The Love That Wasn’t Meant To Be (Part 2)
Previously on The Love That Wasn’t Meant To Be...
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The days that came after Nosa’s visit saw us communicating regularly. We hardly had any disagreement except for when I just wanted to start a little argument for no reason in particular. You know how we drama queens be. Lol. I was happy and it was evident. Even my family noticed the spring in my steps and the bounce in my personality and wanted to know who this my friend was that I was always talking to on the phone.
Some months later, I finished my final exams and prevailed on my parents to let me go stay with relatives in Lagos for a while. When they agreed, I was ecstatic. All I wanted, all I could think of was being with my Nosa. During my stay in Lagos, we met at every chance we could. He was always there for me. He was the one who checked my SSCE results and broke the news gently to me when I did not make all my papers. He was there all those times I felt discouraged and shared in my joy whenever I was happy about anything. I took care of him as much as I could, like when he was sick, and then when he spiraled into a bout of depression when he missed a great opportunity at a good job by the whiskers.
He had a girlfriend then, but thankfully, she was in a university somewhere outside Lagos, and so she didn’t come around often, which was good for me. Nosa’s apartment had become my second home.
One point I have not mentioned is that Nosa is a very religious person – the kind of religious gay person who had not yet reconciled his faith with his sexuality. He was at that point where he’d repent of his sins every Saturday night and then return to his thirst by Sunday night. I was quite religious myself, but I embraced my sexuality at a very young age; so I was long past these guilt trips that faith tends to send bible-believing gay persons on. However, I tolerated this behaviour in Nosa. I loved him so I could afford to be patient with his struggle.
But he seemed incapable of overcoming his guilt for the year and a half that we’d been dating. And then it happened.
We were talking about something I cannot now remember, but somehow the conversation shifted to him confessing that he believed he was committing sin by doing what he was doing with me, and that that was blocking him from receiving his blessings from God.
For a year and a half, I’d endured this. That day, I lost it. And I went on to react in a way that I’d come to regret for years to come.
With my eyes blazing, I told Nosa that I didn’t know he felt that way, that he saw me as hindrance instead of as a blessing, seeing as my love for him was true. I raged, getting madder the more I ranted. I told him that just as I couldn’t share him with any other man, I’d gotten tired of sharing him with God. I told him we needed a break, during which time he had to figure out what he wanted – me or God, or maybe find a way to have us both with a peace of mind. The latter was actually what I wanted for him; for him to pray and find peace in his heart so he can come back to me and still serve God. Like me. I thought that because I came to terms with who I am easily, everyone else too will – especially a grown-ass man like him.
How wrong I was.
I’d given him a two-week break, and at the end of the two weeks, he came back to officially break up with me, saying he wanted to devote his life to God now. I received the news quite well, maybe because it didn’t dawn on me then that I had just lost the love of my life. In fact, it wasn’t until a week after, when he stopped picking my calls because, according to him, he was also devastated and needed time away from me to get over me.
That was when it really hit me. The first man I ever loved had slipped away from me. Devastation descended on me. I cried. Oh I cried so much, I wanted to end it all. I didn’t know how to function without him. Who would I call or flash for him to call me back every night before bed? Who would I call to tell what I’d planned to do for the day? Where would I go when my aunt and her husband go at it again? Who would assure me that all will be well and I will be fine? Who would love me like Nosa did and be proud of me and want me to do well and tolerate me when I’m all out of sorts? Each day felt like a struggle to get through. Going through life with the realization that I no longer had Nosa in it was a great deal of pain. I thought I’d just die, simply expire one of those days, without notice, because of course how could anyone go through life with such inside pain?
But I didn’t die. Somehow I got through it. I survived alone. I didn’t have a lot of friends back then, let alone any gay friends I could open up to. I survived it. I survived Nosa. And I moved on.
A few months later, I have gained admission into the university. When I got the news, I automatically called Nosa. He was excited for me and told me to let him know if I ever need anything. I wasn’t going to do that though. I wanted him to know that I’d survived and was moving on with my life, and nothing says “I’m still stuck on you” like asking for favours from your ex. We talked some more and he mentioned to me that he was in a relationship – no, not with God, but with another male. A banker who was crazy about him apparently. This devastated me. So clearly this was the route people take when they want to dedicate their life to God; they go and date bankers. I didn’t let on to him that his news had hurt me. I simply wished him well and hung up.
This experience made me decide not to rush into anything in the university. I had to have fun and explore and not make any commitments. I didn’t want what happened with Nosa to happen to me again. So I focused on good times and getting the best grades I could.
But even as the years have passed and Nosa has faded away into a memory, I still regret letting him go. I apportion some blame to myself as to the way our relationship ended. I should have known that his funk wouldn’t last. I should have known that he would snap out of it in no time. Instead of giving him an ultimatum, I should have persevered like I’d already been doing, waiting for him to come back to me when he felt gay again instead of going off on him like I did. I should have known that those who have not reconciled their faith and sexuality can be a bit unstable at times because they are confused and want at once to be right with God and themselves. I should have known that more often than not, they will eventually reconcile the differences, even though some may go through countless deliverances and prayer sessions – they’d always come to the final truth that this is who they are and will always be.
There were several things I should have considered before I reacted the way I did to Nosa’s pain, but didn’t because perhaps I hadn’t attained the maturity needed to consider them. And because of that, I lost Nosa.
Over the years, I have tried to get into relationships, but I always find myself comparing those men with Nosa and finding them coming up short. Not that I was expecting the Nosa experience in every guy I have dated, but somehow, none of them has worked out well. One guy even broke up with me via text. His reason – I wasn’t jealous enough.
This story was for you guys.
And this part is for him who I believe might be reading:
Dearest Nosa
Till date, you remain my very best relationship ever. Although you are married now and we both have dated a lot of people since, you still remain the best of them all. If I could turn back the hands of time, then my darling, you would still be mine. It’s hard to believe but I still love you.
I know we are friends now and still talk and see whenever we can create time to, and I’m glad I have that friendship. I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. But know that you will always have a place in my heart. This much you already know.
Written by Darleen Sirilo Johnson
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29 Comments
trystham
September 02, 06:58Hunnay, they don’t date just bankers. They’d date/fuck anything or anyone and repeat that cycle of fake piety. One wud think older guys would know what they wanted, but NOOO. They still gotsa b babied.
P.S Pinky, I did say le chef is…back? didn’t I?Things are soooo awkward btwn us seeing as he wants to keep aburo-ing me. Dude, we fucking fucked. Nobody fucks their aburo where I come from.
Johnny
September 02, 07:10He wants to aburo you and still be dicking you . Some people are from planet J.???
Foxydevil
September 02, 08:02Hahahahahaha, no wonder you were so pressed when I said I wanted pinky’s legendary butt.
You are the stalking ex that refuses to go away, you even had to bring it to a public forum that you once fucked, a cheap and desperate ploy from a person without any ounce of value or self respect to ruin his current relationship.
Dude has moved on from you, it’s time you did the same too and stop bringing up a clumsy, terrible fluke sexcapede he most likely didn’t enjoy. ??????
No man born through a vagina or even a cesarean section can dump me or stop calling me when we’ve had sex. You know why, because what I have to offer is so much bigger than sex.
I act as their advisor and council.
I push them beyond their short comings and create new dreams and prospects for them.
I’m that kind of guy you would call in the middle of night to say you shot a police man and instead of shrieking like an opera singer, I would first ask you if you threw away the gun.
People need a full package, an ear that listens, a wise mouth that advises, a hand that reaches out to help or assist, a leg that can journey with you, a shoulder that can carry you when the going gets tough, a heart wide enough to make accomdations and a brain open enough to make suggestions.
If sex is all you can offer, then get ready to be pinkeed for the rest of your life. ?????????????? don’t come for me again, I’m not your mate in anything. You can’t even get a call back from a man and you dare challenge me?
How much I’ve downgraded to meddle with things like you…. Sheesh .?
Gad
September 02, 09:04A cult rivalry of sorts?
Mandy
September 02, 09:19I’m confused though. Do you know anything about Trystham and his ex? Becos in your bid to be petty, you seem to have distorted the story he had us read on KD.
trystham
September 02, 09:36You really need to dam your stupidity, at least on this saturday morning. I cannot be struggling with the Benue floods and av to cope with u. Try again during the dry season.
Ojukwu Jeff
September 02, 10:58Hahahhahahahhaha….. Lwkmh nigga u cra’y
Foxydevil
September 02, 13:10The flood will be the least of your concerns ,if you do not stop stalking my comments and leaving disparaging replies.
You can’t even keep a man nor get him to stop brother zoning you after you willingly let him have his way with you.
Maybe if you learn your place, I would be kind enough to teach you how to get a real man and keep them. Shessh. ?
And next time learn to pass your point clearly, so that people can comprehend what you are trying to say. I almost thought you were saying pinky down graded to your level, way to ruin a potential date. Thankfully it didn’t happen ???? stick to your brother zoner that slides into your coochie sometimes, leave the real men with potentials to us. ?
trystham
September 02, 15:19LOOOOOOOL. You see ‘dam’, ‘flood’, ‘ur stupidity’ and you are still asking for Area Of Concentration? Shey u can ever get sense like this?
Pink Panther
September 02, 08:06Hahahahahahaa!!! So the window of opportunity is closed, shut tight? No allowance, no allowaancees? 😀
trystham
September 02, 11:22I think the awkwardness spoils any hope of open windows. I cannot be restraining myself because I am afraid he’s gonna remember tomorrow he is of Zion and I am of Sodom and Gomorrah
Pink Panther
September 02, 11:37Of Zion and of Sodom and Gomorrah ????
George
September 02, 07:00You shouldnt have made him choose. But now dat u have and the relationship is over, u should stop thinking about him and putting ur future relationships at risk. I hope u find a better person soon
Johnny
September 02, 07:02* You should have known good fucking and rimming don’t last forever?
* When someone wants to take a break, it’s a bye-bye for me. Why should you take a break?
* Leaving someone for another better one , I’m guilty of that though I don’t plan it that way; they just happened. So don’t think he left you to fuck a banker.
* I hate people that don’t get over their ex, it’s like a sickness. Thank God you know he is married, let him go. He would still be religious , I’m quite sure.
Pink Panther
September 02, 08:02You hate people who don’t get over their ex? It’s like a sickness?
Please be kidding with this.
Gad
September 02, 09:08You hate people who don’t get over there ex? Its a sickness? This statement reminds me of that story where a mad man calls sane people mad
Foxydevil
September 02, 08:14I don’t even know how to react to this story.
First ,a full grown man started dating a kid in secondary school, then you gave him an ultimatum to pick between you ,his girl friend and the lord and he ends up with a male banker.
Usually my grand mother would say if you do not have anything good to say best you keep mum.I think I will heed her advice just this once. ?
Pink Panther
September 02, 09:11You have no scathing opinion to offer?
Now that’s a shocker.
Foxydevil
September 02, 13:13What can I say beauty, your positivity is rubbing off on me. ?
Something tells me were fated to be together….what do you say sweetheart, let’s meet one these days and get better acquainted.
Ojukwu Jeff
September 02, 11:33How could the lil’ naive hoe even come to tell his man he should choose btw him and God, like God is the ultimate bruv, he should at least be grateful he’s getting dicked @ such an immature queer age lol… from what I even gathered from de whole story, I think the bf is a predophile***, your ass is getting old and tacky so he speed broke up with you when you came up with the stupid drama…. I think the drag queen must have switched you to being a pro, a hoe or a drag. YASS!
Francis
September 02, 09:10the one that got away ???
Francis
September 02, 09:20Let’s assume this breakup never happened (asin you stayed enduring), he got married to his girlfriend and held on tight to his religion, would you still be happy in the relationship? #JustAsking
Pink Panther
September 02, 10:54THIS! Exactly this!
Ojukwu Jeff
September 02, 11:03I don’t seem to Gerrit, why y’all being savages this morin…
Canis VY Majoris
September 02, 11:05WOW. That ending was SO UNEXPECTED. The title could’ve fooled me ?
Boniface
September 02, 13:42a religious date tufiakwa once met a guy that is way too religious but the good thing about him is that he is caring , loving and have all the virtues l needed in a man but to give me honeypot to him to devour l cant do that cos l dont wanna risk my heart being broken when he tells you l think am getting short on Gods glory maybe we take a break on this my conscience is judging me like bro l will surely hang myself cos l love too stupidly
Chizzy
September 02, 21:31Omg I can’t believe am bawling my eyes out already, the letter alone was soooo deep awww. This kind of love is something ??
Ice
September 04, 20:42Love, love, love. One thing I’ve learnt is never let emotions overcome your intelligence, I learnt it the hard way though . I didn’t meet the “right guy” until I turned 19 and I have been with a lot of guys.
pankar
September 05, 06:58All these selling points abpve and you are yet single? And scouting unfashionably – desperately? How?