RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 58)
I was having a conversation with one of my closest friends the other day, we were talking about life in general, and somehow the conversation veered to the LGBT activism in Nigeria and the way forward. We explored different things and we looked at the way forward especially as it affects the young LGBT people in Nigeria. I told him that I somewhat envy the younger generation of gay men and women, because of the era that they are born in. Yes, Nigeria is still deeply homophobic and all, but they were born in the era of technology and information, and somehow it makes things a bit easier for them. Allow me to digress a bit at this point.
I remember when I was in my finals in the university and working on my thesis; it was crazy, I spent lots of time reading journals, all of which I’d downloaded from the internet. I had a supervisor who wanted me to do the groundwork so he could publish the data I had generated as his own work. Anyway I remember one night I was working in my room, papers scattered all over the place, and I was staying awake with caffeine. And my mom came in to chat a bit. When I lamented about how my thesis was killing me, she laughed and said, “Young man, you are in the age of computers and the internet, and you are complaining about your research? Imagine what people of my age had to pass through while doing research? We would spend weeks in the library, going through large books to find relevant information, and here you are with thousands of relevant journals gotten at the click of a button, and I won’t hear word. My friend, keep quiet abeg and do your work!”
I tried to imagine myself with tons of books in the library, scouting for information, and I shuddered at the thought.
Now back to my conversation with my friend: I am not exactly old but I have been here a while and I remember when I was in my teens and early 20s, struggling to find myself as a gay man, I had no resources to look towards. The internet wasn’t even mainstream, as there were no smart devices. You had to go to cramped cyber cafes to read up stuff, with someone standing behind you, waiting for you to finish (and in the interim, entertaining himself with what you are doing, lol). We didn’t have lengthy articles we could read on human sexuality, neither did we have hookup apps like Grindr to help defeat konji (lol). Even on that note, technology has made it easier to avoid Kito (I will do an article next week on staying safe while cruising online).
But look at the world today; the internet has expanded with smartphones and devices and mobile apps. Young people can sit down at home with their phones and learn as much that they can about their sexuality. Look at a website like Kito Diaries and what it has done for all of us. I look at the comments of a lot of the young people here and I see that they are growing (no shade abeg o), and I always say to friends that if I had something like Kito Diaries while I was growing up, I would have avoided quite a few mistakes I made. So I can say in a sense that the underground work is ongoing. Information after all, they say, is power.
So anyways, my friend said that we should be able to find a way to help people who want to travel abroad and seek asylum, that not everyone should stay in Nigeria. At this point, I disagreed with him. I told him that no war has ever been won by people who abandoned the battlefront and that the fight for equality will NOT be won from abroad. I mean, there have been many times I thought of packing my bags and heading off to Europe (who knows, I may still do it), but I remind myself that people fought for the equality and liberties enjoyed in those lands. Some even paid with their blood. So while we are seeking a better existence for ourselves, we should think of the strategies we can employ to move towards equality. If we don’t act now, in 100 years, we will still be talking about the same things, and most importantly, we would have failed the generations of LGBT to come just the same way the generation that were before us failed us. We should consider also that eventually Nigeria will decriminalize homosexuality (even though homophobia is still going to be deeply entrenched in our culture, mostly fuelled by religion); Goodluck Jonathan was even quoted recently as saying that the legislation should be revisited. When that happens, how will those seeking asylum abroad get it? You see that this is not a long term solution.
At this point, my friend then asked me what I thought was the way forward. I want to share the thoughts I told him with you guys. First of all, I don’t have all the answers; nobody knows all the answers, and I believe in synergism (biomedical scientists here know how synergism plays out in pharmacology) and team effort. To win, we need to put our house in order. We must as a matter of urgency set aside all pettiness and squabbles and advance with one voice (this is a difficult thing to achieve, but not impossible). We must stop with masculine gay men denigrating the effeminate ones, Bottoms bashing Versatiles, gay men collectively excluding lesbians and bisexuals, and some of us thinking that the married ones among us worship at the feet of Satan himself. We will not move forward with this attitude and we won’t achieve anything.
However most importantly, we need money to wage this war. Let me explain the context. We need to consciously groom an army of financially independent gay men and women, all of whom will be committed to the cause in different ways. Think of a football team; there are strikers, midfielders, defenders and the goal keeper, all of who have distinct roles but with a common target of winning the match against the opponent. We may not all be like Bisi Alimi, using our voices and travelling the globe to advance equality in Nigeria; some of us may work in the background, doing quiet work but still fighting the fight.
How then do we create this army, you may ask. First of all, make up your mind to be the best at what you do, and when you are good at what you do, success will follow (this is a rule of the universe). It is often said that there is no space in the world for mediocre men; I would adapt that quote and say there is even less space in the world for mediocre LGBT people. We live in a country where people believe you are cursed for being gay and that you won’t make something out of your life for going against the course of nature. So you have to work at proving them wrong. This is the reality of the system we live in, and we have to find ways to press forward. Make up your mind that nothing will stop you; not discrimination, not the judgmental looks, not how your family treats you, not HIV! Make up your mind that nothing will stop you and vow by whatever it is that you believe in that you will be successful and a person of influence in whatever capacity. It is a proven fact that anything we desire strongly and pursue, we will find. That is another law of the universe.
We also have to support one another (again here, unity comes in). In America today, there is a wave in the black community in which black people patronize black-owned businesses; they spend black, watch black, listen black, wear black etc. We can do the same here, just NOT at the expense of mediocrity. If for instance your company is hiring, send word to your qualified gay friends to apply and put in word for them with human resources to get them shortlisted (they can take it from there). If your company needs vendors, look out for gay vendors who can get the job done. Patronize gay people who run legit hustles and help them move their business to the next level. This is how we create an army of gay people who are financially independent and who can finance this war, and with this money, we can for example build safe houses (for teenagers thrown out by their parents), run clinics focused on the sexual health of MSMs, even create scholarships and SME funds for businesses run by our people. Even if help will come from the West, we must be seen to have started acting.
I came across an app recently on the internet. It is called “My g-work”, which is essentially like LinkedIn for gay people – a network of professional gay men who share information with one another and help themselves move ahead career wise. They share job vacancies including insider information; gay business owners and company heads also use it to recruit staff, and other business owners seek for more business and advertise their services on the network. This is a clear cut strategy to win, and we can employ and adapt models like that to win in Nigeria.
When we are well off financially, we can influence government policies from the inside (isn’t that the way super PACs work in America?); we can sponsor people into parliament and they will cause disturbance there. Imagine if we put someone like our very own Dr. Francis in NACA? Gay men would be included in the HIV policy of Nigeria. Or think about if Khaleesi was our attorney general, or works in that office? This is how viruses work in medicine; they invade the host and multiply over time, and slowly take down the host’s defenses, and before you know it, you are down with an infection. Ladies and gentlemen, we can invade and infect Nigeria and slowly take it down and make it easier for the generations coming behind us to be gay. This is what we owe them, a debt we should pay.
Consider this another clarion call to action! We may have support from outside but ultimately we will wage this war ourselves and we can win, albeit in stages. Learn as much as you can learn; don’t use all your data downloading ‘Drake bangs Daquan’ on breeditraw.com (lol, sorry I couldn’t resist), but also use the internet to educate and empower yourself. We need as much soldiers as we can get; from those mounting podiums to raise their voices against homophobia, to those quietly diffusing homophobic bombs at dinner tables and workplaces, even down to those mentoring the young ones! We are all important and together we can win. Information is power and when dealing with logical people, if you present higher information, they are most likely to concede.
REMEMBER, MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS, WE STAND TOGETHER, WE INVADE, WE OVERWHELM AND THEN WE INFECT!
This has been very preachy, but please, excuse me today. I needed to get this off my chest!
*Drops mic and exits stage*
XOXO
DM
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58 Comments
Kenny
September 14, 07:58??????????
This right here, is what’s important.
Santa Diaba
September 14, 08:20Excuse me please I’m interested in the asylum offer. Epp me!!! ?????
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 08:24??? Ode
Santa Diaba
September 14, 08:23Lol. On a more serious note, this is the truest thing I’ve read online this week. The LGBTQI community needs unity and for us to rise above mediocrity, in order for things to change for the better in this country.
Enugu Guy
September 14, 08:25TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
**********************************
Dear Dennis,
Good Morning Sir and how was your night? Hope you had a wonderful night rest? Please can you kindly be my life mentor.
I would greatly appreciate it and I humbly await you kind reply soonest.
You much loved reader,
Enugu Guy
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 08:28I’m sure this was tongue-in-cheek but I will take it as a compliment! Thank you
I am still trying to figure my own life out sef ???
The best advice i would give to you though is to learn! Go for information that will help you, read books, articles, journals etc. The odds are already against us for being gay, don’t be a stupid gay man!
Truth
September 14, 08:25Odiegwu, all this long rant for a bunch of meat heads who just want to find the next cock to hop on and fuck their brains out.
Ask them how many of them want to end up with a man and the answer you get will paint the picture for you.
There’s no hope. Run to obodo oyibo ✈ if you even want the slightest chance at living a happy life.
ambivalentone
September 14, 08:31Really Truth???!!! That’s very cheap. One can only try and HOPE it all sinks in
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 08:32We get it! You are sad! You are depressed! It’s all sad and gloom around you and you cannot see a way out!
However I did not pen this piece for you, I am not in the habit of pouring water on stone. There are people I wrote this for, people that I am sure it will inspire to reach for the greatness inside them. You really don’t have to comment, plus here you are still on a website you have disavowed publicly and you are even using another moniker? What does that say about your personality and character?
Oh and by the way, you are starting to sound like a broken record! Nobody likes a broken record
Santa Diaba
September 14, 08:41PS, even if you pour water on stone, over time the stone weakens and cracks.
Pink Panther
September 14, 08:54Long rant.
Bunch of meat heads.
Smh. You’re typical. When you took on a new moniker, I hoped (even against popular contention) that you’d be less Max, less toxic, less poisonous to anything geared to move the Nigerian LGBT forward, no matter how naive, no matter who’s behind the ideas.
But it seems you are incapable of letting go of your personal bias, that you even have no regard for the people living through this country’s prejudice alongside you.
It’s disappointing really and I’m done obliging your discontent. If Kito Diaries isn’t giving you what you want, perhaps it’s time for you to move along. Go ye out there and find those who aren’t cock-obsessed meat heads.
Tiercel de Claron
September 14, 14:50He needs help P, not upbraiding.This is his way of asking for help,seeking attention.
Don’t give up on him.
Pink Panther
September 14, 16:31Oh but I have, TDC. And I’m not looking back.
emperor
September 14, 09:42Now this one sounds like a broken man. Anyone holding his joy and destiny should please release it. Edakun epp him
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 10:00???
Edakun
Co-beg
Williams
September 15, 18:37You need to learn how to be comfortable with other people who don’t hold purituristic and “strong moral” values as you. Understand that it’s a free world and people can choose to fuck the whole world so far as thats out of their volition and understand whatever implications they may face.
Get some love dear, you can be a less bitter dick. Xoxo
Pink Panther
September 15, 19:25??? Well said.
Bloom
September 14, 08:39Thank you, DM. A million times, thank you.
Tony Odekunle-Brown
September 14, 08:50I totally agree with all you have said.
I still want to leave though. I will fight from the other side 🙂
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 08:52Tony like I said; Strikers, midfielders, defenders, goal keeper, coach and even reserve! All are important!
Leave if you must, I can’t tell everyone what to do with their lives! However if we all leave because we have the means, what becomes of those who don’t have the means?
pete
September 14, 08:56This football analogy makes a second appearance. Will the real Dennis please appear???
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 09:06??? Its me na! I had a football phase when I dated a Chelsea FC aficionado so I know a thing or two about football thank you very much
Kelvin
September 14, 10:12Like we say health is wealth
Eros
September 14, 09:04Be afraid straight folks.
Be very, very afraid.
The Gay Agenda has arrived
Jo
September 14, 09:27Thank you Dennis. I do believe we are slowly moving towards the point that every gay man realises that there is more to being gay than liking cock.
Knowledge is power, more so for an endangered species.
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 09:40I don’t like policing people! We can like cock/nyash and still do what we need to get done.
Policing people can make them resent your message!
Too Clean
September 14, 10:09Well done Dennis,Good one!
I like all what you wrote!
How then do we form the forum whereby some of us who can’t be very vocal can contribute our part monetarily?
You know,some of us are really doing our stuff in our own little way that people may not know about…
Let me use this medium to relate what happened to my *friend * on sallah Monday….
This dude hasn’t called or chatted me for like a year…We his friends have issues with him…because of his character but then when you chat me up for something,I would oblige you..
This Happened in one of the states in Ugwu Hausa..
That evening,my friend called my line….he said he is Evans…I didn’t quite get who he was until he called a friend’s name…He called me to ascertain if I know a lawyer in the town,I asked him to send me the name of the lawyer..he did…He wanted to know if the lawyer is gay,honestly,I didn’t know the lawyer at all…I told him that there’s no problem,I checked his Facebook,saw that he is a lawyer..He said the guy asked him to come and buy him beer…He was so skeptical in meeting him because he doesn’t know the guy…I gave him the assurance that nothing would happen since I have his names and address and he is a lawyer like me…so if he does anything (which I believe he won’t),I know how to follow him…Besides their meeting is in a popular bar in the state..And I was very far when he called me …if not I would have followed him there…but he won’t have any of it…still asking me what do I think,I told him that since I have been in that town working,there has never been any form of kito especially if its not with the police or army apart from those,nothing…I told him to go but if he is scared,he shouldn’t drive down,he should not go with his big phone,no wallet,just go with his transport money,money for beer…he did..
He was so horny and wanted to shag that night…
We were chatting interchangeably while he was calling me every 1 minutes with me assuring him that nothing would happen..
So they finally met,the guy came with another guy according to him…He said he doesn’t want to drink beer again that he wants fish…My friend told me this,I told him what does he want to do,he said since he would go to the guy’s house after the drink,he wouldn’t mind giving him money for the fish..
At that,I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of going to his house that night but then he said he would..i said ok oo..
He gave the guy 4,500 to go buy the fish,the guy took the money and never came back..all calls left unattended to..My friend whatsaap me ..i said he should be calm that the guy would come back…but he never did…I told him to get a taxi and leave there immediately…he did but was very angry at what the guy did,what if he was stranded and no where to pass the night as his place was quite far..
I told him that he should let the guy go with the money that I would follow the guy my own way to stop him from doing that to anyone else..
He refused,saying he would fuck the guy up…i asked him what prove does he have…he said while chatting on whatsaap,he asked the guy if he is into guys,the guy said that question cannot be answered on social media that he should call him on the phone to get his answer..I told him that was the mistake he did because the guy will use that against him and the table would turn…
He was calm but still want to get vengeance…
I tried telling him that we lawyers have this solidarity amongst us,they will be in the side of the guy which will be against him…
After all the argument,I called the lawyer,introduced myself,told him we should see over a drink,he agreed and we met..
As we went on drinking,I told him about what he did to my client…He was shocked how I know…I told him to please return the money back that he is denting the name of the profession,its against the rules of professional conduct…he said the guy is gay,and I said and so?…Does that warrant you to dupe him besides which lawyer will go asking people for beers…He was shocked,I said if he doesn’t give him the money,I would report his conduct in the next NBA meeting…He quietly gave me the money…
Now,I jokingly asked my friend that he should come get his money back,he was happy but I told him to get me meat pie when coming since I have been out since 6am to track down this dude from my friends…My friend told me he is not buying anything at all that he would just come and get his money with all seriousness..
I was shocked….i know he is going to get into another kito again because this was not his first…and I will not help him again!
Keredim
September 14, 10:19Please excuse my naivete, but a lawyer tricked someone out of N4500?!??
Too Clean
September 14, 10:32Yes..it’s very pathetic
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 10:53Keredim that was really naive ???
Go to Igbosere in Lagos and you will see Lawyers walking about with Typewriters and brown (previously white) shirts. They will prepare affidavits for you along the road there for 1000!
You don’t know Nigeria is toff?
Keredim
September 14, 11:12A Lawyer carrying a “Typewriter”??! 2016.
Please tell me that is an app on a handheld device??
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 11:58Too many lawyers, too few jobs!
Its really sad
ambivalentone
September 14, 10:21#sigh Lawyers these days. No pride. No class. Hungerbad tsk tsk
Kainene
September 14, 10:44this article hereeee just made my dayyy!
Mandeville
September 14, 11:11I completely concur with DM (although I personally prefer MD?). It is really sad that we don’t seem to be looking out for ourselves. Twice in the last five months, while on the hunt for a job, have l been sold a line by community members they have a job opening in their firm only to be asked for sex in return. Have we become so desperate for cocks that we can’t do something to help others without on the spot physical gratification? And these are people I had built a rapport, met with and even shagged without hitches. They know what your focus is but the fact that they are at an advantage doesn’t make such abuse of trust right. I know there are no free lunches in life but still, it galls when one is used in such a deplorable manner. If you wanted to hire a rent boy, you could at least be upfront about it instead of hitting below the belt. I’m still on the lookout for a job but have learned from such experiences and it sometimes makes me wonder why even bother.
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 11:57Its sad you went through that but again there are very many gay people who have helped other gay people. I just don’t buy into the narrative that lumps us all into one basket.
Again I’d point out that there are good people and bad people irrespective of their sexuality, however because the odds are stacked against us it is expedient that we forge ahead together, because nobody gives a shit about us!
Mandeville
September 14, 13:58The generalisation was probably a result of exasperation. I have had the pleasure of meeting some exceptional people; gay, straight, bi, asexual, although most of them weren’t local, but the sour eggs are the ones that light up the room.
Jide
September 14, 12:21I feel like I’ve read something similar to this story about mentorship and mentoring in one of your rantings a couple of months back, and I expect to see another one before January 2017.
My question is this: When would it be implemented tho? What steps have been taken thus far?
Too Clean
September 14, 13:51Dennis Macaulay,Jide and I are asking the same question oo..
Some of us really want to contribute and help..
Mandeville
September 14, 14:22And DM’s rantings/ramblings just took a personal turn between my last post and this. Just had a conversation with a friend who informed me a mutual friend had passed on. Whilst still reeling from that he then proceeded to inform me that a few years back, our late friend had actually said he was going to end it all if life keeps stymieing him. Now he’s passed on and people close to him cannot say what actually caused his death as he wasn’t ill. Now my buddy is scared he may have gone through with his threat.
My point here is; not all of us are mentally capable of dealing with the shit (excusez mon français) life throws at us especially with all that’s going on in our beloved obodo Nigeria and that’s why we need to help ourselves out of poverty or get asylum outside or even just a listening ear, those that can (eg Too Clean and Jide already volunteered) can help a long way in preventing such tragedies, one soul at a time. Country hard, yes, but love isn’t priced in Bitcoin, sterling, Kuwaiti or Bahraini dinars. I don’t have the means to help out anyone as I am at the moment (this crayfish is already using walking stick) but I am willing to listen and encourage no matter the time of day. So DM, you have another volunteer when the Nigerian version of the Terrence Higgins Trust hits the ground.
sensei
September 14, 14:51*applause*
Viera
September 14, 15:13I really really love this write up, very apt and it came in just at the right time
But then, while on this journey of solidarity please tell them I’m bottom and you’re top doesn’t mean I owe you sex or friendship not now or never I mean….I’ll help if you’re in trouble or I’ll direct you if I can but don’t think I would warm your bed or form a sister sledge union with you someday
why am I saying this
you see someone called me last week he said he got my number from a friend I wanted to know how I could be of help next thing he said was can we fuck I’m horny I told him no and he started ranting on why a fellow gay man would refuse sex …I’m still trying to understand that one
After working so hard to win a national pageant you would think jobs would fall at your feet since it’s mostly community members involved in the modelling word….or so I thought….it’s either they want to fuck you or pimp you….funny enough these guys are the ones u see on social media forming equality or something in the real sense thier moral is dead
sometimes I wonder if Nigeria government legalizes gay marriage today or something this country would decay in a little time…..let’s work our morals its necessary most of us have reduced being gay into being a sexual object…….pardon my typos…
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 16:03My dear Vera well I’m sorry for what you experienced but you are also following the narrative that the rest of the world plays up; that our sexual orientation somehow affects our character! There are crappy humans irrespective of sexual orientation, I sure if you asked a lot of straight women they will tell you similar gory stories of what they pass through in the hands of straight men.
Again I am not denying that there are divides among us, but it is expedient that we fix these divides if we are going to make any progress.
Let me also state that someone asking you for sex does not make him a bad person, we are sexual beings after all with raging hormones. Again let me state that in these parts people tend to look at pageant kings/queens as glorified sex workers and it is a shame. I will also shamefully state that at some point I have been guilty of this narrative until I learnt better.
Anyway we can fix the system and to do that we have to fix ourselves. One step at a time, so open your minds and learn! So much information is available out there
oys
September 14, 20:12The moral decadence among gay men is just too much…that’s the MAJOR problem and we need to speak against not sugar coat it. Personally I don’t think we can make much difference without curbing this problem. Young gays need to be enlightened that they can do far better than in life than messing around
Chuck
September 14, 20:37Moral decadence? Which mores are gay men unable to follow as well as straight men?
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 22:52Oys we really need to end this policing that we do of other people! What do you mean by moral decandence? Who sets the standards? And how is this so called decadence a problem to you?
You have bought into the narrative that gay men are somewhat depraved and therefore lacking in character!
Its a shame to hear this from another gay man
oys
September 15, 03:30Well that is my own truth and I have to voice it, most gays I know here are just ??? I want to see my people slay in life, career, have a healthy lifestyle, worthy of emulation etc not this dickcareer i see mostly
Pink Panther
September 15, 06:00Let me guess, you’re exempt from this dick career, yes? 🙂
oys
September 15, 08:29yh
bruno
September 14, 21:20“Let me also state that someone asking you for sex does not make him a bad person”
asking someone for sex before you can help them makes you a scumbag… i’m not sure what you are getting at here.
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 22:50He gave an example and he did not ask the person for help. The person called him and asked for sex! I don’t see the biggie there, simply decline and hang up the phone.
We have all asked people for sex (directly or indirectly) at some point in our lives
Santa Diaba
September 15, 00:10Well, I don’t recall asking anyone for sex. I do however recall being asked, very often ???
oys
September 15, 09:12No more quoting pls..if you can live an impressive life with a dickcareer, good for you but we can’t afford to preach that as the norm cos it’s almost impossible. And what I mean by dickcareer is some extreme randy lifestyle which is common though which probably most people here don’t have.
Dennis Macaulay
September 15, 09:52You need to stop talking
Dannyel
September 15, 14:40cool
MagDiva
September 17, 18:01I remember early this year a similar call made and me volunteering and still waiting to hear back from Mr Macaulay.
Pink Panther
September 17, 20:11Did you volunteer to his private email or in the comments section?
MagDiva
September 18, 08:22His private email