SAVE ME FROM HELL

SAVE ME FROM HELL

I am a 25-year-old gay Nigerian living with sickle cell disease, and it has been a journey. I grew up feeling ashamed of myself, feeling like something was wrong with me. As someone living with sickle cell, the excruciating pain you get when you have pain crisis is something no one can understand except they are living with the same illness.

I am the first child of my parents, the only son and the first of five children. And for as long as I can remember, my parents have always treated me like it is my fault that I have what I have. As the firstborn and only son, there’s a tendency for those looking in from outside to think that my life is good.

But it hasn’t been.

It’s been hell.

First of all, growing up, I went through sexual abuse from an older family member. I was six when it happened, and that situation still messes me up till now.

I’ve been told by my parents when I’m having crises to behave and stop embarrassing them, to stop acting – as though my pain is an inconvenience I am burdening them with. As the years went by, I’d have a crisis and need to go to the hospital, and when I inform my father, he would get mad, raise his voice at me and call me all sorts of names. He would drop me off at the entrance of the hospital and then drive off, leaving me with barely enough money to cover whatever treatment I am supposed to get. One night, because I wasn’t given enough money, the nurses refused to attend to me and they mocked me all night. I was huddled up in the hospital waiting room in pain; it was looking like I would spend the night there, unattended to. I had to beg an uncle for money, to come to my aid. Fortunately, he came through for me.

Anytime I have crisis and my parents have enough compassion to give me enough money to get myself admitted in the hospital, I am left there on my own. Nobody comes to see me in the hospital with food. One time, while I was admitted in the hospital, my father called me to say, “What are you doing there? You better tell them you want to go home, if you know what’s good for you.”

In my first year in university, during my very first exam, I had a crisis. When it started right when the exam was about to commence, I was begging God: Please, not now!

But He wasn’t listening. My situation got so bad that I had to ask for help. I was assisted to the school clinic where they asked for my parents’ number. I gave them my mother’s number and when they called her and she asked to speak to me, the first thing she said was, “So you have gone to your school to disgrace me, eh?”

She said all sorts of mean things to me. My father was there too and I could hear me saying terrible things too. Their son was experiencing a crisis on the day of his exam and they were more concerned with the embarrassment I was bringing to them.

In the end, I was forced to write the exam in that condition. Initially, due to the lack of apparent interest from my parents, the clinic personnel had to hold back on giving me any meds. I had the option of going home, but the school told me if I didn’t write the exam, it would result in a carryover. So, I returned to the exam hall in pain. It was excruciating. I was crying, confused and helpless. The question paper was right in front of me and I couldn’t do anything with it. A doctor intervened and insisted on me getting medication. That didn’t solve my problem, because after taking the meds, before I knew it, I had fallen asleep on the paper I hadn’t finished writing. The invigilator didn’t wake me; he simply collected the paper and left.

In the end, I failed four courses that semester. When the news got to parents, my mother spat at my feet and my father beat me with his belt before pushing me out the gate half naked. A neighbour had to intervene and plead on my behalf before I was let back into the house.

In spite of my ailment, I fought tooth and nail to graduate from that school. It wasn’t easy. In fact, it was hellish. Lecturers mocked me whenever I had a crisis. One said my parents should have sent me to a school for the disabled and the whole class laughed. Another called me a beggar, because I’d become known for my desperation, and the class enjoyed the comedy at my expense. I fought to graduate and thank God I did. I didn’t drop out. I graduated with a BSc in Pharmacology, even though it was a Third Class. But it was my pain and effort. My parents told me how useless I was for graduating with a Third Class, and every other day after graduation, I am reminded cruelly of my graduating result. They’d tell me constantly how the world will reject me because I graduated with a Third Class.

Recently, I had a minor chest pain in church. I told my mother that I wanted to go home because I wasn’t feeling well. When they came back from church hours later, she told me not to follow them to church again. That was the beginning of my parents slowly cutting me off even while I lived with them under the same roof. My mother would cook for the family and I wouldn’t be included. I wasn’t allowed to eat her food. I’d starve for hours or make do with bread and tea. Sometimes, through some outsider’s generosity, I’d get some foodstuff of mine to cook, cooking which I did in the middle of the night. When my parents found out that I was getting up late at night to cook, they screamed at me, forbidding me from making use of the kitchen before I will burn down their house.

They make me go to the market, wash the car, go on errands, school runs, and do general house chores. I have no job, so they use me. And whenever I fall sick and beg to rest from the relentless tasks, my father will ask me if the sickness if paralyzing me, before commanding me to get up and get on with the chore. If I’m in bed by the time it is 6 AM, he would come into my room and hit me, shouting at me to get up and start with the house chores.

I won’t lie; in the past, despite their cruelty, I used to love my parents. I held on to the wish that they’d one day see the good in me and start loving me like they loved my sisters. But I have been broken. I have gotten tired. I am in constant pain, both from my heart and my body.

I get some help from my uncle sometimes – God bless him. But I can’t rely on him all the time. These days, I feel broken and hopeless. I don’t think anyone will ever see me as anything good. I don’t feel worthy of love.

During the lockdown, my cousin offered to help pay my tuition should I get admission in Canada or London. Even this my parents tried to ruin for me, telling me that should I get overseas, I should better not disgrace myself, else I will be deported or killed or committed to a psychiatric hospital. I have been trying very hard to apply to schools in both Canada and London, even though some of them come with application fee that I don’t have. Fortunately, one of them clicked, but it will be all the way in May next year before I can get out of here.

In the meantime, I am suffering in my parents’ house. I am mentally and physically abused. I am starved. My pain is ignored and my need for hospital care considered a big inconvenience. I am crushed with housework.

I am holding on to the hope of leaving, but that is five months away. In the meantime, I desperately need help to survive the hell that I am in. I just need to keep my head down and focus on taking care of myself as best as I can. I have tortured myself with the decision of coming to this community to tell my story and ask for help – and both Pink Panther and a few friends who are members of the KD community have encouraged me to do so. That is why I am here. If there is anybody in this community who has the good heart of helping me keep myself alive until May next year, please help me.

Help me stay alive long enough to get out of this hell.

Written by Michael

 

EDITOR’S NOTE:

Hello, guys, this is Pink Panther. I felt like I should add a personal note to Michael’s story. What you have just read doesn’t even come close to revealing the extent of what his family have put – and still is putting – him through. Those of us who know him have tried to do what we can to help with his situation. One of the mutual friends who advised him to open up to this community told me: “This is what I want for Christmas this year, to be honest: for him to be free from this pain.”

So, if you can, if you have it in you to make a little merry someone’s Christmas, do kindly send whatever you can to:

GTBANK, 0165939569.

And if anyone wants to get connected to him to extend more personal assistance or any further acts of generosity to him, you may email me so I can connect you to him.

Thank you.

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  1. Hausdorff Space El
    December 23, 07:15 Reply

    Michael, I’m really sorry for your pain and all you have been through. No one in any universe should go through what you are going through even from their family. Indeed, words can’t describe the extent and severity of your experience, still, one truth resounds, the fact that you are strong, brave, courageous and resilient.

    Know that you are not alone, you never are, I’m certain that sooner than you think, this travail will pass. Keep the faith and trust that you are not alone. You matter and you are loved. I really do not have much, but will share the little I have with you. You deserve every ounce of love you ask for.

  2. Absalom
    December 23, 09:05 Reply

    I’m so sorry, Michael. Your parents do not deserve you. I’ve sent you something and will always keep you in mind.

  3. BAY
    December 23, 09:19 Reply

    Michael, it is really devastating you are going through this. i just want you to take solace in a better tomorrow for you and your future. you are more precious than being weak or thinking of ending it. You will be fine, try your best possible to keep faith and strength alive. i will do the little i can. you are loved.

  4. Kaycee
    December 23, 09:36 Reply

    I’m so sorry about your situation Michael. It’s so annoying that your own parents would see you as the problem when it was the fault of theirs.

    Guys please as we extend helping hands to him, let’s consider taking him out of that House for now. If anyone can put him up for the remaining months he has, I’m sure that alone can take care of the mental torture.

    Michael, please what’s your location? Do you live in Lagos?

  5. Zeus
    December 23, 09:40 Reply

    You are so strong! God keep providing , keeping you and blessing you.your parents caused this endless pain on you by not being concerned about their genotype before thinking of making a family and yet they make it seems as it your fault. Don’t stop being strong. I am not financially buoyant but I will help me my own little way. And I pray your relocation dream come alive. Merry Christmas Mike🧡💙🧡🧡🤎

  6. Danté
    December 23, 11:55 Reply

    My dear you are loved, you are beautiful, you are strong and don’t let those who can’t see the good in you dim your shine. It’s safe to say that there’s nothing tangible left for you at home and in as much as I want to shower you with encouragement I believe you should do something about this. Please PP if there is anyone in his vicinity that stays alone and could make due for the lad, then they should be contacted so he’d at least have space to breathe. You should consider this with the cousin that is sponsoring you though cause your parents may want to get involved should you decide to leave and spite you to your cousin (although from what I’ve read it might even be a relief for them to not have you around so they might not do anything about it) so make sure he/she is on board with this if you decide to. I’ve also sent something, it’s not much but please manage and take care my dear.

  7. Max
    December 23, 13:10 Reply

    I’m personally horrified by what I just read, I absolutely have no words.
    Your parents deserve to burn in hell for all eternity. I’ll be reaching out to you soon. Take care for now.

  8. Mikkiyfab
    December 23, 14:52 Reply

    I am so so sorry @Micheal I will send you something right now. Thank you pinky for sharing this. @pinky can I get your email also.

  9. Blackie
    December 23, 15:53 Reply

    Michael I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through at home with your Family. I am sure that your parents are already thinking that you might be gay as well, and that even make their wicked treatment to justified to them, because as an only son in my Igbo culture you should have been the one getting all their love and kindness but, it’s like they see you as minus, because in their mind nothing good will ever come out of a gay S.S son. Please my advice to you is this, don’t ever think of leave your parents house or start a fight with them for now because, if you do, they are going to ruin this good opportunity that is coming your way. I will see what i send to your account.

  10. bamidele
    December 23, 16:04 Reply

    Terrible is an understatement. Sorry about that. I am even short if words, especially about your (biological) mother’s behaviours towards you..

  11. Diamond
    December 23, 22:06 Reply

    Can we set up a gofundme campaign for Michael so I can give from over here in Europe.

    Also can we get in touch with AllOut, the international organisation, so Michael’s story is shared across the globe. This is just inhumane.

    • Pink Panther
      December 24, 10:21 Reply

      The aim is actually for him to just get through these few months without provoking his parents to negatively influence his plans to travel out.

  12. Jack
    December 24, 09:22 Reply

    Micheal i am so sorry you are going through this, God will keep you strong and alive for your family to see what you will become soon.

  13. Law 9
    December 24, 20:03 Reply

    Your pains will soon be over sorry

  14. Mandy
    December 25, 08:42 Reply

    Reading these comments and seeing how people are sending what they can to support this guy is very heartwarming. Never let it be said that this community doesn’t care for its own.

    I wish you the best, Michael. Stay strong. And never let the wickedness of your family dim the love and humanity in you.

  15. DBS
    December 26, 11:50 Reply

    This is so sad. I hope you get through it
    Prayers for you lad:

  16. Chinny
    December 28, 18:34 Reply

    It’s absolutely terrible and traumatic that this is happening to you coming from your own parents. The blame lies totally on them. I just want to say that your stronger than you think and you’ll pull through. Colorful days ahead for you Micheal.

  17. Tristan
    December 30, 10:41 Reply

    How could this be?
    Human being wicked rish laidis?
    Kai!

    I get the feeling they aren’t your biological parents. Something’s fishy and they aren’t telling you.
    Or are they just ignorant of how genotype works? Are they so daft they don’t even know what genotype is?

    Jeez, bro, you are a warrior. You have fought the fight and you are winning. The narrative will definitely change next year for you bro, I pray. Your assailants will want and look for you but by then it will be too late. Don’t worry, it will get better.

    Sending you love and light.

  18. Peaches
    January 02, 04:40 Reply

    I hoped it was fiction till the end knocked me off again, the first time being October 20th, 2020. I felt pain, and I felt bitter on your behalf and even that is not enough. and I am not going to ask if they are really your parents, cos they have no guns to their head to keep you and treat you like you were their second-hand mule.
    But you are a fighter, a strong one, and i am sending you love and light. And i will reach out to you soon. take good care of you. Happy New Year.

  19. Ronin
    January 28, 02:24 Reply

    Dear Pharmacist Michael
    You are a fighter and I sincerely urge you not to give up
    To be sincere, I doubt there’s really human blood running through their veins(must be drum oil instead) and to add the icing on the cake, they are also religious hypocrites🥺

    I’ve scribbeld your account details into my study note and I’ll make sure to send something across no matter how little…

    Keep living and never look down on yourself…
    We are here for you

  20. […] will like to first of all express my immense gratitude to this community. After my story was posted here about the hell I’ve been going through, a number of people came through for me. […]

  21. Royal Knight
    March 29, 21:42 Reply

    I personally want to thank everyone for the love and support michael has received. I know michael and sadly I was too afraid to give him the support he deserves simply because I am queer and I didn’t want to get in trouble for been nice (very stupid thinking though), I think I feel confident in this community and inspired. Thank you for spreading love, thank you for spreading hope and thank you all for spreading courage.

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