I was in year two in medical school. ASUU was on strike and I was home, idling away on the social media. I was scrolling through Facebook and stumbled on a profile on my Friend’s Suggestion list. The profile picture struck me for no specific reason: it was the picture of a young school boy in his school uniform. Without realizing why I was doing so, I sent a friend request to the profile. It wasn’t long before the school boy accepted my request and we began chatting. He told me his name was Sam (not real name). He asked me my age. I told him and asked him his. His reply startled me. Forty-two years old. How come? Omo school?
I went back to check the profile picture and was surprised to realize that the photo was actually of an adult male clad in a navy blue suit, with a red tie and a red hat. I’d forgotten to enlarge the picture when I first saw it, and so, spotting it as a tiny index it was had presented the illusion of a young secondary school boy in his uniform.
In the following weeks, we progressed in our acquaintanceship. We got to learn a lot about each other, somehow settling on a definition for our relationship in the process. He adopted the role of a god father to me, encouraging me to speak freely of my issues to him and confide my secrets in him. He was very understanding and equally took me into his confidence. I got to learn that he’d been a virgin until he got married at thirty-two. He let me into his world of a man who wasn’t inclined to skirt-chasing, and had been able to remain a virgin till that age because he hadn’t been particularly interested in girls. He’d attributed his lack of avid sexual interest in females to the trauma he suffered as a victim of rape by his aunt when he was six.
We shared a lot, the two of us. Sam very quickly became the very definition of a friend to me.
Occasionally, he’d ask me if I had a girlfriend, and my answer was always of course No. Now, it didn’t matter how close we were, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him about my sexuality. So of course he assumed that the absence of a girlfriend was because I was being a good boy, and he encouraged that character.
And then came the day when my boyfriend at the time broke up with me with a bible verse (one I’d forgotten now). The breakup shattered me; at this time I was in my fourth year in school and he was in his first year. In spite of the disparity of our ages, I’d grown to love him during the course of our relationship. And he had to use a bible verse to end what we had! I was so distraught and feeling so vulnerable, that that night, I finally opened up to Sam about my sexuality, adding to it my breakup and the bible verse that had ended my happiness.
Following my ‘confessions’, he sent me a message, encouraging me to remain positive about who I am, while also asking me to seriously consider repenting from my homosexuality. (You should probably know now that he was an evangelist and a choir master in his church). Of course I didn’t give much thought to his repentance message, but our relationship remained intact, with the additional benefit of me freely talking to him about my past relationships and my life as a young gay man. He listened and had kind words, and always asked me to repent.
Eventually, four years after I made Sam’s acquaintance, we met in person. I visited him, and was stunned by how youthful he looked for forty-six years of age. His wife was home, a nice, nondescript woman who was immediately relegated to the background when he took me to a private parlour in the house so we could have a good talk. We chatted for some time, and then he looked at me with feeling and said, “I love you.”
This wasn’t the first time he’d told me this. In the four years I’d known him, I’d come to know him to be an emotional person who was freely-speaking of his emotions. Tender words like ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’ peppered our conversations, and I didn’t think much of them. Our friendship was platonic and there couldn’t be any sexual connotation to the words of endearment, right?
Wrong.
After saying the words to me, he quickly leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. I was startled by that move. I didn’t know what to say. But that was alright, because he had plenty to say. He wanted me to spend the night in his house, because his wife was going on a vigil. I was bewildered. What was going on here? He was a friend and father to me for heavenssakes! How did we get to this point where he was kissing me and asking me to spend the night because the wife was conveniently going to be away? I declined the invitation. I needed time to process this shift in our relationship.
When I announced my intention to go on home, he walked me some of the way to where I’d get on a transport, informing me that he’d be coming around in a week to my place to return the visit. I accepted.
On the day before the day he was supposed to come see me, I asked if he wanted to meet my family or just wanted some alone time with me. He opted for the latter. He said he was too shy to meet my family.
My family has an estate inside which my father owns five houses; my family and I occupy two of the houses, with my parents staying in one and my siblings and I occupying the other. My siblings, all girls and older, had left the nest, and so I had the house to myself. This was why I’d asked Sam what kind of visitation he wanted. When he opted for privacy, I directed him to my place instead of my parents’.
He came around and we talked about all manner of things for about an hour. Just when I was beginning to relax with the realization that this visit was going to remain cordial, he asked me what I’d say if he said he wanted to suck my tongue. I stiffened. And then I smiled stiffly at him. He must have taken that as consent, because he leaned forward and claimed my lips in a kiss.
There was no holding back after he kissed me, and before long, we were tearing off our clothes and coming together, skin on skin, limbs intertwined. Before he left that day, we made love about three times. It was so intense.
This new level of our intimacy opened an avenue for me to ask the questions I suddenly had. I wanted to know if he’d always been homosexual. He didn’t have a good answer to that. I asked if he’d engaged in any gay sexual acts before me. He said no. I was his first. He’d always wanted to but hadn’t the nerves to pursue his desires. These we talked about before he left that day.
And then, following that day, he became attached to me, stronger than he’d ever been. He wanted us to be in a relationship. He wanted to be my lover and everything else in between. I declined. He didn’t like that and he didn’t relent. He began acting jealous each time he saw guys on my BBM display picture. He’d send me money while I was in school, and visited me in school severally. There was more sex, and with each carnal knowledge he gained of me, he sank deeper and got more attached. Our relationship began to get very heavy and quite demanding. It got to a head when he resigned from his evangelism commitments and choirmaster position in church. When I asked him why he did that, at first he gave me the excuse that he’d gotten too swamped with work to focus on those extracurricular activities. I knew that was bullshit and I pressed him for the truth. He finally admitted that he’d begun to feel dirty anytime he picked up a mic to sing in church or evangelize.
And now, he’s gotten commitment rings for the both of us. I declined the ring, and even though he felt crushed, I could see the strange mix of misery and optimism in his expression – that optimism and determination he has adopted that speaks of a man who wants to have what he desires.
This makes me worry – about his wife and his two children. And these days, I’m nagged by the guilt of what part I’ve played in bringing about this perilous attraction. I know it’s a ridiculous thought, but I can’t help but wonder sometimes if perhaps it was my fault that an ‘innocent’ man had turned so gay.
Written by King Tee
KD is a good place to come to practice anger management. If I’m able to withstand ripping someone’s head off by the end of the last commeet, then I can handle anything out there.
We’re all going to die and none of us in Nigeria would ever experience freedom.
Life is empty; most people try to make meaning out of it by embracing religion and other things
Kdians defend mgms because they’re impending mgms themselves and because they have no sense of worth for who they are. Straight people don’t marry people of the same sex, if you can’t see how wrong and stupid it is as a gay man to marry a woman, then there’s nothing I can do to help you. Some of ya’ll have no work except tapping away at your cheap keyboards and displaying your bitchcraft all in an attempt to sound funny, bro you’re petty AF and that’s not a good look on you.
All of you here want love, you all want a man, a good man, but the truth is 99.9%of you don’t deserve it and you’ll never find it because the gayborhood is filled with fucked up people like you.
Good luck with your struggles
Good luck with defending sell outs
And Good luck with finding a man.
WAWU
Still trying to comprehend.
This!!
I don’t think the man was forming anything. I don’t even think the man understood his sexuality until King Tee came along.
Even Stevie Wonder can see what the man is suffering from is IH. It’s not about him being an MGM. He is pretty much in denial and has some misplaced sense of superiority. A single gay man can easily play out the above described scenario. Let’s learn to separate issues and treat them individually rather than muddle things up.
Azzzin ehn!!! One day he will wake up to the realisation that its all a sin and go all super churchy and preachy again. Its why I am finding it hard to believe he hasn’t had sex with a guy before you. Its a vicious cycle of denial one don’t want to experience.
BTW, I wonder what you were thinking doing a married man…and with kids. Your name is apt. King Th…..*presses mute button*…shame
‘It’s not advisable you enter into a relationship with him (wtf is a commitment ring?! Who does that?).’
Aside the wife/family tangle,would like to know what other reason(s) you have against their being in a relationship.You have a problem with commitments?
Facebook suggest loads of friends to me,a large number of whom are neither known to me nor do we have mutual friends.
I’ve made friends,younger friends,and have been a sorta big brother to them,so..your point?
As to your psycho-analysis……you need to get your head cleared of those fumes n return back to class,doc
No, PP. It’s always stale. Same old. Monotony, they say, kills interest.
Isn’t the family tangle enough reason?
According to you.
MGM apologist!! go about nacking boys oo, and your wife and kids will be proud of you, weldone, dad of the year! and talking about picking a struggle? coming from a married man fucking boys outside his marriage? ooooh! the irony! gerrarahia jare! I’m sure one small boy is waiting for you at the car park..
A cop out,I see
I’d thought there were more reasons,way u carried on
@DC I totally get where you are coming from, its a very plausible angle if u ask me.
I’m not exactly sold on him having other children he is screwing around with. You make it sound like he is child devouring monster. He doesn’t seem that way to me.
Thanks hunnay. The second point was so a hit on the head
Uh Klaus, the person you’ve called a dad and a married man is actually very single and very childless. The hastiness with which we jump into assessments of people here simply based on the fraction of what we read about them is quite funny, especially given how far off mark most of us are. To sum up a person you don’t know based on the little you read of him and driven by personal prejudice is just flawed.
Just tired of having folks get on a limping horse to call judgement on what they know next-to-nothing about.
I myself have an issue with the man being married and with kids,but if that’s okay with the author of this piece or they can find a way about it without having anyone hurt,then cool.
Ought else is their business,no one else’s
@TDC, Welcome to KD, the land of the pure and righteous
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s give a resounding ovation to Dickson Clement and hi incredible powers of discernment.
You probably are the 1st real person that made it easy to accept himself. Feel and understand something he has struggled so hard with.
This is my exact understanding of Sam.
if you were truely his first gay sex, he would still have the guilty mind after that sex… there is a psychiatry book I read that talked about the stages it takes for pple to accept their sexuality!
This really annoyed.
I bloomed late,never had a drop of guilt after.Oh,I knew what it was all about,just had other more important things to focus on.Where DC got this crap from really baffles.
Awwww look at you in all ur saintly glory. We should burn the MGM for commiting the abominable sin of wanting gay sex while his wife is a few yards away and spare the saint who left the covenience of his house to preach the good news to an MGM in the confines of a car.
Praise god!
People are always quick to forget that we are all different, experience thing and feel differenly. Sexuality transcends beyond just having sex. There are just too many layers of complexity involved. Some solve and figure it out with ease, others struggle b4 getting a hang of it, while others never get it. The closest thing I can cite as example right now, is how people generally struggle with arithmetics and equations.
Assin eh. Tueh! How on earth he allowed a married man suck his tongue is beyond me. That’s so risky, he could contact the MGM disease, now he has to go get tested. Wish you luck bro, hope you come out negative.
These MGM them sef. In the same hospital? Wawu, no respect. Germs can be flying around that parking lot, thank God you didn’t agree before you catch one communicable disease. It’s known that hospitals don’t sanitize their parking lots.
To think that after you left your house, went to meet in in a hospital, he now wanted a blowjob? Imagine his konkobility.
‘Emmmm one more thing, something tells me u are afraid of the backlash, which is why u left out the part that u might feel more for our Sam than u are letting on (LOL, I may be imagining things though). I wish u all the luck in the world, cos heaven knows you will be needing it.’
You didn’t imagine it,came out loud.Unless,I imagine same thing too.
so bisexuals are cheating on thier boyfriends and girlfriends simultaneously I guess?
abi being bisexual is a bad thing?
I strongly agree with you. I once met an FRSC officer, he kept talking how he didn’t want sex, how he just wants a friend. I was ready ooo, that was what I also wanted. Imagine what happened when we met. He wanted to give me a blow job right there in my car, can you believe that? Haba mana! Not only us that unsanitary, it was a major breach of trust. Needless to say, we parted ways, I began to distrust all FRSC officers.
OK, that might not really be the same thing as your own scenario but it might help if I say a single guy also did the same thing? Now I can’t be friends with Single FRSC men.
pele o, advocate for the married gay man. tcheew!!!
looool. Radarada. This desperate need to portray these guys as victims stinks nma.
Quite frankly, I find myself walking a thing line on this subject. We find ourselves faced with the issue of sexuality and cheating. Roughly and tightly woven together. Disentangling both issues is not as easy as we often make it sound. So yeah, cheating on ur spouse is bad, low, and should be frowned upon. I totally agree! But I find myself struggling with the idea that a large majority of KDians like to play the ignorant card, when the issue of cheating is being peddled by straight folks. We see it openly displayed in our religious houses, in our families, schools, place of work and all around us with so much as not batting an eye.
Cheating is an issues that cuts across the general population. No one bothers to give our fathers, uncles, brothers or friends all the sanctimonious lecture we see here at the mention of the term MGM. like everyother issue facing the LGBT matters, we bite our tongue, give approval by either biting cheering them on, listening to their tales of sex and conquer or staying silent. Then come to KD with our holier than thou regalia to spill venom. #Hypocrite comes to mind at the sight of such people.
An MGM, is every inch human as their straight counterparts. If u want to judge them, hold them accountable with the same laws which u hold their straight counterparts. If u can turn a blind eye to the sins of a married straight man, why can’t u accord an MGM the same courtesy?
So you see why I have a problem taking all these anti-MGM campaign seriously?
Lol @ you bringing up the word morality. A homosexual, having the nerve to use the word in judgement of another human being. Lol, boy you tew funnay. Quite the sense of humor u ve there.
Let’s not forget that yall asking for their heads are the same ones doing them. I am sure if you anti-MGM and forever gay and single boys stop paying them no mind, these men MIGHT be forced to focus on their marriage. You keep giving them honey and expect them to stay loyal to someone who isn’t? Perhaps we should all stop encouraging them and allow them focus on their damn marriage.
Typical Nigerian! Blame everyone but themselves for every situation gone wrong.
Haba unkulu, you play too much. Which one is it nah? Biko MGM are evil people, going about seeking blowjobs in parking lots.
Ha! Brother, I’m not advocating for them nah. I’m bashing them, I want to appear young, hip and cool too. Don’t lump me up with Di-Navy biko
Now that we have KD and all those other apps, the dark ages has to come to an end. We need to start a revolution. I, on my part have decided to be the gay uncle and brother in my family. The successful gay role model that a young boy struggling to accept his sexuality in my neighbourhood can look up to. The fact that people in the 80s, 90s and 2000s were cowards does not mean we have to be cowards too. This trail needs to be blazed by some people and I doubt if those people can be MGM.
As economy no wan improve nah, let me finally lend my voice to this MGM issue. Get rid of them and naija go better
Nwannam, na so the thing be o. Sadly we are too pickled in our crab mentality to give room to contrasting narratives.
iDied! Lmao!
LMAO! Colossus, you’ve officially usurped Chestnut from the throne of hot mess.
Thanks for bringing up the point on morals Klaus. Totally has nothing to do with sexuality, but respecting the marriage/commitment values.
??????
Hahahahahahahaa!!!
Hahahahahaha iDied.
Honestly this shit cracked me up.
MGM is where the money is, u can always count on it to break box office.
????????
A matter of months?! :O
?????
Better run oooo, before he’ll invite you to his house, ask you to suck his tongue and thereafter start stalking you. Flee brother, flee.
????????
As in eh, atink you can see Pinkie? Ehen people’s arguments have lost basis they begin to attack the arguer. People can’t argue properly anymore especially when their morality stick is so far up their ass it has begun to affect their reasoning.
read and comprehend, bisexual or not, my point is stick with the person you want to be with, don’t go about making commitments knowing you will break it. you’re bisexual? fine, just stick with one partner at a time! female or male! not playing the victim because you gave into matita pressure
so, your point is; because the society don’t give straight folks much trouble or backlash for cheating, we should also do same and give MGM’s a pass card? really? like seriously? tufia!!!
There’s no amount of hand-wringing that is gonna change two facts in the complex life of an MGM.
-He is married
-He is gay
but another person should not bear the sacrifices of his complexity ie his wife and children. Imagine loving bareback sex but being a hub of diseases. I guess its okay to have bareback sex with any unsuspecting person, say you, just because I LOVE bareback sex. But as is typical of our selfless MGM advocates, the disease sharing persona’s desire is primary. He MUST av his bareback sex with whoever is willing to get down with him. Its the other party’s business that he didn’t use a condom. And that sounds right?
Life is complex as it is. Your complexities don’t make you special abeg
take away the fact he’s married? if we take away that fact,then there’s nothing to talk about!he is gay and he’s married, but still sleeping around,now imagine if your sister is his wife… oo yea,i don’t think you’d think this way again.
I think they are either married to each other’s worst hated sister or something. Makes sleepover excuses very plausible.
I’ve thought about this before and I sincerely hope it doesn’t come to pass but if it comes to pass, if he’s a HOE and my sister has divulged her darkest secrets to him, I’M SO SPILLING!
lol… Francis? you don’t say! thought you’re pro mgm na!
don’t be too thankful yet. He says ‘if he is a HOE’. He prolly wouldn’t snitch if the husby has just one side dish. A regular fuck if you may. That sounds ‘reasonable’ na
lmao! you sef!
king tee knows the right thing to do, because we all know that man will never leave his wife and family for him, he wouldn’t, so he better wake up to reality and end this joke of a relationship.
Awwwwn!!! Well, its only fair we show compassion and allow these two desperately-in-love gay men their moment because, well they are gay, just as we are. Something about promise rings makes it all the more romantic and appeals to my gay nature. Espirit de corps biko. Who cares about the stupid woman? I am not her anyway.
esprit de corps biko. My eyes are all teary and I’m sooo emotional
You don suddenly turn psychic abi? Please begin drop the real names of KD MGMs.
@Klaus I’m not pro MGM. I’m pro live your life BUT be ready to bear the burden of ya actions on ya own.
Blehh. This crappy sarcasm again…
Unfortunately, there were none.
????
He was an asshole. Such married gay men don’t get my empathy.
His sarcasm is always on point. Lol. It’s only crappy because it’s not in favour of your opinion.
My brother, wetin I go do nah? Sarcasm helps me cope when I don’t get blowjobs, stop singing in the church choir and basically stop going to church.
I have nothing left. Please, leave me this one thing. I’ll do better, I promise.
?????????
“I, on my part have decided to be the gay uncle and brother in my family. The successful gay role model that a young boy struggling to accept his sexuality in my neighbourhood can look up to. ”
Emmm quick question. Going by the above statement, is it safe to assume that u are out and proud? I mean that’s the only way you can SUCCESSFULLY thrive as gay ROLE MODEL and icon that young people in ur family and neighbourhood can look up to. And please don’t forget to indicate if u are in Nigeria or not. Now and through out ur new found life’s mission.
Thank you.
@ Klaus, but isn’t that the base for our demand for equality? Why can straight people do as they please and we cannot do the same. It’s not rocket science you know. A sin is a sin! We are being regarded and treated as out casts because we sin differently from straight folks. Aren’t we all human and equal before the sight of man and God? So why hand out wavers to cheat to straight folks and hang gay folks for it? Why, pray tell?
Thankfully, I have not become that jobless to monitor the lives and times of kdians. I’m not psychic. I didn’t pull THAT response outta head online. Quit preaching acceptance or fake tolerance for what you don’t wish on yourself or ur sister.
So many things I wish I could say to you right now but I’ll just take a couple of deep breaths (make that 10) and ??????? #LongLiveTheKDConstitution.
Please, don’t hold back on my account. I doubt I’ll be much impressed tho. I’ve got a nice sneer plastered on my face already.
Coming on the blog late this evening to see this post and the comments that followed I thought ‘Damn! Good story but some of our ever ‘righteous’ KDians and their distaste for married men would come and drop blind comments and it’d be too late to drop mine.’
Expectedly, so far the comments were somewhat disappointing, until I saw yours Peak. You said it just exactly like I would have, even your last paragraph.
Good luck King Tee. I think you feel just as strongly for Sam as he does for you. Don’t throw something good away because some people can’t see beyond their nose.
Uncle good evening oh. Sorry eh I want to ask, didn’t you know he was married with two kids before you went to meet him in KFC? Didn’t you know that ultimately he, as a married gay man, would want to have relations with you? So it’s after you have chop KFC finish that blood started flowing to the anti-MGM part of your brain abi?
Please please siddon in your house abeg.
That is how Uncle FooFoo said an MGM wanted blowjob in a parking lot while his wife was having a baby. Because he didn’t know any of the above details before going to meet the man in the parking lot abi?
All you righteous children should rest abeg.
Another rare beautiful comment. Thank you Mandy. Thank you.
Let me understand clearly, if there was even a chance that the man could leave his wife and family and marry King Tee then fine, he could go on with the relationship? With encouraging the married man to cheat because ultimately they’d be married? It’s a means to an end ba?
So your problem is not this cheating you are singing about but because the cheating won’t lead to both of them living lovingly and happily ever after?
So if we were in saner climes it is OK to sleep with married gay men because, who knows, you just might be that love of his life that was missing all along and you both could eventually get married?
keep kwayet! i met him as a friend and nothing more! just cause you will have done stuff with him doesn’t mean i will too! stop judging me with your morals,if you even have any
My bad. Pardon me. I guess MGMs’ aren’t that evil afterall. We could have them as friends but we can’t have ‘stuffs’ with them. We can go to KFC and eat with them oh, all the while telling them how they are the scum of the earth and, probably, the primary reason why the gay community is where it is today. Of course you are right Uncle Klaus. Be friends with those you’d spit on because of the way they live, so long as you don’t do it while you both are eating in KFC, it’s fine.
I guess all my straight friends that are homophobic behind my back but are ‘friends’ to my face while we eat at KFC together might truly not be homophobic after all.
And you even carry mind add ‘stop judging me’ in the same sentence. Yet you are forming judge and jury ontop your supposed friend matter.
Uncle pick a struggle abeg.
After snatching a woman’s husband , you ll come here and be forming innocent child abi? There is God o. This is just like a friend if mine, brother Beyonce forming straight.
Waaawuuu! This is a lot to take in.
This is what I suppose is the problem with some late bloomers. They’re either frustrating to love because, well, IH is heavily carried. Or they love very very hard. For Sam to pick his desire for you over his church appointments, for him to get a commitment ring, something tells me that if this was a more tolerant society, this would be one of those stories we read where the man comes out to his wife late in life and moves into his relationship proper with his male lover.
He seems so naive.
he’s always been gay…nobody just “turns” gay…he just needed the right person to make him feel comfortable about his sexuality.
I foresee a shitload of drama. Hmmmmm, not my portion IJN. ???
Oh no, you’re not the reason he’s gay. Apparently, he’s the conservative type (got disvirgined at age 32). He was obviously in denial for the most part of his life, never had any chance to explore (prolly didn’t even want to) and you came along (you sent the request, right?).
Most men of that age didn’t have it as we do now especially in the aspect of homosexuality. It’s obvious in his messages of repentance when you came out to him that he was in denial. Beclouded by religion, warped by what the bible told him and all of that. The only hitch here is his marriage, his kids. The thing about late bloomers is their vulnerability due to lack of exposure and inexperience.
It’s not advisable you enter into a relationship with him (wtf is a commitment ring?! Who does that?). You guys could still be friends and all but don’t be the reason his family is torn apart.
Hmmmm.
Wish them wisdom, strength and the fortitude to stand the tough period coming their way soon.
“a
navy blue suit, with a red tie and a red hat”. Who wears that biko nu?
He is married for christ sakes,u shouldn’t even have let him “suck your tougue”……ugh!
Let’s just be clear, the choir master is not truthful!
Firstly, facebook suggested his page… hello!! …
Secondly, he became your friend and a father figure #issoraiit
Thirdly, he kept giving you the ‘I love you’ message. *groundbreaking
Now, let me psycho-analyze this
1) some married gay men will not open up about their fulminant homosexuality. (especially the public figures and the church type)
2) He certainly has other children figure he was screwing ‘secretly’ before you #when you dig deeper, u will find them.
3) if you were truely his first gay sex, he would still have the guilty mind after that sex… there is a psychiatry book I read that talked about the stages it takes for pple to accept their sexuality! But he kept on drilling that well… seems to me he had drilled more oil wells than Dangote and all the middle east put together!
No! It’s not his first time! Son of a bitch is playing you!
I forget MGM get no love/sympathy on this board.Shaping up to be one of them bashing days.
*sigh*
Wow .. just wow!! The twists and turns and depths … Wow!!
Now this story is uncooked as it gets. I want to commend you for sharing such a bold and controversial story. We don’t get shit like these very often anymore.
I don’t think you made him gay. Sam most likely knew he was gay ages ago, but felt holding steadfast to religion and getting married would quell his his attractions. He thought he could beat it. He most certainly MAY have dabbled in his early years, but not enough to know who he is or what he wants.
I met a man in January of 2015, He was 12 years older than me, married with a son. Married at the age of 30, and b4 then never had any gay encounter, but knew he was gay. Married early and devoted himself 2 work and religion hoping that would kill his “lust/love” for men. He held on and tried to be good for as long as he could but cracked. He enjoys being dominated, and serving “his man”. A good man if u ask me. Sadly I was struggling with issues of my own and I couldn’t get pass the idea of a child being in the picture. Where am I going with this? All he said is very possible except the part where he was straight until he met you. You probably are the 1st real person that made it easy to accept himself. Feel and understand something he has struggled so hard with. Yes, it’s sad that he is married. Commonsense demands that you shouldn’t have allowed things to get this far, but at the back of my mind, I can’t help but be reminded that the reason why we are all gathered here, is because sometimes we don’t get to choose who we love or who we are attracted to. If we could, I am sure our stories would be different.
Emmmm one more thing, something tells me u are afraid of the backlash, which is why u left out the part that u might feel more for our Sam than u are letting on (LOL, I may be imagining things though). I wish u all the luck in the world, cos heaven knows you will be needing it.
Thanks again for sharing.
MGM? Hmmmm… They are mostly never loyal. When the going gets tough they would most probably choose their Mrs over you. That’s how one almost made me give him a BJ at hospital parking lot inside his car at night, same hospital his wife just birthed at… Hian! Oburukwam!
Planning to have sex a with a boy in your matrimonial home while your wife goes for Vigil?
I detest MGM.. its either i don’t marry ever!! or i eventually stop gay sex when i marry cause i know i can never stop being gay. Sadly, Im the kind of guy who might eventually be sleeping with the house boy when am married. so to avoid such scenarios.. Never be a MGM or Stop gay sex. tough choices.
Y’all should zip it and quit bashing the MGM!!!! For crying out low, they are humane and they have feelings.
Just because you are young and the pressure to get married hasn’t come to your door step does not give you the impetus to detest any human being.
A gay man is a gay man. Be it married, single or whatever. Not all MGM are lousy. We all come here with our sanctimonious attitude filled with fake righteousness to call out MGM as if they are beasts. Yes, they are living with a veejayjay but they still have a thing for bujaina. Some are responsible in their marriage while some are not.
MR KING TEE. I have been in your shoes and trust me, you didn’t make him gay, rather he’s super obsessed with you and that could be dangerous. Obsession is a silent burner. He just can’t handle his emotions right about now. It’s obvious you made him come alive with that part of him he’s been trying to hard to suppress. Ngwanu, good luck. If the sex is so good, you better enjoy it while it lasts.
I think comprehension and being nuetral is the term that best describes all the opinions contray to urs.
1) Anyone who cheats ought to be called out on their two timing ways without exceptions period. U don’t reserve the Galloway for gay men who went against their nature to marry women and allow straight men commit the same crime with impunity.
2) incase u have been living under a rock, the concept of morality is subjective. We are in the 21st century and everyone’s yardstick and idea of morality differs from the other. Ppl hold consider things from wearing revealing cloths, tatoos, piercing, atheist, free speaking, being a feminist, gay, transgender, having an active sex life, having an active social and night life, just to mention a few, are all immoral. So if ur feelings was hurt because you were handed a reminder that u have no grounds to condemn another man when u are equally condemned urself. It was so easy to accept a commenters reasoning, that Sam wasn’t RESPECTING the bracket of a COMMITMENT. I’d rather that , than all that sacred nonsense about the joke of an institution called marriage.
3) Majority of these contrary opinions didn’t give the writer their blessing to carry on the liaison because it’s a tough case. We wished him luck with whatever decision or path he decides to travel. Live and lets live any one?
4) instead of all the excessive howl and faultfinding, perhaps you all should invest ur time into learning about the the history and evolution of gay liberation movement. All ur emotionally charged, factless and baseless cries is doing nothing for nobody. Gay men are still getting married by their hundreds and I don’t see that changing anytime soon untill focus is directed to REAL issues and not men “Selling out”.
wait ooo? are you guys actually defending a married man sleeping with someone else? gay or not? would you guys stil defend a cheating husband if he’s straight? this isn’t about sexuality to me, its about morals , respect , decency and loyalty to his marriage and kids! if you know you’d be fucking boys whilst married, you have no business getting married in the first place! its either you accept your sexuality or give in to pressure, but if you choose the later, be man enough to hold up to your marital vows! what rubbish!
:(..
so all of you bashing the MGM
How many 4o something year old do you know that are gay and not married to women
I mean Nigerian MGMs
do you think there was KD in the eighties?
or do you think there was grindr and all dem gay apps those days
those were d dark ages for gays once you’re thirty ur mama go don dey eye u upandan if this guy is so naive about his sexuality I do understand things were not as globalized as they are now
King Tee the lord is your muscle
don’t get hurt nd dont hurt anybody
nice article beautiful comments
*dabs wet eyes*
i was once talking with a married man too, married,2 kids , religious, married a virgin, never had gay sex but wank to gay porn always,doesnt enjoy sex with his wife and other crap, we met at KFC in festac, finished talking and he was walking me home, and we stopped in front of a mechanic shop, he started touching me, wanting me to wank him there, in public, he was that desperate, that moment, i saw through his lies, for someone who’s never accepted himself or had gay sex, he was very bold and horny! i left, communication reduced. one time a friend visited me, i was going collecting some series via Xender when a message popped him, this same man oo, i asked my Friend about him,and he told me exact same things this man told him! its a pattern with most MGM’s, stay away from them, any man that can’t hold up his Marital vows can’t date you or stay faithful to you too! STAY AWAY FROM MGM’S, they can’t havd their cake and still eat it, its either you accept yourself or stick to your wife!
@Colossus I can see you’re really investing this your free time ????????
@Peak ??? If there’s one thing I’ve learnt over the past 6 months, it’s that some of us have it really easy and some us are living in terror. To each his own biko. I’m just happy my folks are not militants. Praise be to God.
But really, I don’t get why people feel the need to defend MGMs. The truth is they can’t eat their cake and have it. If you felt the urge to bow to societal pressure and therefore decided to take a wife, then you must take it a step further and bow to the pressure to be “heterosexual”. I don’t blame MGMs anyway, I blame the single gay and bisexual men who allow them to cheat on their wives with them. If we must nip this menace of gay men marrying women to fit in in the bud, those of us who are still single and uninterested in conforming to some mundane societal standards must take a bold stand to frustrate the practice. Say no to romps with married men!!!
If you can live with the guilt of tearing apart a probable faithful wife from a supposedly straight-acting but gay husband, allowing their kids experience life of a separated home, then please accept the commitment ring without delay.
If you can’t, leave him be and stay away as far as possible with little or no contact.
Please don’t continue if you don’t want your conscience seared(thank God you still have one)
@ YKY….
Gaaan sidown
people can b so judgemental on this blog,smh for y’all. Only a few made sense e.g Di-Navy . I don’t see d luv that I thought would b on a blog with ppl of d same kind. Disappointed
There things that are for sure in this life:
Meryl Streep will always be nominated for an Oscar
DC will forever make polarizing movies
And MGMs will forever bring the comments to the KD yard!
Yassss hunnay. It’s a wonderful day and I see all our Georginas have their wigs and robes on and judgement has commenced.
Honestly There isn’t enough popcorn for this.
“but I can’t help but wonder sometimes if perhaps it was my fault that an ‘innocent’ man had turned so gay”
LMAO the ridiculousness in that line though.
If you’re not happy with where things are, END IT.
I actually need to read more of these kind of stories. It would also be better if we can get the other side of the story.
I am still waiting for the MGM series…
It is only a matter of months before I become one…
Many thanks to you, Delle, Ambivalentone, Truth and Klaus. My eyes welled over as I read your comments. Thank you, comrades. There is hope for us after all. Solidarity for ever!
Uhm Francis, I get the impression part of my post from yesterday was misconstrued and that’s why it was deleted. You prolly think I was being an arse and I cared less (heat of the argument and all that shit), but quite frankly, I was surprised with ur comments, for one having a characteristic light heart, that followed at me. So, I am apologizing for whatever u think I may have meant. Don’t take offence because I didn’t intend any. It was only a supposition. The nonsense was even poorly worded sef. No vex. Peace man.
Interesting read.
I feel sorry for the MGM.. And all other gay men. It sucks that we aren’t free to be with who we want to be with. I don’t have an opinion on this and I’m not about to start talking about the morality of the issue on ground.
I’m however quite sure you didn’t turn him gay. You also should take a stand and decide whether to stop seeing the guy or continue to be Le side bae. You probably encourage him by continuing to engage him though there are some people who can’t take a clue.
Good luck.
ION, one fine ass mallam just walked in with his kid, and we just dey eye ourselves *sign of the cross* ?????
This is interesting. This is how you know the ones who wont think it’s wrong to kito you or attack you
When I first read this piece this morning, the main thing that struck me was the complexity of Sam. His vulnerability. His seeming struggles to reconcile his sexuality and faith.
The fact that he’s married didn’t even register as much. I just saw a man who’s troubled by the choices he’s made and the ones he’s making. A man who quit his church obligations and admitted to feeling dirty as the reason he quit. A man who didn’t go the obvious route of internalized homophobia and trying to shame King Tee into feeling guilty about his sexuality. A man who clearly didn’t know better when he got married, but is now flailing with the realization of the kind of sexual love he now wants.
This man is complex. And this man is struggling.
And if this man were reading this blog, y’all just messed up in your primary duty to guide him into self acceptance. I should’ve known the underlying MGM factor would blind most of yall prejudicial KDians from addressing the issue of this man’s turmoil. Some are quick to call him a liar, a cheat, morally condescending to him. I can’t believe you guys honestly.
Take away the fact that he’s married, and you’d see how much you’ve failed a member of this community who, in spite of his age, is still in a real big struggle. He quit church because he felt dirty, and the righteous among us are just giddily casting more dirt on him. Una weddone o.
I know being MGM ain’t bad oooo
but MGMs are the reason why gay community won’t be balanced in years
ok my friend asked me to talk to his boyfriend who was fighting him
I picked up my precious phone took my precious time to talk to the remedial fuck
whilst I was at it he insulted me
I asked him why he always indulged his wife and girlfriends and blow up my friend
here’s his reply
those people are my life
im bisexual not a faggot
if you need a girl goan get yourself one
what did I do?
I bought a new sim created a whatsapp group sent his girlfriends and wife chats of him and my friend
and we’re all happy
ironical how a LGBT blog that’s meant to teach people to accept their gayness have majority of the commenters defending MGM’S and calling out people who see it wrong.. if all the gay icons had conformed an married the opposite sex, i don’t think LGBT will be where it is today, go on oo,go and marry a woman,then cheat on her with a man,and tell me how you will sleep peacefully at night…
Nothing wrong in seeing what the guy is doing as wrong.
But can we please put down our pitchforks and stop running up and down screaming “crucify him” or turning him into a monster cause he is married.
A lil more compassion never hurt anyone. Is it possible to put aside the morality of the situation and help the writer of the post above come to a conclusion on what to do concerning the situation and not turn it into how all married gay men are scum of the earth.
I’m sure this is like talking to brick walls but still gotta try.
This story is not about Married Gay Men!!!!
For the record, I’m not against MGM, or Bisexuals…
Anyone, I repeat Anyone, who reads this post and still can’t see that this choir master lied about the writer, being his first Gay sex… lacks insight.
He was a virgin raped by his aunt at 6! A raped virgin? I even need the writer to explain this…
He never even divulged his sexual feelings to the writer, even when he told him his deepest secrets!
An honest person, who is going through the acceptance phase, would either stop chatting with you, relate his own sexual fantasy or act in ways that clearly tells you he is Gay!
A married man, who has never had homosexual relation, who is discreet about his sexual history, suddenly wants to have sex with you in his matrimonial home? Comm’on guys, it doesn’t happen add up!
My take is that this guy has been getting it….. it may be once in a while, once a year, once in two years…. but you are not the first… period!!!
Lol. It’s really funny how the MGMs and their advocates didn’t win this battle round. Seems y’all are losing your premises. No cogent reasons except some horribly placed sarcasms and sentiments? Aww…
That said, would it help a little if we start calling them MBMs and not MGMs? Putting aside uncalled for sentiments and the need to be seen as ‘compassionate’ and ‘open-minded’, a Married Gay Man is just a box of contradictions and as such won’t be totally accepted by gay folks.
You like men and still get married to a woman? Such hilarity.
MBM, I think, is better appropriate.
Oddly I’m actually somewhat pleased by all this intolerance of MGM. If this crop of KDians are a representation of this generation of Nigerian gay men, then we’re heading into a future where less men will wed and more families will have questions why, and hopefully more closets will be opened. This vitriol has to mean something for the immediate future…
Otherwise, what’s the point?
I have met such men
That awkward moment, top hoes and escorts suddenly unbury their morals. I give una nyash