Seven Common Relationship Mistakes Gay Men Make
Originally published on post.aazah.com
Straight, Gay, LGBT – we all want to have a great relationship, but some of us just don’t know how to keep one. Here are some common mistakes gay men make in relationships.
1.OPEN RELATIONSHIPS: While we may want to live interesting and experimental lives, the biggest mistake a gay couple can make is having an open relationship. You would assume that what you have is enough to make it work, but when you feel like you need more than what you have, it borders problems. You and your partner risk the trouble of falling in love with someone else, having chemistry he might prefer over yours, or risk putting the whole relationship out to dry. While threesomes may be a bit more optional, open relationships just don’t seem to be the way to go about things and is probably the number one reason gay relationships don’t work. Sometimes, when a relationship doesn’t work, it’s time to move on. Don’t recycle something you’re not going to use again and then use OPEN as an excuse.
2. NEEDINESS: A common relationship mistake gay men make is attaching themselves too much and too quickly. Even twins born together have their own ways of being independent. It is not your partner’s fault if you have had issues in the past with other people or family and it is not his job to pick up the pieces. While there is nothing wrong with loving hard, a gay man must always learn to have his own voice, his own identity and his own life. If you worry too much about latching on, you run the risk of pushing your partner away.
3. ARGUING: No relationship is perfect, and we all argue and disagree sooner or later. But arguing about everything can be very toxic. Stop using excuses about how “Strong” and “Independent” you are to win a fight. Respect boundaries, respect each other, and respect space and opinions. While he may not say everything you want to hear, learn to listen and learn to understand. After all, you picked him, right? Don’t say anything you’re going to regret later. Sometimes, words hurt more than sticks and stones, and sometimes saying things in the heat of the moment can result in losing someone you truly love. If it’s not important, let it go. If it’s something you can’t control, learn to vocalize your concerns and learn to keep it to the point. If you are hitting a brick wall, analyze your relationship and make a decision whether he is right for you. But never destroy your relationship with words.
4. BEING WITH SOMEONE FOR COMFORT: (Money, Favors, Apartment) While there is no problem with moving in with your boyfriend or sharing an account or money, there is a fine line between sharing and taking more than he wants to give. Don’t get in a relationship because you need stability and he’s your safety net. Learn to work for your own, earn your own and have your own things. There’s nothing worse than having a breakup and you having to be out on the street because everything belongs to him. While some men may seem amazing at first, you quickly find out they may be using you as well. Be with someone because you love them, not because they can give you something of luxury.
5. GOING TO THE CLUB TOGETHER: While many may disagree, this is probably the most common mistake a gay man in a relationship can make. A club is never a place to spend quality time with your boyfriend. While it may seem innocent and fun, clubs involve alcohol and a bunch of hot guys (depending on what club you go to). And while you may say that your eyes are only for him and his for you, there is a lot of distraction and a lot of men who are not afraid to flirt hardcore. Some men go to clubs just to find a man to fuck. If you are not there to hook up, do not pretend like it’s for the music. Unfortunately, in the gay community, there are people who don’t respect what you have. And while it’s all about trust, I don’t think you want to complicate it by having a guy shake his ass in front of you. A small bar or a more lounge upscale place is more convenient. You don’t have to worry about going to the bathroom and leaving your camera phone on.
6. PUTTING YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS ON FACEBOOK: You might be that guy who feels like your boyfriend should definitely change his relationship status on Facebook to prove his love, but this may harm you more than it works for you. Why? Because you or your boyfriend may notice that your friend requests keep growing only because people want to know who this guy is. Some guys don’t care and will hit on your boyfriend even if it says ‘In A Relationship’. Don’t ask me why they’re like this, but it’s a fact. Also, you may get upset when these sudden mutual friends leave innuendos or comments on your boyfriend’s timeline, assuming you’re stupid enough not to notice. While anyone would assume it’s all about trust, like the club, some men just have no respect or dignity. So some men are more attracted to what they can’t have or will do things to spite you. So prepare yourself. Sometimes, it’s better to just not put up a relationship status to begin with and just trust your partner. It’s up to you.
7. NOT ALLOWING YOUR BOYFRIEND TO GO OUT WITH FRIENDS: You’re his boyfriend not his master. The biggest mistake a gay man can make is think he can control his boyfriend. While a lot of gay couples don’t mind being on a leash and it works for them, some people just need space. This is where trust really comes in. If you feel like you can’t trust your boyfriend enough with any of his friends, then he’s not for you. A good boyfriend is supposed to make you feel secure and know that he is there for you not because you’re around. This is the same thing with passwords and emails. If you can’t trust your boyfriend, you don’t deserve him. He’s his own person, and whether you like it or not, we’re in the real world. Unlike the club where you’re in a close capacity to horny drunk men, the world is full of different people, and not all of them are out to get your man. Learn to trust and to live your own life as well. Some things you can do together and some apart.
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37 Comments
Mandy
March 25, 06:29‘Some men go to clubs just to find a man to fuck. If you are not there to hook up, do not pretend like it’s for the music. Unfortunately, in the gay community, there are people who don’t respect what you have.’
PREACH! This writer can take me to heaven with all these truths. Bitches are not loyal to relationships, not theirs and certainly not others’.
Max 2.1
March 25, 06:35????
Victor
March 25, 06:38@7, what of when you allowed him and he ended up in someone’s bed. Not once, not twice. Sometimes bringing them to ur apartment. Due the love, you always forgives. Would you continue to allow him to mingle with such friends?
Pink Panther
March 25, 06:40Seriously, how is the example you gave similar to number 7?
bruno
March 25, 07:12lmao!
SomeoneBorrowed
March 26, 08:16I guess what he means is: What do you do when, after you permit your boyfriend to go out with friends, he ends up picking up side pieces and sleeps with them? Do you continue to let him have fun with his friends or do you cage him?
Marc Francis of Chelsea
March 25, 12:48Wow. Talk about an off point example. If he ends up in someone else’s bed, leave him there. Taking back a cheating man not once but twice is a sign of desperation. You’re desperate to not be alone and that is not cute. He will end up in many more beds because he knows “you always forgives.”
KingBey
March 25, 06:54Read this online….read other similar articles too. Number 8: Letting people on KD know who you’re dating will also kill it faster than Ebola/Lassa fever combined. ☕☕☕
Pink Panther
March 25, 07:13And this is based on what statistic abeg? Who has revealed the identity of his bae here let alone suffering a breakup from such a revelation? Try being factual instead of sensational for once.
KingBey
March 25, 07:43Calm down madam, it’s a joke. Before you begin quote statistics and facts
Max 2.1
March 25, 07:23That’s rich, coming from an Adaora(Animashaun)
Tiercel de Claron
March 25, 10:28And there I was thinking him named Donatus,or was it Keziah sef?
bruno
March 25, 07:10love this piece.
“Unfortunately, in the gay community, there are people who don’t respect what you have.”
this is so true. these dudes have zero respect for your relationship or for themselves. one minutes asking about your boyfriend and going all “awww!” the next, they are trying to get frisky with you.
i agree with everything here except #6. announcing my relationship status on social media is a decision to make on my own terms thirsty hoes be damned.
DI-NAVY
March 25, 07:21I believe this has to do with individuality. Sorry to burst ur bubbles, I aint letting my man step out if i know the hang out he’s going to have with friends is so unhealthy. I don’t believe any of these are mistakes tho unless it becomes way too much. My bae can feel needy, possessive,we can argue once in a while hence i tend to learn from the argument.Putting up your relationship status on Facebook tend to work for A and tend not to work for B. No relationship is perfect, what matters is 2 hearts in love.
Max 2.1
March 25, 07:30Lol.. You think you know and understand everything, until you’re in one. Trust me, those things put up there are spot on.
Arguments(unhealthy ones) kill the flavor in relationships and make you harbor little resentment for each other which only grows bigger. “I ain’t letting my man step out”<< You do realize he's not your marionette right? He's not some toy for you to control or police around. He has every right to go to wherever pleases him and it's your job to trust him. If you cant do that, then what was the whole point of the relationship in the first place?
Pink Panther
March 25, 07:33“I ain’t letting my man step out”
LMAO!!!! Chai! Awon Bae Jailers.
DI-NAVY
March 25, 07:52PP, lmao! Not that kind of jailing ohhh…….. only bae will understand what I mean by that….lol
DI-NAVY
March 25, 07:51Max, you sound too perfect! Sorry. I am the imperfect one, and most long lasting relationships ain’t perfect like you. Lemme do my thing. I have my reasons! And for trust???? I really do trust bae but to save him from throwing some pity party for himself after a fiasco, some things needs to be avoided….. gracias…
Max 2.1
March 25, 08:07??? I’m far from perfect, but since you wanna keep up with your baejailing tactics, then fine.
Just let us know when it happens, you can always send us the story to- pantherptb@yahoo.com.
Cheers..
Kenny
March 25, 08:12This is very insightful and all but one has to find bae first na…….
Pink Panther
March 25, 09:07LMAO. Kenny, so on point. One step at a time jare.
Wayfaring Stranger
March 25, 10:19Abi oh.
Mitch
March 25, 08:13Very on point article!
Geeluv
March 25, 08:53I’m always suprised when i hear you talking about relationships… bae… bla bla bla…. how does it even work out for you guys??? ?. E be like say na only me nor know wetin be bae ?
Delle
March 26, 14:30With faith and a little trust in yourself sweetheart…just believe
jaja
March 25, 09:34Title should be Mistakes People Make in Relationships. None of these is gay-specific, and heck there’s too much holier-than-thou here. You don’t know why some guys are like that? Sounds like too much of personal bias in here.
Richard Moore
March 25, 10:53I really needed that sermon right now. Thanks a lot.
Chizzie
March 25, 12:31How about clingyness and questioning if you might be too obese for them? I could write a book on that.
chuck
March 25, 12:40How about just sticking with your relationship? If you picked a guy for the right reasons you won’t need all this jailing, monitoring and second guessing. Pick someone who wants to be with you long term. Respect that person. Everything good will come.
Marc Francis of Chelsea
March 25, 12:56Personally I feel most of these are pretty obvious. I don’t agree with going clubbing together. There are hot gay men everywhere. If my boyfriend can’t keep his eyes on only me because some dude is bouncing pecs close by then he’s free to go be with that guy. I’m not down with any of that “we’re still men” crap that guys use to justify cheating. I also don’t agree with arguing. Of course don’t call his mother a whore or anything silly like that, but it’s good to stand your ground sometimes. The last guy I dated was a very smart lawyer and he always had the strangest myopic views that he saw as his way or the highway. I didn’t let it slide and one day he called me argumentative. I said no, I’m just not stupid. Go and date a street urchin you can use to feel intelligent, not me.
Kerr
March 25, 13:20These are good points here…
Based on the second point made, I have a situation here :
I love this particular guy, and he’s such a sweetheart (even though I didn’t like him at first cz he wasn’t my spec, and I told him that one time). But he always feel insecure, because according to him, ‘I’m so good looking and smart, I may find someone better than he is and leave him’… And I have to keep assuring him of that, yet he always brings this issue up.
How do I deal with this. Can I call it Neediness.?
Lorde
March 25, 14:27Sorry oo, I think you forgot no 8, “picking a fucking asshole as a boyfriend in the first place”
Delle
March 26, 14:32Lwkmd! Okay, now that was harsh
Dickson Clement
March 25, 17:20I believe in open relationships! Sometimes a relationship can survive because two individuals are united by a certain goal, a burning desire and a thirst that can’t be quenched. An understanding of limits to what sexual escapades they can allow in such relationships could be discussed. If you are a love stricken, needy fellow, such relationships may not work for you. It usually benefits people with mutual interests and it has its own disadvantages too!
Dickson Clement
March 25, 17:24So listing open relationship as one of the mistakes people make may be not correct.
Daddy Yo!
January 08, 01:15Aptly written, whoever.
Aptly written.
This inofmration stated above has actually kept my relationship going for sometime now.
Just that my bae on the other hand feels i should be the one making all the expenses (buy him clothers, gift, etc.) because he feels thats the work of the Top.
At the end, we end up nagging, and me not buying anything… And some hot sex.
Eric
May 03, 14:56I know this is late but the person that put that thumbnail has achived his aim. Made me stare for more than 15 mins before reading the post. Ngwa drop d guy’s name if u know biko. Lemme go n do my ig work.