The Love That Remains Unknown

The Love That Remains Unknown

He loved him. Right from the first sleepover at his house in freshman year, a night he willed himself to forget, when he had to shut his eyes, ears and mind tight to the sounds of them, his best friend and the man he loved as they boinked themselves to ecstasy in the dark room, while he lay repulsed by the touch of the fat ogre.

His first attempt at telling him how much he loved him had been absolutely subpar, and he had been a topic for caricature by his friends who learned about it. It had been an embarrassing moment, but he knew he still loved him.

He observed him from the corners of his eyes, he knew certain things about him; more things than he should have known. He was fascinated mostly by the way he fluctuated from baritone to alto whenever he laughed, throwing his head backward. He also loved his fashion signature looks, his tidiness and benevolence.

Most times when he lay lonely on his bed, denied of sleep, he thought about him; the lusciousness of his lips and what it’d feel like to kiss them, and run his fingers down his smooth, hairless back, and through the sprinkles of black hair on his athletic chest. He imagined his handsome coffee-coloured face, with his spectacles pushed farther up the bridge of his small nose.

They’d both had a couple of boyfriends, but he had been mostly unfortunate, simply because they failed to be like this man he loved, one way or another, which infuriated and irritated him. But the man he loved was luckier, or so it seemed. He was a lover of beauty. So he found himself admiring his boyfriends instead of loathing them. They became his friends too, instead of his enemies, and he often wondered if it wasn’t sheer stupidity.

Three years have gone by, and the feelings are still strong like the first night, even though they are simply just friends now. Very good friends, just the way he’d rather them be. The man he loved was the man he’d now rather not date.

So instead, he watches over him like a god, this man he loves, as he goes about his life, unaware of the feelings he stokes in him. Which is best, he believes. Because a lot of things, he yet believes, are best left the way they were.

Written by Peaches

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I am a very reserved 23-year-old woman and like most queer Nigerians, I have been very discreet about my sexuality, especially around my homophobic family. I am so closeted that


  1. bruno
    June 08, 06:28 Reply

    and fifty years from now, he agonizes about the chance he never took.

  2. Mandy
    June 08, 06:28 Reply

    This is torture, sheer torture, loving someone, never doing anything about it, having him remain oblivious to your feelings.
    And this went on for three years? Wow. Peaches, you strong. Doesn’t the ‘not knowing what could’ve been’ bother you?

  3. ambivalentone
    June 08, 06:38 Reply

    Wait. The best friend fucked the man he loves and other (or is it the crushee’s?) friends av even made fun of his infatuation (or love) and u think HE doesn’t know???

  4. MIke Daemon
    June 08, 07:10 Reply

    This is torture, another is when you remain in a relationship with someone and yet its all private… you know what i mean.

  5. Timi Leo
    June 08, 07:29 Reply

    Obviously silent cry would be the beat of his heart.. I wouldn’t blame him tho, their relationship might not have worked out well for too long if it had existed.

  6. Shuga chocolata
    June 08, 10:48 Reply

    My love can’t hurt me back, no way….
    If I kinda catch feelings for you, I’d speak up.

    Don’t wanna get old and be single or rather blame my naive self of 20 years back…..

    #SpeakUp. #SaySomething.

    • Wayfaring Stranger
      June 08, 11:38 Reply

      What if you’re in love with a straight guy? And you’ve been in love with him for over 6 years and you don’t want to come out to him because the other straight guy you came out to because you were in love with him didn’t take it too well?
      Asking for a friend.

      • Shuga chocolata
        June 08, 13:57 Reply

        @stranger, thanks for that question.. .
        I don’t fancy straight guys, I must be sure you are brightness with loads of love.

        I’ve experienced rape, but that’s a story for another time.

        To help your friend with my candid advice,
        I’d tell him to love himself, do what makes him Happy.
        There are lots of shags, he should enjoy them.
        He should learn not to love at first sight, rather he can admire and appreciate their bods if that’s what attracts him to them.

        There is a thin line between infatuation, love and lust…… he must be sure because when love comes he won’t have to speak up because love itself speaks volumes.
        Lemme stop right here,
        Enjoy the rest of the day.

    June 08, 13:21 Reply

    i need that answer more than you do stranger…

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