Dear Diary,

I am starting to see a pattern when it comes to race in the gay online community. Someone on Kito Diaries who just visited the US talked about the pressure to look good and put your best self forward. I hope he is prepared for the roller coaster ride that is the gay community here.

I recently got back online (partly because I needed more things to tell you, Diary, and also because the guys I want are not responding and the ones I don’t want are seriously on my case, texting endlessly while I stay the pussy, trying not to offend them and hoping they get the message).

The online community has gotten more vain and prejudiced than I was used to. Or perhaps I didn’t notice. The endless profiles going into specifics about the kind of guy that should hit them up is becoming something that should be addressed.

I am starting to see why pressure is on gay men to look fit, masculine with a bubble butt.

The online dating community is a mess and not for the light hearted. If you move to the US and hope to have a sexual adventure, you may meet a shocking surprise.

The defense I hear is preference – “I prefer my guys this way or that way.” However, it has begun to seriously cross the line into prejudice. There is the meter of extremity. For example, the guys who like Black guys absolutely love black guys and the ones who don’t may have their profiles like this: Not into black guys.

You know what, right now, as I am making this entry, I will give real time examples below:

Profile 1 says: Guys I like – White or Spanish, Fit, Muscular or slim, Masculine, Asshole humor

Profile 2 (From a black guy) says: Only into white guys with a bubble butt

Profile 3 (This guy actually hit me up even with this on his profile): Looking For NSA fun. No blacks please.

Profile 4 says: If you don’t know your way around the gym, don’t hit me up.

Profile 5 says: Masc guys only. If you have the Snapchat dog filter, we probably wouldn’t get along.

Profile 6 says: Know your way around the gym and don’t just drive past it.

So, you see, to win here, it seems you must be white, over 6 ft, muscular, masculine, with a beard, scruffy, work out at least five times a week, be superman with a big fat dick, and be able to fuck for hours .

However, sometimes, I sit back and wonder, “What exactly is wrong with having a preference? Why do I feel some kind of way when I see such specifications? Does it not make it easy for anyone trying to hit them up to know that you may not be his type?”

What exactly is wrong with having a type? About black guys that don’t like black guys, are they wrong for their preference? Or white guys that believe black guys are sexual super power tops, are they stereotyping?

Is it better not to have any information on your preference in your profile but just ignore anyone you think is not going to be a match?

Aren’t we guilty of one form of prejudice or the other, considering the comments I saw about Indians in the comments section one time here on Kito Diaries?

Written by Duke

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  1. eli
    November 15, 06:31 Reply

    honestly, gay men can be too superfucial. we end up missing so many genuine connections because of this. will these things still matter when we are alone and bitter at 50?. there is a thin line between preference and prejudice. you can state your preference without making the other options feel like shit!

  2. Francis
    November 15, 06:39 Reply

    Funny how when they finally get to settle down, all these specs go out the window to some extent… least judging from what I’ve seen straight folks do.

  3. DI-NAVY
    November 15, 07:23 Reply

    People with such preference are not even ready to settle down honestly. Its obvious they still want to have sex till whenever well,that’s not bad either
    Everyone has preference but it shouldn’t be over the roof.
    Social media has put so much pressure on gay folks that most of them kill themselves just to look good
    They call it ‘staying healthy’ but we all know its the pressure to look good and the favouritism in the tb market .
    I love my guy the way he is and how unserious he even takes himself most times
    If love hits you as in when love hits you . You will forget preference . My own be say once I meet someone who meets 60 or 50 percent of what I like in a guy then why not.
    I was among the ‘I don’t get attracted to fair guys’ clique then,Which was really true now see my life. Smh
    This is the main reason why many hot and cute guys are so so single and lonely but nobody ever sees that because of the vainess in their preference .

  4. bruno
    November 15, 08:04 Reply

    i think you need to find other healthier ways to interact with the gay community beyond sex apps. you will meet more well adjusted individuals and free yourself of some of this toxicity on grindr. make better friends and build better relationships…

    • Justme
      November 17, 03:20 Reply

      ??…….apps are basically a ‘place’ to go for a hook up and not much else but they can be very addictive.

  5. Delle
    November 15, 09:41 Reply

    The thing is, gay online networking is just a farce. Quite warped. The better humans are found on a regular. Many a time, these preferences are just their fantasies and what better way to live it than via online platforms.

    Like someone said, the superficiality in the gay world is perturbing. I recently downloaded Grindr (still tryna wrap my head around that app, being overly paranoid no thanks to the incessant Grindr-aided kito stories I’ve read here), and it’s just dawned on me that we are fucked in this country as gay men.
    You can’t get a bae physically, you would only be an object of pleasure online.
    The struggle is real.

    OAN, what is an asshole humour biko?

  6. Gaya
    November 15, 10:34 Reply

    You can’t get a bae physically, you would only be an object of pleasure online….. this really got to me @ Delle.

    The main reason why I’ve been so lonely for months now. Scared of the kind of people I’ll meet online but then, I’d never get to meet any1 physically. Relocating to Cameroon on my mind now. Lolz

    • beejay
      November 15, 12:19 Reply

      ???Take me with, Please Mr.?

    • Delle
      November 15, 15:41 Reply

      Would there be space for one more?

  7. Jacques Dubois
    November 15, 15:04 Reply

    Online hookups are barely seen as a road to happily ever after, it really is what it is, an avenue to hook up. When putting up those profiles, I don’t really think anyone is looking to meet a husband.

    Like Bruno said, maybe you should involve yourself in other things gay-related, maybe you might open yourself up to a world of guys that wouldn’t be seen on Grindr. All the best!

  8. pete
    November 15, 15:41 Reply

    Can’t overstress the importance of organic hookups. Varied discussions and getting to know more about the person beyond the sex.

    November 16, 11:27 Reply

    My dear Duke, you are so right. I never used to be body conscious. I was this type that worked out once in a while, but since I got here I’ve suddenly seen myself becoming a gym rat despite my busy schedule. Although it is a healthy change, I still kinda miss the laid back Naija gay community. Here if person add you una exchange pics if you do not meet up physically you get a rude “Sorry, not my type and a block.” Worse of all, if you think Naija men are not committed it’s times ten of that here! It’s more like fuck n move on…???. I just decided to stop using Grindr and stay on my lane. Well, I just pray I don’t adopt the narcissistic attitude and remain chilled as usual. Pinky, please what’s your email address ?

      • Jake E
        November 19, 22:10 Reply

        I 2nd the opinion. Having mingled with the abrod gays, i now know naija gays are the most underappreciated of their species.
        its not just that naija gays dont have all the drama and attitude of the blk gay community in abroad, but naija gays are by far better in all stakes, from loving, caring etc to sexual performance.
        Finally, Most of these oyinbos are wimps. They need to sniff ‘poppers’ b4 we fuck.
        Mnwyl, naija bois are taking big naija dicks all day all night without using drugs. And besides, all the yanshes in abrod are loose and wide, cos of dildo overuse, whereas naija bottoms have natural tight correct pussies.

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