Those Things We Do

Those Things We Do

I am black, African and a gay man living in a country that is predominantly homophobic and openly intolerant about my sexuality. My brothers and sisters are homophobic. My parents can’t even bring themselves to imagine what homosexuality is about, let alone accept it. My neighbours would erupt in anger and disgust if they knew what was happening next door at night. I can’t talk to my priest because his reality is different from mine. My school teachers, barber, and tailor all openly reject homosexuality and frequently show their disdain for how the West is “trying to initiate us into this disgusting act”. Never mind that they pray and fast and sow seed just to get American visas.

So all in all, it seems I am a loner destined for loneliness and pain and hurt and hate. Okay, it’s probably not as bleak as this, because over the years I have tried to engage in other productive things in life such as a career, being good to family and what not. But as we begin this year, I have come to realise just how lucky I have been. And this has prompted this post, about the silly and unsafe things gay men do just to either get over loneliness or satisfy other more carnal urges:

1.Online Dating/Hook-Ups

The internet has saved many of us from a life of misery and loneliness and perpetual insatiable horniness. Lol. But ever stop to wonder at the silly risk we take in chatting and exposing ourselves to people we don’t or may never know? We open the doors and let these people into our lives without stopping to think the consequences of our actions. Thanks to the ever-pumping testosterone and an almost insatiable appetite for dick, many of us will sell our left foot just to get laid.

2. Meeting/Fucking Strangers

Flowing from the sudden advent of the internet in Nigeria, gay men have been able to connect in ways they previously would never have dreamed. This has led us to take certain risks in hopes that the person on the other end doesn’t turn out to be a monster. We organise endless hook-ups (which sometimes turn out to be setups) and travel long distances (sometimes out of state) just to answer the call of the dick.

3. Unprotected Sex

Sex is like food – no, scratch that, like oxygen for some of us. Many of us can do without food, but will never pass up an opportunity to get laid (power bottoms in the house, can I hear a loud “AMEN”). But how many of us really stop to practise safe sex 100% of the time. It’s important to always bear in mind that it takes just one mistake to put our lives on a course we never envisaged.

4. Bad Eating Habits

Skinny is all the rage in this new era. But for gay men, extra-skinny is totally the way to go. I might be exaggerating, but I believe at least 50% of gay men suffer from one form of food disorder or the other. The name of the game is: starve! Starve! STARVE! And then pretend like you are naturally skinny. (shaking my head) We crave social acceptance and public approval so much that some of us are willing to get into unhealthy habits just to look the part.

NB: My boo kuku knows that the day I see a single rib cage on his body will be the beginning of the end for us (well mostly for him)!

5. Mental Disorders

I am happy because it seems the new generation of gay men are more accepting of themselves and more knowledgeable about sexuality. Unlike those of us from the older generation who had to slowly struggle with reconciling our sexuality with religion and culture. As a result of this, and coupled with normal stress of living in this part of the world, many of us are a little mentally damaged and don’t even know it. Many suffer from violent mood swings, dual personality, boiling internalised anger, to name a few. And then we don’t even realise how we affect others with our mental state. Some of the things we tag as just plain “bitchiness” are really mental disorders.

6. Porn, Nudity And Sex Addiction

Gay men, like all men, love sex. But what makes ours all the more enticing is its forbidden nature. I once told a friend that the day Nigeria legalizes homosexuality will be the end of such hookup sites as manjam, grindr etc. As it is, gay men just can’t get enough of such debauchery that is fuelled by the internet, and many of us will do just about anything for some hot rendezvous. We exchange nude pics and post same on the internet, forgetting that once it gets out there, it never gets deleted, not really. Some of us make life-altering decisions based on the manipulation of our libido.

As we journey forth into this New Year, it is my hope that gay men in Nigeria would become wiser, learn from past mistakes and become a bit more careful in making life decisions. It’s time to start organising ourselves to look out for each other and for ourselves.

I wish you all a fabulous New Year!

Love, ken

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  1. First, let me compliment your high horse; it’s spectacular.
    Second, I’m not entirely sure Numbers 1, 2 & 6 are bad things?
    Finally, re: Number 4, to each his own? Not all of us enjoy being obese.

    • Pink Panther
      January 06, 07:36 Reply

      ‘First, let me compliment your high horse; it’s spectacular.’


      • ken
        January 06, 08:27 Reply

        Some us felt we are being judged because we Identify with one or more of the points.

        But instead of shooting the messenger, why not take the message, digest it and let it be one with u . Or not! Lol

    • Kenny
      January 06, 07:44 Reply

      Where’s the like button?

  2. Dennis Macaulay
    January 06, 07:57 Reply

    I always maintain that nobody get to play sex police and decide for other how much sex they should have. Sex also becomes an addiction ONLY when it begins to get in the way of your life; for instance you have an exam in school of which flunking it can stop you from graduating, but the morning of the exam Uchenna calls you to come and collect preeq and you damm the exam with its consequences and go to collect preeq.

    About number 4; I don’t know how accurate you are. Myself and majority of my friends are foodies; we can eat for Africa and India combined. We just know how to balance our intake with exercise and focus on being healthy rather than skinny!

    This wasn’t a bad read, you just played Judge Judy somewhat!

  3. Max 2.0
    January 06, 08:04 Reply

    I was nodding my head in concurrence with all the points you made till I got to the #Porn part. News flash, its not just gay people. Straight people are just as addicted to porn as gay men. Let’s just say that every straight friend I have(I have more straight friends than gay ones) OD’s on porn weekly. So apart from that very part of this post, nice post. #Preach #2016Goals

    • Max 2.0
      January 06, 08:07 Reply

      Oh and about the eating disorder part, its total Bullock.. A lot of people are naturally skinny!. I haven’t even met a Nigerian who starves to keep their slim nature.

      • Dennis Macaulay
        January 06, 08:11 Reply

        I have met one, who I am very good friends with! In fact he even visits this blog!

        *smug smile*

      • sinnex
        January 06, 10:16 Reply

        Was it not in this same blog Where one person said that he wishes to always fall ill in order to be slim?

  4. Dennis Macaulay
    January 06, 08:10 Reply

    Typical Maximus behavior! Shoot down the ones you are involved in and endorse all the rest!

    • Max 2.0
      January 06, 08:24 Reply

      Shettup bish.. ????… There’s truth in the post. Meeting gazillions of people online and fucking strangers is both degrading and dangerous. You have a long life to live and don’t know when all that shit you did would come back to bite you in the ass(and I’m not talking about Karma btw). Any new person you meet is a loose end which need to be covered when you guys are done with whatever you’re doing. Too many strangers = Too many loose eneds which you can’t handle later on. I didn’t agree with some parts of the post because I didn’t see reason with it. It localized some habits of human beings to make it look like its more prevalent in gay people.

  5. simba
    January 06, 08:16 Reply

    Awesome read.. the eating disorder is common and has to do with class. It plaques the upper class more. Was only a problem in female population but recently reported to be plaguing the gay population. Anorexia nervosa is a mental disorder and the worst among others like bulimia which I was a victim in my school days.

  6. Timi LEO
    January 06, 08:19 Reply

    Lol…Thanks Buddy… God bless the hands that wrote this parts
    ” Thanks to the ever -pumping
    testosterone and an almost insatiable
    appetite for dick , many of us will sell our left
    foot just to get laid.”
    ” just
    to answer the call of the dick ”
    ” ( power bottoms in the
    house, can I hear a loud “ AMEN”)”

  7. Wife beater!
    January 06, 09:03 Reply

    Some ppl need to OD on dia chillpill…the holier-than-thou attitude is nauseating,dey like to play big brother n chastise other. . .abeg go sit on a dick!

  8. Delle
    January 06, 09:06 Reply

    I don’t know why I just didn’t like this post. Well, I’m not tryna hate or anything but it seemed so one-sided and…confusing.
    Ehn, so it’s only ‘power bottoms’ (whatever that means) that go after dick, right? Segregation much?
    And no, I really do not think skinny is the new age in gaydom!
    Is it just me or is loving and getting attracted to just dick overrated? Not everyone is a dick lover, abeg.
    Mental disorder? You know what, I can’t deal.

    • Max 2.0
      January 06, 09:26 Reply

      And here I was, thinking you’d be jumping in ecstacy and singing cherubic praises when you read this..oh except for the #MentalDisorder part.

      • Delle
        January 06, 11:12 Reply

        You thought wrong, sweet.

  9. Mr. Fingers
    January 06, 09:12 Reply

    I agree with everything he typed.

    More of these type of articles.

    Kudos Ken.

  10. Stranger
    January 06, 10:38 Reply

    I cannot relate to any of these. Is this what I need to do to get more propositions?

  11. KingBey
    January 06, 12:05 Reply

    Too much of everything is bad including drinking of water. So whatever we do, just make sure it’s not done in excess. And trust me, you will be fine.

    • Brian Collins
      January 06, 15:51 Reply

      Hmmmm, yes o. I saw on #1000 ways to die, a girl dat drank too much water to die. Like literarily. Something about the water causing her brain to swell.

  12. keredim
    January 06, 12:21 Reply

    OK, so this post is relevant to Nigeria, so I will comment accordingly:

    Points 1 & 2 : I agree with from a security and kito stand point.

    Point 3: I also agree. One cannot have enough safe sex. Anywhere in the world.
    Point 4: These days younger gay people are more confident then we (those of us of the older generation) were at their age. Therefore they are more visible on the gay scene.
    Generally (not everyone o), at that age they tend to be slim, because they easily burn off a lot of energy . Stuff they eat and drink just melts off. Maybe these are the people you see and call skinny. They are healthy.
    However if there are people who starve themselves to the extreme to look a certain way, then y’all need help. Everything in moderation.

    Point 5. Yes, you have a point and its all illustrated in the book “The Velvet rage”. But this is only a small part for the reason of the “mental disorder” you mention. I think, traffic jams, NEPA, lack of basic infrastructure, etc are a huge reason for it. I think when you can remove these from the equation, then it might be fair to blame any “bitchiness” on our inability to reconcile our sexuality with religion and culture.

    Point 6. ” once told a friend that the day Nigeria legalizes homosexuality will be the end of such hookup sites as manjam, grindr etc….”
    Do not believe the hype. As soon as homosexuality is legalised in Nigeria, brace yourself for the next level of debauchery . As you know by nature we as Nigerians tend to teach the teacher. We want to follow the latest western trends. Chemsex (if its not already in Nigeria) is the latest trend and it will set foot in Nigeria and explode. Leading to more unprotected sex and a rise in STDs. Grindr Scruff, etc are widely used (and blamed) for the propagation of Chemsex in the west. So sex apps etc ain’t going nowhere
    Regarding the Nude pics and vids… Well it hasn’t done Kim kardashian who a sizeable number of gay guys worship, any harm.

    I thank you however for highlighting these points.

    Nice one

    • Mr. Fingers
      January 06, 14:26 Reply

      Bia, which one is chemsex? I am old school, just explain slowly so I can get it.


      • keredim
        January 06, 14:56 Reply

        Ta Mecheonu gi. You can never be more old school than me on this blog…..LOL

        Chemsex – use of recreational drugs to have sex lasting long periods- usually over 2 -3 days. After prolonged use, users get addicted and are unable to have sex without the use of the drugs. Most times users are so spaced out, they do not know they are having unsafe sex. This has led to an increase in STD infections especially HIV in the UK and London specifically.

        I talk about it briefly at the beginning of the link below

  13. Tobby
    January 06, 12:47 Reply


    But we’ll still continue ??

    • Max 2.0
      January 06, 16:36 Reply

      Well, that’s the good thing about boomerang.. It only happens to those who don’t listen. ??


  14. bruno
    January 06, 13:45 Reply

    I’m not sure which is more ridiculous, the article itself or the comment section. we aren’t even a week into the new year yet. and stupidity is on full display already… *sigh*

  15. Khaleesi
    January 06, 16:01 Reply

    Nice piece Ken!
    About No. 3, ermm, there are also a lot of enormously horny tops with insatiable appetites for any and every ass that passes by.

    No 4. Oh plzzz, what’s life if you dont look sexy and in shape? Bitch, I will starve if that’s what it’ll take! #NoApologies ***squeezes self into tight-fitting clothes***

    No 5. YES!!!! a lot of gays in this part of the world are screwed up in the head! but … i dont blame them, when you spend an entire life-time in the vice like grip of the opium sniffing cult that is organised religion and get slapped with a “cherry picked” culture while at the same time battling immense doses of internalized homophobia, why wouldnt you suffer severe mental harm?

    N0 6. Nah – ahh gurll, legalization of homosexuality will not automatically equal acceptance in this part of the world, never underestimate the insidious power of religion in these parts as well as the tight grip of a culture which shifts shape and form according to the whims and caprices of a few.

  16. Francis
    January 06, 17:39 Reply

    Hmmmmm *continues experimenting with the effect of resistant starch on body weight*

    ??? at NB: My boo kuku knows that the day I see a single rib cage on his body will be the beginning of the end for us (well mostly for him)!

    Reminds me of someone on my case to stop losing weight.

  17. Jeova Sanctus Unus
    January 07, 06:09 Reply

    Your message? Where?

    Homosexuality in it’s almost-full package is legal in the US. We don’t use Grindr half as much as they do. Straight people use hookup apps too. Do ya’ll actually stop to really think why it seems to us that we use them apps a lot? It’s because we are in the fucking community!! I’ve never used any of the apps. I know a some people who don’t use the apps too. Maybe you have your assumptions because you are constantly on them apps?

    Now, every person is assumed straight on sight, so straight people proposition whomever they find worthy. Gay people do not have that luxury. To have sex without getting into trouble, we need to filter out the ‘bad markets’. That’s what these apps do for us. Gay men have sex because humans have sex, not because of some useless legislation.

    Now, please enough with the stupid slut shaming!! Why does anyone feel the need to dictate to others how, when, with whom and number of times they can/should have sex? Don’t you have enough going on with you to concern yourself with people’s private matters that don’t concern you? I don’t see a lot of you telling your uncles, aunts, parents, friends, etc to quit smoking in enclosed shared spaces.

    Governments don’t impose restrictions on their citizens, they advice against going to certain destinations and advice on security measures when one decides to go. If you know ways to reduce ‘kito’, share it. Don’t make demands of people. We all were strangers to the people we know at one time. Always blaming the victim.
    Someone gets robbed/kidnapped, we blame them.
    Someone gets raped, we blame them.
    Someone gets killed, we blame them.

    There’s a range of healthy body size.
    More people are slim than fat.
    We get the extra fat from what we eat, we aren’t born with them.
    More gay men are gonna be slim.
    Eating disorder isn’t the same thing as healthy eating/dieting. Don’t try to blur the lines. What you wrote up there isn’t gonna help people with eating disorder because you just said there’s something wrong with them. If you don’t know better, please don’t say nothing.

    When will we learn that trying to be moral compasses for others doesn’t make us different from homophobes. They are against men having sex with men. Geddit? No one cares if you fuck once in a year nor do they care if you only fuck your husband.

    You last paragraph, please keep it and get ride of the rest. And lovely horse too, I love the height. Let’s give advice and pointers without being moral judges.

    • Pink Panther
      January 07, 07:44 Reply

      Be giving me a braingasm, JSU! Just keep it coming! 😀 *APPLAUSE*

    • Keredim
      January 07, 22:45 Reply

      Jeova don vex!!????

      Nice tirade though????????????

  18. Geeluv
    January 07, 22:17 Reply

    I rudely disagree with point 4. We eat doi…. nor vex!!!

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