FOREWORD: Because Regal Sweetheart started this series with two episodes, and then I wrote the third, there was some confusion over who owns the series. I just want to clarify that the series belongs to no one; it’s an anthology series, which means any episode can be the hook-up narration of any KDian who cares to submit his story. On that note, here’s another episode from another brutha.


It has become fact that the current gay clime in Nigeria has made a greater number of the gay community seeking new acquaintanceships overly cautious and quite alert to any dangers, real or imagined. For most guys, hooking up these days is no longer business as usual. Unless the new acquaintance you’re about to make has been endorsed by someone you know as someone he knows very well, simply getting up and going off to visit a potential hook-up is no longer what the doctor prescribes. Sometimes, the sense of caution overrides every other feeling inside you, even when the person you’re looking to meet has satisfied your doubts as to his authenticity as a gay man with the same intentions as you.

Simply put, our country has made the average gay Nigerian a very distrustful person.

I was browsing Badoo that afternoon, taking in different good-looking profiles and sending messages to whichever owner caught my eye. I got replies, but only one guy was online long enough for us to carry on a conversation. His name, for the purpose of this write-up, is Drex. We chatted for a bit on Badoo, before moving to whatsapp. Our conversation flowed easily, and it was soon obvious that we wanted the same thing – sex.

When he asked where I live, I hesitated. I stay with a cousin in Ogba. We’re both gay and have jobs, but the apartment is his and he is older. Even though he has no problem with me bringing my hook-ups around, my natural reserve has never let me extend any invitations to anyone. Well, perhaps friends, but certainly no first-time acquaintances.

However, I have a close friend who stays in Ajao Estate (He’s like the Biola to my Declan #FanOfLoveAndSexInTheCity). He’s the kind of bestie whose only concern, when you ask him for permission to take your booty call in his place, would be for you to make sure you don’t mess up his sheets too much. A bunch of us close friends of his are quick to exploit his magnanimity, and he doesn’t seem to mind.

And so, when Drex asked where I stay, I told him Ajao Estate. He said he stays in Ikorodu. He asked if I stayed alone. I said yes. (At this question from him, I began to feel a stir of excitement. The only reason a potential hook-up would ask that question is if they’re considering coming to see you). So I asked if he would like to come over, and he said no. As I felt surprise at his declination, he added that he would like us to meet on a neutral setting first, before going over to my place. I asked what he had in mind. He suggested a fastfood. There’s one on Airport Road, and I told him about it. He agreed for us to meet up there.

So the date was set. We’d be meeting on Saturday afternoon at the fastfood on Airport Road. I quickly called my bestie to know how available his place would be on that Saturday. He said he’d be going for a wedding, so yea, I could bring my date over.

Earlier on Saturday, I was in Yaba to do some shopping. My errands took me to several places along Ikorodu Road, and by the time Drex buzzed me to let me know he was on his way, I was about twenty minutes away from heading to Oshodi from Obanikoro. Knowing that he’d be coming to Oshodi first himself, I buzzed him when I got there to know how much further away he was. If he was close, I planned on waiting for him, so we’d go on to Airport Road together.

He was. So I waited. A few minutes later, he called. He’d gotten to Oshodi. What followed thereafter were several minutes of confused communication. Where are you? I can’t see you. I’m standing close to the BRT stand. Can you come to the Zenith bank beside the road? Which Zenith Bank? Where did you say you are sef?

It was hot, a very hot afternoon, and we were frantically trying to locate each other in the busy, manic environment called Oshodi. Eventually, I was able to deduce that we were on different locations: I was atop the bridge and he was below. So I trekked down to Under-bridge, and after yet another phone call, we came to stand before each other.

Drex is tall, about a head taller than I am, and has the body of one who works out; he wore the kind of T-shirt that emphasized how good his body was shaping out to be. Granted, he looked better in his photos than he did in real life, but he still looked good.

 We talked for a bit. Then he asked where we were going to next. I told him to follow me. I turned to move, and stopped short when he said, “Hold on, I came with a friend.”

I beg your pardon?!

I looked as he waved at some other guy who had been standing out of sight since I’d been talking with Drex. The guy approached; he had the same height and build as Drex.

Instantly, my guard went up and my paranoia slammed into overdrive. Whatever anticipation I felt moments ago at being with Drex evaporated in the face of my instant suspicion. Several thoughts began racing through my mind, like, how this was a set-up, how Drex had come along with someone who he intended to embarrass me with right there on the road.

This particular thought was what I was thinking as Drex introduced us and we exchanged very brief handshakes. And because I was thinking it, because I wanted to give as little chance as possible for a public spectacle, I said to Drex, “Ok, let’s go.” And I was off. I didn’t wait to hear his response. I was off, walking fast and looking back every five seconds to see that they were strolling along behind me. They seemed relaxed, conversing as they followed after me.

As I walked, more thoughts went through my mind, feeding my paranoia. Since they hadn’t attempted to create a scene here, I was thinking, it had to mean that they wanted us to get to the fastfood. Yes! Their plan was to create the scene in the eatery. Oh my God! And I’d just that day withdrawn 12 grand that was in my wallet. What could I do? I thought about getting to the eatery with them, and suddenly turning and taking off at full speed. Or perhaps we’d get inside and I’d go to meet one of the staff and whisper to him that the two guys with me were criminals, and could he please spirit me out of the eatery through a back door?

I was thinking many, many wild thoughts about how to get out of this hook-up; some of my thoughts could put the writers of the latest James Bond movie, Spectre, to shame.

And all through this time, my heart was steadily beating a fast rhythm, pumping out adrenaline, as my body wound up itself in preparation of swinging into action at the slightest opportunity or provocation.

Soon, we got into a bus going to Airport Road. The fare was 50 naira. I figured that since Drex was here on my account, I should pay for him. So I handed a 100 naira note to the conductor. He tried to give me change, and I said it was for two, pointing a finger to the back (Drex and his friend were seated behind me). When the conductor turned to them to ask for his owoda, I heard Drex mumble something in response to him. The conductor said to him, “Him say na only two people him dey pay for.”

Someone tapped me on the shoulder and I turned to face Drex.

“How much is it?” he asked.

“50 bucks,” I answered. “I paid for me and you.”

“But we are three,” he said.

Even though I saw that response coming, I still felt incredulity at his audacity. So he brought an uninvited party along to our hook-up, without letting on to me at all that he would do so, and now, I’m expected to pay the fare for him too?

I gave a short laugh and replied, “I don’t have the money for three people.” And then I turned to face my front.

One of them eventually paid the conductor. We got to my intended junction and got down. Still maintaining my distance from them, I crossed the road. They followed. But then, as I looked back, I saw Drex’s friend talking and gesturing in the manner that showed he was very displeased. It was at this time that I began to realize that they could actually be for real, two gay guys who simply wanted to meet someone new, and that this entire get-together might actually be harmless.

But I was too far gone down the road of distrust to relax. And besides, it seemed as though what happened in the bus had caused some damage, because Drex’s friend said one more thing to him and stopped walking. Drex called out to me to hold up, and jogged up to where I was a few yards ahead of them.

“It seems you’re not comfortable with my friend,” he said.

“No, I’m not,” I replied.


“Are you serious with that question?” I fired, struggling to keep my annoyance restrained. “You brought someone along to meet me, someone you didn’t even tell me about, and you’re wondering why I’m uncomfortable with him? I’m not just uncomfortable with him, I’m uncomfortable with the both of you.”

“But I told you he’s my friend.”

“And that’s supposed to justify what you did?”

“Is that why you acted like a bitch in the bus? You couldn’t even pay for him?”

Okay, first, he was gay. And second, I was pissed. I hadn’t even been a bitch in the bus. But I was about to become one now. I began to tongue-lash him, schooling him on the appropriate etiquette of a hook-up situation. You want to hook up with a stranger, bring just yourself to the date. You bring someone else, be prepared to be responsible for him. Like seriously, WTF!

He endured my diatribe for about a minute, before he said, “You know what? I think I’m going to go home now.”

Good riddance! I thought. “That’s fine by me,” I said.

Nothing else needed to be said. He turned and started walking back to his friend. I turned and continued on my way to my friend’s place. And so ended the hook-up story about the hook-up that didn’t happen.

Written by Tobi

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Weak. Stupid. You can like to stoop low at times. I know. I just wanted to please him. You know I like him. Mtchew! It’s going to happen again…With someone

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You’d ask yourself, “Don’t they have their own stories? Surely, they fuck people too. They do have sex, don’t they?” Like your own sexcapades is their life. They’d always ask:

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The NYSC Diaries (Entry 2)

4:45 am. Beagle sounds! Loud. Fucking loud. Like, screaming-right-in-my-ears loud. Thankfully, I’d taken my bath around 3:30 am and was already dressed. I just wanted to get some more rest


  1. GOld
    February 18, 06:30 Reply

    Lolzz….He brought a friend along???For a first meet??Mehn,who does that??So sorry Tobi I know you must have prepared fully for a good shag but it just didn’t happen…smh

    • Mandy
      February 18, 07:18 Reply

      Perhaps he was hoping he’d get a threesome out of Tobi. Lol. If only my guy hadn’t been so uptight with paranoia, this hookup story would have ended very differently 🙂

      • ambivalentone
        February 18, 07:27 Reply

        Yes. Ended VERY differently. At least if not bruised and battered in body, bruised and battered in d ‘bussy’ OR even both

  2. GOld
    February 18, 06:32 Reply

    Anyways,hi guys….it’s been a really long while here(had to focus on my books)….I’m glad to be back on….I missed you all so much

  3. drizzle
    February 18, 06:38 Reply

    LMAO!!! Tobi where did u lose ur chill?
    Paranoia is a bitch.

  4. Kenny
    February 18, 06:54 Reply

    Lol. I honestly can’t blame you Tobi. I would have left them both under the bridge at Oshodi. While reading this I imagined what Francis would have done if he was in this situation?

    • Vhar.
      February 18, 07:11 Reply

      You pipu should leave Francis and his paranoia ke! Warrisit gaan na?! ?

    • Max 2.1
      February 18, 07:44 Reply

      Touché @Kenny, touché ???@Oshodi bridge.
      And why did you have to drag parafrancis into this? ??? he’ll pee in his pants ..lmfao

    • Francis
      February 20, 15:14 Reply


      Vhar don’t mind them.

      This one na your imagination as I don’t do random hookups but I’ll play along. Oshodi bridge ke? You need to see me navigating that area with startling speed on a good day. If you can’t meet me at a civilized place, O.Y.O is so your case. Make touts design body and face wey I dey manage the minute you start screaming homo homo at me. Hian!

  5. Adey
    February 18, 07:05 Reply

    Like seriously?! No hookup 😧. I already had my Vaseline out and was ready to get down to business… What a disappointing morning, a brother can’t even cum in peace. 😭😭😭😭😭😭. Was a nice read tho Tobi, 😂😂

  6. Max 2.1
    February 18, 07:25 Reply

    I just had to do a quick refresh of memory.. Checked the first two again written in Feb and May, 2015 by someone I know… *sigh**

  7. Vhar.
    February 18, 07:28 Reply

    Yes, they were both real.
    Yes, they both wanted to meet someone new.

    So if Drex’s blonde skills were on fleek, his friend’s manners and courtesy was left to take a stroll in Ikorodu ba? I mean the friend didn’t think to ask Drex if Tobi had been informed beforehand? It was probably right in his books to appear like he was some Nollywood ghost, yeah?
    And they expected Tobi to what? Just go with the flow? Like some under-budgeted, badly written movie abi?

    The way some of us think and behave is simply appalling.

  8. bruno
    February 18, 07:33 Reply

    funny thing is he might have brought a friend along because he was also paranoid… or he just figured the train may need an extra passenger… guess we’ll never know

    • Pink Panther
      February 18, 07:51 Reply

      Hahahahahahahaa @train needing an extra passenger. He was supposed to buy a ticket for the extra passenger na, no?

  9. Max 2.1
    February 18, 07:34 Reply

    Just finished reading.. *phew** ????..

    I’m sorry to say this, but some Nigerian gay guys are foolish. How can you bring a friend to a first time hookup? And on top of it, be a cheapo by asking for N50 T-fare? Tufia.

  10. KingBey
    February 18, 07:41 Reply

    Na wah o. All these drama would have been avoided if only he had informed you of the third party. Two is a company while three is a crowd. Nothing kills my libido than having an uninvited third party in the scene. I will just recoil and act all innocent and un bothered. Wouldn’t have been that bad if you guys were planning on chilling outdoors and having a good time but unfortunately, most gay meetings are basically for sex. I still fantasize I’m the day some gay guys Wil come together and not think about having sex. OAN, who else saw that Melvynn guy that displayed his full naked body with a big ass dick on Instagram yesterday evening? Lagos boys really gat no chills. He later took it down after he obviously got the attention he was seeking.

  11. juanez
    February 18, 07:56 Reply

    i think the Drex guy was paranoid…maybe hes been kitoed before.

  12. z
    February 18, 09:23 Reply

    And I thought i was going to read about sex. A la’ disappointment

  13. lluvmua
    February 18, 09:31 Reply

    lmao…..I honestly think that Drex too was scared of being kitoed and in order to safeguard himself, he had to come with a friend…….that’s why d friend didn’t show up with drex @first………………. but on that note its totally wrong *in the gay Bible * to bring an extra person to a first date…..its a no no.. but if u must, at least be able to take care of your friends needs…..period

  14. DI-NAVY
    February 18, 09:37 Reply

    Hilarious, I thank God for the kind of friends i have anyway, even if i suggest he follow me to a date to meet someone for the first time, he’ll yank me off calling that stupidity.
    Nobody does that these days , i think the drama should be left for guys in their teens, since it’s an outdoor kind of hang out, why you carry your friend come and even have the nerve to demand for tfare on his behalf? My brother na per head oh. Just like KINGBEY said, two is company while three is a crowd. TWO Is better than three. Even at that, whether chilling outside for drinks et al,k don’t come with a third party, are you guys that bored?

  15. Khaleesi
    February 18, 16:27 Reply

    that was a very sneaky thing to do! how do you go on a hook up for the first time and you bring someone else without even giving your host a headsup, nah … that’s fishy behaviour!

  16. MrFresh
    February 18, 17:34 Reply

    Very annoying piece …why a third party ?? Probably he was scared , nd so are u too …buh if he meant no harm …he could av informed u before cming …and anoda observation y was d guy hiding far away at a distance were u guys met…

    February 18, 20:13 Reply

    This is just me on a very normal day……..
    it is gravely wrong to bring a third party to a first date….
    I will simply abscond without leaving a word…….
    We all need to be more careful, especially now, the FG has endorsed our vulnerability………

  18. Uno
    February 19, 09:37 Reply

    Well, it’s kinda good it happened this way. What if you had given him the address to your friends crib (your supposed house) and he showed up with this third party??

    • khaycee
      February 25, 21:13 Reply

      Lmao! In your dreams brother…. first tie hookup and you came with. Friend? That’s just shady.

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