9 Pieces Of Advice On Coming Out

9 Pieces Of Advice On Coming Out

Following my coming out and subsequent self-identity on the social media, I have been getting approached by a lot of people, young people mostly, who have questions especially regarding the issue of being out to their families and friends. I’d actually intended to write a piece on the topic of coming out to commemorate both the National Coming Out Day and my journey so far in the one year I have been out.

But life and circumstances got in the way and October 11 snuck past me without my knowing. (Maybe I will still write the piece, perhaps next year.)

However, I was mentioned to an Instagram post by @gaytimes which captures most of what I have to say in a nutshell.

The post bears the long caption which goes thus:

“Coming out is different for everyone, and it’s unlikely that you’ll come out only once in your life.

“In the more privileged echelons of the LGBTQ community, coming out is starting to be deemed as ‘unnecessary’ or even ‘archaic’. But for many, coming out is still a daunting, emotional and radical act – especially if you’re not sure how those close to you will react.

“While the idea of a one-size-fits-all ‘coming out’ may be a bit antiquated (not least because most stereotypes only relate to sharing one’s sexuality, without reference to gender identity), the act of declaring your true self to those around you is still one of the most important moments in a queer person’s life. For many it represents the burden of repression being lifted as they begin a new chapter in their journey.

“In celebration of National Coming Out Day, we wanted to share some advice on coming out in general. The number one thing to remember before you start your process is your safety – make sure that you’ve got a safety net in place around you before taking any risks.

“What would be your number one piece of advice to someone coming out? Let us know in the comments section ?”


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  1. Mitch
    October 15, 06:53 Reply

    This post is everything!

  2. Higwe
    October 15, 07:20 Reply

    Met one London based Nigerian god in a pageant competition.

    My instincts kept telling me that he’s gay….

    Snooped on his social media page and saw him flaunting his kids , I backed the fuck off .

    * That should be in 2016 l think *

    Muted him on Facebook and forgot all about him.

    Three weeks ago , I didn’t know what pushed me to snoop again and this mass of tasty chocolate is out and proud with his white gay partner ?.

    I literally slept on the same bed with this nigga for three days and I never made a move thinking I was with a straight man .

    I can’t forgive myself ! ?

    Damn you Alex !

    • Calvin
      October 16, 11:49 Reply

      I know exactly who you’re talking about , the transition from family man to out gay man had to take a lot of courage.

  3. Deviant
    October 15, 17:45 Reply

    I can not explicitly say that the phrase”we only come out once” works for everyone. I for instance have done that twice but I am still somehow invisible. My mom found out when I nearly got expelled from high school and when she confronted me with tears, I told her that “we all have drops on black blood running through our vein” (she nearly fainted). I was placed under strict surveillance and even changed school. The discovery cracked and shattered her heart,body and soul but unfortunately for me,she died that same year and so was my secret buried with her(I am not a murderer). The second time was to a friend whom I value so much but I am still wallowing in disguise. My friends in college when describing my preferences always call me a numb pretender. They know I am not that into guys but they don’t want to tag me. I am still scared of loosing some of them who are homophobic but what use are they if they don’t see me for who I am? Can’t I live my life without “coming out”?

    • J
      October 16, 09:10 Reply

      @Deviant you don’t need to come out, no one needs to know. That’s if you can stand homophobia from close friends and family members. I can’t let someone close to me, someone who knows me well to have a very wrong idea about the LGBT community. I will tell them my truth for me not to be misunderstood. I came out first to my immediate younger sister because she was very homophobic. She was saying things about gay people that are traumatising. I couldn’t put up with it, so I had to tell her that I am gay… And in a way it shut her up. She could have a calm hatred for gays, but it won’t be as loud as before and at least not in my presence ?

      When the spread of HIV/AIDS was not prevalent in my hometown, the few families that have carriers were talk of town. But now that it’s prevalent (like malaria) , people don’t talk again. Almost everyone is affected by it. It’s the same with homosexuality, when we start opening up to our loved ones, they’d be less judgemental and more considerate. Almost everyone has an /a LGBTIQ sister, brother, aunt, uncle, nephew, niece, relative and etc. In a way, we’re all connected and affected.

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