For the longest time, even when I was a growing child, I never really understood why people felt so negatively toward gay people. I always wondered why people had so much time, so much energy, for who other people love or choose to be with. It’s not like they’re hurting anyone. It’s not like they’re harming themselves. I’d always felt that it wasn’t right the way people focus so much on what gay people do, and have so much hate.

But then, it wasn’t something that was in my everyday life or something that impacted me. Being gay wasn’t my reality. When I was a kid growing up in Nigeria, I remember I always loved effeminate men. I always had a thing for boys who were a little girlish. I remember my first boyfriend, a boy I met in church. he was slightly effeminate. And I loved that about him.

So when I moved to the United States, and there were all these conversations about gay people, again I never understood the negative energy. But obviously, as a heterosexual woman, it wasn’t a conversation that I delved deep into because it wasn’t my reality. I didn’t even know any gay person personally.

But I always loved gay men. In my early twenties, I remember watching movies and seeing gay men, loving how they dressed and carried themselves. Seeming to be a lot more confident than their heterosexual counterparts. I really liked that.

Then I met this one guy. His name is X. He was this 20-year-old gay man, originally from Cameroun. We clicked and connected. His sexuality was something we didn’t really talk about. I just knew that he was gay, but we didn’t have any conversations about it.

However, everything changed when I fell in love with a woman. What being with a woman did for me was that it opened my mind, expanded it to the point where I’ve had to think about what God means to me. Who God is to me. I’ve had to think about so many things surrounding my world and my reality as I’ve known it this entire time.

And I think that seeing the reactions of some of the people in my life to me coming out and saying, “Well, I’m in love with a woman,” has pushed me to challenge my status quo. To challenge how I see the world.

So then, I’m thinking: This is crazy. I’m talking to some of my girlfriends, like, I didn’t know you were this homophobic. I didn’t know you had this much negativity in you.

Granted, we’d never talked about it. Because we’d all dated men, and the challenges of being in relationships with guys were our realities. And so, I’d never been in a situation where we had to discuss homosexuality and queerness.

So then, I find myself in this position and it has opened my mind. And I’m like: Okay, being gay is of the Devil. You know, gay people are all going to hell. Okay, fine. That’s fine that you say that and believe that. But have you actually thought about it? If gay people are going to hell and people are having premarital sex, and the Bible tells us that that’s a sin too, and nobody is chaining you guys up as candidates for hell – if this is something that’s so mainstream and accepted even in church circles, like we recognise it’s not the end of the world if you’re sleeping with someone that you’re not married to, but that’s okay? As long as all this sex is happening between members of the opposite sex?

If the church manages to look the other way with all these scriptural evils clearly condemned by the Bible, and gay people are of the Devil, then how come they are the only “spawns of the Devil” that everyone has chosen to fight?

If gay people are of the Devil, how come the Devil is prosecuting them too?

I mean, how is the Devil so successful in taking children of 6 and 7 years old, to say to them, “You know what? I’m going to turn you gay so you can go to hell.” And God is just sitting around, letting that happen to His creations. What kind of god is that?

Religious people are so intent on their prejudices that they do not have a pause to interrogate the biases they exhibit toward other people. They want to feed into their ignorance, because somehow, that is much easier than challenging the brainwash, the institutions of dehumanization erected in their minds.

Being homophobic is actually doing the work of the Devil, because He wants you to think that you’re doing the right thing by the god that you believe in, when all you’re trying to accomplish is strip someone else of his humanity. And this is fine by the Devil, because then He can propagate His agenda. Which is to give you hate in your heart. Feed you with things that will distort you from how God actually wants you to be. Which is to love one another.

When Jesus gave the charge to love your neighbour as yourself, I’m sure He knew that your neighbours were not going to be from your church. I’m sure He knew these neighbours were going to be people from all over the world with different ideas, different beliefs, different lives. The true nobility of that charge is that you can love all these people as you love yourself. The true test of your faith is that you can love the person who is not like you as yourself.

Christians fail at this all the time. Every single time.

And it is such a shame.

Written by Chidinma

Previous Twitter is torn over Taylor Swift’s Gay Anthem, ‘You Need to Calm Down’
Next “Be Sure Of The Sexuality Of Your Partner Before You Get Married.” BBNaija’s Leo Dasilva advices

About author

You might also like

Our Stories 11 Comments

Do You Know A Fuckboy?

Fuckboys are guys who are strictly into sexual relationships. They have sexual partners that want them even though they know all they want them for is the sex. There are

Editor's Desk 0 Comments

#HowIResist Campaign 5

The law that criminalizes homosexuality … shows a failure of our democracy, because the mark of a true democracy is not in the rule of its majority but in the

Our Stories 27 Comments


Sometime ago, I was reading on a foreign blog a story about the tendency for white gays to fetishize big dicks, especially big black dicks. It was something I found


  1. Black Dynasty
    June 19, 07:17 Reply

    It’s typical human behaviour, an “us” vs “them” mentality. Be it race, tribe, religion and of course sexuality.
    Everyone wants to belong and there’s nothing quite as unifying as a collective target to hate i.e. “them”.

    It is unfortunate especially from Christians who forget that most important charge…. but self righteousness goes hand in hand with hypocrisy, sooo ??‍♂️.

    I make a conscious choice to keep my distance from negativity and folks full of hate, this includes family and friends.

  2. Delle
    June 19, 11:02 Reply

    True words.

    A lot here practice religion and not Christianity. I do not expect so much from the average church-goer who believes ‘summersaulting under the anointing’ will take him to Heaven.

  3. Ken
    June 19, 19:07 Reply

    God doesn’t sanction homophobia. Homophobia is a product of ignorance, bias and hate. That you are a christian is not an excuse to be ignorant and homophobia

  4. Temi
    June 20, 17:21 Reply

    I love this Chidinma ?

  5. ChristianGayBoy
    January 01, 14:49 Reply

    Exactly! Haven’t heard it better!

    Religion is a deep problem. People forget what Christianity is, LOVE. Without love there is no true believe in God because God is love and “he who does not have love does not know God.” Explicitly quoted in scripture, it is impossible in all ramifications to truly be a “candidate of heaven” without love.

    And if you trace this to the origin of the gospel, Jesus says “no one comes to the Father except through me.” Of essence, a Christian who doesn’t have access to love does not have access to Jesus and as such does not have access to God the Father and so in the end such a Christian is simply using his or her life to play kite. No wonder Jesus says on the last day many will claim to have served God and he’d tell them to depart from him because they did not attend to the needy, to the ones lacking in love etc.

    In a world where homosexuals are seen as a minority group and Christian brethrens seek every opportunity to destroy and ruin our lives, I can’t help but laugh at my chances of getting into heaven before the millions of Christian homophobes thinking they are doing the Lord’s work.

    Chidinma thank you!

Leave a Reply