Let’s Discuss…About The Stereotypes We Perpetuate (Part 2)
There are several stereotypes that society labours under. And as it is with every particular community of people, the LGBT community suffers its share. But, as it has been plentifully pointed out in this blog, we are not without our own faults. Our sexuality does not save us from the common flaws the rest of humanity suffers. And so, we also tend to stereotype other people based on their sexual natures.
This topic was actually prompted by a comment someone made on the post about the father who discovered his teenage son was gay and did all he could to ensure that his son realizes that he accepts him just as he is. It is noteworthy that the father admitted to having once had sexual relations in the past.
Now, I’m not disparaging anyone, certainly not the commenter whose comment I’m about to bring up. This is entirely for the sake of educating us. His comment goes thus: ‘But the father is gay, that’s why he accepted the boy the way he did. That he stopped fucking men doesn’t make him straight.’
Now, it is not clear from the father’s admission how far he went in his relations with a man in his past, but my ponderation is this: Does the fact that he fucked a guy way back when make him gay? What exactly makes one a homosexual, bisexual, a bicurious, or a man/woman who has slept with another man/woman?
I remember back when I was in the university, and there was this ‘straight’ guy who I had this massive crush on. I’m talking, MASSIVE. ‘He walks past me and my heartbeat begins to roar in my ears’ massive. I mentioned my attraction to my close friend, and told him how pointless I believed it was because the guy was so obviously straight. He was the toast of the girls in our department. And my friend looked at me with raised eyebrows, gave a scoffing laugh and said, “Straight wetin? That guy that has fucked…” And he mentioned the name of some queen we knew from another department.
So, of course, this nugget of information gave me hope and daring. I willfully befriended my crush, and spent two weeks inching my way closer and closer to him. Exchanged textbooks. Dropped by his house off campus. Hung out at the canteen with him in between lectures.
And finally finagled an invitation from him to spend the night at his place.
To cut the story short, in between bed sheets and in the witching hour of the night, I made my move. He clamped down on my wandering hand, and after a few awkward moments of ‘What do you think you are doing’, he graciously but firmly told me he doesn’t swing my way. Without any prompting from me, he admitted to having slept with a guy (that queen) once, but it was for financial reasons.
I reported that incident to my friend the next day, and he laughingly said that the guy must not be into me. That stung. Lol. My friend was emphatic that he was gay. Why? Because he fucked a guy once.
Is that enough? Is a transitory same-sex intimate interlude enough to make one gay? Is it enough to say that because that guy who makes some effeminate gestures is ‘our sister’? Or that that guy who took the extra time to get to know you is doing so because he really wants to get in your pants?
Let’s discuss about these stereotypes we project onto the rest of the world.
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50 Comments
Max
November 22, 04:46I’ve witnessed first hand where stereotypes don’t work… Had a friend once in uni who I was so sure was gay.. But when I made the move, he stopped me. He said he’s fooled around with someone once, but that was it. Fooling around with someone doesn’t make you gay or straight. Some of my gay friends sleep with girls.. It doesn’t make them straight either… I think these stereotyping is wrong.. I’m guilty of it too though.. But I’ve been working on it.
Chuck
November 22, 05:01The way to know whether someone is gay or not is to ask them. An “Are you gay?” in a private conversation will give you the answer you really want – not just about his sexuality, but about what his interest level in you is.
P.S. A suggestion for another discussion topic: is why are straight men fucking men for money, and gay men fucking men for money? Worrying trend!
pinkpanthertb
November 22, 05:06Noted. 🙂
Ace
November 22, 06:13I was about dropping a comment and this comment summed it up comically. I have hooked up with guys who are straight but due to financial reasons were willing to engage in gay sex. Does that make them gay? My answer: try hooking them up with another random guy and their response will be in the negative. Infact, one made it clear that it was a one time deal with me and pleaded to remain anonymous and true to his words, we never engaged in anyway sexually. Trust me when i say from experience that there are guys that do this one time and one time alone probably out of curiosity or being high as fuck.
Ace
November 22, 06:23Infact, you see it in their eyes that they are not into it. No kissing, no intimacy, so many rules but because the guy is fine as hell, you’ll be saying “yessir” to all his conditions. They are clearly waiting for it to be over. Chai! This boy here don suffer o. I fit write journal on “how to know the guy you’re having sex with is not gay but wants the money”
pinkpanthertb
November 22, 06:35Hahahahahahahahaa!!! The thirst tho. It can do a dude many many strong thing.
DeadlyDarius
November 22, 08:11Ace, I want to clarify…you PAID this (otherwise hetero) guy just to have sex with you?
Anonymous
November 22, 05:04Stereotypes are strictly what they are Stereotypes … There might be some truth to it but it always never follows.
Samaurai
November 22, 05:26Honestly, I’ve regularly ruminated on this issue and I’ve arrived at the conclusion that sexuality isn’t about who you have sex with. Paradoxical, isn’t it? But that is the truth.
Habitually having sex with men won’t make a straight guy gay. Habitually having sex with women won’t make a gay guy straight. It won’t even make any of them bisexual if the key ingredient in determining sexuality is lacking. And that ingredient is attraction.
Have u ever wondered why the English dictionary defines gay/homosexual thus:
So the main thing is the attraction.
And under the right circumstances, a person can have sex with someone he isn’t attracted to. If I have sex with women but I’m not sexually attracted to them, I’m not straight. I’m not even bisexual. If I have sex with men but I’m not attracted to them sexually, I’m not gay.
So I strongly believe that sexuality is not about sex at all. It is about that innate sexual and romantic attraction to someone who might be of the same sex as you or of the opposite sex.
pinkpanthertb
November 22, 05:28On point!
Max
November 22, 05:35Gbam!
Ace
November 22, 06:18Kpom kpom! Nwoke oma. In other words, if your dick becomes rock hard(like mine) when you see David McIntosh, then you’ve got a truckload of sugar in your trunk.
gad
November 22, 06:19Wao. This is a discovery series atleast for me. I never knew that one could have sex with someone who he is not sexually attracted to except if we include rape as having sex. Personally my dick WILL NEVER react.My anger will even get annoyed(lol) at such move. This topic is enlightening,interesting and confusing at the same time
pinkpanthertb
November 22, 06:34gad, I’m like you in that respect. When I’m not attracted to you, sex with such a person would be a chore for me, a punishment. Absolutely no pleasure in it. That is why I wonder at the guys who are sex workers. no judgment from me. I simply wonder how they can get it up for the dudes who are unattractive but have enough money to buy their affections for the night.
Ace
November 22, 06:46Trust me pinky, money makes the mind of many numb and blind to many things. It is the ultimate motivation for many. That is why i keep saying I’ll rather hustle and make money now so I can have anybody i want in future than hustle my body around now for anybody that has money. Can’t you see all these young blood girls marrying old men up and down? You go talk say na love? If i hear.
pinkpanthertb
November 22, 06:48Hahahahahahaaa!!! This Ace sef
enigmous
November 22, 11:52Need I say more??? Well done Samurai. Very brilliant summary, I couldn’t agree more.
KingBey
November 22, 12:03So being gay is now being attracted to same sex….not sex again…..I wonder where MSM came up from…..issorait !
gad
November 22, 14:04In times like this I wish we are using Igbo ,yoruba or hausa languages for interactions so as to pave way 4 better understanding and remove the type of confused state I’m getting into.
FKA Chizzie
November 22, 12:03round of applause
Khaleesi
November 22, 07:06I’ve always been of the opinion that there are guys who are so straight that they cannot have sex with a man no matter how much they want the tons of money you dangle before them, i.e their mind wants the money, but their dick just cant react cos they have zero attraction to the same sex. But some of the comments on here have me questioning my previous beliefs. For those guys who claim to be straight but engage in gay sex for financial reasons, i view them suspiciously, i still believe they are bisexual guys who have decided to suppress their gay side except there’s some money on the table … what do i know sha?
Samaurai, you’re so on point as to what makes a person gay. I have personally had a few sexual encounters with the opposite sex in the past, it was awkward, onerous and burdensome … basically a huge unpleasant task i was dying to be over and done with … its frankly not something i ever miss or look forward to; on the other hand with a man am attracted to, its a whole different ball game, the atttaction and the subsequent sex flow strongly and naturally – its never a chore and is always pleasurable … so yes, following your definition, my attraction swings strongly towards the same sex . Always however bear in mind that sexuality is a very complex thing and will probably remain a fascinating puzzle for generations to come … sexuality in humans frequently swings all over the scale …
pinkpanthertb
November 22, 07:10True that.
Dominic
November 22, 07:15Sexuality is very fluid and has a lot of grey areas. It is us humans that tried putting some sort of classification into it…they are thousands of sub classes other than gay, straight, bi or trans. How does one have sex without attraction especially where there must be erection and you are the one to get one. There are some attraction somewhere no matter how infinitesimal it is… at least some guys can never get the tiniest of election if they with a chick no matter the cartons of alcohol they’ve had. I find that personally I am attracted to humans generally as gender is never an issue for me. You what they call us
s_sensei
November 22, 07:47I totally agree oh! Sometimes I think I can have sex with a tree. Haha! Gender no mata! Who else is like this? Pls make a comment
s_sensei
November 22, 07:35As has been said already, what determines a person’s sexual orientation is ATTRACTION. But I have read somewhere that it is NORMAL for straight teenage boyz to crush on boyz because at that point their sexuality is not totally formed or clearly defined. For those who like me attended boarding school, you would have noticed how the straightest looking boiz were crushing on boiz and doing stuff. For many of them, it was probably just a phase. However, I am still of the opinion that WE ALL are on a spectrum of sexual attraction and the exclusively GAY and the exclusively STRAIGHT and in the minority. The majority have a mixture of gay and straight traits in various levels of combination eg 95:5 or 60:40 or 20:80 or 5:95 and so on. And so for this reason, I believe that guyz who can have an erection with another guy for any reason are not 100:0 (ie totally straight). They could be 95:5 but not totally straight. For the ones claiming straight, the attraction for guyz is so small that it is negligible and so they ignore it and don’t believe they are missing anything. Based on this I predict that in the next 200 years, in some countries of the world at least (like it happened in ancient greece), rigidity concerning sexuality will fizzle out, freeing many so called straight to express their gay side. For these “bisexuals”, who they finally marry will not be determined by who they prefer to f*uck but who they fell in LOVE with, not mattering whether the person is male or female. Everything will become that fluid. This is just my THEORY oh! Lol
pinkpanthertb
November 22, 07:38You’re such a scientist sensei
gad
November 22, 09:39@ s-sensei, did u forget 100 : 00 or you don’t believe it exists? I ask this because, I know guys even on this blog who who say they don’t have any form of attraction for members of the opposite sex
s_sensei
November 22, 10:55Read again, Gad. I included them.
s_sensei
November 22, 11:11“The exclusively gay and the exclusively straight are in the minority”.
That’s in my comment.
Dimkpa
November 22, 09:47I totally agree. Sexual is a spectrum ranging from totally straight to the absolutely gay. Those who are more inclined to same sex attractions are labeled gay, those on the other side, straight and those in the middle are bisexual. This I believe why some gay guys can’t get an erection with women while some can, why some are effeminate and others are not and why some feel they are in the wrong bodies.
For the man who had several flings with guys, I am more than willing to accept he isn’t totally straight. I also don’t think it is wrong when people speculate on another person’s sexuality based on perceived traits.
Stereotypes exist for a reason and it is because they are behaviors and traits seen commonly in a group of people. Every group has them, from religious to ethnic, even people in the same profession. While they may not predict how a particular individual will behave, they can say what it may be like. So when someone thinks another is gay, it is probably because he had picked up on certain clues which may be right or wrong.
Stereotypes are not necessarily bad. In fact I believe the fact that gay stereotypes exist can help in the argument that homosexuality is not a choice. How else can you explain 2 gay men, from different corners of the earth who have never met having the same taste, not just for dick but music, clothes, movies, sports (maybe disinterest for this one) etc.
s_sensei
November 22, 07:45Oh well…lol
DeadlyDarius
November 22, 08:16*sipping Ribena while making eye contact with Pinky and Sensei*
pinkpanthertb
November 22, 10:25Lol. Amebo.
Dennis Macauley
November 22, 08:17*barges in after the Truppr 10km run which Pink Panther was supposed to do with me, but bailed out at the last minute (side eye)*
I think the key word is attraction. I know straight guys who have bottomed (I dint say for me by the way) for material reasons. Yet try to hook them up with someone else and they decline.
However I do agree with the psychiatrist who have summed it totally!
KingBey
November 22, 12:10Hehehehe….there’s one “straight” guy I always fucked while back in Malaysia….. Lwkmd ! He moans while taking my 8inches dick ooooo….. just for a few change to smoke weed…..he only contacted me then whenever he’s in need of change to buy weed. *returns to sipping tea*
trystham
November 22, 08:45So, if we are gonna be stereotyping, what class of sexuality do I place this friend of mine whose porn collection (that I saw o) all had shemales with long dicks being fucked in the arse???
Also, in reference to the “Photo Of The Day”, how exactly does/should a gay person behave??? The extra qxn marks are the extents of my conusion
Ace
November 22, 13:04Hmmmm, are we sure we don’t have the same friend? I know this supposed straight guy that is fascinated by shemales and downloads their porn. Still baffles me o
Kryss S
November 22, 10:22Hmmn! Stereotypes nd Sexuality? Personally nd just like most ppl said in d previous comments, I think sexuality is a thing of the mind nd mustnt rilli b connected to sex. Attraction is d key word. I might not b attracted to a lady but decides to have sex with her once, does that automatically make me straight? Hell no! It might even make me “gayer” d more when I think of d disgusting things I must have gone through. Some ppl r very fluid though, swing d other way once in while for benefits but still stick to the sexuality they r into.
enigmous
November 22, 12:04Lol Kryss S, you bet the disgusting things you went through will make you gayer, you bet darling. Sometimes I wonder, will I ever be able to touch a woman’s pant let alone plunging my shaft into that thing that looks like rippled sea? I guess I will make do with what I saw in the movies in my days of curiosity.
P.S. New word alert: gayer – when you have sex with a lady and the experience makes you never to want to go back to it again, maybe never ever.
FKA Chizzie
November 22, 11:58I think the rule of thumb for me is if uve shagged someone of the same sex once regardless of how long ago it was..then u are gay or bi, and you have the tendency to indulge in same sex relations again. Some people are in denial of the fact that sexuality doesn’t have a parking lot, u don’t become gay and then de-gay at will; Most people that identify as gay now started from a simple inconsequential act with the same sex, ie a peck or a kiss and yet they emerged as full fledged homosexuals. In the same vein, ppl that indulge in gay sex for financial reasons or not should not kid them selves into thinking they aren’t gay…they are! And its really only a matter of time before the urges surface.
Samaurai
November 22, 13:11I don’t think it follows.
Like I said before, a straight guy can have sex with a guy and still be as straight as ever. And like others have pointed out, most times such sex is circumstantial, possibly for financial purposes, or maybe when the person in question is incarcerated and has this overwhelming urge to relieve himself sexually.
Secondly, I don’t think a person becomes gay or straight. A person is either gay or straight. You can’t control who you’re attracted to but you can control how much you let that attraction show in your actions and you can control who you have sex with.
Sexuality is a spectrum quite alright. But remember what I said earlier, sexuality has absolutely nothing to do with sex. That is why you have people who are virgins. It doesn’t mean that they’re asexual or that they don’t have sexual attraction for anybody. They have their reasons for being virgins. But still it doesn’t mean they are neither straight nor gay.
Attraction is the watchword. And let me reiterate, a person can have sex with someone who he isn’t attracted to. As for getting your dick to become erect, remember that sexual arousal is also a spectrum and at a particular point on that spectrum, your dick acquires a mind of its own and responds to whatever stimulation it is receiving from any source.
pinkpanthertb
November 23, 02:22Woe. Samurai. You’re on fire!
pinkpanthertb
November 23, 02:20Lol.
KingBey
November 22, 11:58Sweety, how are you so sure he fucked a man only once? Especially since according to him….it was for financial reasons….dahlliing trust me…once you go anal….it is hard to stop. His case is what most “straight” guys do abroad. They all claim to be straight but can Fuck any white guy or any guy at all for money…..some even gets fucked sef…..depending on the price…..shebi after all this…there are still “straight” Okwaya?
Samaurai
November 22, 13:23I agree with you that once you go anal, it is difficult to stop. But you’re also forgetting that straight guys can have anal sex with their female partners. It must not be with a guy.
Secondly, don’t forget that there is a certain percentage of gay guys who don’t engage in anal sex; who dislike it to the level of total abhorrence.
pinkpanthertb
November 23, 02:23True that.
s_sensei
November 22, 15:48http://www.narth.org/docs/inmates.html
Read this if you are interested.
Samaurai
November 22, 18:20I’ve heard so much about this NARTH organisation. NARTH stands for National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality. If you have gone through their track record, you will find it hard to believe any research that comes from, or is reported by, them.
They claim to have a cure for homosexuality. And we all know how fraudulent those claims are. So any research they purport to be doing is tainted by one ulterior motive or the other.
National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality
s_sensei
November 22, 23:53Oops! I most definitely don’t agree with their objective to cure homosexuality. Thanks for the info. *hugs*
s_sensei
November 23, 00:00And if they interpreted the finding to mean that sexuality can be “cured”, it doesn’t follow. The finding merely demonstrate a FLUIDITY of sexuality. Talk of a “cure” is totally out of the question because there was no abnormality to begin with.