360 Degrees

360 Degrees

So the night came, recently, when I went out for a shave. My barber in Port Harcourt has a PhD when it comes to haircuts, and he loves male customers who he perceives to be homosexuals. One time, I found myself rebuffing his questions, wisely so, before the next thing they’ll do is to invite you to their house and start trying to hang your legs on the burglary proof. I can’t shout abeg.

So I looked into his salon and it was filled with humans, males of different shapes and characters, all razz-looking by my assessment. The barber had already begun to smile when he saw me. But that atmosphere was just not conducive for me biko. So I turned and left with an “I’ll be back”.

As I walked away into the night, I thought to myself: Tomorrow is Sunday o. I’d rather die than step into that cathedral with even one strand of hair out of line.

But no way was I going to settle for other local barbers who’d very gallantly shift my buff to one side.

So instead of going on home, I kept walking, looking out for any other reasonable-looking salon. I almost walked past one, because it was small and empty. I was on a street where big men live, and most of them prefer home service anyway.

So I walked past a man seated outside without acknowledging him. I thought he was one of the customers waiting, and a greeting would’ve seemed like I intend to rob him of the phone he was engrossed in. the inside of the salon was very fancy – state of the art décor, chandelier hanging from the ceiling. I could imagine services here would be high-priced too. But it was empty, like even the barber wasn’t in. And I was like: Perfect setting for business on a Saturday night. Thank goodness I didn’t say that out loud because the moment I turned to leave, there was a Hercules eclipsing me from behind.

And by god, he is a MAN! M-A-N – MAN! Like Idris Elba and Boris Kodjoe put together. He was such a hulking figure that for an instant, I entertained the startling thought that he was stalking me.

It turned out he was the barber.

“Haircut?” he asked in a voice that made me almost cum in my pants.

“Er, no, just trimming,” I managed to answer.

“Sit,” he said. Like I was going to run away.

“Okay,” I replied, before making myself comfy in one of those heavenly seats.

But then, my wallet quickly signaled my brain, pulling me out of fantasy mode faster than the speed of light.

“How much is it going to cost?” I asked him as he got busy cleaning my clipper.

“Five hundred naira,” he said.

If it were a regular barber, I’d have snatched my clipper from him at once and fled. But no o, that price was too small for the kind of man about to touch me. So I relaxed. I liked his arms, all bulging biceps and muscles. His height was appealing too, and his Ankara wear was tailored to a snug fit. This is no Wizkid, my dear brothers and sisters. This is a man who looked to be in his late forties or so. And yet, he oozed sexiness like he was first in line to receive it from Justin Timberlake after he brought sexy back.

His touch on my head was gentle and very rousing – so much that the demon in me pushed me to brush his crotch with an elbow, like it was a mistake. I could not really figure out what I felt with that touch, so I did it again. This time, he seemed to catch on to what I was doing, and although he hadn’t smiled since I walked in, his face seemed to tighten some more. The normal me would have apologized and stopped, but the demon in me was strong, and pushed me to do it one last time. And this time, I knew what I felt! This man was rock hard, massive rock that nearly dislocated my elbow. My eyes popped and I looked at him through the mirror. Our eyes locked and for the first time, he smiled a little.

No words were exchanged and he kept on working, the silence almost deafening.

“Do you stay here?” he finally said. “I’ve never seen you before.”

“I stay three streets away, but I school at UNN,” I supplied.

And that was how we began conversing, revealing tidbits about ourselves as we talked. He told me he loved cutting men’s hair and had started from his youth.

Just then, a girl came in with a little boy. She was a maid whose madam was in the car outside demanding money. I felt my world tilt on its axis as I thought that was his wife. But it turned out she is his baby mama, who wasn’t on good terms with him.

By the time he was done with my hair, there was another customer waiting. I cursed the bad belle who couldn’t wait a few minutes more before coming in. The magic of my encounter with the sexy barber had come to an end when he swiped a brush over my barbered head.

But I was not to be so. The barber wasn’t about to let go. He followed me outside to take my mobile number.

As I walked home, I knew I’d be waiting impatiently for his “hi”, otherwise I’d be back to the barbershop on Monday morning to shave again until I get it.


Written by Peaches

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  1. Foxydevil
    September 26, 06:57 Reply

    So basically you sexually molested an unsuspecting man?
    Now if the man had reacted or pounced on you…. We would have been here communing with the high spirits, spitting out vile words ,calling straight men evil and castigating him for being a homophobe.
    Now let me ask you something lemonade, if that man was in an office, suited in a 5 thousand dollars armani black and standing just across you with his bulge pointing straight to your face, would you have summoned the courage to touch him inappropriately?
    But he is a mere barber, someone with a lowly profession and that gives you the right to put your hands all over him…. though he expressed his discomfort with a frown, that didn’t deter you, you kept at it.
    And in your own estimation, because he spoke to you after the onslaught of sexual harassments you dealt upon him ( he most probably enjoyed it) that’s why you are geared up for a repeat?
    This is the same forum we condemn men sexually assaulting women and men sexually abusing other men physically or psychologically ….but I guess it is ok, you are on our team, you can’t do any wrong.
    I do wish you luck on your second encounter.Hopefully , it won’t involve bashing of skulls ….but even if it does, I mean you’ll rise like a peach of a carefully prepared cocktail. ???

    • riddleMe
      September 26, 09:16 Reply

      Haba!!! Wait for the follow-up story before you rain antagonism.

    • El
      September 27, 14:22 Reply

      Please Foxy Devil tell them! That’s exactly how I see it; Molestation. Classless desperation. BIG THUMPS DOWN.

  2. riddleMe
    September 26, 06:57 Reply

    But why is the title 360 degrees, it could have been something hotter.

    • himbo
      September 26, 07:32 Reply

      The chair at the barber does rotate 360 degrees.. talk about a stretch..lol..
      Maybe the concluding part will explain the odd title..

    • Mandy
      September 26, 07:49 Reply

      A title like “I touch you, you touch me, God no go vex”, yea? ??

      • riddleMe
        September 26, 09:20 Reply

        “Touch of Desire” should have made a more sensual heading.

  3. Mandy
    September 26, 07:48 Reply

    You felt up your barber?! ??? See liver o! How do you people get the courage to carry out these audacious sexual acts? A barber I used to have in Asaba… Lord knows I lusted after him like a man in a desert seeking water. All that crotch within touching distance just hovering this way and that around my head as he cut my hair. And I never once got the mind to do it.
    But finally the way some of these barbers move their hips about your head when cutting your hair, you get the distinctive feeling that they’re encouraging some touchery

    • riddleMe
      September 26, 09:18 Reply

      Mandy, you stay in Asaba? wow… let’s meet, sorry let’s have our own barber scene in private closed doors.

    • Gad
      September 29, 11:37 Reply

      Its easy. So easy. Just discard your brains and reassign its duties to your dick or ass,the courage will naturally come

  4. sleek
    September 26, 08:03 Reply

    This brushing of a hot barber’s crotch with an elbow though,I thought I was the only one .

    September 26, 08:14 Reply

    Oshey ooo!!!
    And yet, he oozed sexiness like he was first in line to receive it from Justin Timberlake after he brought sexy back.
    I absolutely love the descriptive prowress. The sarcasm is just legendary abeg. Oliver Twist mode activated Biko I need more.

  6. IC
    September 26, 21:49 Reply

    Peaches please where is this salon. I need to go see for my self Biko.

    • Gad
      September 29, 11:35 Reply

      Better wait for the concluding part before you embark on your tourism.

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