The Diary of a Nigerian Fuckboy: Pilot Entry

The Diary of a Nigerian Fuckboy: Pilot Entry

Hello, I’m Duke formerly known as Ace.

First, I didn’t want to do this. In fact, I resented the idea of having my own series on the blog; I battled and tried to drown the thought simply because I was skeptical of how it would be taken. One of my major concerns was the fact that there are so many series already running on the blog. A new addition would be difficult to catch up with. Moreover, I am all too aware of the venom that can be spewed on this blog and I restrained myself tirelessly. But someone wasn’t going to give up on me sharing a story and the truth is, I have so many stories I would want to share and penning just one was going to have me digressing and beating about the bush.

So, I hit up Pink Panther and said, “I have so many stories that I would like to share one at a time. We could call it a series, a mini-series, a chronicle of some sort or some unofficial name.” And of course, the name that came to mind right off the bat was: The Diary of a Nigerian Fuckboy in the USA. Yes, not the best of names, but fuck it. (See what I did there… Butt fuck it).

It is simply going to be my sexual exploits or experiences as a closeted Nigerian living in the USA. An exposition on the challenges, differences and surprises I encounter as I explore the American gay scene. I haven’t explored much (for good reasons), and contrary to what some of my friends proclaim, those who say they would wear bum shorts right at the airport and start “selling market” if they had the opportunity to move to the States, I am fortunately or unfortunately still in the closet. I also reside in a state that is not exactly the place of “brotherly love” the way New York, Philadelphia, Atlanta or California is. But at least, I come across really noteworthy experiences in my supposedly “uneventful” state. Some stories will be funny, some will be heartbreaking and a lot will be awkward and weird… really weird.

I also hope to show the readers that the war for acceptance is still fought everywhere though on different levels, and Nigerians, even though they now reside in an advanced society, still bring along a great deal of some hate and ignorance that they should have dumped in the Atlantic on their flight to the US.

You will also learn the online gay lingos and expressions and the totally different world of hooking up online in the US. I, hopefully, will correct some misconceptions or burst the bubble of some dreams Nigerians or Africans as a whole have about being gay in the US. It is exciting but when you are in the closet and still have your family close by, some of your rainbow colored boats won’t sail or won’t sail as far as you would like.

It is going to be a fun ride… hopefully.

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51 Comments

  1. DI-NAVY
    May 19, 05:46 Reply

    OK!!! Ah kinnatt wait for this series…. “Diary of a fuck boy”sounds intense but reading through,it’s definitely gonna worth it….. when are you dropping the debut Duke???

  2. Keredim
    May 19, 06:15 Reply

    Nice one.

    Do hurry up and establish the series. Now is a good time, as the “Slut Police” is on hiatus…(and long may the hiatus reign, IJN ????)

    Remember, “Haters are gonna hate, Alligators are gonna alligate…” you catch my drift??

    So just do you.

    ??????

    • ambivalentone
      May 19, 08:58 Reply

      Azzin I am just tired. All these intros about how having stories to tell but being scared to tell it but being BEGGED by the story hound is actually beginning to sound annoyingly one-note. The intros just make me RME. Your haters will hate and just as well, u will find u have ur supporters who will support. I have much more to say with even more restraint. I wonder if u’d av cancelled d whole thing if u had read it. Mtchewwwww GET ON WITH IT!!!

      • Duke
        May 19, 14:13 Reply

        I know right? I apologize. I should be more creative with my intros next time.

        • ambivalentone
          May 19, 15:38 Reply

          Smh. You just messed up trying to apologize and giving an explanation too. What I wrote is my OPINION. You have every right to not take it with a pinch of salt. Ignore hunnay, or u will fail b4 u even start

            • ambivalentone
              May 19, 16:35 Reply

              No, Keredim. Its just the truth. I may disagree with ur opinions but in so far as I don’t insult ur personality (and I have insulted a couple here and I don’t apologize for it) it really shouldn’t be a skin off ur nose. I am still mad that the ‘Lesbians of Lagos’ series didn’t kick off because of something as silly and inconsequential as this.

  3. Francis
    May 19, 06:46 Reply

    Finally something Keredim has refused to do. ???

    Looking forward to the series.

    • Peak
      May 19, 08:02 Reply

      You echoed my thoughts.

    • Colossus
      May 19, 09:20 Reply

      Doesn’t keredim already do that on his blog?

      • Pink Panther
        May 19, 09:34 Reply

        I suppose Francis is looking for that narration less from an international whore and more from a Nigerian fuckboy. 😀 You know, bringing it close to home.

        • Colossus
          May 19, 10:14 Reply

          Keredim what are you? British fuck man?

          • Keredim
            May 19, 10:32 Reply

            At this point @Colossus, i don’t know.

            Perhaps “Fuckman san frontier”
            ????

      • Peak
        May 19, 09:51 Reply

        Or we are asking for some regularity. With Keredim, its beginning to look like we have to wait every 6 months, before we hear how 1 take enter 0. You can’t cultivate a fanbase, pay them dust until u feel like it and expect them to stay loyal (People have needs). How long ago was Prague again?

        • Keredim
          May 19, 09:59 Reply

          Keredim doesn’t exactly see you writing about your lucrative sex life either. You don’t think he wants to know how you get down?!???

          PS: malaga has happened since prague

  4. Peak
    May 19, 08:14 Reply

    I am here for all of it, ALL of iT! .

    It’s about time some light be shed “on life living abroad as a queer Nigerian”. Most discourse about the future as an LGBT Nigerian, always end with a “pack and runaway” type of advice, or the spread of the notion that one breathes a homophobic-free air when u get there. So I would be on the look out for this.

    Thanks for taking the time and courage to do this. Writing for the KD crowd is no small feat, writing something real, daring and unpretentious as this, is even more courageous. Lets hope the judges and the judginas on the blog find you endearing.

    • Mandy
      May 19, 08:56 Reply

      They won’t. You don’t get to shatter myths about oyibo living and still want to be KD’s sweetheart 😀

      • ambivalentone
        May 19, 09:21 Reply

        How very unfair to KD. That opinion is true about ALL Nigerians. Everybody has a myth about America that we hate others demystifying. The general comment is ‘you don go. make me sef come experience am’

        • Pink Panther
          May 19, 09:29 Reply

          That’s the part I’m looking forward to sef: the demystification. I’d like to see Duke try. Just try and sell me on how oyibo life is not that much better. *crossing arms and waiting*

          • Duke
            May 19, 14:16 Reply

            Not to give much away, but it is better… way better especially in terms of freedom and ease. But like i said, the closet and the Nigerian community doesn’t make it all rosy.

    • Keredim
      May 19, 09:07 Reply

      “….. the judginas on the blog find you endearing….”

      I thought you were their spokes-thingy? They will soon sack you o!
      ????

      • Peak
        May 19, 09:38 Reply

        “I thought you were their spokes-thingy? They will soon sack you o!” …well you thought wrong…or simply mistaking me for someone else.

      • Peak
        May 19, 10:33 Reply

        Keredim sidon de find wetin way no find, you hear?

  5. Mandy
    May 19, 08:58 Reply

    Oh I’m truly looking forward to this. 😀 Chop chop Duke. Debut it already!

  6. Colossus
    May 19, 09:23 Reply

    Looking forward to this series, I even thought this was the first entry. This is more like an intro

  7. Dennis Macaulay
    May 19, 10:26 Reply

    This should be Interesting

    *pours coffee*

    Grow a thick skin darling, you will need it

    • Colossus
      May 19, 11:54 Reply

      Is this how you’re bogged down with work? Drinking coffee upandan?

    • Duke
      May 19, 14:18 Reply

      Oga, so you can come here and sip coffee but took a break from your series? oga, calm down.

  8. ambivalentone
    May 19, 10:29 Reply

    So, is this your series gonna weekly, biweekly or once a month? BTW, this….’pilot’ episode does not read as anything. When do we start reading the exposé proper?

  9. #Chestnut
    May 19, 10:32 Reply

    oh, so this is what the phrase #FuckBoy means! I’ve been going crazy trying to understand what exactly a “fuckboy” is!

    Next: pls what is a #SoftBoy? that’s another phrase I’ve been seeing thrown around recently…

    • posh6666
      May 19, 10:50 Reply

      Fuckboy is an ambigous word,it could also mean an absolute asshole of a guy ….While soft boy is sum1 that hates any form of fight or confrontation and cant hold down his liquor.

    • Peak
      May 19, 10:59 Reply

      Soft boy = Aje butter (Nigerian translation)

  10. Delle
    May 19, 11:29 Reply

    This should have been the first episode, Ace (rather Duke). Seriously, why did you have to begin with an intro? Na so u fear KDians reach? Lol.
    Please get on with the series biko, and try making it as raunchy as possible. I want details. DETAILS of all your sexcapades. In fact, there are so many things I’m looking forward to seeing. Can’t wait.

    The more interesting series get premiered up in here, the more Love and Sex in the City gets lost in a huge stack of files. *shrugs*

  11. Max 10
    May 19, 12:23 Reply

    Don’t worry, I’d suggest a more appropriate name when you submit your first entry because for what you just described up there, fuck boy ain’t gonna cut it.

    About the myth of living abroad- If you move abroad and cultivate a close relationship with Nigerians (which most people do, which I think is caused by silly fear), you’ll inadvertently remain in the closet. Most Nigerians migrate there with their culture, disdain and every other thing. So your story won’t sound like anything new (I have a lot of gay friends who live abroad, some live with their parents).

    You can still have the life you want abroad, it all depends on who you keep in your circle; If you plan on keeping alot of Nigerians, then prepare for Closet 2.0 or be treated like a sick sell out by them if you’re living freely.

    • Duke
      May 19, 14:23 Reply

      This is true. But moving into a country that has so many opportunities, it is wise to stay close to those who have gain some form of experience. There are so many policies, laws, concepts and requirements which if missed, could have some regrettable consequences. it is just a way of finding your way around the system from those who have experience. you are basically a babe in the wood when you step in.

  12. pagxy
    May 19, 13:43 Reply

    Waiting for the series patiently.

  13. Khaleesi
    May 19, 17:27 Reply

    Hian!!! i thought we’d be able to dive right into the series … warrisdis?!**()(..
    Speaking from experience — if you do move abroad, your first instinct would be to fall into the hands of other Nigerians as they represent familarity and comfort in a faraway strange land, in my opinion, this is often a mistake!! resist the urge!! expand your horizons! part of the experience of moving to a foreign country is the opportunity you get to interact freely with people from very different cultures – seize the opportunity to meet and mingle with and experience different perspectives on life! Then slowly and carefully cultivate your circle of Nigerians – yes you do need them, but you need to be able to pick and choose them carefully and on your own terms especially given “our peculiar circumstances”, rather than have them push their way into your life with no control from you.
    and, no matter what anyone says – speaking from experience again, its much easier to be gay in a more tolerant clime than it is here, but oddly enough the closeted, murky and clandestine nature of gay life here adds to the fun – that is if you learn to enjoy a life under wraps …

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