15 TYPES OF GAY MEN I HAVE MET
If there is one thing my friends know me for, it’s the fact that I have met a lot of gay guys online over the years. In fact, they call me ‘stalker’, because I know most guys in the online gaybourhood. Once you are on Facebook, there is a likelihood that I have gone through your profile. I won’t be exaggerating if I say I have met over a thousand guys online in the last five years. Some were acquaintances for less than five minutes, others as much as five years.
I have decided to share a list of the types of guys I have met over the years. This is a personal opinion and may not be generally acceptable, but every guy I have met falls under one or more of the categories.
THE FREAKS
Okay, these guys are very few that I have met. I made the acquaintance of this guy on 2go sometime last year, and the first thing he told me was that he loved to get freaky. He asked me if I could piss and shit on him, if I could piss in his mouth and all over his face. I found it funny and decided to play along with him. He told me he loved to get shit and piss all over his body, and asked if I liked it. So, just imagine you’re sex-chatting with someone and talking about dick and ass, only this time, you remove the dick and ass, and replace them with piss and shit. That was all he was about. It was so nauseating. After a short while, he figured out that I wasn’t for real because I wasn’t as enthusiastic as he’d expected me to be. So he removed me. I had a good laugh after that episode.
THOSE LOOKING FOR HUSBAND
These guys are the ones who go around social networks advertising their “market”. All they want is a husband. They are not looking for friendship or romance. They just want someone to get married to them. I met one such character in a room on 2go. His online pseudonym was “Wifey” or something like that. I added him because I found the name funny. He said he was looking for a husband who would – what else? – take care of him. He said he was willing to relocate to anywhere and be the wife of any man, as long as he was working and staying alone. I actually found this funny because of the way he was going on about it. We chatted for some days and I knew we were just not meant to be, so I removed him. I thought that was all there was to it, until I saw him on Grindr with his full picture on, with the same pseudonym, “Wifey”, and his profile said it all. I pray he gets the husband he dreams of.
THE MODELLA
These guys are quite numerous. I have met a lot of them over the years. They all had one thing in common – they were all “models”. If you ask any of them what they do, they’d tell you that they are models. This often makes me wonder when modeling became such a lucrative career in Nigeria that every young skinny good-looking guy was suddenly into it.
Now, I have nothing against models, but when will young guys realise that just snapping an overly-edited photo in a studio and being able to look photogenic doesn’t a model make. Such photos don’t even impress me; I find that they are often not true representations of what these guys look like.
THE ANTI-BISEXUALS
I don’t need to explain this lot, because we have a lot of them abounding right here on KD. I have a friend who once told me that he hates bisexuals, because they are against everything “gay”. He however said I was just an exception (Thank God for that).
THE ANTI-EFFEMINATES
The first question these guys ask you is, “Are you girly?” “Do you shele?” “I hope you don’t act like a woman…” They don’t want to be seen with any male who looks, walks or talks like a girl. (God forbid!) If they perceive any trace of effeminacy in you, then it’s bye-bye to that acquaintanceship.
THE SET-UP GUYS
These guys are everywhere. They are ruthless, wicked and oftentimes just as gay as their victims. A friend told me the weirdest story on how he was set up by a guy who used a different picture on 2go. When he went to visit the guy in his area, he left him in the agreed meeting point for hours and his number wasn’t available. My friend didn’t have transport fare to go back home with, because this guy was supposed to pay his fare.
As he waited, some stranger came up to him and started chatting him up. They chatted till nightfall, and then the stranger told him that he was the one he was waiting for. He followed the revelation up with a threat that he would kill him if he didn’t do as he said. He took my friend’s phone and what little money he had on him. He even ordered my friend to strip off his clothes and shoes; he wanted to take them as well. My friend pleaded with him so profusely that he eventually had a change of heart.
That was not all. This guy then tackled my friend to a dark and lonely corner, whipped out his dick and commanded him to suck it. It was after the blow job was done that he let my friend go.
THE JOBBERS
These guys do it for the money. They might ask you out or chase you around, but when you show any sort of interest, they’ll ask to be paid for having sex you. I remember a guy who I chatted with for months and I assumed we had something going on. He told me he was passing through Abuja to go to his base in Benue, and he needed a place to spend the night. I told him I would think about it.
And then, he went on to say I should prepare for him and should at least give him transport fare, like 3k for fucking me. I was quite disgusted because he is like two years older than me.
Some straight gay-curious guys fall into this category. I have met some of them who say that if the price is right, they are willing to succumb. One even told me that if I can provide for his needs, he would be willing to do anything for me. When you complain that you don’t have money, they’ll tell you as a reminder, “You know I am straight and not gay, I am only doing it because of the money.”
THE MARRIED GAY MEN
These men are married, and some of them like to rub it in the faces of others. They feel like they have crossed over one big hurdle, and for that act of “bravery”, they are better than those others who aren’t ready or don’t want to. When you meet them, the first question they ask you is, “Do you have a girlfriend?” They want to make sure you won’t be clingy or be too “gay” for them to handle. They’re the ones who’ll tell you to start having sex with girls so that you won’t like gay sex more than straight sex. This category can include the gay men who are either affianced or have steady heterosexual relationships.
THE BORN-AGAIN GAYS
This lot actually baffles me a lot. They are the ones you see in 2go rooms, preaching to other guys and telling them that hell awaits anyone who has had sex with fellow guys. They’re the ones you meet on a normal day, chat up, get friendly and then ‘friendlier’ with. And then, one day, you send them a message and they’d tell you, “Sorry, I am no longer gay.” And when you ask them when they stopped being gay, they’d say, “It happened two Sundays ago after service.” After sometime of having them in your friend list, you decide to delete them because you have nothing to talk about anymore.
Then three months later, you’d get a message from a strange number. It turns out to be the born-again, and he wants to get down with you. When you attempt to remind him what happened some months ago, he would feign ignorance.
I have met a lot of them over the years and I am tired of even counting them. One even told me he was cured from HIV when he attended a program in Deeper Life and promised never to go back to his “vomit”.
THE SELF-CREATED GAYS
I don’t know how to regard this category of gay guys. They are the ones who claim that they voluntarily decided to have sex with guys and can stop whenever they want to. Now, there is a difference between the straight guys who fuck for pay and these guys. These guys are gay guys who love gay sex but they claim they decided to be gay and can stop whenever they want to, and they hate it when you call them “gay”. For some reason, they find it tolerable when you call them “TB”. It makes me wonder, who in his right senses will wake up one morning and decide to just be gay, knowing full well the inhospitable gay clime in this country. I mean, of all the choices you decided to make, it was to be gay? If you’re in this category and you’re reading this, do you see how ridiculous you sound when you make your claims?
And when their drama creates verbal altercation between you and them, they will say nastily to you, “Na gay go kill you and na people like you who go dey do gay till old age, you no go marry, see your head, old man.” *shaking my head*
THE STRAIGHT-GUY LOVERS
Now, these are the ones who have a thing for straight guys. They say there is something about straight guys that they just can’t do without. These guys want absolutely nothing to do with their fellow homosexuals. Instead, they are on a perpetual mission to seduce straight guys, sometimes with the promise of money. They have perfected the adage that “everything has a price”, and they use it to their advantage.
THE THUGS/ROUGHNECK LOVERS
These guys have a thing for rough guys. They are not into pretty boys or clean-looking guys. They love their men thuggish. Some even say they prefer guys who smoke weed and that they love the smell and taste of weed on their noses and tongues, even when they don’t smoke the weed themselves. Tattoos and a dark complexion is the icing on the cake.
THE SEX FREAKS
These are the guys who are only into sex. They don’t want romance, and relationships are a foreign concept to them. Once you meet them, they expect you to come over for a quick romp, sometimes that very day you are meeting for the first time online. If you don’t comply, you’ll find yourself out of their universe faster than it takes to type ‘Hi’ to a potential hook-up on Grindr.
THE NUDISTS
These guys are quite funny and annoying at the same time. The first thing they send to you is their nude photo. Now, I noticed that it is mainly white guys who do this, especially on grindr. You get a message from a guy and when you open the picture, you will see someone’s asshole. Sometimes, they’d send four different pictures at the same time, and when you don’t reciprocate, they will block you. Or when you ask them to send you their picture, they would send nude pictures, and when you ask them for their face picture, they won’t reply you. It is easier for them to send nude pictures than facial pictures.
THE PEDOPHILES
I haven’t met anyone in this category, but I feel they deserve a special mention. I have heard of them. They sleep with small boys, teenagers and those in their pre-teens. They seduce them with material things. In fact most people I have met tell me that they were molested at a very young age by someone close to them. Now, some of those who were molested were not lured by material things, but some were naïve and just loved the attention given by an older man they most likely looked up to.
I know the list is not exhaustive and that there are many more categories of gay men out there. But I just have to stop here. So, guys, which category do you belong in? Don’t be shy. You can tell us. 😀
Written by Sinnex
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79 Comments
Mandy
August 28, 07:06LMAO Chai Sinnex, you are not serious with this your post. Quite on-point.
ken
August 28, 07:19Seriously sexuality has really done a number on most of us! 90% of gay guys have one mental issue or the other….jeez!
Chuck
August 28, 15:48I see your mental issue is stupidity. Mine is self – righteousness 🙂
Max
August 28, 18:41And mine is a “hoe slaying psychopath”
ken
August 29, 14:28@chuck thats very rude of u. How is my comment stupid?
Chuck
August 29, 18:17“90% of gays have one mental issue or the other” is a stupid statement.
It lacks intelligence or sense – which survey have you taken?
rRev; Hot
August 28, 07:23Lol. I can’t. I jus can’t…..
drizzle
August 28, 07:28How did I not find a group for myself? Sinnex report..
#Chestnut
August 28, 07:35Hahaha.sinnex,thank God u mentioned ur category there! But I don’t think mine was mentioned there sha…
I’ve met the “self-created” gay…*sips tea*…
Pink Panther
August 28, 07:52*pouring myself a cup of tea from Chestnut’s tea kettle*
So you were saying?
#Chestnut
August 28, 08:07Pinky,Amebo! That story is a story for the gods. Are u a god?
Pink Panther
August 28, 08:13Well… *blowing on my manicure* It has been said here and there. But modesty won’t let me elaborate.
#Chestnut
August 28, 08:21Hahaha! Pinky u’re too wrong for this. Let Amadioha and Obatalla catch u first; they wee just carry u up and put u between them and…
Pink Panther
August 28, 08:25Yes? Finish up please. 😀
obatala
August 28, 08:46someone called?
Mandy
August 28, 07:37There are lots of other categories out there.
Like:
THE TWINK LOVERS: (Hi, Dennis *waving Chetsnut-style*) This category of men are only into young boys who are mostly skinny. The older and/or more robust the object of desire gets, the faster he gets dumped for an upgrade of twinks.
#Chestnut
August 28, 08:13Dear Mandy, if u’re going to look for people’s trouble,pls desist from adding my name to the eqaution,cos everybody that knows me here,knows I don’t like looking for trouble. *goes back to reading my bible quietly*
Tiercel de Claron
August 28, 09:29You forgot the Oldies Lovers:Young men interested only in those older,say from 5yrs older at least.If you fall below,they won’t even give you time of the day.
Tiercel de Claron
August 28, 09:46And the obverse to that,The Ageists.
*hello Max*
ken
August 28, 07:53Of all of them the ones I cant stand are the husband seekers (aka T-fare beggars, anti effeminates and gay born again). I just hate greedy, selfish and confused people!
Thank God I am handsome, sweet, sexy and uber rich. I dump them so fast it makes their weavon spin!
Pink Panther
August 28, 07:58LMAO!!!! What an ad. Ladies and gentlemen, grab ken while he’s still hot.
Posh6666
August 28, 10:19Lmaooo see advert oh.My dear let us be d judge of ur handsomeness and also have in mind that ur account balance is definitely som1’s church offering…..
ken
August 29, 06:51Lol my dear I doubt it.
Ladies better start rushing me before its too late.
*but mind u I bruise easily. So tone ur hunger for me down a notch! Tanks*
Bade
August 28, 08:09Straight guys lover and yeah everything has a price ?
Silver Cat
August 28, 08:11What about the Gymnarcst(Gym+narcissism), whose major preoccupation is working out and showing pictures of a perfect body on social media.
I personally think these ones are just advertising their products and charge heavily for U to not just look but touch.
Drama Queen nko? Who makes mountain of a every mole hill. Romantic at heart with some rose-coloured view on what the world ought to be. They’ve watched all the chick flicks and use words like Fabulous, Exciting and Perfect to describe everything. These ones U usually hear before U see them. Totally disconnected from reality.
How can we forget the Straight-Boy-Who-Loved-Me? These are guys who identify as straight and for all intents are purposes are straight till they meet a particular guy and fall for him hook, line and sinker. Because of their sexuality, they never get to have sex with the gay but to all the gaybourhood, they are a couple.
The Party-freaks: constantly chasing the next big thing. Always looking for an opportunity to wine and dine for free and if there’s a hook-up, so be it.
Then there’s the asexual/celibate gays. These ones have decided to not have sex either due to religious or psychological reasons. They identify as gay but cannot deal with the guilt of gay sex and so claim to abstain, indulging in solitary handjobs e’er so often.
Pink Panther
August 28, 08:14And Silver Cat carts in a whole new category of gay men, just like Oxford Dictionary. 🙂
Max
August 28, 08:16Thanx SC. He failed to mention those. The celibate gays are annoying. They often think they’re better than you because they aren’t hooking up with guys.
#Chestnut
August 28, 08:24Wow,Max,who’d have thunk it?…
Keredim
August 28, 09:05Wow Max, I thought the celibacy group was your category..
I am pleasantly surprised at your softening approach towards having sex more than once a year….
And they said God doesn’t answer gay prayers????
Max
August 28, 09:33You’re so wrong for this.. Hahahaha hahahaha.. I’m not against sex. I’m only against having it with the entire community every other day with random ppl who u forget their name afterwards.
To put it rightly, I’m against #meaninglessSex.
Pink Panther
August 28, 09:47Hahahahahahahahaa! Keredim! Dear Lawd!
#Chestnut
August 28, 08:18Wow silver cat, u should write a follow up article,cos all d categories u listed in ur comment are so vivid in my head, I was actually mentioning names of real-life examples that I know of in each category,lol.
Sinnex
August 28, 08:41That’s true sha…
lol
Keredim
August 28, 10:28Yo Silver Cat.. Re: Gymnarcst… Don’t hate bro, don’t hate. Congratulate.????
Chetanna
August 31, 05:28I think OK go with the asexual type. Masturbation Don kill me. Not that I chose to be you know, but circumstances. Silver cat. *No words*
Max
August 28, 08:12Quite shocking.
I expected this to come from someone else.
Really really shocking.
I’ve met all the types you outlined above, but there are more, many more.
And my own category isn’t on the list.
Pink Panther
August 28, 08:24What category is that, Maxie? *smiling brightly and expectantly*
Max
August 28, 09:35You don’t wanna know.
So far only chuck comes close to occupying that category with me.
Tiercel de Claron
August 28, 09:47The Intellectual/Philosopher King?.
You’re not even close
Kester
August 28, 08:21Haha haha haha haha haha haha haha OMG. I never knew you had a funny bone in your body. I am impressed. OK you are no more sinister sinnex. I loved your assessment. Some how on point but then we are having fun. I am so gonna share ha haha haha haha haha haha
Peak
August 28, 09:51Wow, you have quite the catalogue for someone talks a lot about how discreet he is.
Other than the affianced, sex freak/ a DL anti-bisexual, I haven’t come across some of these class of people u listed.
Interesting read nonetheless.
Vhar.
August 28, 10:02In Kizito’s absence I am here to lend the “Hmmm” voice.
“Hmmm”. I feel good already.
Posh6666
August 28, 10:21I will take the thugs/weed smokers anyday hunnay
Absalom
August 28, 12:28Yes, the ones that will “tear up that pussy” for you, abi? We know!
posh6666
August 28, 12:30Lmaoooo no way!we will just talk and cuddle……
Posh6666
August 28, 10:22I will be all hot and turned on even before u touch me self once we are alone in a secluded space
Dennis Macaulay
August 28, 10:27I don’t have a spot here!
#AmenThankyouJesus
**drives off**
posh6666
August 28, 10:31Swerry reverse back!ur fall under the phedophile category u know d korede bello kinda tingy
Dennis Macaulay
August 28, 10:42I don’t sleep with pre-teens and I don’t seduce young boys with money.
kacee
August 28, 11:11The Thugs/roughneck lovers are so hot, guys or girls who have tongue/nose piercing, tattoos omg, crazy hairdo/ dressings, i can’t help but love them they’re so cute.
Dennis Macaulay
August 28, 11:16That’s how people end up in dumpsters!
Do you watch discovery ID?
Khaleesi
August 28, 11:45Lmao! Nice one! I’ve met quite a few of the categories outlined. I dont quite know where i belong tho …
Khaleesi
August 28, 12:01***claps hands in excitement,*** you forgot one category, “The Size Queen” … Size Queens are usually bottoms – power bottoms actually, characterized by an oversized urge for big monster sized dicks. Once you try to hook them up with a guy, the first question out of their mouth is “how big is his dick?” … when you meet them for the first time, once the preliminaries are out of the way, next question is “how big is your dick” ” do you have a big dick?” etc … generally if a top’s dick isnt upwards of 10 inches, they wont bother fucking him, and when they do, you’ll see the look of irritation written all over their faces, like they’ve just wasted valuable time … when they date a guy, find out the size of his dick and you’ll see why they are a couple, but once a bigger dick appears on the horizon, the relationship fizzles out like a puff of smoke on a windy day …
kacee
August 28, 13:09Lmao u guys won’t kill me.
KingBey
August 30, 07:36I know right ! But most of us queers prefer a sizeable dick though. Irrespective of our sex role.
Kenny
August 28, 12:51Lol Khaleesi. *ln Wendy’s voice….. Hi Tef! How u doing?
Ramsey
August 28, 13:11Well just so true.
pete
August 28, 13:29I seem to overlap many categories
Max
August 28, 14:11Yeah we know. You’ve always been a confused human being.
Rapum
August 28, 15:04It’s crazy how true much of this is. Maybe I fall under the straight-guy lover group–I am attracted to ‘masculine’ men–but I don’t try to ‘lure’ anybody oh, in cash or in kind.
Chuck
August 28, 15:57I think the guy who’s into scat(shitplay) is one guy in Ibadan – many people have come across him.
Anyway beware of stereotypes. Ask questions to determine what each individual is like, and unless they tell you why they deleted you be careful of ascribing it to events or behavior without being sure.
posh6666
August 28, 16:10Lmaooo like seriously we have naija guys that eat shit????oh dear the tinz i read on kd.Just curious wat tribe is he pls……lol lol
Chuck
August 28, 16:23People do it everywhere, especially now that porn is free and accessible and so people can learn about a lot of niche sexual practices.
I don’t think tribe matters.
posh6666
August 28, 16:30Ewwww freaks everywer i honestly just wonder bout even people that rim…btw doc francisca”Francis”isnt shit like harmful to d human health?
Chuck
August 28, 16:54Lol do you ever wonder about anal sex? What do you think about Ali baba’s argument that the anus is an exit not an entry and not built for penetration?
posh6666
August 28, 17:42Lmao u make it sound like we back to debate club back in secondary school….Honestly that ali baba’s statement my lips are sealed the thing pass my power.*singing in omawunmi’s voice if u ask me na who i go ask*
keredim
August 28, 17:03Biko, Posh don’t disgrace me!!! Do we need to school you?
S/he who has not rimmed, or been rimmed has not lived
posh6666
August 28, 17:39Lmaooooooooooooooo of cos kere my mentor i need to be schooled properly thats why i choose u as my own very role model.*bows down in awe of ur presence*
Max
August 28, 18:47@Posh, maybe you don’t wash your ass well.
A lot of gay men do.. And they also douche, ever heard of that? Good.
Thats why u think rimming is disgusting. Try having sex with a neat person for once.
Stop doing dirty thugs and weed smokers.
Keredim
August 28, 21:02Hian Gluteus MAXimus!!???
Curiouser and curiouser…
??Alleluya chim le, Jehovah chim emela?????????????????
Max
August 29, 06:34Hahahahahaha
JOJOARMANI
August 28, 17:42hehehe… Fall with the straight guy lovers and the rough thugs type… This particular individuals turns me On!….
Max
August 28, 18:48They’re also the reason for 100% of kitos I’ve come across.
Chuck
August 28, 19:22Hahaha, Max. You’ll need more data!
If you’re right though, then it’s a simple tradeoff for men who enjoy sex with thuggy men. You enjoy the sex and get kito’d a few times a year.
Arabian Princess
August 29, 13:23I am most def a thug luv-er…
Well, I’ve met a loooooot of paedophiles. In my early and mid teens, I was a prey for many…till I got smart
Ven
August 30, 11:05I was unable to find a category. That might be a good thing
BRYANNNN
August 30, 18:50Love me some tattoed, rough,dark, weed muscular buff guyzzzz……….If not neat, pls go take a hot shower……
Emeka
January 30, 12:33I want to send my real life stories do u can publish them
Pink Panther
January 30, 12:35Yes. Simply mail them to kitodiaries@gmail.com