Waka Pass Diaries (Coming Out To Love)

March 10

When you come out and it goes well, when you look someone you care about in the eye and say, “I am gay”, and (s)he responds, “You’re still my person and I’ll love you no matter what”, it always feels like the world has righted itself just a little bit.

I recently came out to a close friend of mine. Let’s call him Tiga.

Last year November, I was going through a bit of depression, and Tiga caught on to my dark mood. And he began asking me what was wrong. Right after I told him I’d tell him when I see him, I began to doubt. I wasn’t sure I wanted to open up to him. You see, his views on LGBT issues have never really been defined and I was afraid that if I come out to him, I would confront his homophobia and be forced to cut him out of my life.

And I didn’t want that; this guy is a very close friend and one of the rocks in my life. I love him very much and I didn’t want to risk changing anything. When I spoke to a friend about my conundrum, he encouraged me to not tell him. As long as he was being a good friend and not being homophobic to my knowledge, I should let things be.

I agreed. And so, whenever Tiga buzzed me for us to see and have our talk, I’d postpone.

Then the day happened when I attended a book club meet. He is of course in the book club. After we discussed books and the society in the meet, the entire book club gang relocated to a karaoke bar nearby to sing and dance and drink.

There were a bunch of us in the club who are gay and bi and friends, and once we were in the bar, we commandeered a section of it where we proceeded to make homosexual noise. We laughed the loudest, sang the fabulous-est and told one girl that came to our corner that she couldn’t sit with us. It was a merry crowd in the bar, and we, the minority, weren’t afraid of being the merriest.

I noticed Tiga observing us all this while, but he didn’t approach. Then I went to the gents, and on my way back, he waylaid me.

“We need to have that talk,” he said before he shepherded me out of the bar to the pool section outside.

We sat. He looked at me. I looked at him, took in a breath, and said, “Tiga, I’m gay.”

He didn’t flinch or recoil. He was still looking at me attentively, as though saying: Ehen? Is that all? Continue na.

So I continued. I talked. He talked. We hugged. And as we walked back into the bar, he said, “Just live. That’s all that’s important. Live without an apology to anyone.”

I smiled in response and said, “I know. I’m already doing that.”

When you come out and it goes well, when you look someone you care about in the eye and say, “I am gay”, and (s)he responds, “You’re still my person and I’ll love you no matter what”, it always feels like the world has righted itself just a little bit.

Written by Pink Panther