value doesn’t depreciate especially seeing as we gays are very particular abt aesthetics. What I don’t get is why really dark skinned ppl even consider skin lightening. Light skin is very hard to maintain so u can’t blame some of us red bones for dabbling in eh skin toning to get an even complexion,but for a dark skinned person to go from dark to white and by white I mean Marilyn Manson see-through white, naaa thats bogus.
pinkpanthertb
February 04, 12:28😀 Hello Chizzie, i was starting to wonder about you.
Max
February 04, 12:29Hahahahahahaha… So if I understand u correctly, you bleach, sorry.. Lighten to maintain an even body tone?
Chizzie
February 04, 12:45busy.
Colossus
February 04, 12:45These one most people are claiming to be rebels, does that mean it’s wrong that I still take orders?
“Lie down there”
“Insert it here”
“Now smack like you mean it”
“Pump harder”
*Thinking* Do I stop taking orders?
Colossus
February 04, 12:47In other news, so we get a detailed narrative of your “lunch” with Pinky? In the next episode maybe.
pinkpanthertb
February 04, 13:04Why is lunch in quotes? *arching brow*
Colossus
February 04, 13:19Oh you know, the regular. What type of food was had, was it tasty? The name of the venue, was it classy? Did you both laugh like there was no tomorrow, did the single mother at the next table ache for something similar?
Do I have to write this story?
pinkpanthertb
February 04, 15:12You’re already on the roll. Why stop there? 😀
Dennis Macauley
February 04, 14:11Collosus you are officially KDs biggest mess! Way ahead of chestnut.
We had Pizza and a few beers! DazAll
Peak
February 04, 12:55I died laughing with “Now smack it like you mean it” chai! The things you hear on KD
pinkpanthertb
February 04, 13:01Hahahahahahahahahaa!!! Oh God! Colossus!
Mercury
February 04, 15:31Youre just a mess…..biko keep taking orders ooooo, if you don’t insert it der where else will u insert it?
Handsomely Inclined
February 04, 12:46@Collous,hope I got that right?You are not Denis na or your his mouth piece…
@Max,maybe I should pretend I know what you’re talking about?
Are you by chance talking from experience?lol
Max
February 04, 13:02Lol.. **lips sealed
Colossus
February 04, 13:52Its Colossus.
Collous sounds awful
Max
February 04, 15:15Reminds me of Colossus of Rhodes.. I hope thats where the inspiration for the name came from..
Colossus
February 04, 16:04As much as I love Greek mythology, I love X-men more.
Dennis Macauley
February 04, 13:06Now I do agree that gay men are all about aesthetics, but if i uderstand correctly you are saying that only light skin tone is good looking? Seeing as I dont fancy light skinned men, I will disagree with you.
Skin bleaching (yes thats a correct term) maybe all fun and games when you are young, but wait till you get old and see the damage you have done to your skin over the years. We should all feel comfortable in our skin, no matter its color.
Lord II
February 04, 14:48Yup! Agree with U….dont like being told what to do..also bleaching???? Tot nobody does that anymore..so chizzie pls explain what u said there biko!
Heiress
February 04, 13:33First timer here! I just want to say reading this blog has become one of my daily must do :-)!!
pinkpanthertb
February 04, 15:07Welcome Heiress. Quick question: whose fortune do u stand to inherit? And if i make you my tea-drinking bestie, do i get to enjoy the luxury of that fortune with you?
Gad
February 04, 18:44Hmmm. Fortune hunters. I pray the person you guys wants to inherit don’t read an oration by your grave side
Peak
February 04, 16:13Max, PP is on her Victoria grayson hustle.
Gad
February 04, 18:37Welcome.
Khaleesi
February 04, 14:16****screeches to a halt in bright red pumps*** Dennis, you like straight porn? With all that multi layered, convoluted abd undulating mass of flesh called pussy? **chokes back puke*** … even in my teens when the imternet wasnt as ubiquitous as it is today, a time when the only porn i could find was straight dvds i would hide and watch with my then best friend… even then, all my attention was firmly on the juicy black dicks pistoning in and out of those wet holes …. a few weeks ago a friend popped straight porn into his dvd while i was visiting – i felt a quick flash of irritation @ the whole thing joor …
I am light skinned, i love it but it can sometimes be bothersome, back in high school my house master always warned me never to engage in any of the antics which the other boys engaged in, according to him ‘your complexion stands you out even from afar, even if i cant see the others’ faces, i can see your skin clearly. The few times i decided to disregard his advice, i was caught and thoroughly punished and of course through me the others were eventually caught. I Frankly don’t get the fuss amongst Nigerians about having light skin, maybe cos am naturally so – maybe that’s also why am so attracted to darker skin types and usually not attracted to light skinned dudes (there are exceptions of course)… biko dark skin is beautiful and sexy if well taken care – NB: i still love my light skin and wouldnt trade it even for all the rice in Thailand!!
A lot of gay guys just don’t seem to understand that it’s possible to just be friends, to offer a helping hand to a gay in need out of the goodness of your heart and with no strings attached. It mustnt always be about sex and sometimes having sex in a rush ruins things and destroys what might otherwise have blossomed into a strong friendship … oh well…
This was nice Dennis … keep them coming
***where can i kiss you***???
Max
February 04, 15:21So you were a snitch in high skl???
And for where to kiss Dennis, the forehead would be nice.. As it has a summit right @ the top.. ☺☺
Peak
February 04, 14:43I tried to stay away from all this “You de bleach oooo” business *in my fela voice* but failed.
The cold hard truth is whether we unanimously agree or not, society over time has accepted “Light” as “beautiful, clean, desirable” and all that jolly crap. Dark has been seen as ugly, lessdesirable,unclean, dirty ……..*u can throw whatever fits into the mix*. its 4 this sick ideology and dumb beliefs that we have racism as well as the “lightskined, browns/darkskinned among members of the black community” (Just Ask Black Americans).
Its common to hear ppl say “if to say he/she black enh! E 4 worwor die! Na the yellow way him yellow help him case! (A subtle way of saying black ppl are generally consided ugly and being light skinned is/canbe seen as a saving grace). U hear ppl saying black ppl are dirty, bcos black is know to conceal dirt and spots (try tell PP make him get illegal wound, boya him no go de find spot remover up and down)
Men bleach! Women bleach even more, all in the name of “meeting up”. We all battle with one level of insecurity or the other. The fact that the current subject of insecurity doesn’t border on ur demons doesn’t give you the right to sit on a high horse and judge.
Men are out to marry light skinned girl cos black skinned girls aren’t considered as fine, aside from that, they want the kids coming out looking better that they do! So they opt 4 girls who “yellow” if that fails, then “shokolate” becomes option number 2. I ve a hard time accepting boys that bleach, but I try not to judge. @ dennis, there is such a thing as lightening and tonning.
Nothing gets more attention than bright or shinny. Ppl want to be seen and noticed. So why not slap on some lotion and get the tone you dreamed of? I ve nofin against bleaching so long as its done right! You are broke and ve to figher trecking like me to wherever u are going and think is ok to bleach? god of the sun will answer u! If u can’t afford a good cream and the right condition to keep bright and shinny 4 years to come? Sit urself down. All the black actress and pop stars in hollywood are tonning up to stay relevant, nollywood ppl are doing so too, and don’t get me started on the new craze they call “baff” that most of our naija stars are doing now that leaves u looking lighter *cought sean tizzle, tuface, iyanya* and the struggle to ve pink lips.
Do I bleach? No! I’m dark as night!
Do I ve issues against it? If you can’t afford it? ….then Yes!.
At the end of the day if you like it, who am I not to love it? Ur money, ur body, ur life.
Thank you
Lord II
February 04, 14:56Ha! Ok…well noted and explained…chizzie now I see what you mean…your money your body your life!
Max
February 04, 15:32The things is, most people can’t keep up with the demand of bleaching.. They end up looking like burnt sausage and their fingers look like a badly roasted corn.. Its quite irritating to look at.
Bleaching primarily involves driving away melanin concentration on the body so as to make it appear lighter. The joints of the hands and legs look burnt because melanin is hard to remove in such places as it has higher concentration of it. When you go out in the sun, the body naturally produces more melaninto try and protect your skin . Hence after beaching when there’s no melanin to protect the delicate skin, the sun sips through and damage it. Thats why bleaching is bad. People don’t like themselves very much and thats why they bleach. You’ll be a tad lighter when you leave the country (if youre naturally Choco), but never to be as fair as snow white. People like Djimon Hounsou however are black to the core (even their shit is black) and can’t get any lighter in cold weather.. Bleaching is bad for the skin.
Peak
February 04, 16:10Max na real fair as snow white.
That Djimon guy black shaaaa
Oluwadamilare Okoro
February 04, 15:34Hmmmmm. Nice
I assume some ppl will say it’s not coherent which will be ridiculous.
*scrolling to comments section*
Kuzaku
February 04, 20:57I think one reason why more Nigerians bleach is because of our colour, or have you ever seen a bleaching whiteman?
One thing I just find funny is the influx of yellow-pawpaw beauty queens in Nigeria now. Whatever happened to following Agbani’s footsteps?
Lothario
February 04, 22:01Lol! PP does have a very nice booty…. I agree!
As for what my friends and I term ‘rent payment ‘, it’s something Nigerian gay men have stuck in their heads….sad, but that’s the way it is.
King Mufasa
February 05, 00:03Hello Max,
*Smiles* … I sincerely hope I’m not creeping you out… I can barely help it.
Max
February 05, 07:36You are.
Jeova Sanctus Unus
February 05, 00:55There’s Skin Toning and there’s Skin Lightening. With the climate here, most people get darker every year and toning affords people the opportunity to get back the complexion they’d lost. Toning could be seen as having a haircut, that you don’t fancy it makes you no better. A person has every right to modify his/her body (My name is Liberal). I don’t see no one judging Caucasians for tanning. White people lighten their skin too. Indians have been ‘bleaching’ before they saw Caucasians. The truth is, most people who think skin lightening is a result of low self esteem are actually the ones with esteem issues (and/or lack funds for such). Women wear hair extensions, some broke people still judge. I believe the people who bleach due to low self esteem are the ones who lie about it, or try to make excuses. You ‘bleach’ because you want to. People only get burnt here because they use cheap products.
About Nollywood, crap is crap in every language, we need quit deceiving ourselves. It’s called globalization and not “westernization”. Europeans didn’t fall out of the sky the way they are now. They were smart to borrow from other cultures and civilizations. It’s no magic English is ‘the’ world language; it knocks other languages over, robs them and grows itself. I won’t spend 10mins trying to explain myself in Igbo when 1min can do with English. We either improve or get the hell outta the way. Nollywood sucks 99.9%. I’ve seen crappy Hollywood movies (Dr Dolittle 4 being the worst)…and crappier Bollywood movies too. I worked for my money so Nollywood should work for it.
Food… Fat/oil make me sick and it’s like the main ingredient in African foods. I’m not a fan of carbs and that’s what we mostly have here. Apparently I’m less African & got self esteem issues because I love light food (fruits, veggies, noodles, cereals, Nsala, pasta…), init?? Biko, I’m more African than the Oba of Oniru.
So Pinky has been gathering ynash. I guess he needs a pronounced base for that pronounced forehead.
PS: I’m a dark skinned black man and I’m attracted to all skin colors (more of black though).
Oluwadamilare Okoro
February 05, 01:49I just fell in love at 2:49am 🙂
Chuck
February 05, 11:05Cereal and pasta are light? LOL
Jeova Sanctus Unus
February 05, 12:47Well, I don’t know what cereals are made of where you are. And if your pasta isn’t light, then you must be thinking Cassava.
In case you’ve got it mixed up, I’m not crazy about meat/fish, so it’s usually just boiled pasta and ketchup, melted cheese, mayonnaise, (any available) sauce…or just plain old “plain”.
**I don’t cook.
Gad
February 05, 12:40With our continued support what you call crap can become a pearl tomorrow
Dashawn
February 08, 11:00Lovely write up